


Broken Arrow

by Dreamer_88



Category: Shefani, The Voice (US) RPF
Genre: Comfort/Angst, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-11
Updated: 2020-09-08
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:21:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 114,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25208383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dreamer_88/pseuds/Dreamer_88
Summary: Tragedy has a way of striking more than once. Two people more broken than their town’s name might find their answer in each other
Relationships: Blake Shelton/Gwen Stefani
Comments: 409
Kudos: 381





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I’m back already. Little quicker than I intended, but quarantine is still feeding me inspiration. Some notes about this story.
> 
> Gwen and Blake are both around 30-35 in this one. There’s A LOT of backstory on Blake that’s coming up later, nothing is what it seems just yet. This is a man who’s lived through great tragedy. 
> 
> Love Will Remember You is the story that I posted on this site first and introduced me to this lovely fandom. To each person who’s reached out to me since – thank you SO much. This story is the most like my first one.
> 
> Enjoy.

**

It had felt like only ten minutes.

From the window seat, she watched the plane’s wing while semi-illuminated, lower half shining around the rim. The plane dipped the line between shadow and light while she listened to the hum of the rotors. Flying wasn’t her favorite thing in the world but she learned to appreciate it as her deep-rooted love for traveling was born early on in her youth. Different countries meant different cultures, and different cultures meant freedom.

Something she’d been on the search for her whole life.

This was King’s first time flying and she was nervous about how that would go. Her nerves turned out to be unwarranted, since the kid managed to curl up into his seat and doze off right away. It was like the airplane felt like home to him, even as the engines turned and the sky-born cradle rocked by the winds far above the ground.

Now she’s finding herself walking down the tarmac, Kingston tightly holding onto her hand while the mean cold air brushes past their faces.

Adam was walking fast behind her.

“The car is waiting for us down at the outdoors parking spot.” He says, tugging his coat tighter around his neck. “Blake just texted me.”

Gwen’s stomach churns again.

“Are you sure Blake’s okay with me coming along?” She asks. “The man hasn’t even met me before.”

“He was thrilled to have someone else here besides me.” Adam replies quickly, stepping out in front of her and ruffling King’s hair.

Adam had been her friend for over five years and after her divorce had devastated her, he made it a real point to be there for not only her, but her little boy too.

She had gotten so used to having him around, she nearly panicked when he told her he would be spending the next two weeks with his best friend in Broken Arrow, a far-away and deserted city in Oklahoma where his friend Blake had a vacation home.

The invitation to come _with_ had come both as a shock and relief.

Thank God the airport is small, almost impossibly so, which makes the walk towards the front entrance about a five-minute activity. Kingston is starting to get restless now, being ripped out of his sleep in a way that never went over well with the four-year-old.

A large black truck opens its driver’s door at spotting their arrival. Adam is the first one to stick his hand in the air in an exaggerated but friendly welcome. She watches the tall man get out of the car, embracing her friend in a tight hug while she stands back. She decides to lift Kingston on her hip when he starts pulling on her hand, unwilling to stand any longer.

“Blake, this is Gwen and the cute little fella against her shoulder is Kingston.”

Adam smiles at them while Blake looks them over for a second. Something about his gaze makes her nervous, and not the good kind.

“Nice to meet you.” He says, and though his voice is friendly, the handshake he offers her is weak and slightly hesitant.

“Nice to meet you too.” Gwen responds, hoping her politeness will quickly win over the Southern man’s heart. “I’ve heard a lot about you. Thanks for letting me and my son stay with you guys.”

“You’re welcome, though the decision was mostly made by Adam…”

“And you love it.” Adam cuts in, sensing the tense mood and wanting to distract from it. “Come on, I’ll help you and King get situated.”

He hands Blake her suitcase while opening the door for her. She climbs into the backseat with King, looking over her shoulder to watch Blake lift her suitcase into the trunk. Blake is uncannily beautiful, something her friend had forgot to mention. He also said Blake was the most welcoming, warm human being he’d ever met in his life. She’s starting to wonder if that perhaps could’ve been a lie.

The drive over to Blake’s place tells her little to nothing. She passes nothing but green scenery and deserted areas that are both stunning as they are frightening. Adam had told her about the house being located quite ‘off the radar’ but she didn’t quite know what to expect with that, coming from Los Angeles and all.

Kingston is fast asleep again, despite it only being five pm. She holds his little head in her lap as he snores peacefully against her thigh.

“You’re gonna love this place, Gwen.” Adam says from the passenger’s seat, looking back at her. “It’s gorgeous, surrounded by water. The perfect getaway for when things are getting a bit much.”

Gwen smiles softly. “Thank you for bringing me along, I mean it.”

She hopes the words will soften up the cowboy next to him as well, but Blake’s eyes remain solely on the road, as if he’s not even hearing a conversation going on in the car.

“We’re excited to have you here. We usually spend two weeks driving each other insane, it’s nice having another voice in the mix.” Adam jokes. “Two actually, when the little firecracker wakes up again.”

“He’s exhausted.” Gwen smiles down at her baby boy. “I didn’t expect him to be so good in the plane.”

“First time flying?” This time the voice asking the question belongs to Blake and it throws her off momentarily. She swallows and looks at his side profile, a humble amount of stubble gracing his features.

“Mine or his?” She asks. “I’ve flown a few times, but it’s his first.”

Blake nods. “That’s nice.”

As quickly as he’d inserted himself in the conversation, as quickly he checks out again. Gwen sighs and leans back against the leather seat.

“This is going to be so good for you. I just know it.” Adam redirects the conversation back to her and smiles. “Trust me.”

She does trust Adam, that’s the only reason she agreed on coming out here with him. That and the fact that her life was spinning so out of control, the thought of getting away from it all felt like the only thing that could keep her from falling down a fatal abyss.

**

She curls up on top of the covers, facing the door.

Her head is throbbing, probably from the long travel and stressful first moments upon arrival. She grips her wrist and tucks it securely against her chest, her body yearning for rest.

She’s overcome with the urge to walk to the adjacent room, the one with the door slightly ajar and the gentle illuminated light from the night lamp shining through. Kingston is afraid to go to sleep without it, and since he’s only four, she doesn’t think it’s right to try and talk him out of that yet. She was around seven when she finally started to ease up on the darkness.

The wall of her master bedroom –or technically Blake’s—is light grey. The interior is bland and at some places even non-existent but at night that doesn’t become much of a problem. The darkness colours everything the same. The smell is quite different from home too, but not in a bad way.

Where she usually smells the floral scent of her own soaps and perfume, here she’s faced with the husky, and homey scent she already associates with the tall man and outdoorsy lifestyle.

She squeezes her eyes shut, hoping to finally get some sleep.

After two different plane rides and an awkward dinner, she’s absolutely drained.

It’s two minutes before her eyes snap open again, a frustrated grunt leaving her lips. Perhaps it’s the fact she has on her sleep attire but is laying on _top_ of her covers, leaving the mattress nearly untouched, too deep into her head to even notice. She turns her gaze to the wall, looking over the dresser and the TV mounted to the wall above it. It’s all so normal, so basic, and something about that confuses her.

She hasn’t felt the most warmth from Adam’s friend, but she also definitely didn’t see him as the basic kind. Blake was the type of man who had a depth she desperately wanted to discover. She wanted to see behind the mask and be let in the same way Adam seemed to be. Blake might have his troubles –ones she knows absolutely nothing about—but one thing he can’t be is _basic_. Or maybe that’s her problem; the fact that she makes people up in her mind, drawn to potential instead of credentials.

This is high on her list of ideas she probably shouldn’t have executed but her legs have a life of its own. She can’t spend another second in that bed without finding a glimmer of sleep. She’d rather be up.

It’s weird walking around in the huge, placed in the middle of nowhere, house. One that isn’t hers. Adam and Blake must be sound asleep by now as the clock portrays it nearly five am. If she’s lucky, she gets about another three hours of semi-rest before Kingston wakes up.

The kitchen is large and empty, her finger running along the wall to try and find the light switch. Thank God they have one of those 3-way switches, as she goes for the dimmest setting, not wanting to draw too much attention to herself. Though, with everyone’s doors closed, it’s not like anyone could see anything.

She stands at the sink once the room is illuminated enough, carefully searching through the cabinets to find a glass. She wants to rummage through the fridge for the content, but something about the time and the fact that she’s still not 100% certain she’s wanted here, makes her refrain from that. Water is good enough anyway.

She turns around to sit at the kitchen island when a large frame almost causes her to spill her drink. She clutches at her heart with her free hand and yelps.

“Oh my god!”

If it hadn’t been for Blake’s steady hand on her shoulder, she would’ve bumped into him hard. He takes a step back and let’s go of her immediately after he saved them both from the awkward run-in. There’s no reason for him to be up right now, she thinks.

For some reason, he doesn’t look tired.

His eyes are blue as ever, his demeanour surprisingly fit and his attire not something anyone goes to sleep in. While sweatpants usually make a person look a bit sluggish, somehow it does the opposite for him. The pants fit his tall frame well and she almost wants to ask if it’s custom made. He’s wearing a black t-shirt that’s much tighter than the one he wore during the day and it’s the first time she’s truly able to take in his healthy physique. Even his hair seems like it’s lightly brushed.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t think anyone would be awake right now.” She stumbles softly, still trying to recover from the initial shock of running in to him.

“I can see that.” He smiles. His gaze drops to the glass in her hands. “Thirsty?”

He moves to stand next to her, reaching for one of the mugs in the other cabinet while he starts ramping up the coffee machine. As if it’s not five in the freaking morning.

“I guess.” She says confused, sitting at the kitchen island as she intended to do a minute ago. “Going anywhere?”

She can’t help but ask, the whole thing is just too weird.

He just continues to make his coffee, reaching for the artificial sweeteners on the counter. He moves with such ease and such comfort and something about it is making her envious. It’s been so long since she’s felt that sense of belonging anywhere. Even her own house started to feel like a guest room.

“I usually get up around this time whenever we’re out here.” Blake says, addressing her question eventually. “Adam gets up around nine, eight-thirty and we’ll have breakfast and head out for the lake all day. The town’s centre is about forty minutes from here, where you can get freshly baked bread from six am.”

Gwen’s brow furrows in confusion. “So you’re up to get _bread_?”

“Yes, breakfast.” Blake confirms, his voice sounding a bit shrill, as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world and he’s just waiting for her to catch on. When he realises how he must’ve sounded to her, he gives her a faint smile and adds. “It’s mostly just an excuse to make the scenic drive and find some solitude before the storm that’s called Adam Levine hits.”

She takes a sip of her water. “You do this every day?”

Blake takes his cup of freshly made coffee and leans across from her against the counter.

“We’re only here four weeks out of the year.” He says, blowing on the dark liquid in his cup. “We spent most our time in LA for the bar. Getting up at five and enjoying the rural scenery here is hardly a punishment.”

“Business must be going really well if you can afford a place like this.” Gwen quips, looking around the large house. There’s so much space everywhere it’s a bit overwhelming. The fact that it’s literally build in the middle of nowhere, nothing but acres of land and green around them just gives it an even more thrilling atmosphere. If their idea was to completely hide away from humanity, they succeeded big time.

“We can’t complain.” Blake responds, sipping on his coffee and making a sour face when the heat burns his tongue. “Gwen, I owe you an apology for earlier. Adam didn’t tell me you were coming until a few days ago and well, we hardly ever have any guests over. Actually, I don’t think anyone has ever been here except for me and Adam. I would’ve liked him to give me a heads-up earlier so I could’ve prepared a bit better, but that’s not your problem and I shouldn’t have taken my frustration out on you. I hope we can move on from that.”

The apology comes as a big surprise, her face instantly turning into a look of confusion but simultaneous gratitude.

“Thank you for saying that.” She says softly, biting her lip. “I didn’t know Adam only told you a few days ago. He made it seem like you were in on it from the start.”

Blake chuckles. “That’s Adam for ya.”

His earlier resentment and frustration leaves him quickly and Gwen finally relaxes a bit in his presence.

“If it makes you feel any better, I really don’t need much, so preparations aren’t super necessary. I promise, getting out of LA is enough.”

He smiles at her, a genuine one, a sight that makes her heart flutter.

“If you want, we can go hiking or four wheeling, something your son might enjoy.” Blake says hesitantly. “We can go fishin’ but he might be a little too young to enjoy that.”

Something about this huge, slightly intimidating guy thinking about her son like that makes her giddy. She didn’t expect him to even care if she’s really being honest, but she’s starting to see she was wrong about some things regarding Blake.

“That sounds great.” She says sweetly, face dropping. “There’s no way he’s going to get on a four-wheeler though, he’s only four.”

Blake chuckles. “Yeah, that idea was mostly selfish.”

“ _You_ want to go four-wheeling?”

“Adam and I do it all the time.” He shoots back. “It’s not what you think, definitely not the ones you’ve seen in LA.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen one in LA.” She says, shaking her head. “But I know what they look like. I’ve seen pictures.”

He smiles again. “This is different. I’ll show you one of these days.”

She has no desire to get on one, but somehow everything that comes out of Blake’s mouth all the sudden draws her in. No, she never thought of herself as a fishing, four-wheeling kind of girl, but if Blake is desperate to show her, who is she to deny him?

Her delayed response gives both a bit of time to look at each other and if she didn’t know any better, she’d say the look he’s giving her right now borders on flirtatious. It’s then that she realizes she’s literally in sleeping shorts and a tank-top, an attire she didn’t intend on wearing anywhere else but in her room.

She swallows roughly. “Thank you, I think I’d like that.”

He smiles and then turns around, something she’s grateful for because it becomes harder by the minute to pretend like she’s not affected by this man in any way. She doesn’t understand it herself, it’s not like they’ve spent any real time together aside from this moment right now.

He reaches for the lower cabinet next to the fridge, pulling out a plate with a few saran wrapped cinnamon rolls, and again, she’s completely unprepared for this man’s randomness.

“Does your kid like cinnamon?” He asks.

Gwen laughs, the question so out of the blue.

“Who doesn’t, right? Though I try not to get him too riled up on sugar.”

“Maybe just for you then.” He says, unwrapping one and looking at her. “They have the best cinnamon rolls in all of Oklahoma in that bakery. If you like these, I’ll go get some more.”

Gwen smiles and then lowers her gaze to his hands. “You want me to taste it _right now?”_

“Why not?”

She doesn’t have a logical reply to his question. It’s been a while since she let herself enjoy the less healthy of foods, obsessed with this unhealthy standard both her but mostly King’s father were so strict on. The thought of eating sweets at this hour of the day would never occur to her but none of these thoughts were bringing her any happiness.

He doesn’t let her take the snack, simply holds it up high and close enough for her to take a bite. Her right hand hovers below her chin to catch any dough or sugar that might spill as she savours the rich and sweet taste in her mouth.

“It’s really good.” She says with a mouthful and a smile on her face. “I can’t remember the last time I ate one of these.”

He laughs under his breath. “You look it.”

Her smile falters a bit. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means that you can handle a few of these easily. No reason to get panicky about that.” He says with a shrug and a hint of smugness. “At least not around me.”

Her heart stutters at the way he just read her so transparently, as if her years of trauma and under appreciation are written on her forehead for anyone to read. Only, not everyone _can_ read it—but Blake can.

She exhales loudly. “You caught onto that, huh?”

She stands up, downing the last of her water down her throat and setting the glass on the counter. He’s standing much closer to her now and her body notices before her mind can even begin to panic.

“Almost missed it.” He teases.

She looks at him and offers a small smile, but he must sense the insincerity.

He changes the subject thankfully.

“You’ve got some sugar on your…” He points at her lip, but keeps his hands to himself. Her tongue reaches the left corner of her mouth, and she can hear him chuckle again.

“ _Right here_.” He slides his thumb across her bottom lip confidently yet briefly. She can still feel the pressure of his fingertip there after he retreats it and she’s struggling to draw breath.

If he notices, he doesn’t let it show. He almost looks as if nothing happened.

“Thank you.” She whispers, voice hoarse.

“Don’t worry about it.” He says, his voice almost a bit colder than before, confusing her greatly.

He puts away the one remaining cinnamon roll while offering her the one she already took a bite out of. She shakes her head, suddenly not hungry anymore and in another surprising move, he shrugs and takes the bitten-into roll into his own mouth.

He holds it with his teeth while searching for his phone and keys, and takes it into his hand to talk to her. “I’ll be back for breakfast.”

She just stares at him, still hung up on the fact that her mouth has been at the exact same place Blake’s teeth are digging into right now. Her mind is swirling, her sudden attraction to him combined with the lingering fatigue is rendering her mind useless.

“Yeah, drive safe.”

She’s impressed with how steady the words managed to come out.

He just nods.

The sound of the door rattling open and closing behind him fills the spacious room, and she’s suddenly alone again, with nothing but his empty coffee cup staring at her on the counter.

**


	2. Chapter 2

“Can you hand me the crackers?”

Adam is holding his hand out, two of his fingers wiggling as he waits. Blake reaches over and passes the dry crackers towards him, watching with disgust as Adam covers it with a thick layer of peanut butter and cheese.

“That’s disgusting.”

“ _You’re_ disgusting.” Adam quips back, taking a large bite while looking at Gwen. “How’s the bread? This one goes out at crack of dawn to get it.”

Adam nods towards Blake with a playful chuckle and Gwen can almost feel her cheeks radiating heat.

“Yeah, I ran into him this morning.”

Adam looks at her surprised, obviously unsure of why she’d be up at that hour, but before he can ask more about it, she answers his initial question.

“The bread’s great.” She smiles towards Blake, hoping he can appreciate her complimenting the food he went out so early to get.

Adam had handed Kingston a plastic knife to cut his own bread into tiny pieces as he was getting excited while watching the adults do it. 

Gwen laughed at the sight for a minute but quickly realized Kingston wasn’t quite used to it. She reaches over to do it for him, but his soft hissing sound makes her pull back.

“Baby, you sure you don’t want some help?” She asks sweetly, leaning over to him. “Mommy can cut these for you and you can finish the rest…”

The toddler just shakes his head, determined.

“I wanna do it.” He says, pressing the plastic cutlery into the light brown bread, pushing instead of sawing.

“He’s really a mini-you.” Adam laughs, the crunchy sound of his cracker breaking underneath the weight of his teeth.

“I’m not that stubborn.” She says, leaning back in her chair and watching her little boy continue to struggle with his food.

“You kidding?” Adam asks, brow raising into his hairline. “Ever since I first met you, you refused to take any direction. You’re the _most_ stubborn.”

“Am not!” She pushes.

Adam shoots Blake a knowing look before laughing. “That’s what I mean.” He looks back at Gwen. “You just proved my point.”

Gwen huffs, taking over the plastic knife from King and ignoring the soft whimper that escapes his mouth.

“I’m not, I just know my child and this can take a while.” She smiles sweetly at him after cutting three little pieces of bread for him, handing back the children’s cutter. “You wanna do the rest yourself?”

He yanks the piece of plastic back with a nod and Gwen sighs as she sits back. It’s been hard being the sole caretaker of Kingston, his father pretty much disappearing out of the picture after they had a divorce six months ago. Fighting for full custody was still complicated, as there was no real evidence that his father couldn’t provide for him if he _wanted_ to. The judge still needs to grant the request she and her lawyer filed for. Yet the most difficult paper work comes from the fact they hadn’t signed a prenup.

Gwen’s company had started to pick up traction in the last few years and caused her to make some nice profit, but nothing extraordinary yet. Not like what Adam and Blake have got going on. Her ex-husband works in the medical field and though his income has been much more steady than hers, it never occurred to them to sign a prenuptial agreement when they got married at twenty-five.

Four years later, she’s truly regretting that decision.

“Blake and I are gonna take a little walk after breakfast, you and King wanna join us?” Adam asks suddenly, pulling her out of thought. “There’s a beautiful lake running behind this house, it goes on for acres and acres. It’s really beautiful.”

This is what she came here to do, soak up some fresh air and nature. She smiles widely and nods.

“Of course, we’d love that.” She says, looking over at King who’s finally putting bread in his mouth instead of beating it to death with his knife. “Do you want to go on a little hike with us, baby boy?”

Kingston smiles but doesn’t give her much of an answer.

“Are these clothes appropriate for wherever far we’re going?” Gwen asks, her own eyes doing a rundown of her choice of attire; tight jeans with a navy grey sweater. Nothing fancy, but that’s what Adam told her to bring—comfortable clothing she doesn’t mind getting dirty.

“Sure. Just put on a warm coat, the temperatures can get uncomfortably cold around the water.” He replies, taking a sip of his coffee.

“I hope you’re not planning on wearing yesterday’s shoes though.” Blake pitches in, a soft smile on his face.

Her eyes widen. “What’s wrong with them? They’re sneakers.”

“They’re _white_.”

“We’ll have to walk in dirt?” She asks with obvious dismay, something she just can’t hide. She’s fine with walking, she’s fine with nature, but one thing she just can’t enjoy is dirt.

“I figured that was something we should tell the city girl about.” Blake jokes, and for some reason it goes down sour for her.

“It’s fine, I can grab some other ones.” She says densely, not wanting to give the tall man any more reason to laugh at her expense. Perhaps it’s childish, and maybe all he was trying to do was make some friendly banter, but she ends up feeling judged.

He’d apologized earlier this morning for not being the most welcoming, wishing he would’ve gotten some more time to prepare for her arrival, but she’s starting to think there’s something else going on too. Something that has more to do with her and less to do with Adam’s slow heads-up.

“You’ll be fine.” Adam says, once again saving the conversation from going totally wrong. “It hasn’t rained in the last few days so the ground won’t be too muddy. It’s actually something that many Oklahomans have complained about recently, including this one…” He points at Blake. “This sudden dryness isn’t good for the soil.”

“You grow products?” She asks Blake, looking at him confused. “I thought you lived in California most days? You hardly have to plant your own food in LA.”

“They have grocery stores in Oklahoma too.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

Her head is close to exploding, how the hell is conversation with him this hard after the moment they shared this morning. Was she completely wrong in her assumption things would be smooth from now on?

“I don’t grow products, at least not anymore.” Blake answers. “I used to back in my place at Ada, but thanks to the business I’m not there that much anymore. I spent all my time either here at this place or LA. But the dry conditions aren’t good for the crops many of people live off of down here.”

“So you have three houses?” Gwen asks, gathering the information as he speaks.

Blake nods. “The one in Ada isn’t this fancy at all.”

“That’s just because he barely furniturized that place. You have quite some space there, too.”

She can tell Blake isn’t comfortable talking about the obvious wealth he obtained from owning multiple successful bars around the country.

“I have nothing to complain about.” He settles on eventually.

Gwen finishes the rest of her breakfast and excuses Kingston from the table. He’d been getting restless for the last ten minutes and everyone’s done eating anyway.

“It’s gonna be so good for him to run outside for a while. He needs to get rid of some of that energy.” She says to Adam, suddenly feeling a bit nervous to talk to Blake, for reasons that confuse her greatly.

“Don’t worry, after a few hours outside in Broken Arrow he’s gonna be exhausted.”

**

The dappled shade of the woodland trees looked terrifyingly inviting. No, she would not take this path alone in the dark, but there was something mystical about walking around now. Kingston was drawing circles into the ground with a stick he found and asking Blake and Adam all kinds of questions about different kind of trees and rocks he came across. Gwen just smiled and kept walking, content with just listening to the bird sing and collecting some pretty holly from the trees whenever she felt like wandering away a bit. It was nice to see her son so comfortable around the two other men; there aren’t a lot of people he trusts.

Adam had been right too; the temperature was as low as expected and her hand drew up to wrap her black coat even tighter around her neck.

Rough leaves brushed against her arm as they wondered ahead, the tranquil surroundings causing her mind to drift off. She’d tossed her head back to raise her eyes to the sky while a smile spread from cheek to cheek. Branches swayed like the arms of a concert crowd and in their chaotic dance they are hypnotically beautiful. Her mind relaxes as she takes in the sight and the excitement chippering of her little boy, still asking the men numerous questions.

She quickly noticed his mood change from curious to playful and the moment he went off trail to play a version of hide and seek, she snapped out of her calm daze and reached out for him.

“King, don’t go too far, come here.” His little body disappears behind a large tree, and somehow her anxiety rises at no longer being in arms reach of him.

She knows it’s fairly safe here with everyone around, but the dappled path he was standing on now didn’t look nearly as stable and let’s not even get started on whatever kinds of animals and bugs would be swerving around here. She calls for him softly at first, trying her best to play along while also speeding the process up.

Adam must’ve noticed her anguished face and made a face of faux-surprise when he found the toddler. His eyes wide and smile even wider, as he points at Kingston.

“Found you!” He crosses his hand over his heart dramatically. “I was about to ask your mom if we had forgotten you at home.”

“We were just talking.” The kid giggles, swaying his arms to indicate Adam’s being stupid.

“I thought I imagined it. You’re just too good at hiding.”

“That’s weird.” The boy smiles.

“You know what’s weird?” Adam retorts.

King looks at him curiously. “What?”

“How good you are at hiding.”

Gwen smiles, watching the interaction happen while looking at Adam with gratitude. There’s no way she would’ve been able to hide her anxiety, which has undoubtedly become a bigger problem after her divorce got finalized.

“My feet hurt.” King says, this time directing Gwen. His eyes suddenly become a bit glossy and she’s caught off guard by how quick the subject of conversation changes.

She reaches her arm out for him and uses her thumb to stroke his cheek when he’s close enough. Her eyes dart down to his feet. “Did you stand in something?”

“I have a blister.”

“Want mommy to carry you for a bit?”

She really shouldn’t be offering, not with her shoulder getting worse. She looks up at Adam and Blake, who have stopped walking as they noticed their interaction.

“We can cut the route short.” Blake offers.

“Twenty minutes max.” Adam adds.

“That’s okay, I’ll just carry him for a while.”

“Why don’t you let me do it?” Adam says, stepping forward to place a gentle hand on King’s shoulder. “What do you say little man, piggy back ride on the shoulders?”

Before Gwen can even get another word in, her son is clapping his hands excitedly, waiting for Adam to lift him up high. She mouths a _thank you_ to her friend when Kingston is balancing both his little hands on top of Adam’s head. Her friend just nods with a smile and continues light and childish banter with the four-year-old.

Gwen ends up walking next to Blake, just a few steps ahead.  
  
“Are you regretting coming here yet?” The enticing southern voice spills out of his mouth with a smoothness that’s envious.

She shakes her head. “This is good for us.”

“You got any sleep in after I left this morning?”

“Not really.” She replies, looking up at him and realizing how damn good he looks up close and personal, for the second time today. “I also didn’t try. Figured I could use the few hours I had left to take a shower and get ready before King woke up.”

“He’s a sweet fella.” Blake says, looking back to his friend with the little one on his shoulders. “Adam’s great with kids.”

“You both are it seems.” Gwen looks at him, unable to tear her eyes away. “I heard you and King talk about rough leaves for nearly twenty minutes.”

The tall man smiles. “Your kid asks a lot of questions.”

“He does.” She smirks. “He totally got that from me.”

“I figured you’re the curious type.”

He tugs on his black jacket and she realizes his experience with this weather doesn’t make him immune.

“Aren’t we all?” She quips.

“I guess.”

There’s a silence when they walk, branches crunching beneath her feet.

“Can I ask you something?” Blake asks, his eyes staring down at her so intensely she has to clear her throat before answering him.

“Curious much?” She teases.

“Ha ha.” He smirks, rolling his eyes. “Adam told me you were going through a rough time and wanted to get away for a while…”

“He’s right.”

“You and him ever….?” His words trail off suggestively and her brows shoot up.

“Oh my god, no _never_!” She hisses, looking back to her friend and then back to Blake. “He has a girlfriend, as I’m sure you know.”

She can’t believe the insinuation, is even more surprised that’s the vibe Blake was getting from their friendship somehow.

“I just had to ask.” He shrugs.

“Why?”

“He’s my best friend. He tells me that he’s been spending a lot of time with you cause you’re going through it right now, and when he was about to leave for a few weeks you kind of threw a fit.”

“He _said_ that?” Gwen asks, hurt creeping into her voice.

“He didn’t say it like that. I just figured— “

“You should stop assuming, Blake.” She interrupts. “Adam and I are just friends, always have been. And I didn’t ‘throw a fit’, I was trying to explain how I was both happy for him but also slightly sad to see him go for a while. It wasn’t anything dramatic and I honestly don’t know why I’m explaining any of this to you.”

He looks at her a bit sheepishly, and she’s about to ask why he dislikes her so much when Adam’s voice interrupts their dialogue.

“We should probably take the short way back. The sky doesn’t look too promising, plus I can hear the aquatic activity all the way from here.”

It’s obvious he’s talking to Blake and tall Oklahoman nods. He looks at Gwen who looks slightly confused, and though she wasn’t gonna ask, he answers her anyway.

“The water from the streams is getting more active, you can hear it when you’re out here.” He says. “It’s usually how we know a storm is coming up or a surge of rain.”

Adam nods. “Yeah, please don’t judge me, that’s the type of thing you learn when being out here with this one for too long.” He teases, nodding at Blake.

Gwen forces a small grimace on her face, still distracted by the weird and tense conversation Adam interrupted.

“Should I take King from you?” She asks softly, walking towards Adam and holding her hand out as if she’s about to grab her little boy from his shoulders.

Adam shakes his head. “It’s all good. I think he’s getting sleepy though.”

“Not sleepy.” King says with a yawn, causing Adam and Gwen to chuckle.

“Sure baby.”

“We’ll be home in five minutes. The little one can take a nap then.” Blake says definitively, giving her a soft acknowledging smile before turning his gaze away from her all the way until they’re back home.

**

“What’s his story anyways?” Gwen asks, cradling a glass of dark red.

Adam huffs.

“Why don’t you ask him?”

“He’s not here.”

“He was here all day. He just left.”

Gwen shakes her head, looking around the large living room. Kingston has been sleeping tightly in his temporarily room for over an hour and she finds herself incredibly jealous of that.

She’s tired, confused and unable to deal with Blake’s hot and cold attitude towards her.

“Fine, don’t tell me. It’s clear he doesn’t like me.”

“Gwen.” Adam sighs. “You gotta give him a chance.”

“Why?” She asks, her voice shrill. “Cause he’s been so welcoming to me? Because we’ve been friends forever and I owe him that?”

“Because he’s a damaged person just like the rest of us.” Adam states calmly. “He’s trying, trust me.”

“Well, he needs to try harder.”

“Who needs to try harder?” Blake’s voice cuts through the tense conversation, both Adam and Gwen looking up, shocked.

Blake’s walking through the large wooden door with steady strides, a bag of groceries from the evening store hanging off his arm. He lets the back touch the counter, his eyes focused on her.

“You’re home early.” Adam intervenes, taking a sip of his beer. “No crazy cue this time?”

“I was the only one there. This isn’t exactly the weather people like going into the town with. I was afraid I’d have to stick it out there for a few hours, wait for the worst storm to pass.”

“You didn’t _have_ to head out.” His friend says, still giving Gwen a break from eventually having to respond to the difficult question.

“No, but if I hadn’t, we wouldn’t have had these.” He says, throwing a package of sleeping plugs towards him, causing Adam to reach out with one hand to catch them.

“Does the storm really get that bad?” Gwen asks carefully.

Adam hums. “The first time we experienced bad weather here was mindblowing to me. The houses here are built for it, but being out in the woods, surrounded by trees and wood, the sound becomes quite intense. You’re gonna be grateful for these babies, for sure.” Adam holds up the plugs and looks back at Blake. “You got some for her too, right?”

Blake smirks. “Sure I did.”

He tosses a package to Gwen, which she didn’t expect on time. It misses her hands just a few inches, falling in between the couch cushion. She grips at it with her long nails and forces out a smile.

“Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.”

“ _Blake_ — “

“I should probably head upstairs.” Gwen says, cutting her friend off. “I’m tired and if the storm is really getting that bad, I’d rather try to fall asleep before that happens.”

Adam sighs but nods. “Yeah, we’ll see you tomorrow.”

She looks up at Blake, debating on what to say before settling on a polite nod.

“Good night.”

Blake salutes her. “Night.”

She turns on her heel to head up the stairs when his low voice demands her attention again.

“Hey Gwen?”

Her eyes turn back to Blake and she can tell Adam’s do too.

“Yes?”

“There’s different bedding above the drawer in your closet, in case you get cold. I forgot to mention that yesterday.”

“Oh, uhm, thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

The awkward conversation is over as quickly as it started and while she heads back up the stairs, she catches the beginnings of a new conversation between Adam and Blake.

“ _There’s different bedding above the drawer in your closet?_ Really?”

Blake’s voice sounds different when it responds to Adam. Less confident, more vulnerable.

“Shut up.”

**


	3. Chapter 3

Just when she adjusted to watching the darkened countryside outside her window and rolled onto her side on the bed, another flash flickered and died before resulting in a thunderous bang. Rain hammered up onto the roof, sounding like an impenetrable salvo of bullets. There was a certain rhythm to the downpour that she recognizes while the wind unleashes a torrent of its own. The rain exhibited no sign to cease, the inception of the storm having only just arrived.

A bolt of white hot lightening breaks the utter blackness of the room, and in that violent illumination she’s able to see Kingston’s small body nestled against her chest. He came into her room an hour ago, woken up by the storm and seeking the comfort and protection of his mother.

Storms like this are highly unusual in LA, and even if they were to present themselves, the sound wouldn’t be nearly as intense as out here.

Blake hadn’t been lying when he said sleep plugs were your best friend out here in Broken Arrow. The cabin-build houses may be hurricane proof, but they’re far from soundproof.

“Mommy, I’m scared.”

The alarm on the nightstand reads 4:30, as Kingston moves his little body against hers and tightens his small arms around her waist.

“I know, sweet boy.” She places a soft kiss to the top of his head. “You’re absolutely safe here though. Try to close your eyes and focus real hard, so you can see all those little stars.”

“Will the lightening hit us?”

“No baby, it won’t.” She says, though she doesn’t blame her son for fearing that exact scenario. The sound the thunder makes outside and onto the roof would easily suggest otherwise to a toddler. She’s not even sure _she_ can sleep through this; ear plugs be damned.

She could see the lightening flash outside again, seemingly disappearing above the wheat field. In a few seconds, the loud boom of thunder would strike again. The loud wind passes their window in a chaotic pattern, every time sending a wave of coldness into their room, even with the doors and windows all closed.

“I don’t want to stay in this room, mommy.” Kingston’s strained whisper speaks against her chest. Her arms tighten around him in comfort, but it doesn’t seem to be enough. “I’m thirsty, can we go downstairs?”

Gwen sighs, rubbing his back.

“Baby, you need to sleep.”

Another rumble captivates the sky and they both count down until the loud sound follows.

“ _Please_ , can we go downstairs?”

Gwen drags a hand down her face, realizing there’s no getting out of this one. The weather is nowhere near calming down and Kingston is too spooked to fall asleep now anyway. She bites her lip and ponders over her options, not wanting to give in and keep him up even longer than necessary, but also not feeling good about ignoring his fears while she literally dragged him out to the middle of nowhere because she couldn’t stand being back home.

“We can go drink some water but then you’ll have to go back to sleep, okay?” She says softly, speaking the words gently. “Maybe the storm will have died down some by then. You can sleep in here with me all night. You have no reason to be afraid, alright? Trust me.”

Kingston nods, rubbing his little fists against his eyes.

Gwen shifts away from him carefully and gets out of the bed, shuffling over to the closet and pulling open the dresser drawer. Blake had told her she could use them as long as she was here, which had been the extent of most of his kindness so far, but she’d take what she could get. She still wasn’t quite sure what the Southerner had against her, but she figures that whatever it is, won’t change.

She grabs herself a pair of leggings she can wear underneath her oversized sleeping tee and waits for Kingston to climb out of bed slowly. She holds out her hand and waits for him to take it, stilling them in front of the bedroom door.

“You gotta be really quiet.” She warns him softly. “It’s very late and Blake and Adam are sleeping. We can’t wake them up.”

The kid nods as if it’s the biggest mission he’s ever been assigned, and Gwen takes it as enough confirmation that he’ll listen.

She walks down the large hall with him, tightening her grip on his hand as they descend the stairs together. She doesn’t let go until they’ve reached the kitchen, hitting the light switch with her free hand.

“Go sit up there.” She says, before lifting him up and onto the counter.

His little legs dangle off the edge as he watches her.

Another flash of lightening causes him to wince a second later. Though the sound isn’t as loud as upstairs, it’s still disruptive.

“It’s okay.” She whispers, grabbing a glass from the cupboard and filling it with water.

“Where is daddy?” Kingston asks softly, eyes getting big.

Her heart stutters in her chest as she bites her lip, setting the glass down on the kitchen island and wrapping him up in an embrace.

“You’ll see him soon.” She says, hoping like hell she’ll find a way to explain everything that’s going on when the time is right. For now, it seems best to not spook him any further, even if that means making him a promise she doesn’t get to keep.

Her ex-husband hasn’t been too serious about his parental duties and as much as she wished that would change at some point, she has no reason to believe it ever will. They’ve been separated legally for over six months now and in that time, he spent less than three weeks with King—and she counted.

To add to that, the decreasing stability of his mental state made Gwen worried to say the least, about letting Kingston stay with him. Kingston’s request for his father is an unusual one for that reason; he seemed to associate his father’s presence with disruption and unsafety a while ago, which is why Gwen was extra motivated to get out of her marriage now.

Perhaps the disruptive scene outside reminded him of the storm they used to harbour inside their own home. A part of him not understanding the lack of it.

“Is he the reason we’re here?” He asks.

Sometimes she gets reminded of how perceptive children are, no matter how young.

She pulls away and hands him a glass of water, lifting it up to his mouth.

“We’re here because we deserve a little vacation. Don’t you like it here, bubba?”

“I don’t like the storms.” Kingston says softly.

“Me neither little man.”

Gwen nearly jumps out of her skin, looking behind Kingston to find Blake standing in the doorway, making his way over to them slowly.

It seems to be a recurrent theme; her out here in the kitchen at an ungodly hour and running into Blake. She would laugh if she didn’t just nearly have a heart attack.

Kingston seems to relax immediately upon realizing its Blake who came in, a small smile lingering on his face as he comes into view.

“Sorry, did we wake you?” Gwen asks breathily, still trying to recover from the scare.

“Nah, that was all the storm’s doing.”

Gwen huffs. “You weren’t kidding before when you said it gets loud.”

Blake shakes his head, heading for the cupboard himself and fixing another glass of water.

“I know it’s safe though, build this roof myself.” She hears a tingle of pride in his voice as he tells her that. “We’re in the middle of nowhere, on a field with nothing but trees surrounding us. Plus, most of the house is wooden and that’s not necessarily known to keep out any sounds.”

“It’s a little better _here_ though.” Gwen observes.

“You guys have the guest room at the highest place in the house. Therefore it's the noisiest too.”

“I don’t want to go back to the room.” Kingston says, interrupting their conversation and sounding close to tears.

Gwen shoots Blake a hopeless look.

“How about you stay here on the couch with me until it dies down some?” Blake asks suddenly, looking up at Gwen for permission.

Too shocked to respond, she simply nods.

Again, it seems like Blake has totally warmed up to King. The tall Southern man might be stoic towards her at times, but it’s clear that his parental instincts are alive and well. She catches glimpses of his real character each time he’s around her son and something about it pulls at her in all the right ways; making him way too dangerous to be around.

Stuck between put off and incredibly attracted, she finds herself in great conflict.

Blake’s strong arms lift Kingston off the counter on onto his hip, leading him to the couch in the living room. The only light they have is from the one burning in the kitchen and the lightning bolts outside.

Gwen gnaws at the inside of her cheek before following them.

“How did you know we were here?” She asks, sitting down next to him, Kingston settling in on Blake’s lap like it’s the most normal thing in the world. As if he’s known him for years.

“I was still up cause of the storms.” He said. “I thought I heard someone walk down the stairs and when I thought I heard a child’s voice, I thought I should probably go check it out.”

Gwen smiles softly. “I thought we were being quiet.”

“Quiet enough.” He smiles.

The moment feels oddly relaxed, despite the storm still raging on outside and the earlier tension that has not yet been forgotten.

“You don’t really sleep much, do you?” She asks softly, looking at her little boy on Blake’s lap and being unable to suppress a grin.

“Not much for sleeping these days.” He replies.

She can tell there’s a story there, but she doesn’t feel confident enough to ask.

“Today was fun.” She says, looking at him and enjoying the way his face softens.

“You enjoyed it?” He asks, much less secure than usual. “I guess it was a bit too cold and the walk took longer than expected. It’s like that out here for me though; I completely lose track of time and just _am_.”

“That sounds really nice, I wish I could just be.” She counters, biting her lip.

“Why can’t you?”

She shoots a look to Kingston, who’s laying suspiciously quiet in Blake’s arms.

“Is he asleep?” She mouths, meeting Blake’s eyes. He nudges the little one quietly and then smiles profoundly before nodding. She swallows roughly as she realizes they’re safe to talk about some more serious stuff and starts preparing herself mentally. “I don’t know how much Adam has told you about my life…”

“He said you got divorced.” He responds quietly. “I’m sorry about that.”

She grimaces. “Thanks. It’s been a whirlwind, for sure.”

“How’s the little one handling things?”

She sighs softly. “He’s… _okay_. He’s too young to understand much of what’s happening but he knows his father doesn’t live with us anymore and I’m sure he can pick up on some of my underlying sadness.”

Blake glances to the kitchen and then turns back to look at her.

“How are _you_ holding up?”

Her eyes swim in his and she can’t even blink now even if she wants to, and she can hear herself say the words before she even finishes thinking them.

“Every day is a little bit better, but every new day is also a reminder of what I’ve given up to still be here. It’s like I’m grateful to be out of that situation while also feeling terrified now I’m no longer in it.”

“Fresh starts are always scary, I’m the first one to know.”

She frowns. “How so?”

He looks at her as if he’s two seconds away from walking upstairs, but his features soften after a few moments and his chest deflates.

“This isn’t about me.” He states casually. “What made you decide to finally leave?”

She slumps back against the couch slightly, pressing her lips together.

“I didn’t want King to have to grow up in such an environment. He’s still young, he can still adapt to new surroundings, I owed it to him to do this now. I can’t have him grow up around the impulsive and mentally unstable man his father was. At least not with us in the same house—it’s like I’m his father’s kryptonite.”

He smiles at her sadly. “I doubt that.”

“I wasn’t looking for pity when I said that.” She says quickly, swallowing roughly. “We got together when I was seventeen. He’s all I’ve ever known and vice versa. I know something changed for him mentally a few years ago and he couldn’t stand being around me. I tried fixing that but it wasn’t in my power to do so. I could choose to stay and let things escalate to the point of permanent damage, or I could do the right—but difficult—thing which meant walking away. When you’re a mother, that choice isn’t _really_ a choice. It’s a requirement.”

“Did he ever hurt you?” He asks hesitantly. “Or Kingston?”

There’s so much worry and protectiveness in his voice that it startles her. He’s not supposed to talk to her like that, he’s not supposed to portray such genuine care for her and her child. Especially not considering their less than friendly attitude towards each other most of the time. She’s confused by his sudden demeanour but more dangerously, she’s _drawn_ to it.

“He cheated on me every chance he got.” She deflects, eyelids dropping. “He’d drink too much or get high once too often and sometimes that made him violent. He never hit me though, just put his fists through walls or threatened physical harm. A threat he never actually made good on.”

“Fucking prick.” Blake hisses before looking down at Kingston and wincing, though the boy is still fast asleep. “Sorry.”

She smiles. “It’s okay. The amount of times I had to refrain myself from saying that has to be up in the millions somewhere.”

“I’m not good at biting my tongue.”

She wonders if that’s the truth, sensing that he’s keeping something from her right now, but she doesn’t press him.

“You don’t have to.” She offers sweetly.

“I’m sorry you went through that.” He says while directing the conversation back to her, both their gazes shifting to his lap as Kingston stirs a little before going limp again.

“We’re here now.” She whispers, forcing a small smile on her lips.

Another thunderous roar sounds from outside, making her wince.

“Scared?” He asks lowly, a hint of playfulness detected.

“It’s just so damn loud.”

“It is.” He chuckles. “Not a fan of loud noises, I see.”

“I’m a fan of them _sometimes_.”

She gasps at her own flirtatious words, not understanding why the hell she just said that. Her cheeks flush, her gaze lowering to her lap.

“That’s funny.”

She clears her throat. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have— “

“You say what you feel and don’t think too much about it, I like that.”

“I’m just tired and I haven’t been able to sleep well.”

“So you’re not a fan of loud sex?”

She gasps again, not expecting him to be so blunt about it, or for him to press her on it after seeing her clear discomfort.

“I…. well, uhm, it’s….”

“Just kidding, you don’t have to tell me. I just wanted to see if you had the balls to see it through.”

She groans. “Anyone ever tell you that you can be rude?”

He chuckles. “They have.”

“And inappropriate?”

“You started it, but yes, I’ve been told that too.”

She rolls her eyes.

“They were right.”

“You don’t even know the _half_ of it.”

Her lungs struggle to inhale air, her eyes going to the side of his face.

He looks absolutely gorgeous; the stubble on his jaw making him look slightly rugged, but taken care of regardless. His confidence in this moment stuns her, his whole demeanour showing no sign of relenting. That, combined with the way her child looks while sleeping on his lap, is damn near perfect.

“Do you want me to carry him upstairs so you can try and get some sleep as well?” He asks suddenly, snapping her out of her daze.

She swallows roughly, squeezing her legs together tightly as she feels the effect of his earlier words settle between them like a tease.

She smiles at his offer, though suddenly feeling sad at the thought of ending this little rendezvous downstairs. It’s becoming obvious to her she’s actually _enjoying_ this man’s company when he’s not dead-set on disliking her.

“You okay to carry him?”

He looks up at her with a smug expression.

“The day I can’t carry a twenty-seven-pound child upstairs is the day I should just retire and quit.”

Gwen rolls her eyes before leading the way up the stairs.

“Okay, _Mr. Macho_.”

She hears his low chuckle from behind her and feels ridiculously validated knowing it happened because of her.

**

He stops in front of her door— _his door technically_ —and looks at her with gentle eyes.

“Where do you want him?” Blake whispers.

She gets stuck on the image of Kingston’s face resting on Blake’s shoulder, his little body laying limp against his chest.

“Uhm, I think I’ll just put him in my bed, in case he wakes up because of the storm again.” She whispers in return, opening the door for him so he can carry her child inside.

Blake gently lowers Kingston on the mattress, pulling the covers aside and tucking him in. It seems to come so natural to him, Gwen has to refrain from asking what’s the deal with that; has he ever thought about having children himself? Does he have a bunch of nieces and nephews to tuck in?

“Good night, Gwen.”

She looks up to find Blake nearly at the door, ready to leave her alone so she can get some rest.

In a move she didn’t even expect to make, she grabs his wrist and stops him, causing him to look at her with dilated pupils.

“I just wanted to say thank you for tonight.” She says softly, letting go off his arm as she can’t tell if he’s incredibly uncomfortable by it or absolutely thrilled.

“No need to thank me.” He dismisses.

“He fell asleep instantly when he saw you, he must feel really secure and safe around you.” She says absentmindedly, her gaze going back to her sweet boy under the covers.

Blake chuckles lowly. “I have that effect on people.”

She looks back at him, wincing a little.

“That’s not what I meant. You’re really good with him.”

“You raised him well, Gwen. I’m gonna assume that was you, since everything you told me about his father doesn’t exactly scream _good parent_ to me.”

Again, taken aback by his directness, she bites her lip and lets out a small sigh.

“I do what I can.” She whispers.

“And it shows.” Even in the darkness, she can tell he’s giving her a sincere smile. “I should go, let you get some rest…”

Her heart fills with disappointment at him announcing his departure, and if she could come up with some lame excuse on the spot, she would.

“ _Oh_ , okay, yeah I suppose it’s late.” She stammers.

“See you in the morning.”

She stands in silence when she watches him do a one-over of her body, his demeanour hinting at something that could possibly delay his stay in the room, but it disappears quickly.

The frustration wells up inside of her as he lets himself out, something stirring deep inside her. She felt a twinge of hope as his passionate eyes looked her over, but as much as she keeps hoping for a miracle to happen, Blake just doesn’t appear to be on the same page.

“ _Good night_.” She whispers finally, positive on him no longer hearing the sentiment.

**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have so much more ready to post. Let me know if it's a story you guys are interested in
> 
> ~ D


	4. Chapter 4

She can hear the distant sounds of water pummelling and as she rounds the bend, the path beneath her dips into a lush green expanse of valley, giving her a beautiful and unexpected view of their surroundings.

She stops in place—mesmerized, taken by the sight of cascading water careening down the edge of the cliff. She cannot believe that in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by nothing but forest trees, there’s a place straight out of a wonderland picturesque hidden. He steps up beside her, following her eye line and the silence almost feels more intimate than any conversation could.

She drops her towel beside a tree, not taking her eyes off the view and begins slipping off her shoes and socks. The ground is wet beneath her; the morning dew a welcome relief to her sticky feet. She is still perspiring from the walk, so she drags her tank top off without even thinking.

When she looks over at him, she finds him staring blatantly at her body.

“Beautiful.” He whispers, before his eyes drag back up to hers. “Don’t you think?” He motions to the falls behind him with a head tilt.

She clears her throat, willing the thoughts and silent disappointment out of her head. She shrugs and becomes comfortable with revealing her bra quickly, modesty be damned if it means she can cool off in this stark heat. The weather had taken a serious turn for the better, the storms from earlier replaced by a clear blue sky, with a beaming sun radiating down on them.

“You don’t have to stay if you don’t want to.” She rushes out as she sits down on the towel she brought, catching Blake still standing a few feet away. “I just want to take advantage of this weather and Adam’s more than generous offer to look after King for a few hours.”

She stretches herself out slightly, closing her eyes.

“I’ll stay with you.” He says, his voice sounding nearer. “I wouldn’t want you to get lost on your way back.”

He didn’t bring a towel of his own and Gwen didn’t know he’d take her here, or she would’ve brought a second one. He sits down on the grass next to her, back leaning against the small tree.

She opens her eyes to take in his tall frame sitting down on the grass.

“Is that comfortable?” She asks.

“This is the type of view that’s worth feeling uncomfortable for.”

She bites her lip, then chuckles. “So you’re not?”

He shoots her a playful look and then drops it just as fast. “I’m fine.”

“This place, how did you find it?” She asks after a bit of silence, head tilted up to the sky.

“We had just bought the house here, I used to go on these long walks to clear my mind _after_ —” His voice breaks, clearing his throat quickly to regain his composure. Gwen makes a quick mental note of it. “I stumbled upon this place by accident. I brought Adam here with me a few times and ever since, it’s become this place of serenity, something where either one of us can go to and not be bothered. For a city boy, Adam is really keen on his peace and quiet.”

“I can’t see how anyone _wouldn’t_ warm up to this place.” Gwen says, looking to her left to find Blake’s gaze. Again, his is already on hers and she smiles softly in return.

“No regrets about coming out here yet?” He asks playfully.

“Not at all. I think I’m finally starting to feel like myself again.” She admits too quickly, turning a light shade of pink as she looks away.

“That’s good.” He counters, ignoring her embarrassment or just not picking up on it at all. “Do you wanna see something really spectacular?”

She blinks a few times, nodding.

“Is it far?”

He chuckles.

“Not at all, city girl.”

She rolls her eyes. “Please don’t tell me that’s a name that’s gonna stick.”

“Coming with me or not?” He asks with a smirk, standing up and holding his hand out for her.

She takes it after only a second of consideration, feeling electricity course through her body as their fingers touch. He helps her up, holding her for a few seconds longer than necessary as she finds her footing.

“Where are we going?” She asks, curiosity winning out as he leads her towards a challenging trail along the waterside, her hand reaching out for his arm as the entrance becomes fairly steep.

“Watch your step.” He warns gently, holding onto her hand and leading her down the slippery trail until the sound of water crashing down on the lake becomes louder. The air gets significantly fresher and her eyes widen with realization. She’s standing on a slippery rock that crosses the stream, white water cascading down a series of rocky outcrops, before flowing away nonchalantly in the lake.

“ _Woah_.”

“Pretty spectacular, am I right?”

“I can’t even believe places like this really exist.” She says in awe, her eyes trying to take in the brilliance and the tranquillity of such a sight.

“They do, you just have to look for them sometimes.”

Gwen nods, her arms crossing her midsection as she feels the shivers creep up her body. The cold air exuding from the water has her skin erupting in goosebumps, though she can’t even stand the thought of leaving yet. It’s been a while since she’s seen such poetic beauty in the flesh.

“Are you cold?” Blake asks, taking in her frame and realizing she’s still in nothing but her sports bra and shorts.

Before she can even answer, he’s unbuttoning the plaid shirt he’s wearing, revealing a strip of creamy flesh. Her eyes waver on his chest, the taut muscle of working outdoors a lot becoming visible. She wonders what else he’s hiding under his clothing.

He clears his throat, a hint of insecurity lacing his features as his chest is bared, his hand motioning for her to turn around. Stuck between arousal and confusion, she doesn’t ask any questions and turns her back to him. He drapes the fabric over her shoulders, hands working to fix the collar around her neck. She bites her lip and focuses on the weight of his hands on her, the feeling being both a comfort and a hindrance.

“Are you sure _you_ won’t be cold?” She asks hoarsely.

He shakes his head behind her. “Just give it back once we’re back up there. I don’t think I fit into _your_ clothes.”

She chuckles and then turns around, looking down at herself in his shirt. Most of her frame gets swallowed up by it, but she doesn’t dislike the feeling at all. Doesn’t hate the way his smell lingers all over her now either.

“Thank you.” She says genuinely, keeping her eyes focused on his face instead of lingering lower.

“You’re welcome. Can’t let a lady get cold.”

She bites her lip again. “This is crazy, isn’t it? I bet you never thought you’d buy a house near a place like this. Almost makes me want to get into the alcohol industry.”

“Get into the bar business, it’s much better.” He chuckles.

“I thought Adam said the Arrow brand is where you guys made most of your money off.” She replies, eyes following the cascade of water colliding against the puddle of rocks beneath.

“That’s because he’s in charge of the brand while I do most of the finance for the bars. He’s convinced the drink is doing better than the bar, but that’s just because he’s too prideful to compare stats.”

“But you guys work together….”

Blake beams. “I _beg_ you to bring it up with him.”

“But you do sell the drink at your bar, right?”

“We sell it everywhere. I’m not saying it’s not doing well, we’re very lucky. I’m just saying the bar is more profitable if you look at it from a business standpoint.”

“I just hope one day I get to manifest my passion into something this huge.” She smiles.

“Adam said you’re still working for the fashion company, uhm…. what’s the name again?”

“Right now I’m working for a big office in LA, I’m a designer and Art Director for the firm. I really want to venture out and create my own line, though. I have all the ideas already, I just need the tools and momentum to make it work. It just doesn’t feel like the right time now, with everything going on and the divorce. I need to save my money instead of investing all of it into a risky idea that might fail.”

“All I know is that it’s always gonna be a risk, and you’ll never know what you’re getting yourself into—good or bad—until you just do it.” Blake says, holding her gaze steady. “If you have all the right ideas, I’m sure you can make it happen, Gwen.”

She smiles softly. “Thank you for saying that, Blake. It means a lot to me.”

His hand reaches for her shoulder and squeezes, and she fights the urge to nestle into his side and steal some of his warmth.

“You wanna head back up?” He asks, letting go off her shoulder.

She shakes her head, not ready to leave this perfect moment.

“Just a little while longer.”

**

The walk back up the slippery rocks appeared to be going well, until she pulled her gaze to Blake’s naked torso for too long and missed a step.

Her shrill yelp caused Blake to turn around immediately, finding her with both arms leaning on a rock, stopping her from hitting them with any other part of her body.

“Jesus, are you alright?” Blake asks, stepping down until he’s back to where she is, his arm carefully lifting her up. She keeps her weight off her right foot, leaning onto his arm for support.

“Fine, I’m just…” She takes a deep breath, eyes closing. “My foot got stuck between one of these rocks and just kinda…bend wrong.”

“Let me see.” He urges.

“Blake, no, it’s fine— “

“Lift.” He says, _demands_. "It's not up for debate."

She leans her hands on his shoulder while he crouches down and inspects the damage, his large palm cradling her foot with the utmost care.

“Does this hurt?” He asks.

She grits her teeth at the feel of his fingers pressing down on the ball of her foot.

“A little.”

“Can you walk?”

She nods, taking a deep breath and setting her foot down, wincing.

“Just don’t jog.” She says, trying to lighten the mood.

Blake’s frown remains though and his worrisome glance makes her feel some type of way.

“We’ll take it easy.”

His hand reaches out for hers again, gently leading her up the structure of rocks until they’re back on the grass, her towel still splayed in front of the tree.

“I’ll get it.” He says, jogging out in front of her and folding the towel beneath his arm.

She starts unbuttoning his shirt, feeling the loss of fabric immediately as it no longer drapes over her shoulder. It’s not so much the cold that makes her miss it either. She accepts the tank top he holds out for her in return and quickly pulls it over her head.

As they walk back to the cabin, she feels the embarrassment hit her.

“I’m so dumb.” She whispers, shaking her head while he adapts his pace to hers.

“You’re not dumb.” He counters. “It’s slippery and you’re not used to walking around there. If you only knew how many times that place has almost been my undoing.”

Even if he’s just saying that to make her feel better, she’s grateful for it.

“Could you maybe….” Her voice trails off before she can finish her vulnerable request.

He looks at her for a second before it hits and he smiles at her softly.

“Yeah, of course.” He says before linking their arms together, giving her some more support to lean her weight on, relieving her foot a bit.

**

“Don’t give her that strong stuff.” Adam pleads, shooting his friend a worried glance as Blake rummages through his bedroom.

They’ve put Kingston to bed a few hours ago and spent some time drinking and talking, almost making her forget about the pain she was in.

But with the thought of hitting the hay soon, she could no longer deny the throbbing flares in her foot. Blake had gotten up and promised her something that would take care of the worst of it, as it had for him many times. What for, he hadn’t necessarily answered, but Gwen was more than willing to accept any type of pain reliever at this point.

“Maybe we should get you to the doctor tomorrow.” Adam says, looking at Gwen who’s laying outstretched on the couch. “Maybe you fractured something.”

“There would be more swelling, plus she was able to walk on it earlier.” Blake answers for her as he walks back into the living room, a bottle of pills in his hands.

“Those will knock her out.” Adam replies with wide eyes.

“What are they?” Gwen asks, tired of her two friends having a conversation as if she’s not even there.

“Just some pain medication. It’s prescription stuff, trust me.”

Her eyes widen momentarily before conceding.

“Right now, I’ll take anything.”

“Just don’t intend on driving anywhere tonight.” Blake flashes her a toothy grin.

She feels like somewhere along the last twelve hours they’ve hit a stride and made a complete one-eighty in their relationship. She actually believes a friendship has started to blossom.

“Wasn’t planning on it.” She smiles before wiggling her fingers. “Gimme, gimme.”

Adam shakes his head. “I’m heading upstairs. I’m dead tired. Feel better okay?” He says while leaning over her and giving her a brief kiss on the cheek. “Try to get some sleep.”

“You too, good night Adam.”

“Here.” Blake says after his friend has gone upstairs, handing her the pills she’s been asking for. “You wanna go upstairs or just hang here for a bit?”

“Do you mind staying with me for a while?” She asks softly, head bowing down. “I don’t want to get up yet and I don’t feel like being here by myself.”

“Scared of another storm?” He teases, though he sits down next to her without a problem.

She shakes her head, smiling when he gently lifts her feet and lowers them back on his lap. It’s something she didn’t see coming, but doesn’t mind one bit. Even when it does confuse her a little.

She closes her eyes, using the water bottle on the coffee table to swallow down the pain reliever.

All she wants now is a little bit of sleep.

**

It’s a few hours later when she wakes again.

She sits up, her mind a little groggy—maybe a lot—and she realizes she’s no longer joined by Blake on the couch.

She rakes a hand through her hair that’s now a messy bun on her head and slips off the couch. In her tired and drugged state, she’s not even aware of the pain in her foot having seriously lessened, completely oblivious to it.

She’s still wearing the oversized hoodie with leggings as she walks into the kitchen, finding Blake with his back to her, sitting at the kitchen island. She realizes quickly that he’s on the phone, talking in hushed tones.

She involuntarily makes herself known and he turns around at her sudden presence.

“Okay.” He says to the caller as their eyes meet, his expression giving nothing away. “And how long ago was that?” He nods at her to let her know she can come in and continues his conversation. “As long as you’re sure.”

She makes her way into the kitchen, her bare feet hitting the cool tiles making her feel a little unstable, like she had just walked onto ice. She steadies herself on the kitchen counter with one hand, switching the kettle on with the other and just stares at the row of mugs in front of her. She slides one towards her and manages to scoop a tea bag out from the canister. When she attempts to drop one into the mug, somehow she misses and it hits the counter instead.

She blinks back at the scene, unsure as how to resolve this situation.

“Can I call you back?” She hears Blake ask. “Okay, great. Thank you, brother.”

She instead changes gears and moves over to the sink, running the cold water and splashing it on her face. She stands there for a few moments trying to get centred, the kettle behind her beginning to hiss.

“Fuck.” She whispers, feeling herself sway a little.

“I got it.” Blake says from behind her, finishing the tea she had trouble making. “You okay, Gwen?”

He’s standing so close that she feels a little less afraid of falling to the ground, knowing he’s nearby enough to catch her.

“What did you give me?” She whispers softly, biting her lip. “I feel drugged.”

“Technically you are.” He smiles. “They’re just painkillers though. I can’t help that you’re tiny.”

She leans against the kitchen counter and uses all the strength she has left in her body to hoist herself up there.

She clears her throat. “Who was on the phone with you?” She starts to reach out for the tea and he helps her quickly, cradling the mug for her in both hands as she takes a sip.

“No one.” He dismisses the question.

“ _Right_.” She says not so convincingly, but in actuality she’s too drowsy to prod any further. “How long was I out for?”

“About two hours.” He answers. “I finally got to finish a book I’d started while watching over you.”

She wants to reply to the watching over her comment but she doesn’t think he even notices he let that slip, and for some reason she doesn’t want to bring too much attention to it either.

“I didn’t take you for the reading type.” She says instead.

He chuckles. “Wildlife.”

“Ah.” She responds as it suddenly makes sense. “How long till this stuff wears off?”

“I’m guessing a little while more.” He chuckles. “Just give it till the morning, it will have worn off by then. The pain too hopefully.”

“The pain has already worn off.” She says tiredly.

“That’s good.”

He’s standing in front of her, looking at her with a level of care in his eyes she’s unaccustomed to and somehow these drugs in her system only make her feel more vulnerable. Being by herself while they wear off in the middle of nowhere doesn’t make her feel as comfortable as she would’ve liked.

She knows it’s going to sound ridiculous to even ask this but she has a strong desire for him to stick around for a while longer.

“Can you just stay with me?” She asks. “Just until this stuff wears off.”

He takes a step closer without being warranted to do so and she looks up to find his heated gaze.

“I didn’t leave exactly for that reason.” He responds. “I’m not gonna let you come down from this by yourself, especially not since _I_ was the one giving them to you.”

For some reason, she absolutely needs his closeness and she lets her head rest against his chest as soon as he’s near enough for her to do so.

She sighs into his t-shirt covered chest, a few beats passing before she grasps his hand and moves it up to her cheek.

“Feel this.” She whispers, softly sliding his fingers across her cheek for a few brief moments. “I can’t even feel my face.” She giggles.

He just chuckles, letting his fingers rest against her skin.

“I can’t feel my lips either.” She says, running his thumb absently across her lower lip, brushing it slowly back and forth for a few moments, then without thinking too much about it she slowly moves his palm down the side of her torso, right above her hipbone. “Or _this_.”

“Jesus Gwen.” He whispers into the crown of her head before he slips his hand from her capture. “You’re high as a kite.”

She smiles in response.

“Correct.”

He looks at her with a different kind of expression on his face, one that screams lack of control though he appears to have enough to refrain from touching her more.

Missing him immediately, she pulls her own hand up to his face, tracing her knuckle gingerly over his lip.

“You have a really pretty face.” She whispers, biting her lip and smiling.

“Pretty?”

“Like a girl. But not like a girl _at all_ , you’re very manly. You’re just very pretty, in a way girls usually are.”

Blake’s lips part against her knuckle and she pulls away, only for her hands to come up to the back of his neck.

“You’re out of it.” He shakes his head, but she won’t let go—in the contrary, she pulls him even closer and hears him gasp when his hipbone hits the counter. 

“But this is fun.” She giggles, her finger trailing his cheek, down to his jawline.

His hand comes up to grab hers and pulls it off his face gently, holding her fingers in a tight grip.

His gaze searches for hers and when he looks at her all she sees is desire. Or maybe she’s imagining things now too.

His hand continues to hold hers, keeping her still from making another move, and she's suddenly hit with another truth; he keeps her from touching him, he doesn't want to be with her like _that_.

“Why are you…don’t you want... _what_?” She asks, her brain more scattered than ever and she can’t even string a normal sentence together any longer.

Whatever he felt before seems to evaporate, his hand letting go of hers.

“Drink your tea.” He chuckles. “I’ll help you back on the couch later so you can sleep the rest of this off. You’re gonna need it.”

**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst is coming next...


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trust me.

“Stay where mommy can see you.”

She fastens her pace as Kingston starts exploring the trees alongside the dirt road. Gwen had needed to get out of the cabin with her son, just for a little while, feeling bad about all the penned-up energy he seemed to have, giving Adam and Blake absolutely no break. She can’t imagine this being what they signed up for when they thought they were spending two weeks of vacation at the excluded vacation house.

She’d also be lying if the memories flooding back from last night weren’t part of the reason why she couldn’t wait to get out of that house either. Facing Blake after her drugged antics took a lot more courage than she initially possessed.

The air is considerably colder than it was yesterday, not much of the heat left. She’s dressed in two layers of clothing and still feels herself shiver a bit. Kingston doesn’t seem to have that problem at all.

“Look, you can kick those loose.” He shows her excitedly, kicking against the small rocks laying flatly against the side of the road.

Gwen chuckles. “Yeah, you can. Be careful.”

She stands back and studies her surroundings; there’s no other soul in sight, the woods stretching on for miles and miles, working as a curtain to hide the cabin she knows is near here.

On her nearly forty-minute walk, she hasn’t encountered a single person and only passed Blake and Adam’s driveway, some thinned out trees where the river lays behind and a repair shop that appears to be seasonal as it didn’t sport an open sign.

“Can we take these home?” Kingston asks suddenly, appearing at her side and showing her a handful of grey-reddish rocks, that look more like little burned crystals.

She smiles. “How about you take just two of those?”

She already feels like enough of a burden without taking a bunch of rocks home, that she knows will get lost before the sun sets into the sky, only bound to make a mess of the place.

Kingston reluctantly gets rid of a handful of rocks and keeps two, grabbing her hand to walk the last bit home.

It continues to be a crazy sight; the rustic and slightly disorienting forest making way for a perfectly manicured grass lane that leads to the low and lengthy cabin. The rather dark atmosphere around the house makes for the yellow lights to almost always be on, drawing you in and making you feel at home instantly. Something she misses greatly in LA.

“There you guys are.” Adam says, sitting on the front porch in one of the loungers. She shakes her head at how even in the middle of nowhere, they managed to make it resemble a bit of man cave.

“Took us long enough.” She chuckles, letting go of Kingston’s hand and letting him run across the property until he’s close enough to Adam to show off his findings.

“I’m just gonna change shoes, I’ll be right out.” She tells Adam, walking past him towards the front door.

“Take your time.”

She shakes off her shoes as soon as she’s inside, crossing the living room and finding Blake rearranging some things around in the kitchen.

“Hey.” He says as he hears her come in.

“Hi.” Her voice sounds thin and nervous to her own ears, as she desperately tries to keep the subject away from last night. “You cooking already?”

Blake nods.

“Adam is being a diva tonight so I’m just making sure the kitchen’s in order for me to cook a three-course meal later.” Blake rolls his eyes, though his annoyance is all for show.

She smiles.

“Lucky us.”

“How’s your foot?”

Gwen feels another blush creep up on her cheeks, pushing away the impending doom as she focuses on his question.

“Better. I barely feel it anymore.” She says softly, biting her lip. “Those drugs really worked.”

Blake chuckles.

“They better, they’re _that_ strong for a reason.”

“Thank you for last night by the way.” She says, voice dropping in volume just slightly. “I know you probably didn’t intend to babysit me all night, but I really appreciate it.”

“It wasn’t so bad.” He teases. “You’re actually quite nice when you’re all loopy and high.”

She frowns at him playfully.

“What about when I’m stone cold sober?”

He shrugs.

“The jury’s still out on that one.”

“You’re mean.” She says, sticking her tongue out at him and catching the way he smirks. “I should probably also apologize for my behaviour last night. I wasn’t in my right mind and I shouldn’t have…. I don’t even know how to call what I did earlier.”

“Like I said, you weren’t so bad.” He winks at her, brushing off the apology. “It’s fine.”

“Thank you.”

She bites her lip, reluctantly tearing herself away from the kitchen and finding her white sneakers back in her room. By the time she comes back outside, Adam is lounging in the chair again while Kingston is kicking around a ball on the grass.

“Where did that ball come from?” Gwen asks, sitting down next to him on the porch.

“Found one in the shack.”

“You guys are really provided with everything out here, aren’t you?”

“We wouldn’t settle for any less.” Adam smirks, cocking his head at her. “How are you doing?”

She looks at her son playing around and then up to the sky, thinking about her answer for a little while before responding.

“Right now? Pretty damn good.”

Adam hums knowingly. “And most of the time?”

“Honestly, ever since coming here I’ve felt better than I thought I would.” She says, biting her lip. “It’s still hard and will continue to be for a while, I’m sure.”

“It’s impossible for it not to be.”

Gwen nods. “I just want Kingston to be alright, that’s all I care about right now. I need to make sure he comes out of this unharmed.”

“You’re a great mom, Gwen.”

She grimaces and gives him a small smile. “It’s not enough though. I need to be _awesome_. I need to protect him from everything looming over us right now.”

“You can’t put that amount of pressure on yourself.” He argues.

“Then what do I do?” She asks a little more shrill than she wanted it to come out. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to snap, but honestly his father is still trying to drain me dry financially and the offer I made the company last month is still under negotiation. When it takes this long….” She shakes her head. “When it takes this long, that usually means nothing good.”

“Don’t think like that.”

“I don’t know how _not_ to. I need this opportunity so much. It’s the one thing that can get us out of this predicament. Imagine if I have to give up our place, Adam. Kington would have to move on top of everything else going on. I can’t let that happen.”

“You know if you ever need some money, Blake and I can— “

“Oh absolutely not.” She cuts him off, shaking her head. “I’m not borrowing any money from you and _Blake_.”

Adam’s brow raises. “Why’d you say his name like that?”

“Because I barely even know the man, Adam.” She whispers in a hiss. “He’s already letting me stay in his house for a few weeks, I’m not about to ask him for money so my ex-husband can’t kick us out of our own home.”

“It wouldn’t be just his money.” Adam counters. “We’re splitting everything fifty-fifty. See it as borrowing something from _me_.”

She clicks her tongue, determined.

“I appreciate the offer Adam, you’re an amazing friend and I’m so lucky to have you but that’s not gonna be necessary. I’ll figure something out. Besides, I'm not going bankrupt. I just need to regroup.”

Adam sighs. “You’ve always been this stubborn.”

“It’s one of the things you must like about me since you’re exactly the same.” She smiles.

He scoffs.

“ _Whatever_.”

She laughs wholeheartedly, taking in the view of Kingston oblivious to her worries and her own heart feeling significantly lighter at the thought.

**

“That was delicious.” Gwen comments, using the napkin to briefly touch the corners of her mouth.

Blake smiles. “Thank you. Recipe is all Adam’s though, I’m afraid.”

“I’m the mastermind, he’s the one who actually has the touch to make it happen.” Adam replies, half cocky, half complimentarily.

“Give them a finger….” Blake lets the rest of the saying die on his tongue, trailing off suggestively, causing Adam to flip him the bird before apologizing to Gwen.

“He’s seen worse.” Gwen chuckles, looking over at an oblivious Kingston.

“That reminds me, we need to get that television fixed ASAP. Those two channels we’re left with are not gonna cut it any longer. I’ve _literally_ seen the worst.”

Blake rolls his eyes at his friend’s dramatics.

“I told you to go into town for a new cable. I can’t help that you’d rather sit on your ass on the porch all day.”

“I forgot.” Adam brushes off. “I can drive into town after dinner.”

The weather had taken a turn for the worse again and with the prospect of spending a nice evening outside being taken out of the occasion, Gwen can’t see the harm in doing that.

“I’ll come with you, you probably need someone to drive anyway considering you’ve had a few of those.” She points to the bottle of beer next to Adam’s empty plate.

“I’ll do it tomorrow.” Blake says instead.

“Don’t worry about it.” Gwen says, oblivious to the tension that suddenly lingers on Blake’s features. “You two have been helping me enough, I’d gladly make myself useful.”

“I could use someone to drive me.” Adam comments brightly.

"Great, maybe I can bring King and we can make it a little trip."

“ _Damnit_ , no one’s driving these shitty dirt roads surrounded by bends and water in the pouring rain and darkness.”

Gwen’s brows fly up, tensing.

“Excuse me?”

“Blake.” Adam hisses in warning.

“Just drop it. I’ll do it tomorrow.” 

Without as much as an explanation, he excuses himself from the table and starts cleaning up.

Gwen turns her head to Adam, silently asking what the hell just happened but he just shoots her a look that tells her to drop it.

Like hell she will.

“Blake!” She calls for him, standing up quickly and following him into the kitchen. “Is there any reason why you were so rude just now? Cause where I’m from we actually have the decency to explain ourselves after we blow up over nothing.”

The tall Oklahoman chuckles bitterly and walks past her, making a goofy face towards Kingston as he clears out the table further.

Gwen folds her arms across her chest, defiant in her stance and attitude. She’s tired of being on the receiving end of Blake’s changing moods, wanting answers once and for all.

“Blake.” She repeats when she realizes she’s being ignored.

“Where I’m from we don’t come up with these stupid ideas in the first place.” He shoots back once he’s in close enough proximity of her, keeping his voice low so her child won’t hear him reprimanding her.

“ _Stupid_ ….” She shakes her head confused. “Blake I was just trying to help.”

“Well don’t.” He snaps, causing Adam to stand up now too. “You’re here because _you_ needed help, not the other way around. Just enjoy your free holiday and try not to mess everything up while you’re here.”

“BLAKE.” Adam’s voice is louder now, but Gwen’s not even paying attention to it anymore.

Her heart hammers against her chest while tears rapidly fill her eyes. She was right after all—Blake isn’t happy with her arrival and she never should’ve made the trip out here.

Without a second look towards either men, she scoops Kingston up into her arms and heads upstairs.

“Mommy, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing baby, just….” She swallows down the lump in her throat. “Do you want to play on the iPad for a second? Here, go sit on the bed.” She’s grateful when Kingston does just that, not at all put off by the idea of chilling in her room for a second.

She searches for her earphones and hands them to him, making sure they’re on alright and presses play on his favorite cartoon.

When she’s sure he’s sufficiently zoned out, she opens her suitcase and starts collecting items she’d put on the lowest shelf in the closet.

Her eyes shift to the side again and become glazed with a glassy layer of tears. As she blinks, they drip from her eyelids and slide down her cheeks.

The last thing she wanted to be was a nuisance to Blake, but apparently that’s all she turns out to be to the men she meets. She just needs to get out of here and find her bearings at home with Kingston. The sooner she can get herself up and running again, the better. Hiding out here was stupid to begin with.

She bites her lip tightly in attempt to hide any sounds that want to escape from her mouth, as she throws some tops into the open suitcase.

“Gwen?” Adam’s voice sounds softly from in the doorway.

She keeps her back turned to him.

“Don’t talk me out of this. I need to go.” She tells him stiffly.

“No you don’t.” She doesn’t need to look behind her to know he’s walking closer, leaning against the closet door while she’s crouched down at the side, in front of her luggage.

“He doesn’t want me here. That’s obvious.”

“He’s struggling.”

“I don’t care.” She says, looking up at him while another tear rolls out. “I hate that you even put me in this position. You had no right to make me believe he would be okay with me being here when it was obvious that he didn’t. Now I feel like the biggest burden. I just need to get the hell out of here.”

Adam sighs deeply, his expression saddening as he takes in her broken down frame.

“I thought he’d be able to handle it.” He says softly, looking at his feet.

“Well, you were wrong.”

“Gwen, he lost his wife.”

Now it’s her turn to sigh, slamming the suitcase shot with a bit too much force. “I know, I’m going through a divorce too. It’s hard but— “

“I’m not talking about a divorce.” Adam cuts her off, his eyes darkening. “He lost his wife, as in she’s _gone_.”

Silence lingers between them for a few beats, her breath hitching.

“What do you mean she’s gone?” Gwen whispers, though the answer is clear between the two of them.

“He promised me not to tell, but I can’t….” He bites his lip, obviously debating what to say and how much. “Eighth months ago, he got into a car crash at night. He and Miranda were driving home from dinner to their other house in Oklahoma, when a drunk driver slammed into the side of their car and rammed them off the road.” Gwen’s eyes widen as the horrifying truth becomes clearer. “The weather was horrible that night. They could barely see and Blake’s convinced that if he had decided to wait out the storm, he would’ve seen the other driver coming in time. Miranda didn’t make it and he blames himself.”

“Oh my god.” She whispers, her small hand moving to her lips. “And I just suggested to take his car to drive you into town, while it’s pouring down rain.”

“He shouldn’t have reacted the way he did; you didn’t know.”

“Why didn’t he want to tell me? Why has he disliked me so much from the start?” Her questions keep pouring out, her heart aching for the same man she despised only minutes ago.

“He didn’t want you to look at him differently, he doesn’t want anyone’s pity. Honestly, I think he feels like the more normal people act around him, the more he can pretend it didn’t happen.” Adam replies softly. “And he doesn’t dislike you, Gwen. It’s the opposite. He enjoys you being here though he feels like he shouldn’t. You gotta understand, he hasn’t lived with woman that wasn’t his wife for over a decade. I guess you’re just reminding him of a life he once had.”

Gwen stands up straight, looking over at Kingston who’s still focused on his show.

“We should still leave.” She whispers. “It’s obvious he can’t handle us being here and I can’t…. the hot and cold thing that he does with me, I can’t do it.”

“Just give it another chance.” Adam pleads, pushing his palms together in front of his chest. “Please, I think your presence here can be good for him—and for you too.”

“You really should’ve told me sooner.” She says instead.

“I know, I should’ve. I thought I was doing the right thing by honouring his wish on this one, since it was his only condition when I told him you were coming.”

Gwen sighs. “What do I do?”

Adam’s gaze suddenly diverts to a figure behind her and Gwen knows it’s Blake before she turns around to confirm her suspicion.

“Can I talk to you for a moment, Gwen?”

Blake’s voice is low and soft, his demeanour a lot less intimidating than it was earlier.

Gwen bites her lip and then nods at Adam, who’s looking at her expectantly.

“It’s okay.” She says.

Adam nods and then walks over to Blake, gripping his shoulder.

“Be nice, man.” He turns back to Gwen. “Do you want me to take King downstairs?”

Her eyes go over him once more, his little face now tuned into the three adults standing in the room, obviously feeling the shift in tension around him. He’s still got the earphones in though and the iPad gripped in his tiny hands.

“No, it’s okay.” She answers, deciding to keep Kingston here instead of worrying him even more. “We can talk in Kingston’s room.”

The room is adjacent to this one, and if they keep the door open, she can still have clear vision of him on the bed.

Blake nods and follows her lead, leaning against the wall in the other room, Gwen’s eyes trained on the open door as she watches Kingston smile at his screen.

When she turns around, Blake’s gaze is already on her, his eyes showing a sudden darkness that can either mean two things;

He’s either crazy apologetic or absolutely done.

**


	6. Chapter 6

She enters the other bedroom, cautiously leaning against the wall that gives her the best view to watch Kingston out of the corner of her eye.

Blake stands in front of her, leaning against the almond-coloured wall.

“I know I should leave and that’s what I’m doing.” She finally speaks, drowning in emotions and fear as she stands in front of the man whose history became a bit clearer to her tonight. Torn between understanding his stoic demeanour towards her and disliking him for putting this kind of burden on her, are all mounting in unison.

His blue eyes are determined as they stare down into hers, the way the muscle in his forearm twitches shows her the tension that runs through his body too.

His arms are crossed protectively over his chest, his jaw tense.

“I owe you an apology.”

Though she agrees with that, she finds herself shaking her head.

“I’m not after an apology, Blake.”

“That’s good, that’s generous even, but you still deserve one.” He counters, voice low. “I shouldn’t have said what I said in there, it was wrong of me.”

She’s surprised to hear the words come from his mouth, curious as what changed his mind –or if he did at all. Could it just be the guilt about driving Adam’s friend away that’s making him stand in front of her now? Apologizing to her for something he’s not even sorry for?

“You feel like I overstepped in some way….” She says, voice wavering slightly. “I don’t know if I necessarily agree with that, but that never has been my intention regardless. I think me leaving would probably clear up some confusion and…. _awkwardness_.”

The wording is peculiar, she knows that.

Awkward because she's moving in for the time being while the last time Blake had a woman around was before he lost his wife in a fatal accident?

Or awkward because he gets along with that woman way better than he initially would’ve hoped?

“I know he told you.” Blake says softly, nodding his head as if he’s coming to terms with that on the spot.

Gwen swallows roughly, all the words in her vocabulary falling short.

What do you say to a man who has lost it all?

“I’m sorry.” She forces out on a whisper.

“It’s been eight months.” He breathes, rubbing the stubble on his chin. “I find myself either feeling like it’s been years or like it happened yesterday. No in between.”

She feels a sudden tightness in her heart, oblivious to the loss of a loved one in that sense, but no stranger to feeling loss at all. In many ways, his grief works as a mirror; making her realize all the people she has lost and what she has yet to gain.

“You can’t put a timer on healing.”

Blake shrugs. “Guess you can’t.”

“The drugs you gave me last night….”

“They’re mine. The accident left me with a broken back injury. I was lucky there was no actual damage to my spinal cord, but it took nearly four months for me to be able to sit up straight again without needing any medication to overcome the immense pain.”

She suddenly feels nauseous.

“If I had known what happened earlier, I wouldn’t have made the suggestion tonight. I didn’t mean to be irresponsible or come of insensitive.”

“I know you didn’t.” He replies, his gaze on her making her fidgety. “That’s why I shouldn’t have said what I said. You weren’t in the wrong here, Gwen—I was.”

She wishes it wasn’t so hard to maintain her anger for this man, but at the same time she can’t afford to truly let her guard down either. She knows it’s only a matter of time before he’ll flip on her again, leaving her incredibly hot one minute and cold in the next.

“It doesn’t matter anymore. Kingston and I so appreciate the hospitality you and Adam have shown us, but I think it’s time we pack up and go back to LA.”

Blake’s gaze goes back to Kingston, causing Gwen’s line of vision to follow the same route. He’s still looking down at the iPad, not looking as tense as he did earlier and instead sporting a small smile as he watches the figures on his screen.

Blake moves from his place on the wall in front of her and manoeuvres to stand beside her now, his head laying back against the wall, straining his neck.

She wants to ask questions, say something, but she’s stuck on watching him be. His eyes gaze at the ceiling while he swallows visibly. She notices the solid build of his neck and shoulders, the muscular body underneath that fabric not hiding well at all. She wants to run her hands over the expanse of his chest, massage all of the tension she can tell he’s harbouring there and just _soothe_ him.

She wonders if she could.

“Don’t leave.” He says, and two words are enough to knock the wind out of her.

“W-what?” She asks hesitantly, afraid she didn’t hear him right.

“Don’t leave.” He says again, this time lowering his gaze and settling it on her face. His arms are no longer crossed defensively across his chest and his features seem to have softened just a tad. “I know you came here for a reason too, don’t let me rob you of that.”

There’s a pang of disappointment that courses through her at his explanation; none of it screaming he wants her to stay for any other reason than her own wellbeing. Somehow she craves for the words _I want you to stay_ or _I would miss you if you left._

Biting her lip, it’s now her turn to look up at the ceiling.

She doesn’t know how it happened, but somewhere in the three days she’s been here, she’s managed to convince herself those thoughts aren’t crazy. Why _wouldn’t_ a random cowboy who’s known her for less than a few days miss her if she left?

“You’re one hell of a loud thinker.” He observes, still watching her.

“I’m sorry.” She says, then quickly berates herself for apologizing. “Actually no, I’m not sorry. You’ve been treating me like a nuisance ever since setting foot into this house. You can’t blame me for being confused as hell at you asking me to stay.”

She tears her face away to watch Kingston, hoping he didn’t hear her little outburst. The sight of him sitting so peacefully on the bed kicks her in the gut; he’s rarely ever this comfortable around any new people or places. He’s seen Adam a few times while growing up, but not enough to develop a real relationship. He hadn’t seen Blake at _all_ before coming here.

And yet, somehow, he’s formed an amazing relationship with both men. She feels guilt ripping at her heart for being only a few minutes away from taking him out of here.

“I didn’t mean to make you feel like that, I just…” His voice trails off, a loud sigh escaping his lips. “This is hard for me, Gwen. I’ve been living these last eight months of my life in a daze. The thought of these two weeks of vacationing back here the only thing that has kept me alive. Being out here, secluded, away from all people, away from the responsibility of socializing and making people feel comfortable by not appearing too depressed, is the only thing that’s kept me going. Adam has seen every side of me by now. Him being here is almost as natural as being on my own. But you and Kingston….” He shakes his head. “I can’t tell you how much I’ve been trying, Gwen. Obviously not hard enough though and I apologize for that.”

She looks at him with glossy eyes, everything he’s said making her feel like a terrible human for even getting mad at it in the first place.

“I can’t stay here if I know it’s gonna make you feel worse.” She counters softly.

“You can’t make me feel worse.”

She huffs. “That’s not exactly a seal of confidence.”

“Look, I can’t stand here and tell you I’ll be fine while you’re here. I just can’t. But what I _can_ tell you, is that I also won’t necessarily feel any better if you left. The truth is, having you and Kingston here, it kind of helped distract me a bit too. I appreciate you two being here, is what I’m saying.” 

She still can’t help feeling like being here is wrong.

“We can cut our stay short, we don't have to stay the full two weeks….” She starts to compromise, still fishing for that underlying hesitance she feels like he’s bound to show at some point.

“You don’t have to.” He replies simply. “I don’t have a problem with you being here.”

“You say that now.” She murmurs, her gaze gliding over to the closed suitcase laying on the bedroom floor.

"Do you feel like I'm taking advantage of Adam?" She asks suddenly, remembering how he scolded her earlier for getting a 'free vacation'. The implications of that wrapping around her heart like a vice. 

"I shouldn't have said that."

"That's not what I asked." 

"I don't think that at all." Blake says softly, biting his lip. 

"You just said it to hurt me, then?"

"Gwen, I don't know that much about you yet, but I know Adam loves you. I know that he would do anything for you and even though I've only known you for a little while, I can understand why. So no, I don't think you're taking advantage of him and I apologize for what my words insinuated." 

Gwen sighs softly, her chest filling with some relief. 

"I really care about Adam a lot." She says softly. "And you might not believe it, but I care about you too."

Blake scoffs. "You shouldn't."

"That's bullshit. There's no reason why I shouldn't."

"I could give you twenty right now." 

Gwen swallows roughly. "And what would those be?"

"I'll give you _one_ , Gwen; I don't want you to."

"Why not?" She pushes.

"Because I'm damaged, Gwen." He breathes. "I'm hurt and I'm angry. I'm fucking pissed and I don't know how to _not_ hurt you. You're too nice but I kinda wish you just wouldn't care at all."

Gwen's features soften, her hand softly touching his arm. 

"You don't mean that. I know you wish you did, but you don't." His eyes stare her down intensely as her hand wraps around his wrist. "You're scared and I understand. But you're not damaged goods here, Blake. You're kind and warm when you allow people in, I've seen that with Adam and Kingston. And you have every right to be angry, pissed, nothing about what you experienced is fair. But you're not that experience, Blake. You may have lived it, but you're not defined by it."

"Where the hell did you come from?" He whispers softly.

"I know it's not what you want to hear, but I care about you."

Blake sighs.

“Sometimes I feel like I can’t feel anything close to joy.” He admits, obviously voicing an admission he’s not comfortable making. “Whenever I feel like I’m enjoying my time around you too much I just…. I feel like I need to cut it short. Like I can’t be feeling that so soon after losing...—”

He cuts himself off again, unable to say his late wife’s name.

“You can’t live like that.” She breathes. “You can’t go and ruin every shred of happiness you ever feel out of guilt.”

“I know that.” He says a bit harsher than intended, his features softening immediately after. “I know that, but my heart doesn’t always seem to catch up.”

“What can I do to make things easier?” She asks, whispering. “Whatever it is, I’ll do it.”

He turns his face abruptly around to look at her.

“Stay.”

Gwen nods, though the affirmation doesn’t yet leave her lips.

Blake doesn’t seem to need one, the expression on his face expressing relief over her unspoken words, realizing she won’t pack up just yet.

She doesn’t know why she’s trying to make things easier on a man who’s honest about not being able to feel any lighter right now. She doesn’t understand why she cares so much about the opinion and wellbeing of a man who was nothing but a stranger to her three days ago.

But here she is, _staying_ , because he asked her to.

“Can I hug you?” She asks, the question startling even herself but she stands her ground.

He smiles down at her softly before pushing himself off the wall and slowly opening his arms to her.

He smells like a husky version of cologne and wood, his body firm beneath hers. The feeling of his arms around her back is not at all a bad one and she’s in trouble when she finds herself resting her head against his chest as if it’s the most normal thing in the world.

“I’m really sorry for your loss, Blake.” She whispers against his plaid shirt, feeling his hand tighten on her back.

His head leans gently against her shoulder and for a moment she thinks he’s gonna cry. Instead of doing so, he composes himself and smiles softly down at her.

“Thank you.” He murmurs, her head pushing off his chest. “And thank you for staying too.”

Even with the pending worries in the back of her head, she’s completely sure it was never really a choice.

Blake asked her to stay and she was never too good at denying tragedy.

**

Gwen looks up at sky, sitting on the lounge chair on the porch.

Her life has been a series of unexpected turns and events. Her heart tired, but full as she sits here, listening to the sounds produced by nature and Kingston in the back.

He’s been playing with his two toy cars that he brought from home and Gwen is utterly grateful for how well it keeps the young child occupied.

Blake and Adam have been off doing God knows what all day and that’s probably for the best. After their intense conversation from last night, it was a relief to everyone when morning came, leaving behind the cluster of bad memories from the darkness that came before it.

She’s distracted by the sound of a truck pulling up at the side of the house, going off course from the dirt road and softly driving over the fresh-scented grass.

Her head pipes up, taking in the face of a young woman—yet, slightly older than her. She guesses early thirties, when the woman jumps out of the large vehicle and smooths her hands down her simple jeans. She’s wearing a plaid shirt with horrible matching green and yellow squares. Before Gwen can even get up and introduce herself, Adam and Blake appear in the doorway, the woman’s face lighting up with a smile.

“There you guys are, I was thinking I pulled up at the wrong house.” She babbles, obviously referring to Gwen sitting on the front porch.

Despite her unease, Gwen stands up and waits for the inevitable, awkward introduction.

That gets prolonged by Blake’s frame sauntering down the patio, onto the grass field. The woman whose name is still foreign to her wraps her arms around Blake’s midsection and smiles.

“Gwen, this is Daphne.” Blake says after he’s managed to untangle from the woman’s embrace.

Daphne does a quick scan over her entire body, running her gaze up and down before settling on a small smile.

“Hi, nice to meet you.”

Gwen swallows roughly, feeling the weird tension hanging in the air. She’s determined to get rid of it though, not needing to be on anyone else’s dislike list.

“Nice to meet you too.”

“Daphne is here to assess the damage to the truck after driving it around these crazy weather conditions for weeks.” Blake says, smiling brightly. “She’s a mechanic who lives in the city, but prefers making personal drop-offs.”

Something in Blake’s eyes suggest playfulness when he says that and the woman soon confirms her assumption.

“It’s because you never come into the city and I know you want your car checked.” Daphne states pointedly, though looking not at all phased by the extra work that brings her. “Honestly, it’s because Adam and Blake give me wine and cheese on all these lonely fall nights without Bob.”

 _Bob_. Gwen doesn’t know why she’s so relieved to hear Daphne talk about a male figure in her life, preferably a boyfriend or a husband.

Adam has finally joined the conversation, swinging an arm around Blake’s shoulders.

“We parked the truck out back, if you wanna walk with me.” He says, causing Daphne to nod. “And having you over for some fun nights is the least we can do when you cater to this asshole’s wishes to not drive forty minutes for a vehicle inspection.”

“But the guy will drive an hour for some bag of Cheetos…” Daphne adds.

“Okay, okay…” Blake cuts in, holding his hands up in mock-defeat. “If we’re done dragging my name through the mud, can we please focus on the task at hand?”

Daphne nods and grabs Blake’s arm as if she’s done that a million times before—and she probably has.

“Let’s go.”

They leave Gwen behind on the grass, looking at Adam with a puzzled expression.

“Who’s Bob?” She asks eventually, trying to suppress her bitterness for the woman who drove all the way out here to do a car inspection, one she suspects happens way more than just annual.

“He’s her husband, for lack of a better word.” Adam replies, suggesting there’s a story there. “He’s a trucker who works for a catering company across the country. He’s gone for months at a time sometimes and something tells me he’s not worthy of any husband awards when he is home either.”

“And when he’s not home, Daphne spends her time here?”

“Not always. Up until last year, we still went out to get the truck checked, but she offered to come here instead after she heard of the accident. We figured she was just lonely and needed to get out of there for a while, so yeah, when she does her monthly check up we ask her to stay for dinner sometimes. It’s nice to have a friend out here in the middle of nowhere. Broken Arrow isn’t all that lively as you can probably tell.”

Gwen takes in all the information, her head lifting at the sound of Blake’s booming laughter coming from the other side of the property.

“Sounds like they get along really well.”

Adam smiles knowingly.

“He’s fond of her, sure. She’s a nice woman, Gwen. She's just not used to many new faces around here.”

“Why does he get his car checked _monthly_?” Gwen asks, suddenly having that piece of information click in her brain.

“You know how Blake gets about cars…” Adam trails off softly, a hint of sombreness creeping into his voice. “The weather out here is unpredictable and quite destructive at times. Since you can’t really get anywhere without a car here, it’s inevitable to drive it around during some less than ideal conditions. Blake just doesn’t want to take any chances, not after…”

“…. What happened to his wife.” Gwen finishes for him.

Adam nods. “Way of living around here is just a bit different than what we’re used to, I guess.”

Gwen sighs, suddenly feeling her heart grow heavy at the fact she was about to be jealous of a woman who probably gives Blake so much comfort. She doesn’t know what it’s like to lose someone close to her in that way, and because of Daphne’s kindness and lack of judgement, Blake is able to get his worst fears mitigated.

“I’m glad he has her.” Gwen says softly, bringing her hand to the top of her collar and holding it against her neck closely, the chill of the outside air causing her to get cold.

Adam waits a few beats before addressing her again.

“She’s married, whether that’s happily or not. Blake would _never_ interfere with that.”

Gwen blushes at the way he sees through to her, but she figures beating around the bush is useless now.

“You think he likes her?” She asks carefully, not sure if she wants to know the answer.

“Daphne?” Adam chuckles. “No, I think he likes what she’s doing for him but there’s no way there’s anything else there but friendship. At least not for Blake.”

But there might be more going on there in Daphne’s heart. Adam doesn’t say it, but it’s easy to read between the lines.

As much as she hates it, she feels the shimmer of jealousy flicker inside her stomach again.

Daphne is with Blake, alone, inspecting his car, doing something for him that she never could.

Here she finds herself, jealous of the woman for possibly wanting Blake, while less than twelve hours ago, that same man caused her to nearly pack her bags and leave.

For Gwen, there was just no denying tragedy.

**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment if you can <3


	7. Chapter 7

_3 days later_

It feels like ages since she’s last been out to an actual bar, and she hadn’t exactly packed for the occasion either. She didn’t know _what_ to expect before coming out to Broken Arrow, but visiting one of Blake and Adam’s bars in Oklahoma City was surprisingly enough not it.

She’s been in her room for over forty minutes, trying to decide what to wear tonight. It’s an hour and a half drive that they’re about to embark on, and with the weather again being unpredictable, it felt saver to head out sooner rather than later.

She has decided on wearing tight jeans that fit her just right with a pair of killer heels (the only pair of heels she brought), yet her top remains a struggle. It’s hard to imagine what the vibe of their bar will be like, especially with Adam describing it as a mix of their place in LA, with just a touch of hillbilly—as he expressed with a chuckle.

Blake had told her the opposite; the place was loud and crowded, almost as if you went to a pub, only much better drinks and music. Either way, she wasn’t going to show up there looking like she just spent an hour jogging through the woods.

The mirror in front of her shows her bare stomach as she stands in nothing but her jeans and bra. She hears the creaking of the floor nearby and knows someone’s approaching her room, her hand grabbing for a purple lace top that hangs in the most visible place in her closet.

Blake clears his throat to announce his arrival while she pulls the purple top in front of her to shield herself.

The mirror gives her a perfect view of him in the doorway too and she sees him cast his eyes downward, respectfully.

“Just came here to tell you Adam and Kingston are making a little lapse around the house.”

She pulls the top over her head, undecided on whether or not she’ll wear it out tonight.

She turns around to face him and bites her lip.

“You can look.” She giggles.

His gaze lifts to her body and up to her face, and she catches his eyes staring a little bit longer around her midsection. The top is revealing, covering her breast and stomach, but having no straps around the shoulders and revealing a large part of her collarbone in the process. It hugs her perfectly tight and she knows she’s in quite the good shape.

“That colour looks incredible on you.” He says, scraping his hand down one side of his face.

“Thank you.” She blushes, making the quick decision then and there to wear this exact shirt to their bar later.

“Was Kingston giving you guys a hard time?” She asks as she remembers why Blake came here in the first place. “I’m sorry, I should’ve been there to entertain him, but instead I took forever trying to settle on an outfit.”

Guilt gnaws at her uncomfortably so, her whole life revolves around that little boy and she realizes that since being here, she’s been allowed to take some time for herself too; time that she’s not completely comfortable with yet.

“Don’t worry about it. Adam has a slight case of ADHD; he can’t sit still for the life of him. Having Kingston here to entertain him is exactly what he needs.”

Gwen chuckles. “I’ve noticed his hyperactivity, yes.”

“Is that what you’re wearing tonight?” He asks, changing the subject back to more important things at hand.

She nods.

“Yeah, is this okay?”

He laughs softly.

“You’ll be the talk of the town for sure.”

Gwen’s brow raise, suddenly anxious.

“Oh my god, is it too much? I can change…” She’s already in the process of turning back to the closet and spying through the numerous items hanging there.

“I meant that in the most positive way there is, Gwen.” Blake interrupts her chaotic motions.

She sighs deeply, resting one hand against the closet door and turns her head to him.

“I’m sorry, I’m just nervous. It’s been a while since I’ve done any of this.”

“Any of what?” He asks. “Going out to bars?”

“Yes. All of it. Going out, being social, dressing up.”

“You were dressed up when you arrived here.” Blake responds, confused.

She shakes her head.

“I was wearing another pair of jeans and a hoodie.”

“Yeah, but you knew _exactly_ how both those items fit you.” He says pointedly. “Your make-up was all done, much like right now and you looked breathtaking.”

Gwen knows that the look on her face asks a million silent questions and she catches the slightly uneasy look on Blake’s; as if he didn’t mean to let that part slip. Perhaps he’d been too vulnerable in admitting he took notice of her like _that_.

“That wasn’t me dressing up, Blake.” She says with a soft blush, biting the inside of her cheek. “But thanks.”

He smiles. “You’re welcome. By the way, does Kingston get car sick? Some of these roads down here aren’t so smooth.”

The question makes her warm up inside, the attentiveness foreign to her.

“No, he’s pretty easy in a car.”

“That’s good.” Blake waits a few beats. “How about you?”

She moves her hand up to her hair, twirling a strand back behind her ear.

“I’m pretty easy in cars too.” She says, eyes sparkling.

Blake clears his throat.

“It’s not that long of a drive, we’ll be there in less than two hours.”

“You sure it’s not gonna be too crowded?” She asks. “I don’t feel super comfortable having Kingston around a bunch of rowdy and drunk cowboys.”

Blake chuckles. “I wouldn’t have asked you guys to come out there if I thought it was gonna be an insane night. It’s a Tuesday, so those are usually quiet. Besides, you and King can hang out in the back, it’s pretty luxurious back there.” 

Hearing Blake refer to her son as _King_ had been a nice development.

There were a bunch of nicknames the handsome cowboy had for her boy; from buddy to little guy, to the most recent one—King.

It’s making her ache for the day he calls her by another name than Gwen too.

She smiles.

“As long as I can get my drink from you at the bar.”

“You’ll even get it for free.”

**

“Look baby, there it is!” Gwen says sweetly, watching as Kingston presses his face against the car window.

They’ve been in the car for an hour and a half, the little boy finally getting restless over the prospect of getting out of there soon.

“It looks even better from the inside.” Adam jokes, the car coming to a definitive stop at the parking lot.

The exterior looks a lot like the place back in LA, which is to be expected.

Gwen hadn’t been there more than twice, but both times became clear that this wasn’t some wooden, cheap bar. This was the real deal. Large design, with spacious booths and tables painting the inside. There was more liquor on display than she could possibly know the names of and the different acts that would play on the smaller side stage were of actual quality. She knows Adam has put a lot of money into this investment, but from what she could see, they were getting that back in tenfold.

Gwen holds Kingston’s hand as they stand in the parking lot, the little guy itching to go in.

She bites her lip when Blake catches her gaze and smiles, ruffling King’s hair.

“Let’s go.”

The darker shades twist in an artistic way, giving comfort to the gloom, illuminated by the speckled bar lights. Along the wall is every hue of amber liquid in their inverted bottles.

She watches the male bartender fix a drink, the red-headed customer seemingly interested in more than just her order. She didn’t appear drunk yet, but seemed intent on giving the impression that she was. The bartender’s eyes only momentarily dropped to her low-cut neckline while she twiddled her hair in a seemingly absent-minded way.

Gwen chuckles.

“God it’s been a while since I’ve been to a place like this.”

Blake appears behind her and chuckles so close to her ear she’s almost tempted to lean back into him.

“Enjoy it. Seems like you’ve really been needing a night out.”

Gwen scoffs. “I’m a mom, Blake. We don’t do night’s out.”

“Maybe you do.” He whispers, leaving her standing alone with Kingston on one hand and her whole body covered with goosebumps.

She watches as he walks towards the bartender, exchanging friendly handshakes and laughter with the man before disappearing behind the counter.

“You can take whatever table you want with Kingston or I can show you guys the office in the back?” Adam offers sweetly, holding his hand out to lead the way.

“A table is alright for now.” Gwen responds, noticing there’s not much of a crowd at the moment, probably due to the fact that it’s only five pm.

“What can I get you guys?” Adam asks.

“Oh, I’ll order at the bar.” Gwen responds shyly. “I want the full experience.”

Adam nods with a wink.

“Sure. Why don’t you go do that and I stay here with Kingston until you’re back?”

She shoots him a grateful smile and leans into her son, who’s already sitting at the table, playing with the alcohol menu.

“Momma will be right back.”

Kingston just nods, way too entranced with what’s in front of him to care.

She walks towards the humble herd of people, the bar itself giving off intimidating class. The light from outside shades the room even brighter, colours of the bottles and the glittery substance inside finding every spark of light. She can only imagine what this place looks like at night; booze and music mangled together to make for intoxicated spirits and an aesthetic to kill for. She now understands why Adam –and Blake—love this place so damn much.

She leans her elbows on the counter in front of her, Blake’s gaze had been on her ever since he saw her approach. He bites his lip and stands in front of her, safely tucked away behind the bar top while his smile reaching his eyes.

“What can I get you, miss?”

She smiles widely.

“Hmmm, one Aperol Spritz and an orange juice for my boy please.”

“Coming right up.” He says, keeping his eyes on her while making their drinks. It’s second nature to him by now and Gwen’s somehow electrified by how he looks behind that bar. The often worried and heartbroken version of him she’s seen back at the house completely evaporates here.

Here, he’s the confident, secure Blake, that has had its moments of surprising her.

“There you go.” He smiles, sliding the yellow and orange goodness in front of her. “They’re on the house.”

She giggles.

“I wonder how you managed to turn this place into all _this_ , when all you do is give free drinks away.” She jokes.

“Only to pretty ladies.”

“How many pretty ladies walk in here?”

He leans forward, biting his lip.

“Today? Just one.”

She finds herself blushing, her heart-rate picking up speed inside her chest.

“Nice save.”

Blake hums.

“You should go back to your table. Adam is spying on us.”

She can’t help but laugh, shaking her head.

“Thanks for the drinks, Blake. You look good behind that bar.”

**

They’ve been here for an hour and despite the portion of peanuts and cheese Blake and Adam brought out there for them, Kingston is getting restless and hungry, ready to get out of here.

Gwen winces a little and though she knows the guys realized this wouldn’t be one of those rowdy, long nights with a little kid here, she still feels a bit guilty. She knows they love being here and if it were up to them, they wouldn’t go home for a long while. She can’t shake the feeling of being a burden to them once again and she tries hard not to let it show on her face.

“All set to go?” Blake asks, having given up his bar duties while spending the last twenty minutes sitting with her and King.

“Adam’s still at the bar.” Gwen notes.

“He always gets stuck there.” Blake rolls his eyes. “You can barely drag him away from here on a bad night, let alone a _good_ one.’

Gwen bites her lip, the apology tumbling over her lips before she can stop it.

“Sorry that you guys can’t stay longer.”

Blake brushes off her apology quickly.

“We’re here all the time. If it’s not this location, it’s at one of the other eight. Trust me, we’re good.”

Gwen smiles widely. “Thank you for saying that.”

“I mean it, stop feeling guilty for being a good mom.”

“Are we gonna get food?” Kingston asks, interrupting the moment before Gwen even gets the time to reply to Blake’s kind words.

Gwen laughs quietly, about to answer when commotion at the bar causes her to divert her attention. Blake’s gaze goes over to Adam at the same time, finding their friend in a heated verbal match with what looks like a random customer.

“ _Oh damn_.” Blake hisses, standing up.

“What’s going on?” Gwen asks nervously, watching Blake keeping an eye on the situation before addressing her.

“That’s Coby. He’s in here a lot, gets drunk all the time and harasses the women. We’ve told him he’s not allowed in here anymore, after violating too many of our house rules.

The faint noise of raised voices reaches their ears again and Blake balls his fist unknowingly.

“I gotta go— “

Before Blake can finish his sentence, the tension erupts and Adam’s steady strides from behind the counter radiate with a glooming threat. Adam lunges forward at the guy, pushing him up against the bar top, his fist colliding with Coby’s cheek.

“Take Kingston to the car.” Blake instructs Gwen hastily. “I’ll meet you there with Adam.”

“Blake— “

“Do it, Gwen.”

She doesn’t have much of a choice, not wanting Kingston to be around anymore violence. She lifts him off the chair and grabs his hand, tugging him with her.

“Come on baby, let’s go to the car.”

She’s just in time to see Blake pulling Adam off the guy, standing in between the two men as a protective shield.

The outside air is brisk as it hits them, Kingston’s gaze both confused and nervous.

“Where are Adam and Blakey?”

Her heart constricts painfully, torn between worried and frustrated. Adam knew they were here, he knew Kingston was sitting right there with front row view; what in the world could’ve been so important he had to throw a punch?

“They’re on the way, sweetheart. How about we ask them to get you a burger on our way home?”

The prospect of some proper food soon is enough to brighten the kid’s spirits and he claps his hands excitedly.

**

She rinses out their glasses before setting it on the drainer next to hers and just stares at them, both upturned and drying.

She’s still not sure she has fully comprehended what happened earlier, even with Kingston now soundly asleep upstairs and the whole altercation having been hours ago.

“Are you still not talking to me?” Adam asks, her back remaining turned to him.

They haven’t spoken much since they came back home, her frustration making it hard for her to see clearly. Even after learning what the guy had said to set Adam off like that, it just didn’t feel good to her. The whole thing had put a serious damper on what was supposed to be a nice evening out, checking out her friends’ bar.

“I’m not ignoring you.” She sighs, drying off her hands with a towel and turning around, leaning against the sink. “I just don’t know what to say to you.”

“I shouldn’t have hit him.” Adam responds eventually, as if there were a thirty second delay between them. “But warning him _verbally_ didn't seem to help and it hasn’t been the first time.”

“It’s a bar though; people get drunk and rowdy and they say things they don’t mean. Him hinting that he slept with your ex-girlfriend should not have been enough to push you over the edge, Adam. My kid was there.”

“I know and I’m sorry about that.”

She folds her arms in front of her.

“I’ll be fine tomorrow, I just…. I’m tired and I need some sleep. I can’t even think straight right now.”

“I’m sorry Gwen. I mean it.” Adam offers softly, biting his lip. “I’m heading upstairs too. I think we could both use some sleep; I’m exhausted.”

Gwen nods. “Good night.”

After a few more minutes of mindless staring out in front of her, she pushes her hips off the sink and starts to move around the couch. Blake is sitting there with the remote control on his lap, his eyes trained on whatever is going on the tv screen. He grabs for the device on his lap and aims at the screen, clicking it off in one brief movement.

She sighs and sits down, the confusion and exhaustion that this day brought on coming out.

“I just can’t believe he did that.” She whispers, shaking her head.

He gives her a reassuring look.

“You and I both know him, he’s not a violent guy.”

A few beats pass.

“That’s exactly why I don’t understand why _now_? Why did he have to do something so out of character today out of all days. He knows what we’ve been through, he knows what this does to me.”

Blake’s eyes squint.

“What _we’ve_ been through? Gwen, you said your ex was an asshole, but you never said— “

“He didn’t hit me or anything.” She interrupts, her chest pulsing beneath the heat of his focus. “Just forget it, I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“You’re taking a page out of my handbook, I see?” Blake chuckles ironically. “Shutting down.”

“I’m not shutting down.”

“You’re not exactly forthcoming either.”

“Adam should’ve known better. If I’m the only one who thinks that, so be it. I said what I said and I mean it. I have a right to be upset.”

The defensive word vomit spills off her lips quickly, her head bowed.

“I’m not saying I disagree.” Blake states calmly. “I’m saying that I know Adam and he has always spoken to the guy with a certain degree of politeness he didn’t deserve. I’m not arguing hitting him was a bad idea, but I do understand why he did it. Quite frankly, I had the urge to do the same thing many times before.”

“But you didn’t.” She defends her own opinion weakly.

“I made a lot of other mistakes.”

“Why are you defending him?” Gwen breathes, her eyes slowly lifting to his.

“Why are you acting like he killed the man?”

Gwen’s eyes water as she sits back against the couch, closing her eyes to keep all tears inward. She has no desire to cry in front of Blake tonight, not when he’s so adamant about her blowing things out of proportion.

“Gwen…” Blake calls for her softly. “Hey, why won’t you talk to me?”

“I need to go upstairs, get some sleep.” She says defectively, about to stand up when Blake’s hand on her wrist pulls her back down gently. She’s so confused by the move; she can barely string two words together. “Blake, what?”

“I can tell you’re bottling something up and I’ve had enough experience in that department to know it hurts like hell. Don’t do that to yourself. Whatever it is, you can talk to me. What’s going on right now?”

She lets her gaze wander around the room, and when it returns to his, he’s still watching her intensely.

“The last time me and King’s father had a fight, was right before I kicked him out for good.” Gwen winces at the memory, shutting her eyes. “He got so angry, he threw his fist through the wall and chased me up the stairs and I knew that if he got to me, he would’ve hit me. I ran into Kingston’s room cause I heard him cry and I knew he heard the commotion downstairs. I barricaded his door and tried to comfort him the best I could while thinking of a way to get us out of there. His father nearly kicked his door out of its hinges when he couldn’t get in, something Kingston still has nightmares about.”

A few beats pass before Blake talks.

“Is it okay if I hold you?”

She’s taken aback by the direct question, realizing it’s something he won’t do without verbal confirmation and she wonders if that’s because of her own past or his.

She nods and waits breathlessly as Blake moves closer and wraps his arm around her, pulling her into his shoulder. She lays her head there, feeling a strange sense of comfort by being in his arms.

“I’m so sorry you and him had to go through that.” He says softly, his voice sounding rougher than usual. “Does he have joined custody of King?”

“It’s complicated.” She sighs, trying to stall. When she finds out Blake stays quiet until he’s getting an answer, she deflates and focuses on the feel of his broad shoulder beneath her cheek.

“Since he never actually physically harmed either me or Kingston, it’s kind of hard to prove that he ever _would_. We have joined custody at the moment but he’s not been very eager to uphold his side of the agreement, which turns out to be a blessing in disguise. If I can’t make a case on actual physical abuse, I can get him on not being involved as a caretaker in King’s life. We’re currently building a case around that.”

Blake swallows roughly, silence perpetrating the air. “When Adam got violent tonight...”

“It just reminded me of everything I’ve tried to shield King from.” She finishes on a whisper. “I just really want him to be around a stable environment from now on, I want him to realize none of what he experienced before was normal. He’s four years old; if I can make sure he’s around better people from here on out, it’s possible he won’t even remember the bad times.”

“Gwen, you’re a great mother. I’m sure Kingston knows the difference between a lousy excuse of a man trying to put fear into his wife and a man who’s just protecting his business.”

“He’s _four_.” Gwen reiterates. “That’s precisely the thing he _doesn’t_ know the difference of. Violence is violence.”

“Adam won’t make that mistake again.” Blake whispers, the vibration hitting the shell of her ear. “Kingston is okay, he wasn’t upset, you got him out of there pretty fast.”

“I shouldn’t have had to.”

“You’re right.” Blake concedes, holding her.

A lot of the tension falls off her as his strong arm keeps pressing against her arm, keeping her close. In the privacy of her own mind, she envisioned what it would be like to be this close to him a bunch of times and then some. Something shifts within her then and she positions herself to lay down, head on his lap while his body only stiffens momentarily before his hand guides some hair out of her face, looking down at her sweetly.

“Tired?”

She smiles softly. “You don’t even know the half of it.”

He chuckles.

“We’ll have a slow day tomorrow. Just like most days out here in Broken Arrow.”

“It’s beautiful out here.” She tells him honestly. “It’s just hard sometimes to remember that at some point reality is going to be waiting for me. This out here…isn’t my reality.”

Blake hums.

“I disagree. This moment out here is very much real. This is part of your reality now too, Gwen.”

“I’d like that.” She says softly, too tired to disagree with him again, sensing he wouldn’t let her anyway. He’d fight her on it, even though she’s sure she could never have something as homey as this situation right here. Despite her feelings towards Adam right now, it’s clear that what he and Blake managed to build out here _is_ stable.

It’s a reality to be jealous of.

“You can get anything you want, Gwen. This world is yours, you just don’t know it yet.”

She closes her eyes, taking a second to take his words in and fight the raging war inside her body. This man who drove her crazy from the start has managed to wrap itself around her heart like a vice and though she has no way of identifying those feelings with any labels, she’s sure it’s something strong and inevitable. Like a gravitational pull.

She sits up again, moving her hand from his chest to his shoulder, her breath hitching as she feels the strong build of muscle beneath her palm. He seems to focus all his attention to steadying his breath, not saying a thing as she slowly lets her hand wander up his upper body.

With one leg prepped underneath her body while leaning into him, her face is mere inches away from his, her hand sliding lower to the hem of his shirt.

Her heart races, his soft excel of breath against her lips has her shivering. It would only take one of them to lean up or down and close the distance between their mouths, initiating a first kiss she dreamed of more times than she cares to admit.

Her hand slides up the hem of his shirt, touching soft skin and steady muscles, until his t-shirt starts to rise with the motion. That’s when he suddenly surrenders.

“Gwen, I can’t.” He whispers, his hand slipping down to catch hers. “I’m sorry, it’s just…. I haven’t been with anyone else since—” He cuts himself off, letting out a long and tired exhale.

“It’s okay.” She whispers, suddenly feeling guilty for letting her own desires get the best of her, forgetting that this man was still grieving the loss of his wife. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that.”

She pulls her hand away and tries to sit back down, causing his hand to once again reach for her arm to stop her. He waits a few seconds, seemingly analysing the newfound flush in her cheeks before he responds.

“It’s not that I don’t _want_ to be with you like that.” He says softly, making sure to speak while directly looking her in the eyes. “It’s just too soon. I couldn’t forgive myself if I rushed this, I don’t want either one of us to get hurt.”

She bites her lip.

“Blake, I get it, I promise. You have nothing to explain.”

“Be patient with me?” He asks instead, the look in his eyes the most vulnerable she’s seen of him. “I care about you more than you know.”

She swallows roughly, nodding while placing a brief kiss on his forehead.

The small smile on his lips makes a thousand promises, ones she’ll wait forever for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise their first kiss is coming.... just not right now.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A chapter from Blake's POV to help clear things up. Enjoy xx

_He watches as she rubs the undersides of her wrists together, spreading the perfume that he loves so much onto a wider expense of skin. Teeth dig into his lip as he stares, taking in the short hem of her black dress, her long, toned legs and the way she could bring any man to his knees in those heels. He attempts to hide a growl with a cough and rubs his eyes before they focus on her long hair falling in waves over her shoulder._

_“Where are you going again?” He damn near growls._

_She smiles at him as she flicks her hair out of her eyes with one long finger. “Mace’s bar, on Mulholland drive.” She catches him staring and hides her smirk well. “It’s a girl’s night out, otherwise I would’ve asked you to come with me.”_

_He moves towards her, hands sliding down her waist._

_“I know. I just got used to having you around.”_

_She eyes him as she bites her lip, running a hand down his face. “You look cute when you’re frustrated.”_

_“Who says I’m frustrated?” He asks. He’s more than frustrated; he wants to run his hands down that dress of hers until it pools at her ankles, slide his fingers up the lace of her bra and cup her breasts, kiss her until she falls into him and can’t even think of letting go._

_“I can tell that you are.” She responds coyly. “I can always see when you’re desperate. It’s one of the things I love about you.”_

_He raises and lowers his brows, sinking his teeth into the soft flesh of her neck, causing her to hiss. He smooths it over with the soft rasp of his tongue and nips at her skin again._

_“Why don’t you stay here?” He asks, feeling her body stiffen against him. “I’ll show you just how desperate I really am for you.”_

_She hums and attempts to push him away playfully. “Down boy. I can’t cancel on my friends; it’s been too long since I’ve seen them.”_

_“But do you really want to go?” He reiterates, sliding one of his hands lower and under her dress, skimming the expanse of her thigh until it hits the crotch of her panties. “See, the fact that you’re this wet right now shows me that you’d much rather stay here.”_

_She groans. “Blake, please baby.”_

_“Please, what?”_

_“Don’t do this to me.” She whimpers, grabbing his shoulders and placing a deep kiss on his lips. “I wish I could stay here, but I promised.”_

_“Break your promise.” He challenges, though he’s honestly begging. He slides his finger past her underwear, catching her gasp in his mouth. “You feel so damn good.”_

_She moans against his chin, his cheek and then starts pulling away more reverently._

_“No, no…” She giggles as he follows her movements, unwilling to let go. “I gotta head out, Blake. Just hold that thought, okay?” She bites her lip and bats her lashes in that way that makes his throat tighten and cock throb. “I’ll be home tonight and you bet I want you to finish what you just started. It’s all I’ll be thinking about while I’m out.”_

_“God damn you’re killing me.” He groans, the two of them sharing a laugh._

_“You started it.” She points her finger at him, waggling._

_“Look at how you look right now.” He shoots back._

_She walks back over to him, offering one last kiss that makes his mind spin and his body stiffen. “All yours.”_

“Blake!”

“Blake.”

“BLAKE.”

“What, what?” He groans, shooting up into an upright position, rubbing the sleep from his eyes as he takes in his surroundings. He’s on the couch, Adam’s confused gaze staring down at him. It appears to him that he stayed on the couch last night after Gwen had gone to bed and fell asleep.

“You spent all night out here?” Adam asks confused, rubbing at the back of his neck before continuing to talk, not waiting for an answer. “Gwen and King are taking a morning walk; they were being really quiet trying not to wake you.”

Blake groans for numerous reasons, his jeans feeling painfully tight. It takes him less than a few seconds to realize why and as he attempts to cross his legs to cover up slightly, Adam’s brow is already being raised to the roof.

“Uhm, man— “

“Don’t you dare.” Blake warns.

“Who were you dreaming about?” Adam asks, a hint of playfulness tinting his voice but not enough for it to be a complete joke. The jackass is serious. “You were smiling like an idiot just now, plus the _situation_ you’re having in your pants right now suggests that wasn’t for no reason.”

“I will literally pay you to drop this.” Blake says exasperatedly, rubbing a hand over his face.

“No chance.”

Blake rolls his eyes.

“Fine, will you at least let me get freshened up first?”

Adam seems to ponder over the proposition but Blake doesn’t give him the opportunity to make the choice for him. He stands up and pushes his friend out of the way, earning him a chuckle.

“I’ll be waiting in the kitchen.” Adam yells after him. “Don’t take too long.”

Blake flips him the bird while walking up the stairs, but figures the piece of shit isn’t even there to see it. He’s probably already sitting at the kitchen counter, dying for the explanation Blake is reluctant to give but knows he’s unable to get out of.

**

The clouds don’t look particularly friendly today and he’s pretty sure the threat of rain lingers in them. With Gwen and Kingston still out, he’s not convinced they’ll have a lot of time to talk in private.

That’s the only reason that when Adam started to ask about his truck and the maintenance on it, that he cut straight to it. He’s not excited about steering the subject of the conversation in the direction of his dream, but he knows it’s coming and he’s uninterested in dragging it out.

“Just hit me with it, Adam. I know you want to.”

It’s almost comical, the way his friend’s eyes light up like a Christmas tree. The excitement over Blake’s discomfort is a real source of amusement, apparently.

“Dude, you really leave me no other choice, you can’t lay on the couch looking that peaceful and horny while asleep and expect me not to ask about it.”

Blake groans.

“Why are you blowing things out of proportion right now?”

“Seems like someone was either blowing _you_ —or close to it—with the way you woke up to a full mast.”

The smirk on Adam’s face is maddening, causing his mood to go sour quickly.

“Just ask me what you wanna ask without making this the most awkward conversation known to all mankind.”

“Who were you dreaming about?” Adam asks pointedly, shaking his head suddenly. “No, scratch that. Was it Gwen?”

Blake rubs his temple, walking over to the fridge and grabbing a water bottle.

“You’re way too happy about this.” Blake answers, knowing he’s deflecting, which is ironic given the fact that he pondered Adam about being direct.

“It’s okay to like someone else, you know…” Adam speaks softly, his voice suddenly dropping the playfulness and continuing with a bit more caution.

“Adam.”

“No, hear me out.” He follows up. “You’ve been hiding yourself away, either here or in LA, and you haven’t met with anyone, haven’t opened yourself up to the possibility of being with somebody else.”

“It’s been eight damn months; don’t act like I’ve been doing this for a lifetime.”

“I’m not attacking you, man.” His friend states. “But I’m saying that you deserve to be happy. You really think she would’ve wanted you to just quit?”

“Quit?” Blake nearly spits out. “I’ve been continuing to work at the bar, I’m still seeing you, aren’t I? I’m doing my best to not quit every damn day.”

Adam winces.

“I’m sorry, maybe that wasn’t the best way to word it.” He relents, voice dropping an octave. “It’s clear you feel some sort of connection to Gwen and you’ve been struggling with that ever since she came here. What’s the worst that could happen if you’d just admit to those feelings and…. see where it leads you?”

“I haven’t even confirmed the dream was about her.”

“You didn’t have to. I’m not just talking about the wet dream you just had.” Adam pushes purposefully, causing Blake to roll his eyes. “I’m talking about the way you look at her, the way you can’t stop smiling around her kid, and the way you shower in cold water every day without telling her so she won’t feel bad about using up all the heat.”

“We have a crappy heater out here. You said so yourself.”

“Still.” Adam challenges. “You’re going out of your way to make sure she’s comfortable even though you’ve been a bit of a jackass to her too.”

“I’m letting you _and_ Gwen have the warm water—you’re telling me I like you too?”

“No, but you’re only doing that cause you know that I would never keep this form her. The moment I run out of hot water, I’m telling her for sure. Why are you distracting from the real subject of the conversation here; you like her.”

“So what if I did?” Blake shoots back defeated. “It wouldn’t even matter. I’m damaged. I’m literally beyond repair and you’re actively encouraging me to go after your _friend_?”

Adam squints his eyes.

“I’m encouraging you to be happy and I know Gwen’s awesome, she’s an amazing woman, an amazing mother.”

“Even more reason as to why you should want her to stay far away from me.”

“Blake, you lost your wife and that shook your whole world upside down. No one is expecting you to recover from that without any setbacks or issues…”

“That’s the thing Adam, I’m not _going_ to recover from that.” He knows that as much as they banter, he and Adam would never truly fight, but he feels like he might today. “I can pretend to be fine with my situation for a while and I can even let myself dream about what it would be like to be with another woman like that again, but I can’t ever make that a reality. I wouldn’t even know how to. I could only sell her false dreams.”

Adam watches as he takes a long sip from his water, scrunching his face as the cold hits his teeth.

“You’re setting yourself up for failure and I don’t know why. You’re literally dreaming about what it would be like to be with that girl and she seems equally as interested in you for some reason. Ever think that maybe you were meant to cross paths with her?”

“Don’t give me one of those _fate_ talks, please.”

“You can be an ass, but at least don’t be a coward.”

Blake shoots him an angry glance, gripping the wooden table edge hard.

“I’m trying to protect her.” He grits out between his teeth.

“You’re trying to justify barricading your heart cause you’re too afraid to let anyone else in, afraid of losing them. What happened to your wife Blake, I can’t even imagine, but I _do_ know that you can’t spend the rest of your life feeling like you don’t deserve to move on or be happy again.”

Blake stands up, done with the conversation and perhaps even more done with his friend right now.

“Eight months.” He reminds him. “I’m not letting go of my wife after _eight_ months.”

**

Gwen and Kingston came back five minutes after Blake had cut the conversation with Adam short. The rain had started to downpour mere seconds after they walked inside, having timed their arrival back at the house to perfection.

He’s sitting back on the couch, watching as Gwen, Adam and King play the second round of tag inside the house and his mind is as jumbled as it is somehow satisfied with watching them. He listens to Gwen’s useless pleas to take it easy when Adam chases the kid around on the floor and keeps capturing him in his arms, tickling his ribs as the young child tries to squirm free. Blake had played the first two rounds with King, but had to take a phone call in the middle of it. When he came back, Adam had taken over his part.

Blake didn’t mind to sit back and just observe for a while. Every now and then, a pang of envy would hit him as the joyful shrieks from King reaches his ears. He never got the opportunity to make good on the promise of becoming a dad to his wife’s children and he never would. Having Kingston around is both a joy and nuisance to him, the gaping hole that’s left in his heart emphasized in a way that he couldn’t possibly put into words.

Gwen is an amazing mom. Just like Adam had stated earlier.

Her eyes light up when she sees her son smile and her voice carries such love and care with it as she addresses him. It’s the purest form of love the world has to offer and Gwen possesses it. He wants to bottle up that sound and feeling and use it on all his own bad days, but he’s also torn between the other option; walking away each time he hears or sees it, not being able to carry the weight of his own heart when he does.

“Blake, are you okay?” Her soft voice cuts through his thoughts and when he’s focusing on the here and now, he realizes his heart is beating much faster than it should.

He forces out a few nods.

“I’m good.”

As soon as the words escape him, he feels a tightness in his throat, causing him to pull at the collar of his shirt. He’s too hot suddenly, the air around him thickening and feeling harder to inhale.

“Are you sure? You look a little— “

“I’m fine.” He croaks out, interrupting her, giving her a soft smile when he realizes his words came out harsher than intended. “I’m heading upstairs for a sec.” He catches her caring glance and shoots her one final smile. “Don’t worry about me.”

He says the words while the compression in his chest only intensifies and the suffocated feeling in his throat gets worse. It’s a wonder he even makes it up the stairs, but he does, laying down flatly on the mattress.

Downstairs, he can hear Kingston giggling again and Blake’s relieved to realize the kid didn’t pick up on his struggles on the couch.

He wishes he could temporarily dislocate his spirit from his body, wanting to be taken out of the occasion for a while. He tries to let him mind go wherever it needs to let his soul become zen. Those usually are images of his late wife on her last vacation; her kimono snugged tightly around her as she wasn’t a fan of bikini’s and bathing suits. This time, he’s unable to stop his mind from wandering to his female visitor downstairs.

Would Gwen have the same problem or would she lay down on any beach in her bikini, skin glistering in the sun.

He grunts and sighs, rolling over on his side and pressing his eyes closed tightly.

“Blake?”

He almost thinks he’s imagining things again but her voice is real.

“Can I come in?” Gwen asks.

He grunts in response and she takes that as a yes. It’s quiet in the room for a while, causing him to turn onto his back, finding Gwen standing in front of his bedpost, gaze worried.

He chuckles.

“You can sit. I don’t bite.”

She bites her lip and nods, smoothing over the covers with her hands before she sits down on the bed. The mattress dips slightly as she pops one of her knees on the bed, leaning on her arm. She’s turned so she looks directly at him and he looks up at the ceiling in response.

“I’ve had some panic attacks….” She starts slowly. “Some of them pretty intense, others I managed to push down. At the end of the day I learned that it’s best to just let it out.”

He closes his eyes, feeling ridiculous for thinking she could possibly _not_ have noticed. He inhales deeply, his body tensing when her hand slides over to rest over his. Her fingers rub over his fingers and he feels every fibre of his being respond to the gentle touch.

“I’m here.” She whispers, not saying anything else.

“Kingston— “

“He’s with Adam; I told him he could stay up a few more minutes so he’s pretty happy with me gone.”

He realizes she’s attempting to lighten the mood and he finds it within himself to crack a small smile. The façade falls quickly when her hand gives him another supportive squeeze. Never in his life has he been so torn between what he wants and what he thinks is right.

His heart feels like it’s weighed down by a hundred pounds and he can hardly get his thoughts straight, let alone get any words out of his mouth. Thankfully, Gwen doesn’t seem to expect anything from him other than his presence.

“It’s funny because I can literally _hear_ her telling me she wants me to get a grip.” He chuckles, biting his lip so hard he draws blood.

The thumb of her free hand wipes along the bottom of his lip.

“You don’t think she would be a little bit more sympathetic to your grief?”

“She’d tell me to celebrate her life instead of mourning her loss.”

“That’s easy to say when you’re not the one left behind.” Gwen answers.

He feels his throat go dry right away, not used to talking to someone who so bluntly managed to show her compassion, wrapped in honesty.

“Sometimes I don’t know how to honour her existence without halting mine. Does that make sense?”

Gwen nods. “Blake, I don’t know you for that long but from what I can tell she has every reason to be proud of you. Look at what you’ve accomplished while she was still here? Look at what you gave her while she was still with you? That’s something many people don’t ever get in their life, and you and her both did. If there’s one thing she would tell you right now, it’s to not be so hard on yourself. She would want you to be happy.”

“You sound like her a little bit when you say stuff like that.” He says with a soft smile on his face.

“Then you know I’m not lying.”

His gaze moves from the ceiling to her face, those gorgeous brown eyes staring at him. He loves her eyes; feels like he could get lost in them for hours. And her lips, he’s had plenty of dreams thinking about those.

He squeezes her hand.

“You don’t seem like a liar.”

“I’m not.”

He smiles, ready to say something else when his phone rings in his pocket. He digs into his jeans and studies the caller ID before hitting decline.

Gwen frowns. “You’re not getting that?”

“Not right now.”

“Is it the same person that’s been calling you a bunch at night?”

He could feel the warmth of her body, the warmth of her hand still enwrapping his. He looks down at the phone in his hands and contemplates how to answer her.

Pure honesty is what he decides on.

“Yeah.” He says softly. “I knew you noticed that night. You just didn’t ask cause you were high out of your mind.”

She chuckles. “I didn’t even know if you were actually on the phone or if I just made that up.”

“You didn’t.” He quips, unintentionally gripping her hand tighter. “After Miranda died, I hired a private investigator to find the driver that hit us. The police investigated the case for a few weeks, canvassed traffic cams around the area, but we were in Oklahoma during a freaking storm, none of the images were clear enough to make out a car model, let alone a license.”

Gwen looks stunned, eyes wide.

“How do you plan on finding the driver with this private investigator?”

“Maybe we never do. It’s about not letting this go, Gwen. I can’t just sit back and accept the shit job the cops did and not fight for her myself.”

He’s surprised when she lays herself down next to him, never once letting go of his hand. She keeps her distance, not trying to get closer to him or touch him, just simply lays there.

“That must be expensive.”

He scoffs. “This isn’t about the money.”

“No, this is about your own guilt.”

“Justified guilt.” He retorts.

“How much longer do you need to work with this investigator before your guilt tells you it’s okay to let it go?” She asks softly, rubbing her finger over his thumb. “Because from where I’m standing, this just looks like unusual punishment. You’re tormenting yourself.”

“At least I’m still here to feel torment.” He shoots back.

She turns on her side, facing him.

“Look at me.” She demands quietly.

He knows what’s coming when he does, but he loses the battle of comfort within. He meets her gaze; lost in the million different things he sees there. Her hand reaches out for the side of his face, smoothing her thumb over his stubble. He swallows roughly, too affected by her touch to say or do anything else but stare at her.

“You don’t have to keep punishing yourself like this. No one will tell you how to grief, at least not me, but you can’t even start properly grieving until you give yourself the permission to do so.”

“I need to find whoever did this, Gwen.” He whispers.

“And what if you never will? Are you ever going to forgive yourself or will you just add another thing to the list of things you need to punish yourself for?”

“Does it even matter?”

“Do you really need me to answer that?” She cocks her brow at him and he can’t help but chuckle lowly.

“Guess not.”

She smiles. “You deserve to be happy and if you’re gonna freak out every time you feel a resemblance of happiness, that’s no way to live.”

“Anyone ever tell you how annoying it is when you’re right?”

She shrugs, her smile the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen.

“Wisdom comes with experience, right?” She bites her lip, watching every reaction going on behind his blue eyes. He’s never been around a woman who looks at him as intensely as Gwen does – like she wants to see everything, not just what he’s willing to present to her.

“Are you happy?” He asks, one of his hands tentatively moving towards her shoulder, touching the fabric of her shirt clinging there as if he’s not allowed. He’s not quite sure that he is.

“Getting there.” She whispers. “I’m figuring out it’s possible to feel broken over something and still experience joy. One doesn’t have to exclude the other.”

Blake swallows roughly. “Yeah.”

Gwen looks at him sympathetically.

“It won’t always be like this, Blake.”

He’s lost his faith many times in his life, didn’t necessarily think anything would bring it back. If someone had told him it would happen one random night in Broken Arrow, with a woman who was a stranger to him only a week ago, he would’ve told them they were crazy.

**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts?


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy birthday, Bea!

After last night’s conversation, she figured there’d be no harm... Blake confided in her. It started to appear like he was letting her in slowly but surely, and with his desperate plea for her to be patient with him, she couldn’t help but feel like there was hope. 

It was the first morning he had slept in too. She’s been here for nearly a week now and she’d never been up before Blake. It was strange coming downstairs with Kingston and find only Adam there. Her eyes had fallen onto the truck parked outside and before she could even speak up, Adam had nodded and bit his lip, telling her she could have the keys if she felt like exploring a little.

Truth be told, she was itching to take that car and drive into town, see what else there was to see. 

She loved being here, spending her time in the modern yet old-school looking house in the woods, but she missed some concrete beneath her feet and stores to roam around in. 

Adam’s offer had sounded too good to pass up on — and so she didn’t.

The GPS system wouldn’t work in the woods, but it would pick up at the nearest interstate. Adam’s directions would be enough to get her there. 

If she got lost somehow, it was still early in the morning and the weather forecast was looking promising. One call to Adam’s phone and he would drive the ATV to come and get them. Perhaps not the most ideal situation, but there was a plan in store— one she trusted. 

“Ready to go for a little drive, baby?” She coos sweetly while situating King into the booster seat she brought along with her. She snaps the seatbelt into place and kisses his cheek soundly. 

She takes in her son’s excited face and suddenly feels freshly energized to do this. He needs this time away from the house as much as she does.

She’d never driven a truck quite this large before but she finds out it drives rather smoothly. Unsurprising maybe, considering the monthly check ups and the requirements it needs to meet to drive safely throughout these sturdy woods and backroads.

She follows Adam’s earlier directions through a tee and it’s about fifteen minutes later when the sounds of light traffic reach her ears, signalling there’s a busier road nearby. Her finger presses for the GPS system to get started, which it does quickly. Five minutes later she tries for the radio, which jumps on the second she enters the main road, out of the woods.

“Mommy, where are we going?” 

She smiles and checks the rear-view mirror, watching Kingston look out of the window with wide eyes; taking everything in about his surroundings. 

She doesn’t blame him--back home, concrete roads and metropolitan ambiances are all the kid sees.

The middle of nowhere, deserted road they’re driving on right now has no resemblance of the life they know back in LA at all.

“I was thinking, maybe we can find the bakery and get you one of those cinnamon rolls you like so much.”

“The same ones Blake had?”

“Yes, baby. Those are the ones.”

The mention of Blake’s name reminds her that she took his truck without asking, Adam’s permission the only one that’s been granted. 

She figures they’ve been sharing this car all the time while out here though, so technically out in Broken Arrow, this car is _theirs_. It’s enough justification to get her to get through this field trip without too much guilt eating at her. 

It takes a rough twenty minutes to get at the center, the place even smaller than she imagined. The area looks like it was taken straight out of a 1950s-picture book, the less than refined state of these buildings adding to the worn out, vintage look. There were three stores there she could count and make out; a bakery, a dollar store and a car repair shop. 

All three in similar stages of decay.

She parks the car and hoists King out of his seat, grabbing his hand. 

“Are we gonna live here, mommy?”

The question takes her by surprise, her head bowing to look at her little boy. 

“No we’re not baby, why are you asking me that?”

“I like it here with Blake and Adam.”

She bites her lip, squeezing his little hand.

“I like it here too.”

The door makes a creaking noise when she steps into the bakery, the old lady behind the counter raising her brows at her two new visitors.

It dawns on Gwen that this lady probably knows everyone who lives around here by name and knows immediately that she and her son aren’t from here.

“Good morning.” Gwen says sweetly, catching the woman’s gaze. 

“Morning sweetheart.” The woman responds, the difference in accents accentuating the fact that she and her son are strangers here. “What can I get for you today?”

Kingston puts his sweaty hands on the glass display, ogling all the delicatessen the older lady puts up for sale. She tries to pull him back, shooting the lady an apologetic glance but she waves that away with a friendly smile.

“You look closely and pick something you like.” She tells Kingston, putting Gwen at ease immediately.

“I’m sorry, he’s been looking forward to this since we came here.” Gwen says, letting her eyes do a one-over across the store, the small and bleak looking building from the outside actually a small treasure when you walk in.

“You guys are new in town?” The woman asks.

Gwen nods, then shakes her head.

“Yeah, well no…. we don’t live here.” She emphasizes eventually. “We’re visiting some friends.”

“You’ve got some friends in high places.” The woman smirks. “You might not think of Broken Arrow as one of America’s biggest treasures, but that’s exactly what this place is. A treasure. You’ll find yourself here, no question. In a world where you’re almost needed to sell your soul to survive, this remains the purest place for anyone.”

Gwen smiles at the woman’s high praises and bites her lip.

“It’s funny, cause I can totally hear Blake say the same thing.” She muses out loud, unaware she even spoke his name.

“Blake?” The woman repeats. “You’re staying with Blake Shelton?”

Gwen’s brow raises, momentarily stunned the woman knows who she’s talking about, yet she quickly reminds herself of the fact that this woman probably knows everyone around here.

“Yeah, you know him?”

“Do I _know_ him?” The woman smiles brightly. “That man is a saint. He used to come out here every morning around five am to help me set up shop. My husband passed away four years ago and it’s been hard trying to keep this place running, especially at my age. Blake stepped up to help immediately, I didn’t even have to ask once. It’s sad to hear about the passing of his wife, they were a damn cute couple. Haven’t seen him out here much since that accident, but he still sends in his regards via that city boy who comes in here almost every month, what’s his name again…” The woman ponders over her own question and Gwen smiles softly.

“Adam.”

“Adam, that’s it.” The woman nods. “Nice fella. Anyway, Blake came in here last week which makes sense now. He said he had some visitors coming over and he wanted some of my famous cinnamon rolls.”

Still a bit taken aback by how well this woman seems to know her friends and how little she knows about the woman herself, she nods again.

“I would like some more of those actually.” Gwen says softly, pulling Kingston back when he starts drawing patterns on the glass with his finger, leaving dirty prints. “Baby, stop playing with the glass. Here, come stand next to me.”

“How many would you like, dear?”

“I’ll take four.”

“One for each?” The woman observes, grabbing a small and decorated carton box to put the sugared dough in. “My name’s Arin, by the way. Send my regards back to Blake and Adam, will you?”

“Of course.” Gwen smiles.

“And don’t be shy to come back here anytime, any friend of Blake’s is a friend of mine.”

Gwen nods and thanks Arin greatly, the woman’s kindness covering her like a warm blanket.

This is exactly what she needed; to see another side of Broken Arrow, to meet someone else who could tell her a bit more about the place she’s slowly starting to fall in love with. The serenity and peace something she misses greatly at home.

She hands Kingston the carton box after he begs her a few times and she instructs him to hold it cautiously. His eyes are trained on the box as she steers him towards her car, taking the treats out of his hands and setting it on the backseat. She makes sure his seatbelt is back on when she hands him back the box of cinnamon rolls.

“Be careful holding it okay?”

“I got it, mommy. Promise.”

**

The drive back was filled with chatter from Kingston, which quickly turned into a game of I spy. Gwen can’t help but smile at the excitement coming from her young boy; being out here in Broken Arrow seems to be good for him too. He’s more energized, more childlike, less worried. It’s like he can tell she’s stressed out back home and takes on that layer of sadness from her. Being out here gives him the opportunity to just be a kid, something she’s determined to give him when they go back home again.

She recognizes the dirt road that leads back to the house after half an hour, thanking God her sense for direction is pretty good, especially with the GPS being no use out here.

The drive goes from smooth to wobbly and as soon as she feels the tire drive over a huge dent in the ground, she knows she’s in trouble. She remembers Blake saying that he drives a truck here because the mud can get real deep and he needs the traction of these tires for that.

She hits the gas again, trying to spur the vehicle forward again, but no luck.

She’s stuck.

She bites her lip and thinks hard, not wanting to freak any of them out if she can do anything about it.

“What’s wrong with the car, mommy?” Kingston asks confused after sitting still for a few minutes, recognizing zero movement in the vehicle.

“Nothing baby, mommy just made a mistake. Can you hold on to the box for me, _really_ tightly?” She accentuates, looking in her rear-view mirror to catch his gaze.

Kingston looks almost excited at the task he’s been given and nods.

She hits the gas again, forcing the tire to spin wildly as she hears droplets of dirt hitting the side of the car. She relaxes her leg and then presses firmly again, repeating the motion three or four times until the car propels from its place it got stuck in and moves forward.

She sighs in relief, looking back at King. Though Gwen can feel the nerves finally starting to leave her body, Kingston still seems mostly excited about the little adventure he was just part of. Gwen giggles and shakes her head, glad her child isn’t spooked easily.

By the time she’s driving Blake’s truck up the familiar driveway, it’s the sight of Daphne’s old fort that catches her attention first. An immediate wave of discomfort wells up in the pit of her stomach, which only intensifies when she hears the woman’s laughter coming from the porch.

The car comes to a stop and she reprimands King when he starts to take off with the box in his tiny hands.

“Be careful bubba, here give me the— “

“Blakey, look what we got!”

She shakes her head, unable to stifle a small and breathy laugh. Blake plays along and looks overly excited as Kingston shows him the cinnamon rolls they bought, taking it from his hands carefully.

“How about we bring this inside and get you a plate?”

Daphne stares at her as she approaches the porch, Kingston and Blake disappearing inside. Adam is sitting on the lounger next to Daphne, sporting a big smile.

Gwen doesn’t know if it’s the predicament she’s in; being around this woman without Blake, or if it’s the sudden increase of confidence after getting Arin’s vote, but she’s feeling more talkative than she did the first time.

“I didn’t know we were getting visitors today.” She says to no one in particular, catching Daphne’s gaze on her.

“I had an off day, figured I’d drop by and say hi to my friends.” Daphne replies stoically, the tension between the two women unspoken, yet obvious.

“And you’re always welcome here, you know that.” Adam continues, his kind and welcoming words cutting through the tension.

“Blake told me you’re from LA.” Daphne looks at Gwen directly now, her gaze narrowing in on her. “How do you like it out here?”

“Quiet.” Gwen replies, searching her brain for the right words that won’t make her appear too desperate or too revealing. “I like it here, it’s beautiful. I just took a long drive into town, met with Arin who works at— “

“The bakery.” Daphne cuts her off, scoffing. “Yeah, everybody knows her.”

Gwen frowns, the callous tone of Daphne’s voice undeniable.

“Yeah. She seemed like an awesome woman.”

“She talks to much if you ask me.” The woman continues, babbling on. “Too much in everyone’s business. I know that’s what a small town is known for, but she could at least _try_ to be less of a stereotype.”

Gwen’s unpleasant feelings towards Daphne grow with the minute, feeling the urge to defend Arin with a burning passion. The woman in the bakery spoke so highly of Blake and welcomed Gwen in with open arms, she could hardly understand what anyone could have against her.

“I heard Blake helped her take care of the store for a while.” Gwen says instead, now looking past Daphne to look at Adam, who nods fiercely.

“He loves that woman. Absolutely adored helping her too, even though he had to get up at the crack of dawn to do so.”

“I’m glad he’s no longer there.” Daphne says. “I always told him—she’s just using him to get up on her feet. The minute she stops needing his help, the minute she’ll kick him out.”

“She talks incredibly fondly of Blake.” Gwen challenges, feeling herself get worked up.

“Who talks incredibly fondly of me?” Blake’s voice cuts through the air, appearing in the doorway while he looks at her. “King’s inside eating one of his cinnamon rolls, I hope that’s okay.”

Gwen smiles softly. “Yeah, that’s fine. Thank you, Blake.”

“Now, who was talking fondly about me?”

“Arin.”

“I love her, I should probably drive out there tomorrow to come in myself. See how she’s doing, ask if she needs anything. It’s been a while since I’ve helped out.”

“It’s not your job to keep the place running.” Daphne replies pointedly.

Blake shrugs. “There’s nothing wrong with helping someone out when you can. Isn’t that what you’re doing for me too every time you drive out here for my car check-up?”

“That’s because we’re friends.”

“So, she’s my friend too.”

Gwen catches the minor crack in Daphne’s demeanour, something finally starting to fall into place. The missing puzzle piece finally becomes clearer to Gwen and her eyes widen when it hits; Daphne’s jealous of Blake’s relationship with Arin.

Daphne appears jealous of everyone’s relationship with Blake, that doesn’t include herself. It’s why she wasn’t very welcoming when she saw Gwen for the first time and continuous to be on guard. It leaves a bitter taste in Gwen’s mouth as she realizes that this woman can’t handle anyone getting close to Blake, not even the older lady from the bakery in town.

“Talking about truck check-ups….” Gwen starts briefly, slightly petty when she can’t suppress the joy in her voice as she reminds Daphne of her _actual_ place in Blake’s life. “I might’ve gotten stuck on the way here and pushed the tires to its limits. If you could check that out for Blake, that’d be _really_ great.”

Blake looks at her with wide eyes, and she knows she’s probably in for it later. Not only did she grab his truck without his consent, she also hit a minor bump in the road while doing so. He stays quiet though, biting back any response.

Daphne looks at Blake and mumbles under her breath.

“This is what happens when you let a _city_ girl drive a real car.”

Gwen scoffs but keeps from making a comment.

“I’ll go check it out.” Daphne concedes, placing a quick hand on Blake’s shoulder and squeezes.

With Daphne on the way to the truck, Blake looks at her exasperatedly.

“You wrecked the car?”

Gwen scoffs again.

“I didn’t _wreck_ it, but checking out the tires might not be such a bad idea.”

“Did you ever consider that maybe you should ask before you take my truck?”

“I did ask.” She says deflated, then whispers her next confession. “Adam. I asked Adam.”

“I know you asked him, but it’s not his car.”

“Blake, I’m sorry okay, I just—” She shakes her head, changing her mind as she goes. “You know what, no!”

Blake mimics her movements and sighs. “What do you mean ‘no’?”

“No, I’m not doing this right now.” She answers, walking away towards the back of the house, away from Blake, away from the sight of Daphne inspecting the truck, away from it all. She just wants to be surrounded by nature and birds, and not hear a single thing.

She knows she should’ve asked Blake, but the truth is, she couldn’t handle the possible drama that would erupt if she did. She wonders if he would’ve told her about the mud road and the way she could quite possibly get stuck. She wonders if he would’ve ever let her driven the damn car at all. She’s sympathetic to his trauma, can’t even imagine the magnitude of his loss, but she’s teetering the edge of sanity herself.

And then there’s Daphne. The woman who seems to think she has the right to _claim_ Blake in some way, side-eying everyone who gets close to the tall Oklahoman. Gwen knows she wouldn’t be as bothered by it if she felt nothing for the man herself, but there was just something so unkind about Daphne, she couldn’t understand why Blake and Adam were so fond of her.

Before she can stand still and appreciate the silent nature stretching in front of her, she hears steady footsteps behind her, signalling Blake followed her.

“Don’t.” She warns him before she even sees him, feeling his presence behind her. “I don’t wanna hear it.”

“Gwen— “

She turns around and takes another step backwards, creating more space between them.

She holds her hand up. “I know I should’ve asked you, okay? I’m sorry. And I’m sorry I got the damn car stuck in the mud, it was a dirt road and it all looked the same. I don’t need another rant from you right now, so please can you just— “

His three strides towards her are quickly made, his fingers sinking into the back of her hair, pushing her to him roughly and cutting her off by slamming his lips against hers.

She gasps in surprise, her mouth falling open and Blake wastes no time in sliding his tongue past her lips, coaxing the moan straight from her throat.

In the time she’s been here, she’s imagined this moment a few times but she never expected this level of passion from him. Not after he confided in her all he’s dealing with.

He kisses her like a man who’s known loss but appreciates life, like a man who knows passion but no fear, like a man who could _love_ her.

His hands cup her cheeks, one of his fingers brushing past her jawline as he continues to hold her gently and kiss her roughly. She leans into him involuntarily, incapable of thinking straight as this man kisses her like she’s never been kissed before. Never had she felt such a dramatic shift in her body while being touched.

Her hand grabs onto his bicep, trying to keep standing as she meets his kisses. His soft lips brush past hers, his teeth nipping at her bottom lip.

“ _Blake_.” She whispers, their foreheads still touching and his hands continuing to cup her face.

“I didn’t come here to give you a hard time.” He responds, breathily.

“You came here to…kiss me?”

Blake chuckles, biting his lip. She’s so close to him, she just wants to lean forward and bite it _for_ him; she’s already addicted to the feel of his lips on hers.

As if he can read her mind, he leans forward and kisses her briefly again. His eyes sparkle when he pulls back, his lips red and shiny.

“I don’t know exactly _what_ I came here to do.” He admits with a soft laugh. “I just knew I had to talk to you. But then you were standing there rambling on about that damn car, and I realized that was the _last_ thing I wanted to talk about.”

“So you’re not mad?”

His finger strokes her chin, up to her lips, parting them.

“I think it’s probably for the best that you didn’t ask.”

Gwen nods softly.

“What does this mean?” She asks, referring to what just happened.

He bites his lip again and it brings every impure thought back to the surface. All she wants to do is take him upstairs and sin with him for a couple of hours.

“I know I told you to be patient with me.” He says softly, almost timidly. “I meant that, but I also know that I was holding myself back from things I desperately wanted out of fear. I’m terrified of this, Gwen. But for some reason, when I’m around you, that fear gets overwhelmed by _need_ and I just….”

“I get it.” She whispers, and she really does.

“I’m not ready for something super serious right now.” He says, holding her gaze, his fingers continuing to touch her skin. “But I like you. Can we just take things slow?”

Gwen nods almost too frantically, a flush colouring her cheeks.

“I don’t want to do anything you’re uncomfortable with. I’m still in the process of my divorce and my life is in shambles, too. Going slow is fine with me.”

He lets out an exhale she can only interpret as relief.

“I’m glad we’re on the same page about that.”

She nods. “What about Daphne?”

Blake snorts. “What about her?”

“She likes you, you know that right?”

“Gwen?” He asks in amusement, his blue eyes flickering.

“What?” She quips, her heart rate fastening as his palm rests against her cheek again.

“Just shut up and kiss me.”

**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Told you it would happen soon ;-)


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I just need to thank you guys for all the love and comments on this story. It means the absolute world to me. Thanks for making these last few weeks that much easier-- I don't deserve it, but I'm super grateful <3

Gwen was staring at the device in her hand with shaky breaths, looking over at Kingston who was sitting on the couch oblivious.

She’d been spending the last hour watching cartoons with him on the iPad and was about to take him for another walk through the woods as her phone demanded her attention. Her throat dried up at the sight of who was calling and she knows this could either be the worst news of her life or one of the best.

“Everything alright?” Blake asks while walking past her, grabbing a mug from the kitchen.

“Uhm, yeah….” She says hoarsely, biting her lip and then looking back at him. “This is my lawyer. Blake, I really hate to ask this but— “

“I’ll watch him for a second. Go take your call, Gwen.”

She exhales gratefully, exiting the room and heading for the patio outside. The lounger looks incredibly enticing but she’s too restless to sit down, her fingers click on the accept button shakily.

“Hello?”

She leans against the wooden pillar and braces herself for what’s to come.

“Gwen, this is Robert. Am I calling you at a right time?”

She wants to ask if there’s ever a right time to get your world turned upside down, but refrains. Instead, she nods and exhales deeply again. “Yeah, you did. Everything alright? Is there any news?”

“As a matter of fact, there is.” Her lawyer responds, and the slight cheer in his voice makes her dangerously hopeful. “After filing for full custody, we’ve been waiting for his camp to come up with arguments to dispute, but it seems like they’re throwing in the towel before even starting.”

Gwen’s heart is beating so fast she can barely see straight.

“Rob, I need you to tell me what this means.”

“He signed over his rights this morning.” The usual stoic man talks with enough excitement to bring tears to her eyes, ones she can only contain for a second before they’re spilling down her cheeks. “I’m guessing he never truly wanted custody to begin with, so this claim of ours didn’t hit him bad enough to fight back. I’m just glad he didn’t take this opportunity to fight _you_.”

Gwen grabs onto the wood next to her head tightly, trying to keep the world from spinning.

“Wait, so is this effective immediately? I don’t understand, he told me specifically that he wanted custody when we filed for divorce? That’s why I agreed to the first terms of joined custody together.”

“He signed off on the paper work this morning. It’s over Gwen, you won.”

A sob escapes her mouth, nothing making sense yet everything falling into place at the same time.

“Oh my god, I don’t even know what to say. Thank you so much for helping me and for seeing me through this. I don’t even…. _whoa_.”

“No need to thank me, this is what I’m here for.” Robert assures her. “I know you and the little guy are off on vacation right now, so enjoy the rest of your stay, okay? No more worrying about Gavin Rossdale. He’s officially no longer a lawful guardian to King. You’re where he belongs, Gwen. I wouldn’t have fought so hard for that if I didn’t believe that wholeheartedly.”

Gwen wipes a tear from her cheek, though the new ones keep on coming. She smiles regardless, looking down at the ground.

“Thank you. I think I just need a few moments for all of this to sink in to be honest.”

“I won’t keep you up any longer. I’m glad I finally get to bring you this good news. Take care, Gwen.”

“You too.”

The line disconnects after that, her shaky breathes the only thing she hears.

She really won her court-case.

She expected it to become a drawn-out battle, one she’d probably lose if Gavin decided to fight her tooth and nail. She knew it would be hell to convince a judge of his bad parenting, even with the proof of his many cancellations on King’s visits. She never expected him to throw in the towel this way, and a part of her felt bad for knowing he cared so little he didn’t even think her little boy was worth the fight. Kingston is her whole heart, her whole life, and she could never imagine giving him up.

She tries to compose herself, but the tears keep coming as she finally allows herself to fall back into the lounger. The sky above her is clear blue, yet the temperature sends a shiver down her spine. Or perhaps it’s the surreal news settling into her body.

The door creaks open slowly, Blake’s hesitant frame coming into view. When he takes in her tear-soaked face, he immediately assumes the worst and Gwen shakes her head quickly to show him it’s not what he thinks.

“You remember when I told you about Kingston’s father? How I’m trying to win full custody?” She whispers softly as Blake makes his way in front of her.

“Yes.” He says softly, almost as if he’s afraid to hear the rest of it.

She looks up at him, her eyes still producing tears but she doesn’t even care anymore.

“I won! He signed over his rights this morning, I officially have full custody of King.”

Blake mouth opens without saying anything, his eyes widening.

“What? Are you serious?”

Gwen nods furiously, standing up to meet his gaze easier.

“It’s over. I can actually start working on a completely fresh start when I go back home, no more worrying about how his father will affect him when we get back.”

“Oh my god Gwen, congratulations.”

She jumps in his arms, quite literally, his low chuckle hitting her shoulder. His arms wrap around her back, keeping her close as she feels the tension from earlier fall away.

“I never thought this would happen.” She whispers against his shirt, sniffing.

“I don’t know all of your story yet, but from what I can tell you’ve been handed the short end of the stick for way too long. This shift in events…this is what you deserve.”

She looks up at him, biting her lip before letting go.

“You’re sweet for saying that, Blake. Sorry for jumping you.” She chuckles.

“I’ve had worse things happen.”

She smiles. “Is Kingston inside?”

“Still sitting on the couch with that damn iPad. I just wanted to check if you were alright.”

“I’m good.” She says, wiping underneath her eyes. “More than good right now. Let’s go back inside, I want to spend some time with my son.”

Blake’s eyes soften as he steps out in front of her, holding the door open.

She’s right next to Kingston in an instant, her arm coming around him while he keeps his eyes focused on the screen on his lap. Gwen takes a few minutes simply admiring him, swallowing down the lump in her throat. He truly is the best thing she’s ever done in her life.

Blake joins them after ten minutes, her little boy finally giving up on his cartoons and noticing the two adults who have joined him.

“Can we go swimming, mommy?”

Gwen’s hit by surprise at the request and giggles a bit awkwardly.

“Baby, I don’t know if there’s any place where we can swim….” She looks over at Blake, who smiles proudly.

“Actually there is, we can go there tomorrow. The weather might not be pretty enough today.”

Gwen agrees. “We can go tomorrow, that sounds like a great idea, Blake.”

“Anyone up for a trip into town, maybe get some goodies from the bakery?” Adam asks, interrupting the moment with a big smile.

“I wanna go!”

Gwen bites her lip. “Oh baby, mommy is a bit tired today….”

Tired, emotionally exhausted after her phone call, it’s all the same.

“I can take him.” Adam says simply. “We’ll make it a boy’s trip.”

“Adam, I can’t let you do that.” She says softly, shaking her head.

“It would be my pleasure, Gwen.” He counters. “You came here to relax a little, let me do that for you. I have plenty of energy and it seems like the little one here does too. Am I right, King?”

The little boy nods enthusiastically and Gwen chuckles loudly.

“Okay, but you gotta listen to _everything_ Adam tells you.” She looks at Kingston intensely, watching her son nod and smile wide. “And not too much sugar, please…”

She adds that one last instruction for Adam.

“We’ve got it.” He teases. “No fun.”

Gwen huffs.

“I can’t wait for you and Bee to start having kids.”

**

Blake reaches for the coffee dispenser and fills his cup, walking right behind her as she sits perched up on the counter. They’ve been talking ever since Adam and King left the house and there was something strangely intimate about the way they’d been going about it.

He holds the coffee cup by its ear, walking over to where she’s sitting. She should probably be surprised by the way his hand draws up to her cheek, letting his free hand rest there.

“Sometimes I wish I could go back to a time where everything was still the same.” He admits, a distant look passing over his handsome face. “But then again, some beautiful things come out of change as well. I wouldn’t have had this place if it weren’t for change—I wouldn’t have met you, none of this would’ve happened and I don’t think I’d be okay with that.”

He leaves her with words that are so much braver than she feels. She gnaws at her bottom lip while sitting with his small speech, realizing all the things she’s lost brought her here too.

“There’s so much hurt I feel like I’m sorting through all the time, and that feels horrible saying out loud, especially to you when— “

“You can’t compare pain, Gwen.” He interrupts her gently. “Pain is pain. We’re all human, we all feel it. I would never dismiss yours or pretend like I know what your hurt feels like.”

 _But you do,_ she wants to say, but doesn’t. His kindness in this moment something she doesn’t take for granted.

She hooks her heels around his thighs and pulls him closer, his eyes shimmering with the unexpected movement. She lets her hands slide up his chest, feeling the hard canvas of skin and muscle there. There’s a moment where fear of rejection creeps into her mind, filling her brain with images of her ex-husband leaving to lay in bed with other women or pulling away at her advances each time she got the balls to initiate it.

But Blake is _not_ her ex. He is not out to hurt her and that thought causes her body to stir deliciously.

“How long do we have before Adam and King come back?” She asks, biting her lip.

“Driving into the city takes about thirty, forty minutes. I think we’ll have at least that amount of time left.”

“Do you want….” Her voice trails off, face blushing.

His hands come to rest on either side of her jaw, cupping her reddening cheeks. “Do I want _what_?”

She swallows roughly, the words laying on the tip of her tongue. She’s not usually like this, wouldn’t usually ask a man to touch her, to kiss her—but something about Blake makes her feel juvenile and mostly _inexperienced_. She wants him to lead her, even if that means making him painfully aware of what she wants. She also doesn’t want to push too much, without knowing for sure it’s what he wants too.

His phone starts ringing off the hook and though he makes a move to ignore it, she’s suddenly hit with an anxiety ridden thought. What if Adam and Kingston got into trouble on the way? What if something’s wrong? What if Adam’s first instinct was to call Blake instead of her.

Without so much as a word spoken between them, he seems to understand, digging into the pocket of his jeans and holding the phone to his ear.

“Hello?”

Gwen feels her breathing become slightly steadier when she realizes it’s not Adam on the other end of the line, but disappointment settles quickly too.

There had been no reason for her to disrupt the moment between them. He was about to kiss her again, she just knows he was—and she was beyond ready to receive that joy.

Blake steps away from her, motioning towards the patio while silently letting her know he’ll be back later. She nods softly, knowing it’s unfair to get upset about it as he literally took the call because of her.

She watches him converse on the phone, standing on the large patch of grass in front of the house. Her gaze remains on the square window, giving her perfect view of Blake. He looks slightly stressed as he rubs at the back of his neck, and she just knows it’s the investigator calling his line.

Her body is still calming down from the intense adrenaline rush their earlier moment spiked in her, feeling the remnants of that still buzzing. When she feels confident enough about her stability, she jumps off the counter and heads for the front door, biting her lip as she stands on the patio, feeling the slight breeze cover her porcelain skin.

His gaze finds her immediately and where she thought she’d find discomfort, she finds genuine warmth in his eyes. He bites his lip while hearing out the person on the other end of the line, nodding and humming a few times.

“Like I said…” Blake answers, diverting his gaze away from hers briefly. “I’ll give you the details worked out later, but I think that should be the last stone we turn.”

Gwen tries not to assume what his conversation could possibly be about and she chuckles when she thinks of how Blake found her earlier this morning; crying while trying not to buckle with gratitude at the words of her lawyer. This sure seems like the morning of phone calls.

“Thank you, talk to you later.”

Gwen looks at him expectantly, cocking her head.

He smiles and then shakes his head.

“I don’t even know how to feel.”

“What happened?” She asks worriedly.

“Can you come here for a second?” He asks, putting his palms up for her. Though confused, she steps forward and grabs his hands, letting him pull her to him.

“Blake, you’re scaring me.”

“I told Danny I want him to follow one of his new leads, but if that one turns out to be a dead end, I think we should leave it at that.” He answers, a sigh escaping his lips. “The truth is, I know Miranda wouldn’t have wanted this for me. She would tell me to give it up and enjoy the rest of my life, without indulging myself in traumatizing details of _that_ night every day. Talking to you helped me see that.”

“Woah Blake, now _I_ don’t know what to say.” She whispers.

“Don’t go shy on me now.” He teases.

She shakes her head.

“How do you feel about this?”

Blake shrugs. “It’s weird, and possibly heartbreaking to think we might never get justice for what happened to her. At the same time….is it bad that I finally feel like I can exhale?”

Gwen smiles sweetly, her hand cupping his cheek.

“You’re a good man, Blake. She was lucky to have you.”

He leans into her hand. “Adam just texted me, Arin is teaching King how to make pastry dough. Slow customer day. They’ll be home a bit later.”

Gwen gasps. “Why didn’t he text _me_?”

“He just told me to let you know.” He says softly. “Sorry. I should’ve texted him back that he should let you know instead of me. I guess we're just creatures of habit.”

She exhales deeply, chuckling. “Should I be worried about how close these two seem to be getting?”

Blake laughs quietly.

“It’s probably because Adam finally found someone who acts his age.”

Gwen bites her lip, feeling the vibration of his chuckle. “So that means we have some time?”

“Time to do what?” He asks, before her lips cut him off.

Both of her hands fly to his head, kissing him deeply. Any sounds they make gets caught by their lips, both trying to close distance that doesn’t exist.

She moans against his mouth as he smooths his hands around her, under her jacket, scrunching the cotton of her shirt until he’s grazing bare skin. She answers him by nipping down on his bottom lip, as if it’s a duel for control and passion.

She bites her lip before sliding her hands up his shirt, his stomach tensing beneath her cool fingers. She takes a quick look around, knowing they’re completely secluded here on his property. The knowledge of having some more time before King and Adam come home causes her to unfasten his zipper and slide her hand past the elastic band of his boxers.

His breath stutters out in one violent groan, eyes widening.

“Gwen.”

He rasps her name so deliciously it brings her to her knees— _literally_.

“Is this okay?” She whispers, smirking when he looks absolutely perplexed, the darkening of his eyes showing her he’s more than a little aroused.

She also knows what baggage this man comes with and she wouldn’t be able to forgive herself if she pushed him too far, too quickly.

He nods his head once. “ _Yeah_.”

Her hands steady themselves on his thighs, his blue eyes gazing down at hers as she takes him into her mouth. He doesn’t blink, not once, resisting the urge to guide her head.

She takes him as far as she can, feeling his hand move lower to her neck as he grips her there for support. She smirks around him, pulling back and giving him a nice long lick for good measure.

“ _Holy shit_.” He groans, and the sound of his voice all raspy and fuckable, has her grateful she’s already on her knees as she’s sure she wouldn’t have been able to stand upright.

She takes him in her mouth again, the wet noises she makes combined with the grunting sounds coming from his lips, makes this one of the most erotic moments of her life.

Never has she literally sunken to her knees in the middle of the woods to please a handsome cowboy, but she figures there’s a first time for everything.

He can’t help it then, sliding both hands to the side of her face and holding her steady, thrusting his hips just ever so slightly. He’s still looking her in her eyes, watching as she sucks him. She can feel his legs tensing after a while and she beams with the fact that she now knows what he looks like when he’s about to come undone; his mouth slightly parted, features soft yet just slightly tense, and his eyes an even more intense shade of blue.

It’s all too perfect and she just wants him to come.

“Fuck, you’re so perfect.” He whispers and she smiles around his member.

He moans when he finally let’s go, watching her face intensely as he lets go of her head, obviously expecting her to pull away. There’s nothing she wants _less_. She wants to taste him; needs to know what it’s like to be with him in the most intimate of ways.

That realization brings a full body shudder from Blake, her name flying off his lips concealed as a loud groan. Their gaze never breaks throughout it all and he bites his lip violently when he watches her lick her lips afterwards, savouring his taste.

“Jesus Christ, get up here.” He demands roughly, though there’s nothing but kindness in his eyes. He pulls her up by her arms, pulling her flush against him. “That was….”

“ _Perfect_?” She giggles, working his pants back up and nearly dropping to her knees again when she watches him shudder from oversensitivity.

“Where did that come from?”

“Just a spur of the moment type thing, cowboy.”

“ _That’s_ what you do in a spur of the moment?” He asks, his hands sliding down to grip her ass.

“Well, not with _everyone_.”

“You better not.” He says, her head slightly cocking at his sudden possessiveness.

Coming from a man who’s obviously beyond attracted to her, but had difficulties even kissing her a few days ago, he seemed to be making big leaps _fast_.

“Think you can act normal when Adam and King come back?” She asks knowingly, biting her lip.

“Don’t provoke me.”

“What would happen if I did?”

He chuckles.

“You’re bad, woman. But I can be way worse.”

**


	11. Chapter 11

She lays down the yellow blanket, looking over her shoulder to see Kingston play with a blown-up beach ball. Gwen takes in the scenery around her before sitting down, her legs crossed underneath her.

Blake sits down next to her, their faces looking out over the lake.

“Should I be worried Adam didn’t want to come along?”

Blake shakes his head. “He’s not the biggest fan of water. He’s also probably looking for an opportunity to call his girlfriend without anyone else around.”

Gwen smiles, keeping her eye on King.

“I miss that.”

Blake waits a beat. “Miss what?”

“Being in love. Being infatuated with someone to the point where you can’t imagine _not_ talking to that person every second of the day.”

“It’s a damn good feeling.”

“You think it’s possible to never lose that feeling?” She asks.

“My wife and I….” Blake’s voice trails off, as if he’s considering if he wants to go there in his head. “We had the kind of relationship that just worked; we were happy and there wasn’t too much drama involved. I wondered if the spark was missing sometimes, because it felt too routine, you know? There was no drama, but perhaps there also wasn’t enough passion. It took me losing her to realize how much of that was there, but we somehow couldn’t express it. That’s my one big regret.”

Gwen swallows roughly, her eyes getting glossy.

“I’m sure she knew how much you loved her, how much passion there _really_ was.”

“I hope so.” He says softly, looking at her. “I don’t ever want to make that same mistake again.”

She bites the inside of her cheek.

“I don’t think you will.”

A few silent moments pass, neither one knowing what else to say.

Kingston comes running towards them, distracting them from the heavy conversation they embedded on. His little hands drop the beach ball and clap together excitedly.

“Can we go swimming now?”

Gwen chuckles, sighing deeply. “I guess we did promise that.”

Blake laughs. “I’m ready.”

“Come sit down here.” She pats the space between her legs and digs into the bag for his life vest.

It takes a while for her to get it on him, especially since he won’t sit still long enough due to his excitement. She rakes her fingers through his hair and places a soft kiss on the top of his head. She catches Blake staring at the sweet exchange before he clears his throat.

“Everyone ready to go?”

Kingston is up in an instant, nodding furiously.

When they reach the lakeside, she’s once again hit by the overwhelmingly pretty picture the scenery makes for. It’s almost dream-like; something she’s only seen in movies.

She dips her toes in the water, immediately yanking her foot back.

“Damn that’s cold.” She exclaims before looking apologetically down at her son for cursing.

Blake chuckles next to her. “It’s no Jacuzzi.”

“You don’t say.”

Kingston steps forward into the lake, his little legs quickly disappearing under the water. Gwen winces at the thought of following at his speed, but luckily Blake is right behind him.

“I feel rocks!” The small child exclaims in awe, stomping around with his feet.

“Those are called honeycomb stones, they’re really pretty.” Blake chimes in, coming to stand next to Kingston, the height difference making Gwen smile.

“Can I take one?”

“Sure, why don’t you reach down and grab one?”

Gwen comes to stand next to the other side of King, looking at Blake sweetly. Kingston struggles a bit with reaching down to the bottom, his knees touching the water.

“Did you get it?” Blake asks curiously.

“I have two!” Kingston says proudly, lifting his hand out of the water and showing the contents on his palm.

“Those are beautiful, King.” Gwen muses.

“See, they have a little bit of a yellow colour.” Blake points at the stones in his hand, smiling as the child looks in awe. “Just like honey.”

There’s something about Blake’s voice whenever he talks to Kingston that makes Gwen wishes he would keep going. It’s something she wants for her son as much as she does for herself. It’s that kindness and warmth that she can’t get anywhere else—hasn’t experienced before.

Kingston doesn’t let go of the small rocks the entire time, even as they start swimming a little bit. Her little boy has never been afraid of water, something he probably inherited from his father.

He giggles when Gwen grabs him underneath his armpits and gently wades him through the lake, his small hands splashing water all around them.

Blake’s standing nearby, just looking at the sweet moment happening.

“Blakey, come here.”

It’s the first time her son referred to Blake by a nickname and Blake almost looks as surprised as Gwen does. He recovers quickly and walks towards them, smiling at the little guy in her arms.

“Your turn.” He says, giddy, while holding his arms out towards the tall cowboy.

Gwen shakes her head and laughs softly.

“I’ve been replaced.”

Blake takes him from her arms and into his own.

“I can’t help that I’m this much fun.”

Gwen rolls her eyes. “ _Please_.”

Despite the teasing words, there are very few sights more enticing to her than the one she’s looking at right now.

Blake has Kingston propped up against his chest, King’s arm going around Blake’s neck. The giggles spilling from his mouth are loud as Blake continues to bend his knees, momentarily dipping their bodies completely into the water, and then up again.

“Again, again.”

Blake obeys, repeating the motion three, four, more times.

By the time Kingston is ready to exit the lake, Blake looks a bit more tired himself. He holds Kingston’s hand as they walk towards the sand, for no reason in particular, causing Gwen’s heart to swell in her chest.

Her son runs out in front of them, back to their towel, and Gwen’s hand reaches out for Blake before he can follow.

He looks back at her, confused. “Something wrong?”

Gwen shakes her head, grabbing his hand and pulling him closer.

“No, absolutely nothing is wrong.” She whispers, her hand sliding up his arm, settling on his bicep. “Kingston really likes you.”

Blake smiles, his eyes momentarily seeking out the toddler who’s currently tiring himself out by kicking the beach ball and running after it.

His gaze goes back to her, his eyes twinkling with a hint of mischief.

“Just Kingston?”

“I guess I can tolerate you as well.”

Blake’s hands are discreet as they lower into the water, his fingers running up the length of her legs.

“You can tolerate me, huh?”

Gwen’s throat goes dry.

“ _Yeah_.”

“Nothing more than that?” He asks innocently, one of his hand forcefully grabbing her thigh and pulling her closer to him.

“Blake, _King_ …” She gasps, her eyes seeking out her boy.

“He’s not paying attention to us _at all._ ” He responds coyly, his hand continuing to drive her crazy, his fingers tracing her delicate skin there. “Now tell me again how you only _tolerate_ me.”

She grunts. “You’re not playing fair.”

“You’re being stubborn.”

“I’m not.”

“And now you’re deflecting.” He smirks.

His fingers trail up a little higher, over her waist, her ribcage, and eventually the side of her boob. This is the most touching he’s done with her so far, and she’s absolutely _starving_ for it.

“I just now realized you’re literally in the hottest bikini I’ve ever seen in my life.” He mumbles lowly, biting his lip. “Your body is ridiculous, Gwen.”

She feels the compliment deep in her bones, deprived of hearing words like that come from a guy she likes.

“Thank you, it’s literally the simplest bikini I own, though.”

“Maybe I like simple then.”

“I doubt it.” She says, followed by a gasp when he trails his fingers slightly inward, over her erect nipples.

She shoots another look back to Kingston, relieved to see him still playing around with the plastic beach ball.

“We can’t….” She whispers, swallowing roughly. “Not right here.”

“Just admit you like me, Gwen and we can end this right now.” He smirks, continuing to hold her close to him.

The little game he started to play makes it hard for her to say the words, even though they’ve been on the tip of her tongue for days.

“I already said I tolerate you, what more do you want _Blakey_?” She repeats the nickname her son used earlier, smirking as she sees a wicked smile appear on his lips.

He likes it when she calls him that.

“Your behaviour from yesterday tells me you do a bit more than that.” He offers her suggestively, leaning his head down to speak against the shell of her ear. “You sure _tolerated_ the hell out of me on your knees, with your lips stretched around my dick.”

All the moisture in her throat seems to settle in between her legs now, her heart hammering in her chest. She looks up at him flushed, her lips slightly parted.

“Fine.” She gasps, two seconds away from having her legs give out. “I _like_ you.”

He smiles, kissing the top of her head before letting her go.

“See? That wasn’t so hard now, was it?”

She looks up at him in disbelief.

“You’re literally crazy.”

He shrugs before walking out in front of her, finally getting out of the cold water.

“Yeah but who cares—you still like me.”

**

Adam is sitting on the couch in front of the television, his lips curving up when he sees them arrive.

“How was the lake?”

“Refreshing and so beautiful.” Gwen answers immediately, unable to wipe the smile from her face.

Even with Kingston getting a little cranky at the end, due to getting hungry, it was still the most amazing morning. Something about it hadn’t even felt real; things this perfect only happen in movies, not to women like her.

Adam had prepared sandwiches for whenever they’d come home, keeping Kingston occupied and happy for a few necessary minutes. Gwen found herself joining him on the couch, relaxing into the couch cushions and saying a silent prayer to the man upstairs for giving her this incredible getaway.

Kingston joins them a few minutes later, while snuggled up to her side.

Blake is outside, chopping wood for the fireplace tonight and she almost wants to laugh at how crazy it sounds. How Blake it sounds.

They spent the rest of the afternoon like that, chilling around the house, talking and leaning on the couch. Kingston is half asleep when Adam and Gwen finally get through their second movie and the colour of the sky is slowly turning darker, blocking out the sun that shined so reverently all day.

Blake has gone into the kitchen to get ready to cook and when Adam stands up to help, she puts her hand on his arm and shakes her head.

“Let me.”

Adam smiles. “Didn’t get enough from him yet?”

The obvious amusement is present in his voice and Gwen can’t help but blush.

“He was such a help with Kingston today.” She says instead, not even lying. “The least I can do is help him cook, right?”

“Sure thing.” Adam nods, a smirk plastered on his face.

She slaps his upper arm.

“You’re crazy.” She hisses.

“Yeah, but at least I’m not a liar.”

Before she can retaliate Kingston stirs, but he only turns himself around on the couch and continues his afternoon nap.

“Today must’ve really tired him out.” She smiles, ruffling the hair on his head gently, cautious not to wake him.

“He needed this time away probably just as much as you did.” Adam responds, earlier amusement forgotten as he looks at the toddler with soft eyes.

Gwen swallows roughly. “I will never forgive myself for letting things get so bad with his father. I never should’ve— “

“—Gwen, you did everything you could.” Adam interrupts her, his hand wrapping around her wrist to get her attention. “Everything. The fact that you didn’t give up right away and wanted to fight for your family isn’t something to fault yourself for. Come on, you gotta know this.”

Gwen’s eyes remain teary.

“Will _he_?” She motions to King.

Adam nods. “He knows you’re the most dedicated mother, and that’s all he’s ever gonna remember, Gwen. Now get in the kitchen and go help that Sasquatch.”

Gwen chuckles, realizing her friend is simply trying to distract her with better times as he jokingly makes the demand of her.

“Thank you.” She whispers. “If Kingston wakes up, just— “

“I got it. I’ll send him your way if he gets cranky though.”

Gwen snorts. “You do that.”

As she makes her way to the kitchen, Blake has already started the dinner preparations and looks at her expectantly. He had put some vegetables in the oven while keeping the tomatoes and different kinds of herbs on the counter. Gwen had made pizza a million and one times in her life, and it didn’t take her long before she started cutting up some basal.

“To what do I owe the pleasure?” Blake asks, flattening the dough with a roller.

“Just thought I would help you out, I’m nice like that.”

She catches Blake’s smirk, the sight overly flirtatious.

“I’m sure you are.”

Gwen hums. “This looks good, you’re putting these on the pizza?”

Her eyes inspect the oven tray, a bunch of different vegetables laid out.

“Adam enjoys them mostly with those—he’s not much of a meat lover. Cheese and veggies, that’s it. Like a child.”

“Point me to _one_ child that enjoys vegetables.” She chuckles.

“Okay, maybe he’s ten percent adult.” Blake concedes.

Gwen bites back another smile, pausing her ministrations while looking at him.

It still hits her how unusually gorgeous this man is, causing her mind to work slower than any other time.

“When did you start playing guitar?” She asks suddenly, watching the confusion cover Blake’s handsome features.

“How do you know?” Blake gives her a hazy look of confusion while cutting the tomato in tiny enough pieces to mix through their sauce.

“That you played guitar?” She asks, sporting a smile as she looks over at the flour that covers the old dining table, as Blake had started flattening the dough there.

Kingston and Adam seemed to still be distracted by the television series he was watching in the main room. Her child’s enthusiastic voice alerting her he’s awake.

Blake hums as if it was obvious what he was asking all along.

She looks around the room one more time to confirm they’re not about to be interrupted, before walking towards him and placing her hand over his, making him put the knife down. She runs one of her fingers along the inside of his hand, suppressing a smile when she watches him shiver.

“These callouses on your hands…” She whispers. “My father used to play guitar. I recognized the feeling the first time you held my hand by the waterfalls.”

“I didn’t know your father played?”

“For half his life actually. He stopped when he became a parent. Felt like he had to grow up and start working full time, his time for dreaming and pointless hobbies gone.”

Blake’s gaze grows softer.

“I understand that, though I could never call music a pointless hobby.”

“You still play?” She asks, curiosity piqued, still trailing her fingers along his palm and fingers, feeling the rough edges of someone who played guitar for many years.

“No, but that’s just because I’ve been busy with my other hobby. It’s just one those things, you know? But I’ll always have a love for that instrument.”

“I’d like to hear you play some day.”

Blake looks at her quietly, retracting his hand from her grasp and smiles.

“I don’t play anymore.” He states simply, returning to his task of cutting vegetables and using his knife to slide them into the pan off the cutting board.

Realizing the conversation wasn’t gonna go anywhere anymore, she relents and turns back to the counter to help him.

“Need me to stir the pan?” She asks, smiling as the smell of freshly made tomato sauce fills her nostrils. “I can take over so you can— “

“Actually, I can take it from here.” He cuts her off, shaking his head. “Why don’t you just go join Adam and King on the couch.”

“W-what?”

Her voice is shrill and scratchy all the sudden.

“I can take it from here, Gwen. I don’t need your help making a dish I’ve made a dozen times before.”

She suddenly feels like she’s been dropped into an alternate dimension; one where the last few days of her life never happened and she was still as much of a nuisance to Blake as she was when she first got here.

“What changed?” She asks softly. “What’s going on, Blake?”

“ _Christ_.” He mutters under his breath, turning up the stove and reaching around her to grab some basil. “I don’t need you to crowd my space 24/7, is that something you think you can live with?”

Her eyes widen, throat tightening. This is the type of pulling back she hadn’t expected from him at this point, her heart breaks at the realization she was wrong.

“You can’t do this.” She whispers, her mind playing back to a few hours ago, when he had her pressed against him in the water, demanding she’d admit to her feelings for him.

“Gwen, I’m shit tired and I just want to make dinner so I can crash soon after. I don’t feel like going over this and I for the life of me can’t understand why you’re looking at me like that.”

“Like _what_?”

“Like you’re surprised. Like I _owe_ you my time.”

Colour drains from her face as she wonders if she’s just hearing him wrong.

“Are you serious right now?” She asks softly, her eyes going up to his desperately.

“You know what, why don’t you finish it? _I’ll_ go.”

The wooden spoon he’s holding to stir with drops to the counter as he lets it go, the sound ratting her. He tries to walk past her when she blocks his way.

“How do you do this?” She asks perplexed.

“Gwen.”

“No!” She hisses, pointing her finger at his chest and trying to keep her voice down. “How can you treat me like this while earlier today you made me admit I liked you? What kind of fucked up game are you playing here, Blake?”

His mouth twitches, the anger in his eyes making her so nervous she feels like she’s about to lose it.

“You see, _this_ …. I don’t want this.” Blake grits out.

“You gotta be specific with me here, Blake. What exactly do you _not_ want? You don’t want to talk to me? You don’t want to kiss me? You don’t want me doing sexual favours for you? Because you seemed mighty fine with all of this before.”

“I told you I wasn’t ready.”

“And then you stuck your tongue down my throat, so try again.”

“God damnit.” He hisses, stepping closer to her. “You’re pushing. You said you wouldn’t but here you are. I know you’re going through a shit time right now— “

“—Don’t you dare….”

“…. But whatever replacement of your ex-husband you were hoping to find here, you won’t find it in me.”

There was a brief lingering of silence before the sound of her hand colliding with his cheek followed.

She slapped him, the feeling stinging her palm.

Blake’s face remains impossibly calm, as if he saw it coming and prepared for it fully. Her body tenses, her arm lowering to her side as she tries to get her breathing under control.

“Everything okay here?” Adam’s voice cuts through the quiet, his gaze indicating he’s seen more than he lets on.

“Yes.”

“No.”

Gwen looks at Blake purposefully, both sad and angry he’s not willing to be honest with his friend.

“I’ll give you guys some time alone, can I take Kingston for a little drive before dinner?” Adam’s gaze hones in on her, making her feel internally grateful for his understanding.

“Yes of course.” She whispers.

“That’s not necessary.” Blake challenges, turning around and turning off the stove completely. “I don’t need to talk about anything.”

“We do.” Gwen argues.

“Figure it out, okay?” Adam demands more strictly than usual. “I’m not about to have the rest of my time off ruined by some dumb drama. Fix this.”

He leaves them with nothing else, the sound of Kingston excitedly babbling with Adam the last thing they hear before the whole house goes silent.

She turns around to face Blake again, but he seems determined to undermine the impending conversation.

“I shouldn’t have done that.” She admits softly, biting the inside of her cheek.

“I don’t care, Gwen.”

“You obviously do.” She disagrees, grabbing his arm.

He jerks back violently.

“Don’t touch me. Do _not_ touch me.”

The force in his voice startles her, the anger in his eyes making her swear the blue in them disappeared.

“I’m sorry I slapped you, but— “

“I don’t want to be dealing with this.” He charges over her, scoffing bitterly. “I don’t want to be responsible for anyone’s happiness again, I don’t want to have to look over my shoulder each day making sure _you’re_ alright. I’m selfish Gwen, always have been. You don’t need me and I damn sure don’t need you.”

The sting hits her immediately.

“You’re just saying that cause you’re scared.”

“Stop.” He yells, making her cower backwards just an inch. “You and I could never work. How the fuck can you not see that?”

“Because I like you.” She yells back, matching his intensity. “And because you like me, I know you do.”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“It does. It will always matter. You can deny it all you want, but that’s not gonna change what’s going on inside. You can’t want me one day and then throw me aside the next. I’m not your fucking call girl.”

He moves on her so fast, she’s backed up against the counter top in a second, her hands flying up in protection but it’s useless.

“I don’t want to do this because I can’t, I fucking can’t Gwen.” He hisses, raising his voice slightly. “You want me to be what, your _boyfriend_? I can’t do that. I see her still, do you know that? Almost every night, I dream of her face in those final moments I had with her. I see it all in her eyes; the fear, the disappointment. So you can do what you want, you can yell at me, you can slap me, you can even hate me—there’s literally nothing you can do to me that will make me hate me more than I already do.”

“So that’s it?” She whispers, swallowing loudly. “You’re just gonna hide away and hate yourself for the rest of your life? Blame yourself for everything that happened and shut everything else that might be good out because what, you don’t deserve it?”

“Don’t patronize me.” He warns.

“Don’t be an idiot.”

Her words are silenced by a kiss, his tongue invading her mouth, his hands digging into her shoulders.

She tries to talk, even push him away a bit, but his grip is too strong, and before she knows it she's participating in his unhealthy way of silencing her. His grip is painful but she can’t handle any other way right now. One of his legs presses its way in between hers and presses up, finding her hot and damp through her fabric.

“Blake.” She moans.

He waves his hand through her hair, yanking hard.

He brings both of his hands up, slowly cupping her face as he covers his mouth with hers again. It’s much slower, less painful than before, and it surprises her. He pries her lips open, slips his tongue along the length of her teeth and then presses her firmly against him.

Matching moans are born, live and die in the space between their kiss.

She feels everything he’s feeling in this moment, his fear of commitment and habit of running away all pouring out of him.

He moans again, getting lost in feeling her up, but it’s the sound of childish giggling that causes them to pull away. Adam and Kingston are barging through the front door, and she smooths her hands down her face to regain her bearings.

“Sorry, the little one was hungry.” Adam yells from the front door.

Blake sighs deeply, his gaze staring her down intensely.

“We’ll finish this tonight.”

Gwen doesn’t know if he’s talking about the eruption of tension _or_ the conversation—but either way, they will turn a page tonight.

**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts?


	12. Chapter 12

She barely gets her food down, unable to think about anything other than their earlier blow up. The way they’d left things caused a ripple of anxiety to course through her, nerves and dark excitement gathering in her chest. It was like everything she felt for him was on display on her face and she just hoped no one was paying close enough attention to see it.

She had excused herself after dinner, taking Kingston upstairs to spend some quality time with him before bed. It was something she always did back home, and is tradition as their evening routine starts. Her little boy has been so excited about being here, every day just finding new ways to tire himself out. She knew it would be good for them to get away, but nothing could’ve prepared her for the flourishing King did out here in Broken Arrow.

It was almost something to be envious of.

He’s sitting on the ground with his play toys, waiting for her to join him like she’s done a hundred times before.

There’s nothing like having some mindless fun with her son, though it’s hard to keep her mind present, instead of wandering to what’s waiting for her later tonight. She doesn’t know if it will end up in another argument or if the events will be slightly less talkative, but she _does_ know that she needs to find out before she goes absolutely crazy.

She takes her time wrapping things up and putting Kingston to bed. He’s so tired, there’s no to little protest when he finally hits the covers, his small body almost asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow.

The weather has stayed calm today, which also made it possible for him to sleep in the guest room, instead of with her. It’s something she doesn’t necessarily mind though, especially out here. Having Kingston pressed against her as she goes to sleep somehow helps ease her mind, makes her just a little less anxious about everything that’s going on in her life.

He’s her one constant—the reason she does what she does.

She thinks about going downstairs to spend some time with Adam and Blake, but she’s not convinced she can socialize with them right now, not with her brain as scattered as it is.

She opts for staying upstairs, pulling her legs underneath her and sitting on the made-up bed. She’s tempted to just pull the covers back and take a little nap, but she won’t be able to find a blink of sleep.

She thinks of Blake and the way he looked when she’d slapped him, the way he looked at her as if everything just got ruined. There was an anger in his eyes that scared her—it still does. This is a man who’s not even legally divorced, this is someone who mourns the loss of the only true love he’s ever known, and she _slapped_ him.

Tears spring to her eyes, unable to shake the guilt from her heart.

He had hurt her with his words, with his dismissiveness and inability to let things be good, but she’d never put her hands on anyone before. She had never felt such dread, such disappointed, as in that moment. Somewhere along this first week of staying with them, she had let her guard down and let Blake into her heart. She let herself believe the feeling had finally started to become mutual when he so easily cut her loose again. It was a feeling unlike any other and she could still feel the rush of pain flashing through her body brutally. She felt like collapsing, like yelling, like destroying—and she did.

She destroyed her sanity with that one slap. She destroyed her heart in the process, because she likes Blake, _really_ likes Blake. And now she possibly destroyed any possibility of letting this thing between them grow any further.

Unable to take the silence of her room any longer, she jumps off the bed and heads downstairs, finding Adam and Blake in the process of finishing their glass of transparent liquor.

“There you are.” Adam says friendly, looking at her knowingly. “We thought you’d gone to bed or something.”

She bites her lip, seeing Blake’s gaze on her like a hawk and she’s unable to return it. Clearing her throat, she looks down and shakes her head.

“I put Kingston to bed and then I just laid down for a second. Just tired.” She lies, even though she’s sure Blake had told Adam some version of what had happened.

There was no way Adam was completely oblivious after witnessing what he did.

“Blake and I were talking about going out for dinner tomorrow night. Some time away from the house might do us all some good.”

Gwen’s brow raises at the idea.

“That sounds fun. Are there any places nearby?”

“We’ll have to go into the city.” Blake responds, his voice neutral. “You’ve driven it before, it’s not that far.”

The reference to when she took his car without asking isn’t lost on her, and she doesn’t know if he’s bringing it up to make her feel even worse about how she has treated him, or as a peace offering of some kind.

“I think going out for dinner tomorrow is a great idea.” She nods instead, looking at Adam.

“Then that’s settled.” He says triumphantly, shooting her a small smile. “You can’t spend two weeks here and not eat at Arrow’s Steakhouse.”

Gwen smiles softly. “We’ve been here for a whole week already.”

“Time flies when you’re having fun.” Adam states.

Gwen can see the way Blake bites back a smirk and it’s maddening to not know what he’s thinking in this moment.

“Blake, can we talk for a second?”

She hadn’t intended on being so direct, but standing here in his presence makes it literally impossible for her mind and body to think about anything else. Her heart is pounding when Blake’s gaze hits her again and she almost retracts her words, wanting to chicken out.

“You know what, I’m gonna call my girl, give you guys some privacy.” Adam replies, standing up and giving her a hug. “Don’t go easy on him.” He whispers, causing her to smile briefly.

She waits until he’s gone upstairs before she dares to look back at Blake.

He’s standing now too; his tall frame would’ve been considered slightly intimidating if she weren’t so damn drawn to it. Yet, all she can think about is how this man has made her feel in the short expanse of time they’ve known each other. All she can think about is what it feels like to be pressed against that body, feeling his arms engulf her or his lips touch hers.

“Blake….”

“Upstairs.”

He walks out in front of her.

Her eyes widen. “What?”

“Let’s go upstairs.”

“Adam just went to his room.” She says, stating the obvious.

“Unless you’re planning on yelling at me again, I don’t see why that matters.”

She shakes her head, her stance defiant.

“I don’t want to go upstairs.”

She does. There’s nothing she wants more than for him to take her to his room and take all his frustrations out on her there. She knows if that were to happen, she wouldn’t stop him and that’s exactly why she can’t.

“What do you want then?” He asks, exhaustion creeping into his voice.

“Come here.” She whispers, stating the words but speaking them like a question.

He’s hesitant to obey but does so after a few long seconds, the way he saunters over to her seductive enough in its own right. She just can’t catch a break.

“Blake, I never should’ve hit you, I just want you to know that.”

“I _do_ know that.”

“I’m saying that I feel horrible about it.”

He’s standing close enough for her to smell the rich scent of his cologne, her heart hammering against her chest again.

“I said some fucked up things, Gwen.”

His admission comes out of the blue, though she knows it was meant to ease some of her guilt.

“Did you mean any of it?”

He looks up at the ceiling before looking back at her.

“Yes I did.” Her whole body stutters, her throat going dry another time. “I can’t be your boyfriend right now.”

“I’ve never asked you to be.” She whispers.

“Tell me what you’re asking for then, because I don’t understand.”

“I’m asking for you to be real with me. I’m asking for you to let me in.” She inhales deeply, feeling her eyes burn. “I’m not asking you to get into a seriously committed relationship with me, I just want you to allow yourself to _feel_ for me. And if you can’t, then….” She shakes her head, struggling to get the rest of her sentence out. “If you can’t, at least be consistent in it. You either want me all the time or not at all. I can’t do the back and forth thing.”

Blake rubs a hand over his face, settling on his mouth.

“I don’t know if I can do that.” He says softly, that truth apparently hitting him hard too.

“Because you think that’s what she would’ve wanted?”

“Because I’m a mess, Gwen. I know you think you see something in me, but you don’t want to get near me. I push you away because I’m trying to _protect_ you. I’m trying to do what I failed to do once before.”

Gwen gasps.

“This is not the same thing.”

“It is for me.”

“Then change that.” She hisses, wincing at the harsh way the words escaped her.

“I can’t.”

“You can.” She says, softer this time. Her hand reaches out for his and she’s surprised to see he’s not pulling away. “Please Blake, I don’t want to give up on this, whatever _this_ is. I just know that I feel something stronger than I’ve felt in a long time whenever I’m around you and I’ve been through enough to know I should not take that lightly. But I can only do so much. If you don’t want to do any of this, and you’re sure, then I gotta know so I can let go completely.”

“You might think you like me…” He tries, but she cuts him off.

“I have a kid, Blake. I can’t afford to get tangled up in something messy and insecure, yet here I am asking you to take a chance on this. What does that tell you?”

He yanks at her hand hard, biting his lip when she collides with his chest.

Her wide eyes look up at him, her voice only a strangled sound when she talks. “What are you doing?”

“I’m damaged, you know that right?”

“Yes.”

Her honesty seems to have been the right call, it always is.

“Why are you putting yourself through it?”

Her hand slides up his chest, gripping at his shirt over his heart.

“Because I know when something’s worth fighting for. This right here….” She applies some pressure with her hand, emphasizing his heart. “This is worth it. I see it every time you talk to people, every moment you spent with King, the loyalty you have towards Adam, the way Arin talked about you, even Daphne. They all see something in you, because it’s just _obvious_ Blake. There’s no denying what’s right in front of me. There’s no fighting it….”

His mouth comes crashing down on hers the next moment, stopping her sweet words from pouring out some more. She can taste the rum on his lips from earlier, even more so when his tongue pushes inside of her mouth.

She wraps her arms around his neck, feeling him move against her until she opens her eyes and he pulls back.

Fearing the worst, she just looks at him slightly out of breath.

“Can I take you upstairs now?” He chuckles, groaning when she bites her lip.

She nods, trying to be quiet when he spanks her ass once as she walks out in front of him.

The second his bedroom door comes into view, she stops in her tracks. Blake’s right behind her, his hands sliding to her shoulders as he gently turns her around.

“Talk to me.”

“I really don’t want to rush this…” She says softly, remembering his earlier accusation. “Whenever you’re around, I just forget about everything else and all I can focus on is…”

He steps an inch closer to her, backing her up against his bedroom door.

“Focus on what?”

She can see his chest rise and fall, the force of his breathing prominent.

“Focus on _what_ , Gwen?” He pushes when she stays quiet.

She swallows roughly. 

“On how much I want you.”

His lips curve into a small smile, his eyes darkening. It’s quite a sight to see; his blue eyes almost becoming a shade of black, something hooded and dark, something alluring as hell.

His face is so close to hers, she can barely draw breath. When his head cocks to the side, she feels her eyes close involuntarily, waiting for the inevitable.

Instead of doing what she thought he would, he stills right in front of her mouth and breathes softly.

“I haven’t done this with anyone in a while.”

Her eyes open again, his dark pupils still flashing with desire but an undertone of intense vulnerability as well. 

“I know.” She whispers, nodding her head in an attempt to convince them both. “We don’t have to do this.”

“What if I want to do this?” He counters, one hand sliding to her hip. “What if there’s absolutely nothing I want more and that scares the shit out of me.”

Her breath catches. 

“We can take it slow, no pressure, no expectations….”

“ _Yeah_?” He asks, leaning in even closer and brushing their noses together. 

“Yes.” 

Her body leans forward, unable to help herself and the hand on her waist feels like the biggest tease; she desperately wants him to go lower and touch her where she needs it most.

His mouth finally captures hers, a violent eruption of desire engulfing them both. His hands move to cup her cheeks, pushing her deeper into him as his tongue breaches her lips. The way he kisses matches his usual demeanour; hot and confident. 

His hands slide back to her waist, pushing the fabric of her nightgown higher. She gasps as he exposes her so brazenly out in the hallway, even though her body is pulled so flush against his, no one would be able to see a thing. 

“Blake.” She whispers in warning regardless.

His hand is swift in pushing his door open, walking her backwards until her back hits the wall inside his room. His foot shuts the door in an instant before he’s back onto her. 

She moans as his tongue parts her lips again. 

“What were you saying?” He teases, kissing a trail down her neck. 

“Please Blake.” 

His hands palm her breast, his fingers skimming over her erect nipples. She wants to beg him again to please get on with it, to lose the fabric and her stupid nightgown but something tells her Blake is enjoying the power he has in this moment. 

“Gwen, I don’t like slow, I don’t do slow. Not in here, not— “

“It’s okay.” She whispers, interrupting him. “Whatever you want, God Blake, please.”

“I don’t want to be too rough with you.” He speaks lowly, his fingers tracing her cheekbone.

“You won’t be. I can handle it.”

He nearly grunts under his breath and she wonders if this side of him has always been there or if this is something he started desiring after the death of his wife. 

She’ll ask him another time; right now, she just wants him to touch her.

He keeps her against the wall, kissing his way across her jaw, down to her neck and chest. His fingers sink slowly into her hips, as she tries to keep standing underneath such overwhelming pleasure. 

He pulls back when he needs to breathe, and as he pants, he whispers against the shell of her ear.

“I want to fuck you now.”

In response to his rough words, she kisses him softly and nuzzles his nose.

“Then fuck me.”

He doesn’t wait another beat. He pulls her with him onto the bed, making sure she’s straddling his lap. He cups her face for a moment, just looking at her and then leans in and kisses her hard. His hand wraps itself up in her blonde hair and he pulls roughly. She’s trembling against him, helping him as he disregards her nightgown over her head.

It’s the first time she’s been completely exposed to him and she sucks in a deep breath, suddenly feeling a bit nervous.

His hands glide down the sides of her body, simply admiring her.

“You’re so beautiful, it’s fucking crazy.”

He kisses her again to bring his point home, muffling her moan with his mouth. She grinds down onto his thigh, whimpering against him as she can taste the saltiness of their mixing tears and just a tinge of his blood. She didn’t know when it happened or when emotions seemed to become too much, but both are finding themselves in a new situation—something they didn’t expect to find here. 

She hadn’t even thought of the possibility of being intimate with anyone for a while, especially not when Adam asked her to join him to Broken Arrow. 

Blake’s own emotions seem to be on a free fall as well and as much as she wants to go full speed ahead, she can’t help but check in. 

“Are you okay?” She whispers against his lips, her hand cupping his cheek. 

She feels him slide his hand to the small of her back as he nods. His other hand creeps towards her neck, and he wraps his fingers around her throat firmly and turns them around. She gasps when her back hits the mattress, his kisses now descending from her chest to her bare stomach. 

He clutches the sheets on each side of her head and mumbles something into their kiss that she doesn’t fully understand, but she nods anyway. 

“Good.” He breathes as he pulls her up and spins her around, dropping her to her knees with her back to him. He chuckles at the way she yelps. “Shhh, don’t wanna wake Adam and King.”

He speaks into her ear and she feels goosebumps erupting all over her skin. 

He brushes all her hair back towards him, gathering it into a high ponytail in his hands. He tugs on it a little, until he’s able to kiss her forehead.

“Hands up on the headboard, darlin’.”

Her breathing quickens and pulse races, the eroticism of the moment something she’s never experienced before. His low voice speaking smooth demands while he's plastered behind her is something she never knew she needed this much.

She obeys his gentle order, her hands wrapping around the top edge of the cherry wood.

He inches forward then, both gasping when he breaches her.

His other hand starts drawing light lines along her back, touching every inch of her skin. He uses his knees to spread her legs even wider, giving him better access. 

Stars light up behind her closed eyelids as she feels him behind her, stretching her, filling her the way no one else has before. She almost seethes with the intensity, her hands gripping the headboard tighter to keep her from flying off the bed.

“Holy shit.” She whispers, attempting to keep her voice down.

He groans behind her, his rough hands holding on to her waist religiously, guiding her back on his cock.

“Gwen.” Her name leaves his lips as if he’s demanding her to do something and praising her at the same time, and it drives her absolutely crazy.

She feels the delicious burn engulfing her whole being.

“Blake, _please_.” She whispers, and she feels how her begging is something that turn him on, his thrusts becoming even harder. She backs up into him, unable to take the torment anymore and hanging on the precipice between pain and pleasure for longer than she can stand.

She feels the sensations already traveling down her body, her soft moans and heavy breathing surrounding them. He nuzzles the back of her neck with his nose, sliding his hand up to cover her mouth. He’s hitting into her deep and fast, and she can almost taste her release. 

She muffles against the skin of his palm, feeling dizzy with pleasure and desire. It’s never been like this for her and her whole body seems to be on overdrive. 

“Move your hips, baby, just like that.” His voice hits the shell of her ear, causing her to moan out again. She can feel herself tightening around him and knows the end is near. “You’re so wet right now. Jesus Christ.”

“Oh God.” She whimpers, throwing her body against his and letting his arms be the safety she needs to shatter completely. “I can’t….”

Before she gets the chance to completely let go, he forcefully spins her around, her back hitting the mattress again. She wants to whine or beg him, but his hands pull her legs apart while he enters her again, this time a little less brutal.

He kisses her to swallow her moan, her legs bend and wrapping around his hips. She digs her nails into his back, knowing she’s leaving marks.

“Blake, I’m so close.”

He thrusts again, dropping his head to hers in a move that’s so intimate she can’t help but let out a moan that’s too damn loud.

“Let go baby.”

She has no choice, she’s already coming as the final demand leaves his mouth. Her head drops back, her eyes close and her nails scrape down his back, leaving raw and red scratches in its wake.

She hears the way his breath quickens, the way his body trembles against her when he finally let’s go too. Her body erupts in shivers and shakes against him violently, his length still buried deep inside her as he rides out his own high.

“ _Fuck_.” He grunts.

She kisses him then, slow and languid. Her hands slip up his marked back, run though his short hair and rest at the sides of his head. She inhales deeply, the scent of him filling her lungs.

He kisses down the expanse of her neck, chuckling when he sees the remnants on her skin. He smooths a hand over her, easing some of her worst shivers.

“Are you freaking out?” She whispers, nervous to find out if this has been too much for him, if she had pushed him too far.

He shakes his head, laying down next to her.

“Not at all.”

She takes his answer as enough confirmation she can seek some more closeness, burying against his side and smiling when his hand covers her waist like it’s normal for them.

She can’t help but notice they fit together like puzzle pieces; seamless, tight, as if they were carved specifically for each other.

She likes to believe they are.

**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd say bear with me, but I think you guys already know that. This story is about a broken man and his progress won't be a fast one. Don't mistake this chapter for a turning point just yet..


	13. Chapter 13

She wakes up slowly, his body heat is radiating behind her as she feels him run his hand lightly across her bare back. She is facing away from him on her side, his feather-like touch tingling her nerve endings as he trails his fingers across the skin that spans her lower back.

She keeps her breathing steady, curious to see how he will explore her, not wanting to let on that she is awake.

She feels his light breaths tickling the nape of her neck as he lazily traces her flesh, his movements getting more and more feather-like as he goes and she knows that soon goosebumps will erupt across her body, giving her consciousness away.

She is still naked from last night.

They had made love three times. The first round had been passionate fucking that she expected from him. The other two times, he was gentle with her - _too gentle_ , touching her like she was made of glass, as if one wrong move would cause her to shatter.

She wants to tell him that she won't.

Not with him.

His mouth smooths down her spine and she presses her eyes closed. He is holding her waist as his lips run over her skin, pressing a firm kiss there. Her eyes slip closed and it sparks a distant image of him inside her, fingers digging into her back the same way they are now.

There are images of those exact same moments with her ex-husband, feeling the weird burn of being with someone else after all those years. Flashbacks start to fill her chest but they don't stay with her anymore and that's how she knows she is healing. It feels like another lifetime and although the memories will never completely leave her, she allows them to come in waves, acknowledging them, then letting them crash quietly on the shore before drawing back out to sea.

His lips slip a little lower, continuing down the length of her spine until they reach the ridge of her naked backside. His hand slips up her ribcage until he coasts the underside of her breast. His fingers lightly skim the swell of them and this is what he does– he tests the waters; he waits for consent.

_He never takes._

She grasps his hand and slides it upward until it's covering the full weight of breast, effectively giving him his answer.

His thumb lazily swipes across her hardening nipple, her lower half thrumming already in anticipation. She doesn't understand how every touch, every stroke, every kiss, feels like her first time. Maybe it's because she still can't believe he is here, letting her have him in a way he probably only promised his late wife.

He slides back up her body, his lips making a path up her spine until he buries his mouth into her crown and that's when she feels his morning erection prod against her ass cheek.

The tip of his hardness drags across her tail bone and he parts her legs with his knee from behind, the cool air kissing her centre. She is still wet from their love making last night and her chest pounds in response to his urgency.

He feels different this morning.

Last night, he built her up with agonisingly tortuous foreplay but today he feels different, intentional - his erection knocking her lower back with each breath.

"Hey.” His croaky voice rumbles as his teeth lightly nip the skin of her neck.

Her heartbeat ascends at the tone in his voice.

"Hey.” She repeats, her voice similarly hoarse.

He doesn't back up his greeting so she lets her hand slip between their bodies, her fingertips brushing the tip of his erection as he continues to pluck at her nipple. He sighs into her neck when she encircles him, his prickly stubble teasing her shoulder, reminding her that his short beard had disappeared between her thighs last night and he'd sucked languidly on her clit. It had taken her few more attempts after that before she could soften her legs long enough to let his tongue meet with her centre.

His hips start to rock into her hand as he continues to toy with her nipple. He is exceptionally hard this morning – and though she doesn’t know him long enough to know if that’s always the case, she figures he must have been thinking about her while she slept. It only makes the anticipation inside her grow and makes her chest pound with want.

He murmurs an apology but he's still thumbing the sensitive nub causing an agonising pang to rock deep between her legs. She parts her legs against him, angling herself into position, giving him confirmation that she's just as ready as he is and he doesn't need to prolong this.

His hand moves down, heading towards the open invitation as if he needs to find out for himself. He lets his fingertips trail down her tailbone before they slip between her legs. She groans when his two fingers side across her trail of wetness and he discovers how ready she is. She is breathless as he starts to stroke her clit from behind, confirming the angle he'd created with his knee earlier had been intentional. He presses his face into the back of her hair, her throat catching as he drags the rough tips of his fingers over her clit repeatedly, her body already throbbing in anticipation of him entering her.

"I need you Gwen."

Her chest pounds at the tone he'd just used with her - confident, borderline cocky and desperate to sink inside her.

She had always imagined this is what he would be like in bed.

"I'm gonna need a yes.” He murmurs impatiently.

Even in the midst of his passion for her, he can’t bear the thought of pushing her too far, taking from her something she’s not ready to give. Her heart silently grieves for all that he doesn’t know he is, for all that he’s scared he won’t be for her but already is.

He is still waiting for permission and she knows he will never take from her without it.

" _Yes_.”

He guides himself towards her entrance, both of them sighing in unison as his tip begins to penetrate. Then he holds her by the hips, groaning as the pressure of her tight body clamps welcomingly around his shaft.

"Fuck.” He hisses. "How are you so ready?"

He slips his hand forward to cup her breast and squeezes in approval.

She doesn't answer, just moves her hand behind his neck, angling her hips so he can sink even deeper inside and he takes the invitation, filling her to the hilt with another groan.

She presses her eyes closed as he drags himself back out and starts up a meticulous rhythm between her legs, her breasts rocking in unison with his motions.

"Blake, I need…."

He stills against her immediately.

"What do you need, Gwen?" he whispers with concern.

"This.” She admits quietly, her mouth dry, her eyes watering at the thought. "God I need this, Blake.”

He gets it immediately, his hand slipping across her hip, and she feels it - a newfound possessive energy taking over as he thrusts hips more intentionally against her, the bed squeaking beneath them in the process.

"Yes?" He checks in a breath.

"Yes.”

This is exactly what she needs.

She doesn’t want to be treated like she's fragile. She doesn’t want him to be scared of himself. She doesn’t want him to second guess. She wants him to be as passionate with her as he was last night, without fear, without insecurity. Because it’s what he deserves. It’s what she deserves.

Her fingers curl over the hold he has on her hip as he continues to pummel forward, relief spilling through her with each thrust.

She wants to curse.

She wants to yell.

She wants to scream as her body welcomely takes the brunt of him.

"Harder.” She settles for the low demand, because she can feel it, he's still holding back with her.

He rams forward once more, their lower halves colliding forcibly, the bed beneath them squeaking as slick sounds of heat fill his bedroom. She can feel it happening with each punishing stroke, the tides slowly turning, the dawn breaking through as he wakes her body up from the inside out.

His hand slips from her hip moving between her legs until the rough pad of his thumb flits across her clit - once, twice as he continues to thrust into her from behind.

"Gwen…." he whispers breathless into her neck and it sounds like a question so she answers.

"Yeah?" She pants between thrusts.

"Thank you." He nips her ear lobe.

Her lips turn upward at that because she knows exactly what he’s thanking her for. It’s the same reason she can barely breathe right now, because of what she’s giving him and what he gives her in return.

"Oh my God.” She manages before his large hand causes her to lose her mind.

A few brutal strokes later and she is gasping, clenching and spiralling around him. She calls out, grabbing his arm as her orgasm tears through her, sparking of his own orgasm. A guttural noise rips through his throat as he spills inside her.

She is breathless and panting as she takes the force of Blake’s weight that sinks heavily into her back.

She blinks back at the morning sun that had now well and truly cast its way across the floor as her walls continue to tense around him.

A string of curse words still line the back of her throat but she decides she'll save them for next time. Her mind dangles between pleasure and contentment – despite that thin layer of guilt at the fact that she had enjoyed his force a little too much. She presses her eyes closed, willing away any opposing thoughts.

This was healthy.

Even like this.

 _Especially_ like this.

She had to stop over thinking it.

"Hey." He whispers, bringing her back to him once more.

Her arm is still behind his neck, his hand gripping her upper arm as she continues to pulse and contract around him.

"You okay?" He whispers, thumbing her underarm, still coming down from his own orgasm.

She doesn't answer right away; she lets the silence extend a little longer as she considers his question.

A few beats pass before he gently squeezes her arm.

"Gwen?” He whispers.

"Yeah." Her tone is light. "I just..."

She moves her arm down, bringing his forearm with her until it's wrapping protectively around her stomach. She runs her fingers softly over the course of his hairs on his forearm, the feel of his cocoon instantly grounding her before she continues.

"I just think I enjoyed it a little too much is all.” She whispers with a smile but her words carrying a weight that doesn't go unnoticed.

A few moments pass before he responds.

"You're in control Gwen." Blake reminds her in a whisper, his lips grazing her ear. "Even when we do this."

She considers his statement, realizing it's taken her a while to connect the pieces of the puzzle together.

"I like you in control." The quiet admission falls from her lips, expressing to him in no uncertain terms that she doesn't want to be treated like she’s about to break. "It gives me permission to lose mine."

She doesn't want his hesitancy, she just wants them to _be_.

He doesn't say anything in response and they just lay like that for a short while as he strokes her naked hip reassuringly.

It's sometime later when he speaks.

"Whatever you need.” He whispers against her nape. "It's yours."

She waits a few beats before she asks it.

"And what do you need?" she whispers, no innuendo, just curiosity.

She can’t help but wonder this; the whole night had filled her head with unanswered questions.

_Was she enough for him?_

_Was there something missing?_

_Had the darkness between them overshadowed the light?_

_Did he think of his dead wife while being inside her?_

He starts to pepper firm kisses down the nape of her neck before he answers.

"Just you, I think.” 

His tone is sated, but his words are truthful and raw.

She doesn't want to move in that moment, she doesn't want him to pull out of her just yet. She just wants more of this, more lazy Sunday morning sex where they don't hold back.

More of their true selves.

He continues to press soft kisses against her shoulder as her eyes drift to a close.

Maybe they will fall into a slumber before breakfast, or maybe they will rouse again for round two before the house wakes up.

**

Round two didn’t end up happening.

She snuck back to her own room at seven am, timed to perfection, because Kingston stirred ten minutes after she came back here.

His first stop is always her bed, and Gwen smiled generously when he climbed under the covers with her to rouse out of his slumber more.

She holds him for a few minutes, kissing the top of his head soundly while wrapping her arms around him. The light from the morning is shining inside almost frustratingly bright, yet she feels like she’s already spent a whole day awake. Her body still feels the remnants of Blake inside her, since it’s been less than two hours since he was.

Her lips curl up into a smile at the memory, the sensation in her chest signalling to a dangerous truth; she’s in too deep with a man that’s beyond hurt.

“Good morning baby.” She whispers against King’s hair, feeling him stir in her arms.

Her face lights up immediately when he turns around and smiles lazily at her. It’s the best sight she’s ever come to know and her heart grows twice in size when he snuggles closer to her.

“Are we gonna get breakfast?” He whispers, causing her to laugh quietly.

“Yes, baby.”

The morning starts out slowly. By the time they all appear downstairs, dressed and ready for the day, Adam and Blake are already getting breakfast ready.

She doesn’t know when Blake got up, didn’t hear him at all, but something tells her he didn’t stay in bed for too long after she left it. Something about that thought brings her immense peace.

“Brought you guys something special.” Blake says suddenly, causing her to snap out of her inner dialogue. “You like chocolate, King?”

“Yes, yes!”

Her little boy is barely able to contain himself at the mention.

“Blake, what did you do?” Gwen giggles.

Blake reaches for a box on the counter, opening it slowly.

“Two chocolate doughnuts with sprinkles.” He says with a smile and Gwen shakes her head.

“You went to the bakery _again_?”

Blake hums.

“I couldn’t sleep after—” He cuts himself off, his eyes widening as he almost let their secret morning activity slip. “I couldn’t sleep for very long, so I thought I’d take advantage of the early morning and get us something nice.”

“He just got back, but he has some more cinnamon rolls and fresh bread, and I’m making omelettes in case you’re not into sugar in the morning.”

Gwen smiles. “You speak my language.”

Blake looks semi-offended, smiling at Kingston.

“At least _two of us_ have common sense in this house.”

The whole morning seems to go a different kind of smooth; Kingston is in a good mood and stays by her side almost the entire time, Adam and Blake’s laughter comes rolling out of the kitchen every now and then, providing the most awesome backdrop.

Her heart and mind are still on a cloud from the night before, the way Blake had felt on top of her, inside her, had been the most eye-opening thing in the world. She didn’t even think it could feel like that, never thought her body could experience such pleasure and her heart such a richness. But Blake’s hands, tongue, mouth and cock had changed her mind forever.

She was not one to toot her own too often either, but she couldn’t help but suppress a grin when she thought back to how Blake had looked afterwards. So content, so satisfied, so gracefully fucked out. She already couldn’t wait to do that again.

Kingston demanded her attention a few seconds later, yanking on her sleeve and trying to get her to kick a ball around with him outside. Figuring she really would benefit from having Kingston a bit tired out by the end of the day, she nods and helps him put on his shoes and little jacket. The weather outside isn’t necessarily bad, but it isn’t great either.

The wind had died down last night, but the brisk temperature had stayed. She quickly warms up some when she’s playing outside with King, the sounds of his laughter filling her heart with even more joy.

If she could just bottle this moment up forever, she would. The happiness that was spreading through her heart was almost dangerous; it had been a long time since she’d felt this way, perhaps the only time….

She should know by now things never go this smoothly for her and the universe was quick to remind her. The sound of a car pulling up on their property causes Gwen to hold the ball in place beneath her foot, her head turning to identify the vehicle as Daphne’s car.

Her breath immediately speeds up some at the thought of the woman once again interrupting _her_ time with the boys.

She jumps out of the dark grey vehicle and flicks out her cigarette on the grass, chuckling.

“Blake told me this habit would become the death of me.” Her eyes look up to find Gwen and her son a few feet away and she smiles briskly. “Hello Gwen.”

Gwen kicks the ball back to Kingston before turning her attention to the woman walking towards the patio.

“Hi. I didn’t know Adam and Blake were expecting you today.”

Daphne shrugs, the sound of her knuckles knocking against the wooden door filling the air.

“They aren’t.”

The door flies open before she can say anything and Blake looks rightfully surprised at the woman’s presence, though there’s no sign of discomfort.

“Daph, I didn’t expect you today.” He says simply. “If I had known you’d come over today, I would’ve bought some extra Jim Beam.”

Daphne smiles and Gwen looks away when she hugs him tightly.

“Probably too early for whiskey anyway.”

“That’s probably the most city thing I’ve ever heard you say.”

She slaps his chest and gauging by Blake’s reaction, that’s a normal occurrence. 

“Shut up.”

“Daphne.” Adam interrupts them, joining them on the patio. “I thought that was your voice I was hearing.”

Daphne greets him nearly as enthusiastic as she did Blake, but Gwen can see the small difference regardless. She has to give it to the woman—she’s not overly obvious about it, but it’s there all the same. The shimmering affection she harbours for the cowboy easily readable to whoever _wants_ to see it.

“I didn’t mean to intrude, I know you’ve got company.” The woman looks briefly at Gwen and she can feel the irritation bubbling up quickly. “It’s just…. Bob and I are fighting again and I didn’t know where else to go.”

“You know you can always come here.” Blake says sweetly. “Wanna go inside and talk for a bit?”

Gwen’s no stranger to relationship drama and she damns her jealousy to hell once more.

Sighing, she looks back at her child and smiles.

“How about a little match? The first one to miss their shot is a loser.”

Kingston grins widely before kicking the ball back to her.

“Starting _now_.”

**

“Thanks for the tea, Gwen.”

Gwen smiles politely and nods, leaning against the kitchen counter.

“You’re welcome.”

She had lost the match with Kingston who quickly moved on once he did, and she took the opportunity to show some hospitality of her own.

Daphne smiles. “I should probably get going.”

Despite Gwen’s different approach, she’s not gonna argue with the woman’s idea. Blake is sitting on the kitchen stool next to his friend, while Adam and Kingston are sitting in the living room.

She has heard some about Daphne’s situation; the fact that her husband came back from work after nearly a month and wouldn’t touch her once, and the way he had yelled at her before she came over here were both things Gwen could identify with in some way, the similarities almost painful. There was something inside her that had wanted to comfort the woman, despite the conflicting feelings about her in her chest.

“Are you sure?” Blake asks. “I don’t want you to go back there because you feel like a burden. You know you could stay for dinner if you want, maybe stay for some drinks later…”

Daphne smiles softly and then shakes her head, to Gwen’s great surprise.

“You don’t know how badly I want to say yes to do that, but I shouldn’t. I need to stop running away from my problems and start fixin’ them. I can’t do that while I’m here.”

Blake nods in understanding. “Bob is an idiot for the things he said by the way.”

Gwen watches as something on Daphne’s face changes, her resolve obviously weakening.

“Maybe he needs to hear it from someone else.” She says with a wink.

“Anytime, just to tell him to call me.” Blake smiles.

Daphne stands up, her gaze locking with Gwen’s for just a second before her hand reaches down to squeeze Blake’s shoulder.

“You’re a good friend, you know that?”

The words should make Gwen feel better, but there’s something very wrong about the way Daphne just looked at her. As if she was making it clear she had no problem with showing some affection to him with her in the room. Not that she _should_ —it’s not like Blake did _anything_ to show her he’s off limits. Which to her, he _is_

Blake stands up too, probably to escort her out, but Daphne stands still and just looks at him intensely.

“Sometimes I wished Bob was a bit more like you.” Daphne says, and it’s the first time Gwen has seen Blake get visibly uncomfortable around the woman. “Talking to you is so easy and he _never_ listens. I feel like I’m fighting a useless fight.”

Blake shows her a soft but a bit forced smile.

“All you can do is try, if that’s not enough, maybe you should leave, D.”

She sighs, her hand reaching out for his arm again. “You’re right.”

Gwen’s legs have a life of their own as they carry her to Blake’s side, her eyes boring into Daphne’s.

“We’re actually about to start dinner, so if you’re not interested in staying we should probably get started.”

“Gwen.” Blake starts to berate her, but Daphne cuts him off.

“She’s right, I should head out.”

Gwen almost feels bad for her little outburst, until the woman speaks again.

“There’s always a tomorrow.”

In a childish attempt to make the woman feel less welcome, she slides her arm around Blake’s waist and presses herself against him, her free hand sliding up his chest. Blake’s gaze goes to Gwen in surprise, but she just ignores it.

“Like Blake said, you’re always welcome here. Any friend of his is a friend of mine.” She smiles, leaning into him obnoxiously.

“Are you guys a thing now?” Daphne asks, the obvious display of affection signalling towards something much more than friends.

“Uh, we’re seeing where it goes.” Blake says softly, struggling to keep his composure. “We don’t like to label things.”

“Being with him is enough.” Gwen responds. “We don’t need any labels.”

Daphne nods. “That’s great. I’m happy for you two.”

“Thank you, we appreciate that.” Gwen smiles just a tad too smugly, pressing her chest into his side. “Baby will you let Daphne out, I need to check up on King.”

She places a quick kiss on his cheek, turning back to face Daphne.

“It was nice to see you again.”

The woman swallows roughly.

“Yeah, you too.”

She bites her lip before walking out of the kitchen, being just in time to catch Blake’s disappointed stare.

She had just joined Adam and King when Blake let Daphne out and motioned for her to meet him in the kitchen. She feels nervous at the look he just gave her, knowing he’s going to have something to say about her blatant display of jealousy.

Blake’s body is leaning against the kitchen counter, much like hers was earlier. Her eyes cast down but his hand on her arm makes her look up again.

“I’m gonna spare you the embarrassment of asking what the hell that was, because we both know _perfectly_ well what you were doing just now. All I’ll tell you is that I have no issue with telling people we’re trying to start something, but _please_ don’t use me as a tool in your game ever again.”

“Blake— “

“Daphne is a great friend of mine, Gwen. She needed our support and instead you went out of your way to make her feel unwelcome.”

“I’ve stood by and watched her _touch_ you for over three hours—and I said nothing.”

“She didn’t touch me.”

“Oh come on.” Gwen scoffs. “Every chance she gets, she’s either touching your hand, or your arm, or hugging you in some way.”

“She’s an affectionate girl….”

“An affectionate girl who wants to fuck you, yeah.”

His eyes widened just briefly before a smile started to appear on his lips, confusing her. His hand tugged at her arm until she was flush against his chest. His arm sneaks around her back and keeps her there.

“You need to stop being jealous of her, Gwen.”

“Kind of hard when she keeps making moves on you and you don’t do anything to stop it.”

“I don’t think she’s making _moves_ on me.”

“Can I just tell you that I’m bothered by it, then. Whatever her intentions are, I don’t like it and I would appreciate it if you wouldn’t let her touch you like that when I’m around.”

“I’m pretty sure you made it obvious that she has no business touching me anymore, but I will say something if it happens again. Does that make you feel any better?”

She sighs, resting her head against his chest.

“Yes.”

“I never knew you were such a territorial girl.” He teases.

“I’m not.” She groans. “I just don’t like sharing.”

It’s ironic because she knows she’s falling for a man she’ll always have to share. His late wife forever in the back of his mind, his heart always partially occupied.

He kisses the top of her head gently but doesn’t try to refute her statement. At least she knows he’ll never lie to her, and that’s enough for now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst coming up next...


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: heavy angst..

_“I thought I would spent the whole goddamn time comparing, but I found out I didn’t. Perhaps I shouldn’t write you knowing you will never read this, but it helps make my heart a little lighter and that’s what I deserve. You can take my money, my body, but you can’t reclaim my heart. I know this now. I think I accidentally gave it away to someone else. You told me I was unlovable. You told me I was incapable of loving. You were wrong. I love him.”_

He shouldn’t have done it, he knew that the moment he lifted the funny looking paper off the vanity, placed upon a stack of magazines. Ones Gwen bought while being here.

He’s looking at the scratched-on piece of paper in his hand and feels his whole body starting to protest; his lungs unable to fill with enough air.

She loves him.

He robbed her of the chance to tell him in person for the first time, because he couldn’t keep his curiosity in check when it mattered most. He came in here to bring her fresh sheets to make up her bed with, but instead let his eyes linger across the room. He didn’t stop himself from grabbing onto the crumbled-up paper, and he feels the tremors in his body trying to take him out.

Nothing has ever felt this intense, not since the accident.

He thinks the admission might’ve been clear already in the way she looks at him, in the way she makes him feel good about the ugliest parts of himself. He thinks he might feel the same way about her, but he’s not ready to verbalize that. He thinks that she might be much further in that department than he is.

He’s gonna break her heart.

He’s known this too, ever since she set foot into this house. It’s why he tried so hard to keep some distance between them, it’s why he hated himself for failing at it.

Now he cares about this woman, more than he can remember caring about anyone ever. Now he created a web of passion, of truth, and the thought of breaking that forever has him wanting to sink to his knees and pray to a God he’d sworn off eight months ago.

It’s not fair to her. Being with him is unfair to her.

He reads the paper again, her words so beautiful, so goddamn tragically beautiful. He wants to shred his skin at the mention of her love for him, while simultaneously bathe in that knowledge for the rest of his pathetic life.

“Blake, are you okay?”

Her voice reaches him in a daze, sounding like she’s talking through a tunnel. His reaction is delayed, his eyes boring into hers when he turns around.

Her face drops immediately at the sight of him holding her admission in his hands, the gasp that escapes her loud to his ears.

“I didn’t mean to—” He starts to say, but he cuts himself off, knowing it’s useless.

“That was private.” She whispers, the fear evident on her face.

Great, she knows her love for him is a burden.

“Do you mean it?”

He keeps the piece of paper tightly between his fingers, his chest filling with anguish. He doesn’t want to hurt this perfect, kind creature standing before him. He also knows that something this beautiful can never be his to keep. She’s too good for him in every sense of the word and he has a bad feeling she’s about to find that out soon.

“I wouldn’t lie about something like that.”

He turns his face away from her, looking outside the small bedroom window. The trees sway slightly, indicating there’s a soft breeze going on outside, instead of a wind worthy of a storm.

The only storm that’s raging is the one inside his heart.

“I can’t, Gwen.” He says softly, shaking his head and placing the note back on the wooden vanity. “I can’t.”

He makes a move to walk past her, but her hand grabs onto his arm quickly.

“Blake, please don’t freak out. It’s not a big deal.”

“It’s not a big deal?” He nearly yells, stopping himself when he remembers Kingston and Adam are downstairs. “You just said you _loved_ me. Do you know what that means?”

“I didn’t tell you I love you.” She says calmly. “I wrote it down onto a note that you were not supposed to see. I wasn’t gonna tell you right now cause I know you’re not ready to hear it. That’s okay. I’m okay with waiting for you, Blake. I promised I’d be patient with you and that’s what I’m doing.”

She pushes herself closer to him, wrapping her arms around his waist.

Her words are as perfect as she is and it only makes the bitter feeling inside him grow. He doesn’t deserve her—never has.

He tries to crack a smile, but all it does is break his resolve.

He’s pushing out of her embrace before he knows what he’s doing and stares at her with wide eyes. He loathes the way she looks at him—confused, scared, worried.

“I should never have told you to be patient with me.” He says, the tears in his eyes causing him to wince at the burn. “I should never have given you the illusion I could make something like this work in the long run. Because I can’t.”

“You can, of course you can.” She challenges him, though it almost comes out as a desperate plea.

He shakes his head.

“You’re a good woman, you’re the _best_ woman.” He bites his lip to keep from sobbing. “You’re way better than me.”

“That’s not true. You might think that’s what I want to hear, but I don’t. You make me better. _Us_ together is what makes this so great.”

“There is no us.” He says roughly, swallowing hard. “There can never be an us. There can only ever be me, and trust me, you don’t want to get near that.”

“I already am.”

Her voice breaks and it makes him hate himself even more than he already does.

He’s in the process of ruining the one good thing that’s happened to him after losing his wife, and he’s embarrassed to say he feels very little regret. This is what he should’ve done from the start; keep her at arms-length, protect her.

“Then stop, Gwen. Stop looking at me like that, stop caring about me, stop loving me.”

“You can’t be serious….” Her eyes have filled up with moisture now, barely containing them on her lids. Her chest heaves with the amount of quick and ragged breaths she takes. “What do you think this is, Blake? You’re talking about this as if it’s something I can just turn off and on like a fucking light switch. I can’t do that; I can’t pretend like I feel nothing for you when that’s just not the truth. You know it’s not.”

“I can’t be with you.”

Her tears finally fall, as she takes a small step towards him.

“Why are you so scared, Blake?” She whispers, voice hoarse. “Why is it so hard for you to believe this could work? I thought we were doing things your speed, I thought you were okay.”

“How can I be?” He snaps. “I’m holding a heart in my hands that I can’t possibly treat right. I’m showing you around all the places I thought I’d get to explore further with Ran. I’m fucking you in _our_ old bed. None of it is okay. Not a single thing, Gwen.”

She cowers back as if he made an aggressive move towards her, the action confusing him until she speaks up.

“Did you ever like me?” Her face contorts in pure anguish, hurt and anger all settling on her features. “Did you ever like me, Blake?”

“I don’t want to hurt you, Gwen.” He says instead, bracing himself for the horrifying lie he’s about to push past his lips. “Don’t ask me that question when we both know you won’t like the answer.”

He watches her struggle for a response, her breath hitching.

She opens her mouth but no sound comes out, and if he wasn’t in the process of breaking what they started to build, he’d swoop her up in his arms and comfort her until she believed again. Without saying anything, she walks away from him, the sound of her footsteps descending the stairs loud to his ears.

This is what he wanted. Or so he thought.

He can’t drag someone down with him in the way he would’ve done her. He would’ve let her down, he would have been the death of her. He cannot handle the weight of another life. He can barely carry his own.

The realization fills him with rage, the only thing he can feel that doesn’t make him feel weak and pathetic.

The sound of his fist colliding with the wall is loud, the splitting of his skin feeling like a welcomed distraction.

_He never hit me, he’d just put his fist through the wall._

He remembers Gwen’s words when she told him about her ex-husband.

_I didn’t want King to grow up in such an environment._

Just like that, he hates himself a little bit more.

His fist hits the same spot again, little specks of red coating the wall.

He sighs deeply and rubs his good hand over his face, feeling some tears slide down his cheek.

He makes a move for the bathroom, wrapping his bloody knuckles with a bandaid and popping one of his left-over pain medication. He ignores everyone’s stares when he comes downstairs, as it is obvious Gwen has talked. Or perhaps it is her red and puffy eyes that give her away.

Either way, he ignores it and goes straight for the car keys that lay on the dinner table.

“Where are you going?” Adam asks strictly.

“Out.”

“Where to?”

“ _Out_.” He hisses, slamming the door behind him and getting in his truck.

He just needs to get the hell away from that house.

**

“Gwen, I’m so sorry.”

Adam’s voice is full of regret and remorse.

“It’s not your fault.”

“I brought you here. I told you he’d be fine with it and he’s obviously the opposite. He’s not okay right now, otherwise he would never have told you these things.”

“Maybe he meant them.” She whispers, cradling her cup of tea between her hands and letting her eyes wander to Kingston, who’s watching tv on the couch.

“He didn’t.” Adam redirects her attention back to him, sitting across from her at the kitchen island. “I see the way he looks at you, he can try to deny it all he wants, but that won’t make it the truth.”

“I don’t know what to do here, Adam. I love him. I fucking love that asshole, can you believe it?”

She wants to laugh, the whole thing just so ridiculous.

“What do you want to do, Gwen? Just tell me. You want me to bring you back to LA? Do you want the keys to my place so you can stay there with King instead of going home? Do you want to stay here? Anything you want, I’ll do it.”

She cracks a small smile, feeling the tears burn hotly behind her eyes.

“I don’t know what I want right now.” She whispers.

“That’s okay. You don’t have to figure it out right this moment.”

She swallows roughly. “I really thought this had a shot of working out.”

“Maybe it still could.”

“He just told me he never liked me. Even if he didn’t mean that, it means he wanted to hurt me. I can’t pretend like that just didn’t happen.”

“No, you can’t. But maybe you can see it for what it really is.”

“I can’t keep doing that with him. I can’t continue to read between the lines and deal with his change of heart every two days. I can’t live that way, I really can’t.”

“So give him up, that’s your good right. Honestly, I thought bringing the two of you here could be good for you both, because you were both going through some tough times but I know his heart and I know yours. I figured you guys would hit it off.”

Gwen scoffs. “I guess you were partially right.”

“Right, but he’s acting like an ass to you more often than not, and you’re my friend too. As much as I care about him, I can’t keep defending his actions to you. If you’re done, I totally understand.”

Gwen closes her eyes, the words rattling in her brain.

She wants to be done, to give him up.

“What if I can’t be done?” She whispers, biting her lip. “What if I still care too much?”

Adam looks at her sweetly.

“That’s always been your strength and weakness; you care too much about people.”

“It’s not just that.” She swallows down the lump in her throat. “I told myself I wouldn’t love again after my divorce. I thought it was just gonna be me and Kingston, and I was okay with that. He’s all I need. But then I met Blake, and it’s like my heart immediately told me I was in trouble. I knew I loved him from the first moment he stepped out of that truck and looked at me like I was some sort of a mistake. He gave me no reason to like him, but I just knew.”

“Gwen, I….” Adam shakes his head. “I don’t even know what to say.”

“Me neither.”

She casts her head down, feeling hot tears stream down her cheeks.

Adam’s hand reaches for her over the marble.

“I’m here for you, okay?”

She smiles appreciatively. “Thank you.”

The next thing she knows, Kingston is demanding her attention again and she’s wiping at her cheeks furiously to hide the evidence of her sadness.

She saunters over to the couch and sits down next to him, forgetting about some of the worst pain for about an hour.

Adam takes it upon himself to clean the kitchen while giving them some space, and Gwen loves how attentive her friend can be. Spending time with Kingston is the only thing that feels remotely right at the moment, as it’s the one bond she knows will never break.

She doesn’t see Adam until after King has gone to bed, and she’d showered herself. She’s walking downstairs in clean sweats and a hoodie when Adam’s already sitting on the couch, a worried expression on his face.

“Everything okay?” She asks, walking closer until she can sit down on the couch with him.

“Blake still hasn’t come home.” Her friend says carefully, obviously not knowing if he should discuss Blake any further with her. “It’s pouring down rain again and he’s out with the truck. In the mindset he was in, that just doesn’t sit well with me.”

Gwen immediately catches on, the same feeling of worry settling in her chest.

“Do you think he’s still driving around?”

“I’m pretty sure he didn’t go into the city. Everyone knows him there and I doubt he’s in the mood to talk or socialize with anyone.”

“Do you really think he’d drive in these weather conditions?” Gwen asks, slightly hopeful. “He’s kind of excessively cautious about that now.”

“Did you see the wall in your room?” Adam points out matter-of-factly. “I don’t think he’s cautious about _anything_ right now.”

The uncomfortable feeling inside her grows, a heavy feeling settling in her gut.

“Did you try to call him?”

“He’s not answering.”

“What do we do?”

Adam sighs. “We wait.”

They spent the next two hours watching mindless television, unable to shut their minds off. The clock hitting 11:30 makes Gwen sit up straight, unable to keep the horrifying scenarios from playing like a movie in her head.

“Adam…”

“I know.”

“Should we go out looking for him or something?”

“We don’t have a car.” He replies, looking less than calm. “I could call Daphne. She knows about every route around here.”

“Are we overreacting?” She whispers.

“I’ve seen Blake right after the accident happened. I’ve been there when he nearly drank himself to death, trying to cope with her loss. I’ve been there when he literally woke up shouting at the top of his lungs, replaying that moment over and over again in his sleep. I might be slightly overprotective, but I know what Blake spiralling looks like. He had that same look in his eyes when he left earlier.”

“You never told me about any of this, not even when you spent months helping me get back on my feet after my divorce.”

“Blake didn’t want anyone to know, and truthfully, it felt good to be around you and not have to talk about _him_ all the time. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad I was there to help him but it was also exhausting. Being with you, someone who didn’t know anything about Blake or his story, was something that I really needed more than I realized.”

Gwen nods. “I understand that.”

Adam shakes his head, scratching at the back of his neck.

“I never should’ve let him leave.”

“Adam, you can’t put that on yourself. He’s a grown man, how in the world were you gonna stop him from getting into his _own_ car for a drive?”

“I don’t know, I should’ve tried something.”

Gwen sighs, her heart breaking some more at the thought of asking the _one_ woman she doesn’t want to see right now for help.

“Let’s call Daphne.”

**

The sound of a car pulling up at the house is followed by the light of her headlights shining through the curtains.

Gwen inhales deeply, feeling Adam’s gaze on the side of her face.

“Are you sure about this?”

She nods. “I need to be there when she finds him. Someone needs to stay home with King.”

“Call me as soon as you find him, okay?” Adam asks, his voice laced with desperation.

“Call me when he gets home first?”

“Deal.”

Gwen shudders when the doorbell rings, her heart hammering against her chest.

“I’ll get it.” Adam says, walking out in front of her to let the woman in.

Daphne looks rightfully alarmed, her clothes wet from the short walk from her truck to the front door. The weather outside is still violent and ugly, just like the mood they’re all in.

“Did you hear anything from him yet?” The Southern woman asks.

Adam shakes his head. “Not a peep. Sorry to be calling you this late, it’s just that— “

“You don’t have to explain, Adam.” She cuts him off sweetly, much kinder than she’s ever spoken to Gwen, and probably never will. “Anything I can do to help, I’ll do it.”

“And we really appreciate it.” He shoots back. “Gwen is going to drive with you, I’ll stay home in case he comes back before you guys get to him.”

Daphne’s brow raises, and if the situation wasn’t so serious, Gwen would’ve laughed at the expression on her face.

“ _Oh, okay_.” She relents. “Ready to go, Gwen? We should probably hurry; the weather is only going to get worse from now.”

Gwen nods and follows the woman out, relishing in the swift pat on her shoulder from Adam. She knows it’s not just for finding Blake, but also for the one-on-one time she’s about to spend with Daphne.

Once outside, she makes a run for the car, trying not to get soaked.

She’s shivering immediately, searching for the heat inside Daphne’s vehicle and shooting the woman a polite smile when she does it for her.

“It will kick in soon.”

“Thanks.”

The car disappears off the driveway, the warm and homey looking house becoming more distant with the second, until it’s completely out of sight. There’s nothing but darkness around them, the only thing she can see is the road illuminated by the headlights.

“What happened?” Daphne asks after five dead-quiet minutes.

Gwen sighs. “I don’t even know. We had a fight and Blake just left in his truck, without a word. Adam has tried to contact him all night, but there’s been no reply. And Blake driving around in this weather, in the mindset he’s in…. it’s just not right.”

The other woman bites her lip.

“I was afraid this was gonna happen.” Daphne concedes, keeping her eyes on the road.

“What?”

“That he would snap. You gotta understand Gwen, he’s still healing, he’s still hurting. When I first started doing these home visits, he’d be sporting a hangover each time I saw him. Sometimes he would still be drunk. You’re dealing with an incredible damaged individual here.”

“You think I don’t know that?” Gwen asks irritated, feeling fresh tears collect in her eyes.

“Then why did you get close to him?” She asks. “Why couldn’t you just let things be easy, the way he needed them to be.”

Gwen nearly throws up at the woman’s words, feeling both rage and heartbreak settle in her body to the point of shaking.

“We shouldn’t even be talking about this. He could be out there somewhere and we’re wasting our time, distracting from— “

“I already think I know where he is.” Daphne cuts her off, gripping the steering wheel tight.

“What are you talking about?”

“He must be in town, probably one of his favorite bars or— “

“No….” Gwen interrupts softly, something in her brain finally clicking.

“Excuse me?”

“Turn the car around.”

Daphne looks at her briefly. “Are you crazy?”

“Turn it around.” She says, this time rougher. “I know where he is and it’s not gonna be where you think he is.”

“Gwen, I can’t turn here.”

“Figure something out!” She snaps, exhaling loudly. “I’m sorry, but just…please turn the car around when you can. There’s a place he told me about, somewhere he goes to clear his mind. He took me there once.”

She can tell the woman is reluctant, but relents regardless.

The car slows down in speed until they approach a backroad they can turn on.

“Where am I going?” Daphne asks.

“Straight ahead and then left at the house. To the falls.”

**

“ _There_!” Gwen nearly yells as she spots Blake’s car in the middle of the grass field. Her body fills with both relief and worry as Daphne nears his car and hits the breaks. 

Their eyes fall on his slumped over figure against the large tree, rain still pouring down violently.

Gwen hears Daphne’s gasp as she takes in Blake and it’s the first time she’s able to feel a shimmer of sympathy for the woman. 

Instead of waiting, Gwen immediately jumps out the truck and runs over to Blake, trying to shield herself from getting wet with her arms, though it’s a futile attempt. 

“ _Blake_.” She says loudly enough to get his attention, though his eyes remain turned to the ground, his head slumped between his knees. 

“Blake baby, please.” 

The pet name slips out by accident, but she doesn’t give it much more thought.

She sinks down onto her knees next to him, wrapping her arm around his shivering frame. He’s completely soaked, his clothes sticking to his body and raindrops falling from his hair onto his face. 

“Can you please look at me?” She whispers against his ear, trying to ignore the rain that falls down on them rapidly.

Instead of doing so, he lets out a loud, wailing sob that rocks her to the core. She’s never seen Blake cry before, but it’s exactly the same as how he laughs; raw and full of heart. His cries sound like they come from a place so deep within him, not many people have been let in on. She can only hold him and stay quiet, rock him gently back and forth when he leans into her embrace more. She has to close her eyes against the sting of her own tears at hearing the brutally raw sounds that come from his mouth. He sounds and looks absolutely wrecked. 

“Blake, you’re gonna get sick. Please let me take you home, at least let me get you to the car.”

Her words fall flat as his sobs keep coming and his body keeps shaking. 

Her hands are going cold and her own clothes are completely sticking to her body now too. She feels the shivers everywhere but she doesn’t know if it’s because of the weather or Blake’s brutal cries. 

“I’m _so_ sorry.” 

His voice breaks and he chokes on a few “Oh God’s” before repeating his apology again.

It’s unclear if he’s talking to her or his late wife, but she decides it doesn’t matter. Right now is about getting him out of here. It’s about keeping him from falling apart so badly, he can’t ever put himself back together again. 

“Shhhh, Blake it’s okay. Breathe.” 

She speaks the words to him while bringing her fingers through his wet curls, pressing down hard enough for him to find stability in her touch.

“Gwen?”

“I’m right here, Blake.”

“You’re here. Why are you here?”

She bites back her own sob.

“Cause I’m worried about you and I want you to come back home. We need you back, Blake.”

“Adam?”

“He’s waiting at home, worried out of his mind.”

Gwen catches Daphne’s horrified look, from where she’s looking at the whole ordeal from inside her car. She shoots her a small smile, hoping to convey that she’s got this under control, though she feels like the opposite.

“Have you been out here the whole time?” She asks, tightening her hold on him. 

He nods.

“Please don’t go.”

Her heart aches, confusion and sadness all filling her body with such a rapidness it makes her dizzy. She cups his cheeks with both hands, forcing him to look at her.

The dark and hazy look in his eyes nearly stuns her back into silence.

“Blake, I know you’re tired and sad, but you need to come with me now okay?”

“I’m so sorry.” He says again, and she realizes his apologies had been for her all this time.

He tries to look back down again but she keeps her hands steady on each side of his face, making that nearly impossible.

“I’m here....” She looks him in the eye and realizes he needs more to keep going right now. She leans forward and places a soft kiss on his forehead, tasting nothing but salt and raindrops. “Please let me take you home. Will you let me do that?”

“Don’t drive.” He says, voice wavering yet earnest. “Not in this weather, please.”

“Blake we can’t stay out here, you’re soaked, we both are. We need to go home.” She points at Daphne’s car. “We’ll follow her. She knows every curve around here like the back of her hand.”

He looks up for a moment, as if he only now realizes they’re not alone.

His voice breaks again when he looks back at her.

“If something happens to you, I’ll die.”

His choice of words hits her like a punch to the gut, tears falling from her eyes.

“Nothing’s gonna happen to me.”

“I’m not worth it.”

“ _Blake_.”

“You’re not hearing me; I’m not _worth_ it.”

Gwen inhales shakily and then relents. “Alright. Then I’ll stay here with you until the rain stops. I don’t care if it takes all night Blake, I’m not leaving you. So we can sit here as long as you need, and I’ll stay until I can drive you home. I’m not leaving, I’m not going anywhere.”

“Why did you come after me?” He cries. “After what I did, after what I said.”

“You’re not ready for that answer.”

His body starts shaking again, another sob wrecking his body.

She curls over him, holding him around his shoulders. 

“There no amount of rain that can wash that feeling away, Blake. And I for one, am glad that it can’t. Because feeling something for you makes me feel alive, even when it kills me.”

He cries still, but his shakes subside, his hand searching for anything to hold onto and settles on the sleeve of her coat.

_“I’m so tired.”_

Seeing her opportunity, she waves for Daphne to come help and lift Blake up. 

She needs to get him home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just hold on. It’s gotta get worse before it gets better


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the feedback on the last chapter. I hope you're ready for some more emotional turmoil...

“How is he doing?” Gwen asks, crossing her arms around her chest, holding herself.

“He barely said a word.” Adam responds, sitting at the kitchen island.

Daphne stayed downstairs while Adam tried to talk to Blake after he’d showered and Gwen hung his soaked clothes out to dry. She had managed to shower for a few minutes herself and came back downstairs in a pair of leggings and a tank top. The three adults are sitting in the large, wooden kitchen. The mood is far from airy, the tension hanging around them like a thick fog.

“He was really out of it.” Gwen says eventually, suppressing her tears at the vivid image of Blake sitting in front of the willow tree, scrunched over and sobbing.

“I’ve never seen him like that.” Daphne says softly.

“He wasn’t ready for this vacation; I never should’ve pushed him to take it.” Adam muses softly, his features expressing pure anguish over the guilt.

“He’s a grown man, Adam. You can’t take the responsibility of his wellbeing on yourself. If he wasn’t ready for this, he should’ve told you.”

“That’s the thing, I feel like he did. I just didn’t listen.”

Gwen sighs. “It’s too late for that now. All we can do is think of a way to get out of this mess.”

“Maybe we should just go back home, leave him alone for a while….”

Adam’s voice sounds soft and defeated, Gwen’s eyes widen.

“You want to leave him alone _now_?”

“You just said it’s not our responsibility.” Adam reminds her. “I think that being alone might be the one thing he needs.”

“I’m not leaving him here.” Gwen says firmly. “Not after how we found him tonight.”

“I’m still here.” Daphne speaks up, her face a mixture of confusion and worry. “I will be around to check on him if you guys leave, you’ve got my word on that.”

For the first time since she’s known the woman, Gwen doesn’t feel angry or jealous at the proposition, though she gently turns it down regardless.

“Thank you, but I just don’t feel comfortable leaving him like this. I’d rather stay.”

“What about Kingston?”

Gwen ponders long and hard, none of the adults saying a word. The silence around them fills every crack in their hearts, every worry speaking for itself in the quietness.

“I could travel home with Kingston for a day, drop him off at my parents and then come back here to spend some more time with Blake.” Gwen thinks out loud, swallowing. “I just know that I need to be here.”

“What if he spirals?” Adam asks. “What if he snaps at you again?”

“I can handle myself.” Gwen answers, feeling the intense stare of the two adults on her.

She knows she’s only known Blake for less than two weeks, but the bond she managed to create with him is unlike anything else in her life. She’s never experienced a longing, a passion like this one. She never knew she could love someone so quickly, and feel so tethered and connected to one’s soul without necessarily knowing the basics about them. It’s the way he looks at her, the way his touch sets her on fire, and the way her whole view of the world shifted in the days she’s been around Blake, that shows her there’s more to life than what she’s known. There’s more to _love_ than what she believed in or could even comprehend.

She needs to stay here and protect the man who gave her all that.

“I know you can.” Adam concedes. “Are you sure that’s what you _wanna_ do?”

“I think you’re right about this being too much for him right now.” Gwen says, nodding. “I don’t think he can handle socializing with too many people right now, so if he needs to stay here, secluded from most people, I want to be there to help him do that. I owe him that.”

“Why?” Daphne asks suddenly, voicing her doubts. “What do you owe him? Better yet, why?”

“He gave me more than he could possibly know.” Gwen answers honestly, biting her bottom lip. “I’m staying because I don’t think he should be completely alone.”

“He wouldn’t be.”

“I wanna be here.” Gwen repeats, her voice lacking all uncertainty.

“Maybe you being here will only make it worse.” Daphne states, her carefulness lessening. “He’s obviously struggling with whatever it is that’s going on between you two.”

“He’s struggling with the death of his wife.” Gwen snaps, her eyes piercing into Daphne’s, her resolve close to breaking. “And me staying or leaving won’t change that. All I can do is show him I’m not willing to give up on him. Isn’t that what we can all agree on that he deserves?”

She shakes her head, air suddenly feeling too thick to inhale.

“It wasn’t an attack on you as a person, Gwen.” The woman whispers, sighing deeply. “I saw the way he reacted to you, the way he completely broke on you out there…. he would never do that if he didn’t completely trust you. I just don’t want him to get confronted with something that could possibly send him down a rabbit hole.”

Gwen nearly throws up at her words, feeling the truth of them settle in.

“We will figure it out.”

“If you think you can handle it, I think it’s worth the shot.” Adam gives in. “I could stay instead but I’ve done that for a lot of months, and I think he might need to hear these things from someone else. Plus, Bee is gonna hate me if I stay away any longer.”

“No, you should go home, be with her.” Gwen says. “You two haven’t been together that long, you should be enjoying your time together.”

Adam smiles. “I do miss her.”

“Then it’s settled.” Gwen says softly, but pointedly. “I’ll call my parents and tell them we’re flying back tomorrow. They’ll appreciate babysitting King for a week.”

Adam nods.

“He’s lucky to have you, Gwen. I hope he can finally accept that now.”

**

She feels the sand tangle with her sandals, heading towards the patio of her parent’s beach house. The ocean shimmers as the barest hint of sun hits it, the sound of the rolling waves hits her ears along with the screech of a seagull. The peace that comes with this place counteracts the guilt and doubt about leaving Kingston here, after pulling him away from the house in the woods he’d warmed up to so much.

With a deep sigh, she turns and runs up the wooden steps and kicks of her sandy sandals. She slips through the sliding doors and walks into her mother and Kingston playing with toy-cars on the floor. She contemplates finding an excuse to leave, letting them have their moment without interrupting.

She’s about to knock on the wall to make her presence known when her father gently taps her on the shoulder, motioning her away from the living room and back onto the front porch.

The beach lies like a picture in front of them, her father sitting down on the wooden rocking chair, motioning for her to do the same.

She’s partially confused and partially unsettled at the fact that her father just whisked her away from spending time with Kingston, but she figures he’s got a good reason to do so.

She hadn’t set down for less than a second before he spoke up.

“Listen to me, Gwen. I love you and I support your decisions.”

She shoots him a concerned look, staying quiet.

“But I know your heart, and it’s big and steep. There’s never too much place for someone in there and I know you want to help this man, but as your father I have to tell you how worried I am.”

Gwen sighs, biting the inside of her cheek.

“I understand, it’s not ideal….”

“Not ideal?” He shakes his head. “Gwen, it’s _dangerous_. You’ve been through such a whirlwind yourself. You can’t spend your whole life running away from your own emotions to help others. That’s not fair to you or the little boy inside.”

“Kingston is always my main priority.” She defends herself quickly, voice shrill at the mention of her son and the indication of her father’s words.

“I know that, but you’re running away across country to help a man you met two weeks ago. Do you really think that’s what you and King are gonna benefit from in the long run?”

“He’s a good man.” Gwen whispers.

“I’m sure he is. But you’re an _awesome_ woman.”

“I try to teach King kindness and compassion over anything. This man needs me right now; even when he says he doesn’t. He needs someone to be there and I think I can help him. How can that possibly be wrong? If anything, me going back to Broken Arrow shows Kingston it’s good to always show up for your friends.”

Dennis nods, giving her a flattened smile. “Is that what he is to you, a friend?”

Gwen’s heart aches, so desperately wanting to tell her father all that Blake means to her, but she’s not sure he’ll understand. She’s not sure _she_ does.

“It’s complicated.”

“That’s exactly my point.” Her father says. “You deserve someone who’s not complicated. For once, you should be with someone who makes things easy for you. Who shows up for _you_ , instead of the other way around.”

“You and mom haven’t always had it easy. Do you think you should’ve given up on her too?”

“That’s different and you know it.” Her father scolds her.

“I don’t think it is, dad.” She says softly, shaking her head. “I believe he’s one of the good ones. I think he could make me incredibly happy if he started to realize he deserved to be as well. I don’t want to give up on him because….” She swallows roughly. “Because I love him.”

Her father’s eyes widen, his hand reaching out for hers.

“Sweetheart, you know I only want the best for you, right?”

“I do. All I’m asking is that you trust me.” She says, holding his gaze while her eyes fill. “I just need to do this. Please don’t try to talk me out of it.”

Her dad nods.

“If this is what you gotta do, then I won’t stop you. Just be careful.”

His words are enough to mend her heart for the time being, making it a little easier to think about the prospect of leaving again soon.

She stands up to hug him and inhales his familiar cologne.

“I love you, dad.”

“Love you too sweetheart. Don’t let him forget he’s got my whole world at his deposal when you’re there, okay? Don’t let him drag your heart around; you’ve been through enough and if he can’t see that, someone else will.”

**

The plane had set foot on the beautiful land of Broken Arrow and Gwen’s heart had fluttered immediately. She clung to her naïve hope the whole flight, hoping it would become a little less difficult to breath. The truth is, she’s terrified to arrive back to a man who’s too damaged to see what he’s got right in front of him, and who can’t be bothered with unlocking his heart to anyone. She wonders how she’s gotten herself so entangled with him, she can hardly think about a future without him now. Something she should probably start envisioning a bit more often.

The air is fresh as she inhales, so different from the air back in LA. She zips up her coat again, her hair blowing in the soft wind.

The last time she walked off this tarmac and towards the small parking lot laying ahead, she was with Adam and Kingston. This time, it’s just her.

She spots Blake’s car in the near distance, the black truck already having left such an impression on her heart. It’s the car that both holds some of her best and worst memories with Blake. The way he’s looked at her while driving her around is what they write poetry about, love stories too beautiful for the small-minded.

She also remembers how spotting his black truck near the falls two days ago, was one of the worst things she’d ever seen. The way Blake had sat against the tree, hunched over and crying was forever imbedded in her brain. She will never be able to erase the look of hurt on his face from her frontal lobe.

Blake’s tall frame hovers against the passenger’s side door, his eyes small and tired as he looks at her from afar. She’s walking slowly, her eyes softening as they take him in. He’s still gorgeous as ever, even when he’s so unaware and exhausted.

She stops right in front of him, trying to take in his features. He doesn’t allow her to stare for a long time as his arms come around her and pull her into him. She’s a little surprised but doesn’t show it, her hands gripping the back of his jacket.

“You came back.” He whispers, almost in disbelief.

“Of course.”

“I told you not to.” He says, and she remembers the text he’d sent her a few hours after she left.

She chuckles against him, but the sentiment lacks all humour.

“You should know by now that I don’t listen to you.”

He scoffs, but doesn’t let go of her body.

“I was going crazy in that house by myself.” He admits.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t come back sooner.”

“You were gone for one night.” He chuckles.

“Still.”

“I’m going crazy, Gwen.” His voice breaks, arms tightening around her. “I don’t want you to see me go down that road, I know how I can get.”

She pulls back enough to look him in the eye.

“I’m not afraid of that, okay? You don’t have to pretend with me.”

“I’m so tired.” He says softly.

His eyes tell a tragic story that she wishes she was unable to read, but somehow she gets every single word of. Her hand smooths over his jacket before she lets go altogether.

“Give me your keys.”

He frowns.

“What?”

“Car keys.”

He looks at her funny before digging into his pocket.

“I can drive, you know?”

She shrugs before taking the keys from his hands and walking around the truck.

“I know you can.” She shoots back, opening the car door and settling into the large vehicle.

She expected more pushback, but for the first time since she’s known him, he says absolutely nothing as he gets into the passenger’s seat.

**

She had showered when she got back to the house, needing a change of clothes and wanting to wash away the rustic plane smell that hovered around her.

She had changed into loose sweats and a white t-shirt, that belonged to Blake.

When she came back downstairs, the smell of fish was intense and she rounds the kitchen to find Blake cooking dinner. He’s wearing a simple t-shirt with jeans, his strong arms bare and incredibly distracting. She remembers what it feels like to be wrapped up by those, to be _pinned down_ by them, and she has to swallow roughly before sitting down on the kitchen stool.

“You’re cooking tonight I see.”

“The least I can do.”

“Blake, you don’t owe me anything for coming back. It’s just what you do for people you—” She cuts herself off, knowing he won’t be able to handle those words.

“Because you love me?” He says, the words slipping from his mouth as if he’s telling her about the weather.

His demeanour confuses her, but she’s learned not to expect too much from him when it came to that department.

“Yes.”

He looks at her, resting his one hand on the kitchen island while the other one turns on the oven.

“You shouldn’t.”

“I know, you’ve told me that.”

“Then why won’t you listen?”

She scoffs. “Because that’s not how this works, Blake. I can’t just _unlove_ you because that would be more comfortable for you.”

“We need to warm up the oven for twenty minutes before I can put the fish in. We’ll eat around seven.”

He steps away from the counter and leaves her sitting alone.

She tries hard not to let the sunken feeling reach her gut, but it’s hard not to feel some type of way. She inhales deeply before following him into the living room.

“You wanna watch some tv or something?” She asks, trying to change the subject without completely erasing herself from the occasion. _He_ might try to, but she won’t let him –that’s not what she came back for.

“I can see it in your eyes, you know?”

She shakes her head, confused.

“The regret.” He emphasizes.

Her heart plummets. “You’re wrong.”

“You wish you’d never came back and I warned you.”

“Stop.”

“You’re so damned stubborn.” He snaps, walking over her with a looming threat that would feel dangerous if it had been anyone but Blake. “I can’t give you what you want. You’re back for less than a few hours and I already feel like I’m losing my goddamn mind. Having you here is….”

“Is what?” She pushes, trying to breath despite the sudden proximity of him. “Difficult? Does it demand some social skills? Some emotion?”

He bites his lip and scoffs.

“If you think you can somehow push me to become better, _change_ me, I really should’ve left you standing on the airport.”

“You would’ve liked that, wouldn’t you?”

He nods, and then steps even more impossibly closer.

“Yes. I would’ve liked not having to pick you up, you know why?”

“Why?”

“Because having you here means hurting the both of us. I don’t know whether I despise the hell out of you or if I love you.”

It’s the closest she’s come to him saying those three words and she feels herself tremble with desire and anxiety.

“Blake.”

“Stop looking at me like that. I warned you.”

“How am I looking at you?” She asks, her voice softer than before.

“Like you want me. I’m telling you I can’t stand you being here; why aren’t you getting mad? Why aren’t you walking away or telling me to go to hell?”

“Because I don’t believe this is who you are.”

“You see a good man.”

“I do.”

He scoffs again, more bitterly this time. “Perhaps that’s why you keep getting hurt.”

She felt like she was dropped into an alternate universe in which someone would say that to her. He certainly couldn’t have.

“Excuse me?”

“I told you I’m not the nice guy you think I am.”

“No.” She shakes her head furiously, her breathing uneven. “You are, that’s what’s driving me so insane. You’re so damn scared you’d rather pretend to be this idiotic jackass, even though that’s the _furthest_ thing from who you are.”

“You don’t even know me.” He yells.

She cowers at his volume for a small instant, but regains her bearings quickly.

“Did I hit a nerve?” She asks simply. “That’s good. Feel something.”

_“God fucking damnit.”_

“I’m not going anywhere.”

“Yeah.” He chuckles. “You made that pretty clear.”

“Tell me when you’re done pretending to hate it. You can talk to me when you’re ready to be an adult again.”

“What do you want from me?” He sighs, voice picking up in volume again as he looks at her.

“I want you to let someone else in.” She says. “I want you to let me help you so we can both get out of this place. I’m not asking for the world, Blake. I just want to help you.”

“Stop that.”

“No.”  
  
“I mean it, Gwen.”

“You can’t do this forever— “

“I’m fine right here.” He yells again, vein in his neck throbbing. “I don’t need you here to babysit me. I don’t need you to love me. I can be here alone and admire you in silence, I will forget about you someday. I can do that. You _need_ to let me do that.”

His words cut her like a knife, but she won’t let it show.

“We both know that’s not how it works.” She whispers. “You don’t just forget about the people you love; if that were the case, things would be a lot easier for you, wouldn’t it?”

His jaw locks.

“Don’t talk about her.”

He looks down at her, the panic in her body making everything look blurry. She knew she crossed a line as soon as the words escaped her, but there’s something about Blake in this state that makes her desperate to get him to acknowledge _something_ real.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” He yells again and this time she snaps.

“What the hell is wrong with me?” Her voice matches his intensity. “You’re the one who— “

Before she could even get the rest of her sentence out, he grabbed the collar of her shirt and pressed his lips against hers. He bites at her lip just a little too roughly, but she can’t get herself to pull away until they’re both out of breath.

“What are you doing?” She whispers, unable to help herself as she runs her fingers down his jawline.

“Stop talking.” He demands of her softly, yet roughly. “I mean it.”

“Blake.”

 _“Fuck it_.” He hisses, pressing his lips against hers again and backing her into the wall. Her sounds get muffled by his lips and his broad body feels warm against her.

She is still angry and confused, but she’s getting distracted by his weight against her and his skilled lips making her tremble.

His fingers reach down to her sweatpants, pulling them down her waist. She keeps him close by the short hairs of his nape, trying to keep kissing him while he skilfully undresses her.

There’s something about being manhandled against the wall, stripped naked, while Blake’s hands move down to her ass and squeezes, that has her panting and rocking her hips.

“Jump.” He groans against her neck, but all her senses are on overload and his demand takes longer than usual to settle.

“Fine.” He says lowly, taking matters into his own hands and using his arms to haul her up against him, her legs hooking around his waist as he opens her up.

She gasps at the sudden movement, which Blake uses to his advantage. His fingers move up to her lips, pressing against the thin flesh until she opens her mouth to suck at his index and middle finger. He smiles at her wickedly before sliding his slick digits between her legs.

He finds her entrance easily, pressing the tips of his fingers inside of her slowly. He pampers her shoulder with wet and lingering kisses as he presses into her further.

“Please Blake.” She moans, feeling herself shivering intensely.

“What?” He taunts, reaching her ear and sucking her lobe into his mouth.

_“Fuck me.”_

Instead he holds her hipbone tightly, forcing her to stay still and take his fingers inside her deeply. She could feel herself stretch around them and her tiny little frustrated cries pour out of her religiously as he shushes her while nuzzling her cheek.

He’s still angry and it’s obvious in the way he’s adamant to not give her what she wants.

“If you don’t get in me right now, I swear to God I’ll— “

He takes himself in hand and pushes forward, her loud moan bouncing off the walls. He angles his hips to make the slide easier and pants loudly as he thrusts into her vigorously. She slides her arm around his neck, holding on the only way she can.

She cries out when he fills her completely, his entire length moving in and out of her at a rapid pace. He grabs her arms and places them above her head on the wall, giving her nothing to hold on to.

“Blake, oh my god.” She babbles, her entire body overheating with pleasure. “I can’t, please.”

“You drive me crazy, you know that?” He asks, luring her into a filthy, open-mouthed kiss that has her eyes watering.

She just moans and stutters out broken words against his lips, trying not to come from the pure sensation of his broad chest pressing her against the wall.

“Is this what you want?”

His southern accent somehow thickens in arousal, and she closes her eyes at the gorgeous picture he makes for and the incredible sound that makes her weak in the knees.

“God yes.” She whimpers.

He quickens the motions of his hips and uses his hand to rub at her clit, struggling for breath as her climax hits her violently. She shudders and shakes in his arms, trying to wriggle her arms out of his grip but his hands are too strong.

She can do nothing but let it all happen, the strong feelings coursing through her body leaving her limp like a rag doll.

She’s still coming down her high when she feels Blake spilling into her, both his hands tightening around her wrists. He gasps against her neck as he circles his hips to empty himself completely, moaning low in his throat when she involuntarily tightens around him once more.

She shudders when he finally let’s go of her arms, letting them fall weakly onto his shoulders. She doesn’t think she can stand yet and luckily for her, Blake doesn’t seem in a hurry to put her down. She feels him softening inside her, the sensation of him still lingering there filling her in more ways than one.

“Blake….”

“Not now.” He whispers, his hand trailing the features of her face as if he just saw them for the first time, a miracle in motion. “Let’s not talk right now.”

She swallows roughly, giving in.

“Okay.”

It’s a few minutes later that he sets her down again, her legs still a bit wobbly as she gets dressed. Blake’s body is no longer pressing her into the wall and she misses his weight immediately.

“I’ll check on our food.” He says, as if he didn’t just fuck the living daylights out of her. “Should be ready soon.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Their coping habits might not be the healthiest at the moment, but bear with them-- they're only human.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anyone asked for a balance between angst and fluff? Be ready to receive.

Maybe it was the little time spent at home at her parent’s, that made her reconsider what happened before dinner. The beach that laid at her feet less than twelve hours ago had a way of getting rid of all claustrophobic feelings. She bites her lip as she shifts on the couch, taking a small bite of her fish dish. She eyes her glass of wine on the coffee table but doesn’t touch it.

She bites the inside of her cheek, glancing at the kitchen. She wonders why it was so nice to see Blake being domestic in there while cooking dinner, even after he’d fucked her brains out. Even _after_ she made a mess of her mind again and got lost in everything she shouldn’t. She shakes her head in mild self-pity, berating herself for letting him take her so easily, forgetting about boundaries immediately.

Blake is a scarred man, someone who needs time and patience to get back to his old self, and instead she let him distract them from what was really important and gave him a reason to get lost in her again. She briefly wonders if she’ll ever get to the point where he can be domestic with _her_ , but she wills that thought out of her mind quickly.

She won’t benefit from any more disappointments.

“How’s the food?” Blake asks roughly, his voice low as if the words weighed too much to say any louder. Perhaps they do; these are the first words he’d spoken to her after their encounter.

She swallows and leans her head back against the couch.

“It’s good, thank you.”

The quietness in the house is eerie. She’s only ever experienced this place with Adam and Kingston there too, never experiencing this level of silence.

“Do you miss him?” Blake asks next, and it’s clear who he’s talking about.

“It’s only the first night, but yeah.” She whispers. “I think it’s more guilt though. I left him at my parents while I promised him we’d go on vacation together.”

“You did.” Blake counters.

“But it was cut short.”

She didn’t mean for a bit of accusation to lace her tone, but it did.

“I didn’t mean for that to happen.” He offers, and she thinks it’s the closest she’ll get to an apology.

“I believe that. I think there’s a lot that’s happening that you didn’t mean for it to…. right?”

She closes her eyes at the question, just because she’s fishing for a truth she knows she won’t like.

Blake’s soft groan is what snaps her back to reality, opening her eyes.

“If you’re talking about us, you already know how I feel about that.”

“You feel like there is no us.”

“There shouldn’t be, there _can’t_ be.”

“What if it’s too late?” She says softly, daring to look at him. “What if there already is an us?”

Blake sighs, running a fingertip over his bruised knuckles.

“I don’t regret fucking you.” He says, and something about the use of the word _fucking_ bothers her—he’ll never speak of making _love_ to her. “I knew what I was doing and I won’t ever say I regret that. But we both know what it is, what it was.”

“An escape? A distraction?” She pushes, shaking her head. “I actually don’t think I know. I would like you to tell me.”

He looks at her exasperatedly, taking a bite of his dinner, nearly finishing his plate.

“I didn’t know what was gonna happen when you came back, Gwen. I didn’t even know if I wanted you to. But you know already that there’s something about you that I just can’t…. you’re tempting.”

“Tempting?”

“I wish I could tell you I didn’t feel a thing when you came back, but I can’t. I felt fucking everything Gwen. I still do. I don’t know how to shut that off or ignore it. If you’re asking me to, I can’t okay?”

“I like you.” She says softly, looking at her plate on her lap. “I love you.”

“Stop saying that….”

“I’ve never told you before.” She challenges, looking at him. “I never told you, I _wrote_ about it and you invaded my privacy when you read it.”

“And I apologize for that, but I can’t…. you can’t tell me.”

“I don’t care.” She speaks before she thinks, but she doesn’t take it back. Instead she takes in Blake’s surprised features. “I don’t care because I just left my kid back in LA for you. I came back to a man who loves me one day and hates me the next and I did that because I love you. You can ask me to be patient with you, and I will be. You can even deny your feelings for me and I will find a way to deal with that too. But don’t…. _don’t_ ask me to do the same. Don’t ask me to pretend like none of this means anything. You might do that, but I can’t. I need you to know that I love you, I need to be able to tell you, because I’ll go crazy staying here if I don’t.”

He shakes his head in defeat and dejection.

“What if I can’t handle that?”

“Then fight, god damnit.” She hisses. “You tell me all the things you can’t do, but what about the things you _can_? Why are you not fighting, why are you not _trying_?”

His jaw clenches and she can basically see the offenses on the tip of his tongue. She’s grateful when she watches him swallow them all.

“I’m gonna let that one slide.”

She swallows roughly, bringing her near empty plate to the kitchen. She’s not hungry anymore, her throat and stomach tight.

“I didn’t mean it like that.” She says as she walks back into the living room.

“I know.”

“I should probably go to sleep. I’m tired.”

Blake nods. “Are you— “

“Yeah.” She interrupts. “I’m taking the guest room.”

**

She hears the doorbell ring downstairs, jerking her from her sleep. She keeps her eyes closed though, not knowing what time it is, but knowing it’s too damn early. She’s incredibly comfortable for the first time in a while, her body tangled with the fresh white sheets. She only grimaces and opens her eyes when the doorbell rings again and its Blake’s hurried footsteps down the stairs that keep her intrigued.

She glances over at the alarm on her nightstand, revealing it’s a little past eight am.

She hears the door open, the sound of unfamiliar chatter making her reach for her robe and open the door. She stays on the top of the stairs, not wanting to interrupt or out herself to their new visitors.

“Please, just tell me, did something happen?”

Blake’s voice sounds less firm than it usually does, the actual nerves and anxiety present in his tone. Gwen fights the urge to walk downstairs and comfort him, but the voice of the male visitor keeps her in place.

“We received a new lead last week in the case of your wife, Miranda Lambert.”

It hits Gwen then, the men downstairs are police officers.

“Apparently, someone in Oklahoma City reported a car with a crack in the windshield and a damaged hood. They thought the car might’ve been stolen.” She watches as Blake grips the doorknob tightly, his whole demeanour changing from something anxious to something damn near destructive. “We traced the license plate and were able to confirm the car _wasn’t_ stolen and the registered driver was the rightful owner of the car.”

“I don’t understand….” Blake says hoarsely.

“All the traffic cams around the area where you and your wife had the accident didn’t give a clear enough picture of the car, but we figured there was a sixty percent chance this vehicle matched the blurry evidence from the street cam. We decided to pay the man a visit and us showing up at his doorstep was enough to break him. He confessed to the accident immediately, thinking we showed up there to arrest him.”

Gwen sucks in a deep breath, her own hands now squeezing the railing.

“I don’t…. _what_ ….” Blake’s voice stutters and breaks, Gwen’s heart doing damn near the same.

“He’s under arrest and being charged with vehicular homicide. He’ll spend the next five years in jail and will lose his license.”

“Only five years?” Blake whispers.

“Unfortunately the maximum sentence for this felony is up to six years in jail and the defendant appears genuinely regretful. Five years is a severe punishment for the crime.”

“I lost my wife.” Blake yells, causing Gwen to wince upstairs.

“I understand, sir. We do encourage you to sue in civil court. The compensatory damages you could get from the defendant would go well up into the thousands.”

Gwen keeps herself quiet, forcing herself to stay upstairs while Blake hears the officers out. She can tell he’s emotional and close to his breaking point.

“He will never cause another accident again, that’s for sure.” The officer tells him lastly; the sound of a handshake being exchanged is the last thing before the door closes and pure silence fills the house again.

“ _Gwen_.”

He tries to call for her, thinking she’s still asleep in her room, but his voice doesn’t hold enough volume to reach very far.

Her feet lead her down the stairs quickly and Blake looks a little surprised to find out she actually heard him.

“Gwen they— “

“I heard.” She cuts him off, sparing him the nuisance of having to tell the whole story all over again.

“I can’t….” His voice drifts off and his legs give out, his body sliding down the wall with a _thud_.

Gwen rushes to his side, lowering herself onto the ground next to him and pulling his head towards her shoulder.

“I got you.”

She holds him as tightly as she can without suffocating or scaring him, his sobs loud and ugly as they wreck through him. She can’t imagine the pain and the relief that must all be coursing through him at the news. She lowers her head to his neck and places a soft kiss there.

“I’m sorry.” He cries harder and she just shushes him gently, trying to convey there’s no reason for him to apologize right now.

“It’s over.” He whispers, holding on to her knee. “It’s over Gwen?”

She’s confused at what exactly he’s asking her, but she nods and holds him tight.

“It is. It’s over now, Blake. They got him.”

She could feel him lose his composure again, his shoulders shaking as he holds on to her like a life-line. His hands grip her leg so hard, it’s like he’s afraid she’ll be taken away from him too. Heartbreak is the only way she can describe the raw sounds that come from him.

“I just want you to know I tried.” He says softly, his voice rough.

“Tried what?” Gwen asks, continuing to hold him.

“I wish I could have saved you but I never gave up. I swear if I could do it all over again, I would’ve stopped. I wouldn’t have driven you home.”

Her breathing stops for a moment as she realizes he’s not talking to her at all. She just holds him while he pours his heart out to a ghost, yet her tears are heavy on her cheeks.

“I hope you can finally forgive me for everything I didn’t do right when you were still here. I hope you can forgive me for falling out of love with you too. I’ll still love you forever. I’m overjoyed the person who’s responsible for taking you off this world is finally facing justice. Now all I want for you is peace. I think your peace might be the closest thing I’ll get to forgiveness.”

Gwen bites hard on her lip to keep herself from sobbing out loud.

“I’m sorry, Ran. I love you.” He takes in such a deep breath he starts coughing with the effort. “It’s over now. Rest sweet darling.”

She lowers her head to his, placing a soft kiss on his crown.

“You’re a good man, Blake.” She whispers, afraid to say anything else.

Hearing her voice seems to be the moment he realizes he’s not alone, and remembers her presence. He sits up straighter, keeping his arm on her leg for balance. His tired and tear-soaked face looks at her vulnerably.

“I’m sorry.”

This time she’s sure he is talking to her, both her hands cup his cheek in response.

“I don’t know what you’re apologizing for now, but there’s no need. I’m here for you, okay?”

One of his hands moves up to his cheek, covering hers. His grip isn’t firm but it’s enough to give her hope.

He’s coming back to her.

“What do you need?” She dares to ask eventually, her voice quiet.

“Can I take you somewhere?”

Her brows rise. “ _Now_?”

“After I wash up?”

She nods, surprised and slightly hesitant.

“Uh, yeah sure. Are you confident you’re ready, we can just stay home, lay low?”

He shakes his head, softly tugging at her hand and bringing it to his mouth, placing a soft kiss on her knuckles.

“I need to do this.” He answers, the look in his eyes so sincere it causes another tear to fall from her eyes. “But maybe you should drive.”

**

They’ve been driving for ten minutes, the dirt road now as familiar as the concrete highway in LA that takes her to work daily. It’s funny how quickly she managed to make this place her own, even with all the setbacks and drama she experienced here.

She remembers one of the first weeks she spent here and how Arin told her people in Broken Arrow have found the healthiest place to live; in a world where you need your soul to survive, Broken Arrow was different. She hadn’t been lying. This place reeked of peace and serenity, even when their own lives didn’t resemble much of that.

“Almost there.” Blake mutters, his eyes focused on the nature that stretches on outside the window.

“Are we going to the falls?” She asks, recognizing the path.

Blake shakes his head. “Not this time.”

“It’s the same route then?”

“Partially.” He replies softly, still not looking at her. “Just keep driving straight ahead.”

“Not much of a choice on that one.” She murmurs, seeing as there’s no option to turn left or right anywhere.

She decides to drop the questions, knowing she won’t get an answer anyway. Blake still couldn’t believe today’s events and that was clear in the way he sat back and let her take the lead ever since the phone call occurred. He hasn’t been thinking clear, he even let her drive, admitting he was in no condition to.

“When you pass that big tree, make a sharp left.” Blake’s calm instruction follows, causing Gwen’s brows to shoot up.

“Blake, there’s not even a path there, you want me to go through the bushes?”

Blake snorts. “There’s a small path there, you’ll see it when you get closer.”

Her eyes narrow as she takes in every aspect of the dirt road in front of her, passing the tree with incredible slowness.

“Can you drive _any_ slower?” He asks, a hint of teasing in his voice.

“I don’t see a path.” She says high-pitched, her hands gripping the steering wheel. “There’s no path, Blake.”

“Just take a left.”

“Right now?”

Blake hums.

“Blake, where— “

“Just take it, trust me.”

She panics when she steers the wheel all the way to the left, her eyes widening when the car seems to hit branches before stuttering out on a small and narrow road.

“Now breathe.” He chuckles.

“Please tell me we’re close, because I’m about to have a heart attack driving around here.”

“We are close.” He affirms. “I don’t know why you’re so stressed, I told you there was a road here.”

“I’m sorry these damn _forest trees_ wouldn’t let me see the path.”

“These are actually called blueberry bushes.” He corrects her with a smirk.

“Whatever.” She mumbles, hearing his soft laughter next to her.

She gets a few seconds of soaking in the newfound lightness surrounding them, before Blake’s finger points to a spot next to a willow.

“Just park the truck here.”

Her eyes glance over to a cabin not too far from where they’re standing, shaking her head.

“Blake, I think this is someone’s property.”

“Park it.”

He doesn’t give her a choice, before opening the passenger’s door and jumping out. She turns off the engine and follows his lead, her head still shaking as he walks out in front of her.

“Do you know who lives here?”

As she asks the question, Blake holds his hand out for her to take. She does so quickly, letting him pull her up the steep hill that lies ahead, not letting go until they’re walking on solid ground again.

The path grew wide where the soil was soft and then narrows again in the bushy passes. There are times it’s barely there at all, no more than a mild disturbance in the dirt.

“No one lives here.” He finally answers her, nearing the deserted cabin.

“What do you mean ‘no one lives here’?”

He looks back at her with a smile.

“Exactly what I said. No one lives here. Meaning this place belongs to no one, it’s been empty and deserted for the longest time.”

“And we’re going there because….”

“Cause it’s pretty.”

Gwen’s mouth opens to say something, but she swallows her words, knowing it’s gonna be useless. Her legs suddenly slow down, not following Blake up to the front door.

“I can’t.” She says softly, biting her lip. “This is wrong.”

“How is it wrong?”

“It’s trespassing.” She hisses, confused as to how he can’t see that.

He walks back over to her, his hands coming to her shoulders.

“No one lives here, so technically we’re not trespassing on anyone’s property.”

“I don’t believe that’s how it works.” She whispers.

“Just come here.” He says, tugging her along. “You’ll love it. This house looks out over the woods in the front and the lake at the back. It’s _cozy_ —isn’t that what you love?”

“Why’d you say cozy like that?” She asks, letting him drag her inside reluctantly.

“See for yourself.”

Blake pushes at the front door, the wood appearing old as she easily gets it to open.

The spirit of the house immediately struck her as warm, retreating into the welcoming wood away from the dust. Though the floors are bare and the paint is in need of loving care, the furniture lays still and mostly unharmed. It stands the same, strong beneath the flakes and dirt of years of neglect.

The abandoned cabin stands in a composed way, as if it had chosen solitude for itself. As if residents were a luxury it could do without.

“ _Woah_.” She gasps, turning around to take in the whole space.

He chuckles while coming up behind her, nudging her towards the window at the back.

“See?” He murmurs, inhaling deeply. “This is why I said cozy like that. Because you love that kind of stuff and this place has your name written all over it, except for the horrible state it’s in—I know you’d never let that happen.”

She chuckles. “Yeah, it’s musty and dry in here.”

“Nothing opening doors and windows can’t solve.”

She suddenly turns around in his arms, something inside her brain clicking.

“How long are you intending on staying here?”

His mischievous smile shows her the answer before he says it out loud.

“One whole night.”

She gasps. “Blake, we can’t stay in a house that’s not ours! And the door was open, it can’t even lock. Let’s not get started on not having anything here; no clothes, no toothbrush, no _food_. Have you thought about any of that? And oh my god, if you think for a second I’m gonna lay on a deserted and disgusting bed, you’re in for such a surprise.”

He smirks. “Are you done?”

She opens her mouth before closing it, sighing.

“ _Maybe_.”

“I’ve been here before. There’s a piece of wood at the back that’s perfect to barricade the door with, even though not a single person ever comes out here. There’s a convenience store only fifteen minutes away from here, at the beginning of the main road, we can get some food there. You won’t need any clothes; we can sleep in our underwear. Or naked—it’s really what you prefer, darling.”

“This is insane.” She whispers, looking at him with wide eyes. “What about a bed? Where the hell do you think we’re sleeping?”

He looks at her with a smile again, his playfulness in this moment making her even more nervous.

“I have a bunch of blankets in the back of my truck.” He comments, cocking his head to the left. “And look, there’s a perfectly suitable rug _right there.”_

“You can’t be serious….”

“Oh, but I am.”

“I’m gonna die here.” She surrenders, not even thinking about her choice of words. “I’m absolutely gonna die here; in the middle of the woods, in a house that won’t lock, with wild animals all around us.”

He chuckles softly and she misses the slight crack in his demeanour when he speaks.

“No one is gonna die here, Gwen. Not today.”


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is more fluff than angst. But don't be fooled--this chapter sets the tone for their biggest breakdown yet...

She’s been airing out the rug outside for the last forty minutes, trying to ignore every sound of nature that scares her into believing there’s a wild animal stalking around, waiting for the perfect moment to attack. Blake had told her animals don’t like to show themselves during the daytime, being more afraid of them then the other way around. She’s not so sure about that, but she decides not to fight him on it for her own sanity.

She scoffs when part of the rug slips out of her hands and hits the ground.

“Need any help with that?” Blake asks, his figure leaning against the side of the cabin.  
“How long have you been watching me?”

“Few minutes. You know that thing is clean by now, right?”

“We’re gonna lay on this thing….as in _sleep_ on it.” She says, shaking her head. “It literally can’t ever be clean enough.”

Blake chuckles, walking up to her and picking up the side of the rug that’s no longer in her hands. He helps her pat off the remaining dust, though most of it is gone.

She must admit—the cabin was in a way better state than she imagined it would be, after years of abandonment.

“Why did you go here before?” She asks, looking at him as the muscles in his arms strain under the weight of the carpet.

“I was just exploring around these woods when I first bought the house here. I came across this cabin by accident and Daphne told me it had been deserted for many years. I took Adam here once just because he didn’t believe me.”

Gwen nods. “Have you slept in there before?”

“No, I haven’t.” Blake smirks. “Are you still afraid?”

“We’re in the middle of nowhere, in a house that can’t lock its door. I’m still afraid.”

“What, you think someone is gonna get in there and _rob_ the place?” He asks, scoffing. “Have you looked around in there; there’s nothing to steal. Literally.”

“A robber wouldn’t know that until they break in.”

“No one is gonna break in.” Blake assures her. “And if they do, I’ll protect you.”

Gwen shakes her head, patting her side of the rug once more and then looking up at Blake’s intense blue eyes.

“If anyone robs us, what do we do? I mean, I guess we could give them the truck. I don’t have any jewellery on me, I don’t even have my purse.”

“Gwen.”

“And wild animals. Do you have a gun? A hunting rifle?”

Blake takes the entire rug of her hands, carrying it inside. Gwen looks confused for a second before he walks over to her again, his palms cupping her cheeks.

“You’re freaking yourself out for no reason.” He says softly, his grip on her tightening. “No one is gonna rob us and no wild animals will come in tonight, I promise. Can you please try to relax? I didn’t bring you here to scare the shit out of you, I actually brought you here because I thought we could both use a change of scenery, something to take our minds off things.”

She feels some of the tension leave her body, her eyes locked on his.

“I was wondering why you dragged me out here after what happened today.”

“I just need to be somewhere else.”

Gwen nods, then grabs his wrist. “I am happy you wanted to go somewhere, it’s better than staying in the house all day, feeling miserable.”

“We could still feel miserable here.” He jokes.

“We could be miserable anywhere.”

“Or happy….”

“Or happy.” She whispers.

“I’m gonna kiss you now, is that okay?”

His question throws her off, especially since he doesn’t wait for her answer.

His mouth is soft and explorative against hers, not hungry and dominant like it’s been before. He cups her chin and delivers the kiss like an actual boyfriend would; the thought having her mind reeling. She knows better than to expect something stable, but she gets lost in the feeling and the illusion all the same.

One hand tightens in Blake’s hair while the other curls around the fabric on his shoulder. She presses herself closer to his chest, inhaling sharply when he pushes her back against the wall. He doesn’t seem eager for more space though, as his body chases hers down immediately.

The kiss feels like it lasts forever, and when Blake pulls back, her eyes are wide.

“Do you know you look _insanely_ beautiful after you’ve been kissed?”

Her voice sounds a bit funny when she speaks, higher and more shrill than usual.

“No one’s ever told me that before, so no….”

“That’s a shame.”

Gwen leans in to kiss him again, something about the weak smile on Blake’s face letting her know that’s the right idea. He grunts when her lips touch his again, his hand skimming the expanse of her back.

Perhaps she shouldn’t be physical with him while he’s in such a fragile mindset, maybe she’s hurting herself by feeding this illusion he has no intention of making a reality anytime soon, but the truth is she’s _weak_. She’s too weak to stop herself, too weak to care in moments of passion with him. She just wants to feel him, everywhere, anytime.

“Do you want this?” He whispers between kisses, pressing her against the cabin, his hand sliding underneath her top so he can touch her bare skin.

She nods against him, not feeling like talking.

“You’re so gorgeous.” He says, the sentiment easy for him to express, in contradiction to almost every other admission that takes vulnerability. “Right here?”

She nods again, this time attempting at a faint response.

“ _Please_.”

He chuckles lowly, tugging at her bottom lip with his teeth. His hands move to her ass, palming her there as he exhales against her neck.

She grinds against his erection pressing against her hip, smirking when he groans. Her hands move to free him from his pants, when a glimpse of something behind him makes her freeze.

“If you stop right now….” Blake groans in frustration, shaking his head.

“Blake.” She whispers, her voice giving her sincere fright away.

“What’s wrong?” He asks worried, pulling up his zipper as he follows her line of vision and looks behind him to find what’s scaring her.

Blake chuckles. “Sweetheart, it’s a deer.”

He steps aside to let her see, and her heartbeat returns somewhat to normal. She pulls a hand to cover her forehead, gasping.

“Oh my God, I thought it was a bear or something.”

“A _bear_? How do you mistake a deer for a bear?”

“I don’t know.” She whispers frantically, feeling herself getting slightly nervous again at the sight of the large deer not too far away from them. “I didn’t completely see it; I just saw a glimpse of _something_ moving behind you—and it was brown.”

“You wanna go inside?” He asks, touching her hand lightly.

“Yes please.”

He makes a move to walk out in front of her, when her hand grasps his forearm. She shakes her head furiously, pressing herself to his side.

“Can you _not_ leave me alone, please?” She expresses anxiously, causing another low chuckle to escape his throat.

“I’m right here. I do hope that deer doesn’t decide to break in later tonight. He might not be welcome.”

She slaps his shoulder, closing the door quickly after they walked back into the cabin.

“That’s not funny.”

“It is just a little bit.”

She shakes her head.

“I hope you still find it funny after I tell you this just completely ruined the mood.”

He looks at her for a second, his arousal still apparent in his jeans.

“Cockblocked by a damn deer.” He mutters.

“Not so funny now, is it?”

**

After she’d come down from her little scare earlier, she and Blake rushed back to the house to get some left-over food from the night before and a bottle of wine. When they came back to the cabin, the sky had changed to a darker shade of blue and the wind was moving around the trees like they were paper. It was a mysterious sight, even slightly intimidating, something she never would’ve liked had she been alone.

But being at this deserted cabin with Blake is undeniably alluring. Something he had tried to tell her all along.

The blankets he brought from the truck were large enough to cover them both and then some, the rug beneath them surprisingly soft and comfortable.

She’d watched Blake barricade the door with a wooden branch that he was able to secure at both sides, just enough for the door to be sufficiently jammed shut from the inside. It was a nice solution to their problem, but she still felt a bit uncomfortable at the thought. Sitting side by side with Blake, his shoulder touching hers, he was able to notice right away.

“Here.” He hands her another glass of wine, their food already consumed.

“Trying to get me drunk?”

“Trying to get you to relax.”

She smiles, bringing the glass to her lips.

“I _am_ relaxed.”

“I can see your mind thinking of nightmare scenarios right now.”

“This is just something you could never do in LA.” She chuckles, taking another sip. “Spending the night in an abandoned house…. keeping the door technically unlocked.”

“That’s why this place is ten times better than LA.” Blake offers with a shrug.

“I would have to fight you on that, though Broken Arrow comes a close second.”

He bites his lip while looking at her.

“You were born and raised there, right?”

She nods. “Yes. Basically had the beach as my backyard all my life.”

“That must’ve been nice.” He says softly. “You never thought of moving somewhere else?”

“No, my life is there. I have my job, my family, friends. I never thought about packing up and leaving all that behind.”

Blake nods. “I’m glad you decided to take a quick break from there though.”

Her head whips around to face him, her eyes widening slightly. It’s the first time since their big blow up, that he’s been able to confess he enjoys her presence.

“Me too.” She whispers, the tension between them growing.  
He swirls around the contents of his glass before sipping on it, his face scrunching in the process.  
“I like the woods.” He says suddenly, a small smile appearing on his lips. “I feel like I don’t have to be anyone here. I can just be lost and I don’t need to find myself.”

“You need to find yourself though, Blake. You know that right?”

He looks at her sweetly. “I do. Life just seems to be easier out here; away from everyone and their expectations. I can be heartbroken, shattered, whatever. The only ones who’ll witness that downfall out here are the sky and woods.”

“You have people out here that care for you.”

“Daphne and Arin?”

Hearing Daphne’s name causes a quick and involuntarily shiver to course through her.

“Yes, like Daphne and Arin.”

“I’m grateful for them.” Blake says, taking another sip and Gwen realizes he’s far into his fourth drink already. “I’m grateful for you too.”

Gwen smiles behind her own glass, trying not to feel too hopeful with that admission. She can’t help but feel her heart flutter though.

“There’s a lot to still be grateful for, Blake.” She says, looking at him. “It’s okay if you’re unable to see that sometimes, but it’s there. You just need to let yourself be reminded of it.”

“Is that why you’re here?” He dares to ask.

She bites her lip.

“Do you think I could?”

She wants to make Blake see everything he is and everything he’s got, never letting him live a day of his life feeling unworthy. She wants to tell him that the colour of the sky reminds her of the one in his eyes and it gives her the same sense of freedom. There’s so much Blake is that makes the world a better place, but she doesn’t possess the power to make him aware of all of this.

If she did, Blake would never have a worry or care again in the world. She’d protect him from all the feeling that make him feel bad and ashamed, and she’d protect him from loss in the future, because a man like him should not have to carry the burden of such intense grief. He’s bright as the woods he loves, but unlike the forest that lies at their feet, Blake doesn’t know peace.

“You can do a lot of things.” He says, voice soft. “You don’t give up, I admire that about you.”

“Neither do you.”

He scoffs. “I’ve given up, Gwen. We both know that.”

She shakes her head, hating the words that spill off his tongue.

“No you haven’t. You’re still here, you’re still trying. You fought like hell to get justice for your wife and you’ve been a great friend to Adam. You still have so much left to give.”

His eyes zone in on her, the expression on his face hard to read. She thinks it might be a mixture of love and fear.

“Do you think it’s time to give _her_ up?”

The question hits her so hard, she thinks she might have gasped audibly. Blake leans back on his elbow, filling up another glass for himself.

“Trying to get drunk?” She asks, trying to distract and subtly warn him to slow down.

He just smiles and takes a large sip, leaving her question unanswered. She thinks about his and feels her stomach tighten.

“I can’t speak on that, Blake.” She whispers. “All I know is that you deserve to feel peace. You can’t spend your whole life feeling guilty about that night. It wasn’t your fault.”

“It wasn’t hers either, yet she’s no longer here. Why her? Why not me?”

“Because life is unfair, Blake. The only right outcome would’ve been the both of you coming out unscratched. You might think it should’ve been you, but you’re wrong.”

“There were so many people that loved her.” He whispers.

“There are so many people who love you.” She says, her hand cupping his cheek, his stubble feeling prickly underneath her palm. “There are people alive right now who couldn’t imagine their live without you. I can’t imagine what it would’ve been like if I never met you. I’m glad you’re still here and the thought of you ever not being here—it _guts_ me.”

“Gwen….” He says softly, her name sounding like some sort of miracle word he feels weird about speaking out loud but wants to all the same. His features are soft and she’s seen drunk men enough to realize he’s well on his way. She still doesn’t retract her hand or her words.

“You’re such a gift to us all Blake Shelton.”

“It’s crazy how much I used to be obsessed with her, how much time I spent thinking about her, and yet she never stopped time. I feel like I was waiting for someone to stop me dead in my tracks and let life pass me by just for a few magical seconds.”

Gwen smiles absently. “Aren’t we all searching for that?”

“It should’ve been her.”

Gwen nods. It _should’ve_ been Miranda. She knows that; she also knows that life is cruel and the person you love often times doesn’t turn out to be the right one. No matter how hard you push, pretend or force—sometimes you just need to let go in order to find the person who does stop time, who makes you believe in love even when it hurts, even when it surpasses your level of understanding or comprehension.

“That doesn’t make you a bad person.” Gwen says and she can tell he’s relieved when he realizes she understands him without him needing to say everything out loud.

He chuckles and takes another sip of his drink, his body laying back as he’s no longer able to support himself.

“I never imagined the woman who’d stop time for me would be afraid of a damn _deer_.”

Gwen’s heart skips a beat, her throat constricting.

“Blake— “

“You’re blushing again. I like it when you do that.”

He’s slurring his words now and she shakes her head.

“You’re drunk.”

“I am.” He admits, his hand skimming her arm, getting her attention. “Doesn’t change the fact that you’re blushing.”

“I am.”

He smiles. “Lay down.”

Unable to deny his soft and swoon-worthy request, she lays down next to him and lets him adjust the blanket so it covers them perfectly. She can see the darkness outside, the old cabin indeed cozy. If things weren’t so damn complicated all the time, she would name this the most fairytale-like moment of her life.

“What are you doing?” She giggles when he pulls her closer, manhandling her until she’s straddling him.

“I want you to look at me.” He says simply.

“And I need to be straddling your hips for that?”

“I like how you look on top of me.” He smirks.

She can see his hand reach over the carpet to reach his glass but she grabs his arm. “You should really slow down on those.”

“I know some people are into that, but I’m not the biggest fan of the mommy kink.”

Gwen snorts.

“Oh, _please_ , when it comes to me you’re into _everything_.” She jokes.

He shrugs, the lazy smile on his face due to the alcohol but she pretends it’s all because of her, for just a few glorious seconds.

“You’re right. You’re very beautiful, Gwen.”

She shakes her head. “You’ve said this so many times today.”

“It’s the truth.”

“It’s enough.” She smiles, not great with compliments.

“How about letting me decide that?” He smirks, trailing her hip with his finger. “You’re beautiful and I feel like telling you until I can no longer speak, which might be…. sooner rather than later.”

Gwen smiles, eying the liquor to his side he’s keeping untouched after her soft demand.

Her hand smooths some curls from his forehand, his drunk-self allowing her to softly touch him. The moment is way more intimate than they’ve shared before and she can feel the emotional tug of war around them. His eyes are big as they look at her, as she sits on top of him softly touching his hair.

Then his low voice decides to knock the wind out of her.

“I love you.”

Blake holds her gaze like he didn’t just rock her whole world, her body stuttering. There’s a moment of hatred that courses through her, she would’ve sold her soul for him to have picked another moment. Instead he voiced his love for her while _drunk_ , his face portraying zero nerves about it, as if he just told her she’s beautiful for the thousandth time.

“W-what?”

“You’re so beautiful.”

“Blake.”

“Let me get you another one….” He moves for the bottle to the side and accidentally knocks over his empty glass, finally causing Gwen to move.

“You’ve had enough.” She says softly, moving off him, and pulling him back to lay down.

She tucks the blankets securely around him, her finger briefly touching his cheek.

“Lay down with me. I wanna feel you.”

She tries to push back tears at the fact that he’s saying everything she wants to hear tonight, yet not in his right mind, and she fails at keeping them at bay when he spoons her, drifting to sleep faster than he ever has.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a lot of angst. A breakdown from Blake is what we all expect at this point, but Gwen has been tirelessly fighting for a man who can't love her. That gets to be too much for anyone. Any other ending to this chapter would not have felt realistic to me.

She makes a quick jog for the stairs, leaning against the railing.

“I’m gonna call Kingston for a few before I get ready.”

Blake smiles at her from the bottom of the stairs, a smile on his face. It’s been a while since she’s seen that feature and it brings back some joy to her heart.

“Take your time. This is Broken Arrow; we don’t need a reservation.”

Gwen nods and smiles, heading upstairs quickly. She misses Kingston like a missing limb, the third day of being without him is a rough one. She closes the bedroom door and props herself up on the bed, waiting anxiously for the video call to go through. Blake had warned her about the reception out here not being super stable, but she hopes it’ll be enough to get her through at least a few minutes with her baby.

Kingston’s smiley face fills her screen suddenly, his adorable voice hitting her next.

“Mommy, I miss you!”

She bites her lip, nearly bursting into tears.

“I miss you too, sweet boy. Are you enjoying your stay with grandma and grandpa?”

“We went to the beach all day and then got ice cream and chicken fingers.”

Gwen chuckles. “Sounds like a healthy diet. Are you having fun?”

Kingston nods. “It’s really fun. When will you be back? Grandma is making lemonade, if you want I can save you some?”

Right as he says that, her mother appears into the screen next to him, obviously having sat there the whole time but only now making her presence known.

Gwen sniffs. “That sounds really nice, King. Unfortunately, I won’t be back yet tomorrow, but soon. _Very_ soon—I promise.”

“How about you and I make your mom some lemonade when she gets back, huh?” Her mother intervenes, causing Kingston to smile.

“Strawberry flavour?”

Gwen smiles at the cute interaction between her mother and King, yet the underlying sadness she feels about not being there weighs heavy on her heart.

“Do you like strawberry, Gwen?” Her mother asks.

Gwen pushes down her tears once more, forcing a smile on her face.

“Strawberry is my favorite.”

She knows her mother is well aware of that, but the proud smile on King’s face shows he wasn’t on to their little show.

“I miss you guys a lot. Everything is good here….” She starts to say, catching her mother’s worried glance. “It’s just weird being so far away. I can’t wait to give you all such a big hug when I get back.”

“Mommy, how is Blake? Will he come home with you, too?”

Gwen nearly chokes at the mention of Blake, Kingston’s bond with the cowboy a special one, even if the time they’ve known each other has been incredibly short.

“I don’t think so baby.” Gwen answers softly, her teeth gnawing at the inside of her cheek. “But he misses you too.”

“Can you hug him for me?”

She’s unable to keep her tears at bay any longer, a stray tear falling down her cheek. Her mother smiles at her sympathetically.

“Take care of yourself, okay Gwen? We’ve got everything under control here. Just be careful.”

Gwen nods, her finger quickly swiping the moisture off her face.

“I will.” She answers her mom, before looking back at Kingston. “And I will give Blake a hug for you. Keep listening to grandma and grandpa, okay?”

“Okay mommy.”

“Sleep tight.”

“Night night.”

The line disconnects, the silence filling the room once more.

She’s finally able to let her tears flow freely, her heart aching for too many reasons to count. She inhales sharply, feeling her breath catch in the process. She’s used to staying strong for others, keeping her composure, but lately she’s been threatening to crack.

Blake’s offer to take her out for dinner tonight came as a surprise. She figured having the nice getaway with him in the cabin was enough closeness he could handle, but instead he’d asked her for _more_ without prompting.

Torn between saying yes and rejecting his offer, she couldn’t go with the latter. It’s special whenever Blake lets his walls down enough for her to be let into his space and she’s not about to make him feel bad for the one time he does. Even if the prospect gives her anxiety, the whole situation feeling like she’s waiting for it to blow up in her face again.

She composes herself after a few minutes, wiping her tears and walking into the adjacent bathroom. She splashes some water in her face and reapplies her make-up, searching her closet for something nice to wear.

The only attire she packed that’s slightly festive is a black dress, one she planned on wearing to a restaurant with Adam, Blake and King. A dinner that never happened.

She looks at herself in the mirror, smoothing the fabric of her dress out. The piece of clothing ends right below her thigh, hugging her in all the right places. She decides on wearing her hair down and goes for the only pair of heels she brought, the same ones she wore to their bar before.

Though it’s not the best she’s ever looked, she can’t deny she looks good.

She opens the door, calling for Blake downstairs.

“You ready to head out, Blake?”

His voice comes seconds later.

“Born ready.”

Gwen smiles and takes a deep breath, preparing herself for an eventful and unexpected evening.

She walks down the stairs, catching Blake’s gaze as she does so. His eyes hone in on her, not once wavering. If she weren’t so damn nervous all the sudden, she’d gloat in the feeling of admiration; he’s admiring her in every sense of the word right now.

“Jesus Gwen.”

“It’s the only thing I brought with me.”

She stands still in front of him, biting her lip.

His hand slides down to her waist, barely touching, not grabbing.

“You look incredible. Damn, you’re gonna attract quite the lookers.”

She chuckles, feeling her cheeks flush.

“There’s only one person’s attention I really want.”

He looks as if he’s going to say something, but then reconsiders. That in itself isn’t very surprising to her. His smile on the other hand _is_ , and she suddenly doesn’t mind the lack of verbal response.

He tugs at her hip before softly tapping her there.

“Ready?”

She nods, feeling her heart swell as he holds the door open for her and places his free hand on her lower back to lead her to his truck.

**

She had expected the place to be more like a diner than anything else, but the restaurant actually looked like a modern one; dark walnut tables, stone tile floors and delicate live piano music playing as a backdrop. The place wasn’t actually very pricy or prestige, but they sure did their best to look like it. It was the kind of effort Gwen could appreciate, showing an actual passion for the place.

“Thank you for doing this.” Gwen says softly, looking at him with a pure look in her eyes.

There’s something about being here with him, especially after the night they shared in the cabin, that feels extra special. She knows doing any of this doesn’t come easy to him, but there’s a small and hopeful part in her heart that thinks he might have planned this because of what he said to her last night.

She hadn’t had the nerve to bring it up again, especially since he woke up a bit hungover and didn’t mention much of their conversation.

It wasn’t something she wanted to push him on either, but there’s no denying that her heart has been aching ever since he spoke those three words to her.

“Should’ve done it sooner.” He says, reaching for the drink menu and letting her take her pick first.

She smiles and lets her eyes go over all the booze they provide. She’s hit by the first realization of this place not actually being as prestige as it makes you believe on the outside, their choices limited.

“You look gorgeous.” Blake says softly, and she realizes he’s been watching her the whole time she’s been looking over the plasticised menu.

“Thank you.”

She bites her lip, trying to suppress the eagerness in which she wants to respond to that. She’s no stranger to compliments about her looks, but she rarely ever hears them from someone who makes her believe them.

She believes Blake.

“Did you settle on what you want yet?”

_You. Everything you got, I want you to give it to me._

“Yes.” She slides the menu over to him and watches as he doesn’t even look at it, instead waves for the waitress.

The younger looking woman smiles as she approaches their table, her name tag announcing her name is Lilly.

“My name is Lilly, I’ll be taking care of you guys tonight. What can I get you to drink?”

“A chardonnay please.” Gwen says sweetly, watching Blake chuckle from the corner of her eye.

She’s known him long enough to know not to get offended when he makes fun of her likings. Instead, she smiles right along with him.

“An arrow for you, Blake?”

Blake just nods and thanks the girl charmingly, Gwen’s eyes widening.

“They sell your drink here?”

“They do.”

“It wasn’t on the menu.”

“Flip it over.”

Gwen takes the menu back and turns it over, her eyes squinting as she tries to find it. Blake’s finger gently points at it after a few seconds of watching her with amusement.

“You come here a lot?”

Blake shrugs. “Have been here a few times, wouldn’t say _a lot.”_

“She knew your name.” Gwen observes.

“Everyone knows each other’s name out here.”

“Now I kinda feel bad for not choosing your drink.” Gwen mumbles. “Why wouldn’t you tell me?”

Blake chuckles. “It’s not that big of a deal.”

“Of course it is, they sell your drink here!”

“And so do a bunch of other places around the country.”

Gwen shrugs. “I don’t know, I just feel like that’s something huge. Means it’s successful.”

Blake smiles at her softly.

“I do have to admit, it’s nice to see you so excited about it.”

That makes her look up to him.

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“I don’t know, I guess I’ve never been with a girl who’s necessarily excited about my business like that.”

There are too many things in his sentence to unpack, but she silently starts doing so anyway. Her eyes must betray her inner musings as he calls her out on it swiftly.

“What?”

“It’s just…. I’m sorry you feel like you never had that support before.”

“She supported me.” He counters, sounding defensive.

Gwen winces, trying to think of ways to turn the conversation around when the waitress interrupts them with their drinks. They smile sweetly and wait till she’s gone again.

“Just not when it came to the bar?” Gwen asks carefully.

“Let’s not talk about this, okay?”

Gwen nods, feeling defeated but letting it go for now.

“Blake?”

He hums. “Yeah?”

“You said you’d never _been_ with a girl who was excited about that….” She chooses her words carefully, needing to ask what she’s about to. “Is that what you consider us to be? _Together_?”

He looks at her with a complex look on his features, one she can’t read. He opens his mouth to say something before stammering out a response.

“I don’t know, I haven’t really thought about it.”

As much as she tries to hide it, there’s a surge of bitterness that rushes through her. This is the same man that told her he loved her less than twelve hours ago.

“ _Right_.”

“God Gwen, what now?”

Her eyes widen, her hand reaching out for the flute of her glass.

“ _What now?_ ”

“You don’t like that answer, _obviously_. Then why’d you ask?”

“Gosh, I don’t know Blake—perhaps I got confused because you say one thing and then contradict yourself like every other day. Sorry for not being able to keep up with you.”

Blake looks at her flabbergasted.

“What are you talking about?”

Gwen shakes her head, taking a sip of her wine and trying to make the words that roll off her lips sound a little less fiery.

“Why did you tell me you love me?”

She’s heard about the saying 'getting the wind knocked out of you', and experienced it herself quite a few times, but this might be the first time she’s actually seen that happen to someone _else_.

Blake looks absolutely shocked and then it hits her—he doesn’t remember.

“Oh my God.” She whispers, feeling the tears spring to her eyes.

She knew he was drunk, even knew he’d probably never repeat the words while sober, but somehow knowing he _forgot_ about them altogether makes her want to throw up or trash the place.

“When— “

“Last night.” She forces out, her voice hoarse.

“Gwen…. I drank too much last night, I didn’t mean— “

“You didn’t mean it?” She looks at him with a smile on her face, though it lacks all amusement. “ _Nice_ , little word of advice; the next time you find yourself a girl to bang before getting drunk out of your mind and telling her you love her, make sure you take it back right away. Don’t wait a while and _definitely_ don’t take her out for a romantic dinner afterwards.”

“Gwen, that’s not what I was trying to say, I just….” He shakes his head, words failing him. “I don’t know how to make this better, I shouldn’t have said it.”

“No you shouldn’t have.”

“Can I take your order?”

The sweet waitress had returned to their table, oblivious to the conversation she just interrupted again.

“Yes….” Blake begins to say, but Gwen cuts him off.

“Actually no. Can we have the check, please? Something just came up.”

Blake looks at her quickly, but she ignores his stare.

Their waitress smiles politely. “Of course, coming right up.”

When they’re alone again, Blake rubs a hand over his mouth.

“What the hell are you doing?”

“Getting out of here.” She replies. “I don’t feel like eating out anymore.”

“Gwen, you’re seriously gonna ruin the whole night over this? I told you I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said it. I was drunk out of my mind, I obviously didn’t set out to hurt you.”

“But you _did_.” Gwen hisses, taking another large sip of her wine. “You _did_ hurt me, Blake. I know things are complicated for you, I know you’re fighting your own demons, but I cannot be this thing for you to enjoy when you feel like it. You can’t tell me you love me and then take it back, and expect me to be fine.”

“Don’t make me out to be the bad guy like that.” He challenges her angrily. “Don’t pretend like I forced you into something you didn’t want. I told you many times that you shouldn’t get involved with me but you didn’t listen. You could’ve told me to stop if you didn’t want to have sex with me, but you didn’t do that either. You wanna blame someone? Blame yourself. Blame yourself for not listening to me when I warned you, blame yourself for loving some fucked-up individual like myself.”

Gwen looks at him stunned, scoffing.

“You think I want this? You think I _chose_ to fall in love with someone who can’t even be real with himself long enough to feel something?” She scoffs again. “Trust me, if I could unlove you, I would.”

Tears burn in her eyes, her heart feeling like it’s being stomped all over.

“I don’t need this.”

“Sure you don’t. Cause that’s all you care about, isn’t it?” Gwen continues. “All you care about is how things make _you_ feel, how they freak you out. Well, what about me? What about the things that freak me out, what about the things _I_ need?”

“What do you want me to do right now?” Blake asks. “I can’t take the words back, Gwen. I said them, I wish I hadn’t, but I did.”

Gwen shakes her head, standing up abruptly.

“I don’t think I want anything from you right now. I don’t even think I want to be around you.”

“So leave.”

Gwen forces her tears to stay inside, swallowing harshly before nodding and walking off.

“Gwen, my keys.”

“Call Daphne.” She shouts back, ignoring the few people who turn their heads to look at the commotion.

She digs into the pockets of her coat and retrieves Blake’s car keys, using them to unlock his truck as she drives far away from the restaurant, leaving Blake and his empty promises behind.

**

She headed straight upstairs after getting back to the house. She’d laid down on her bed with her dress and make-up still on, crying until she finally lost the fight with her subconscious and fell asleep. But even in her unconsciousness, she wasn’t able to find much peace. Her whole night was filled with tossing and turning, her mind playing over the fight with Blake a thousand times, each time giving her a different ending—each time worse than the last.

When she finally wakes again, the sunlight is creeping through the windows and her pillow is smeared with mascara stains. She sighs heavily, pushing herself off the mattress and heading for the shower.

She briefly considers whether Blake’s up already, she fell asleep before he came home, since she can’t remember ever hearing him come back. She’s forever grateful Adam left her with his key for the house, otherwise she wouldn’t have been able to leave the restaurant without Blake—and that’s the last thing she would’ve wanted.

The hot stream of water eases some of the soreness she feels from falling asleep on top of the covers in her skin-tight dress, her tossing and turning only making it worse. She feels horrible. Her eyes still hurt from all the crying she’s done, her stomach is yearning for food since she didn’t even eat last night, and her heart is still as beaten up as it was the night before.

She tries to avoid the mirror once she steps out of the shower, not even wanting to know what she looks like right now. She uses make-up wipes to get the final smudges of make-up off and washes her face, brushing her hair up into a messy bun.

Back in her room, _guest_ room, she searches for the comfiest clothes she brought. She settles for an oversized hoodie and some black sweats. She looks as useless as she feels, but it’s not like she has any reason to dress up or even look presentable. It’s not like Blake will care either—he couldn’t care less and that was a hard pill to swallow, no matter how hard she tried.

Every time, her heart would trick her into believing that there was hope. That he could possibly wake up one day and realize he wants her too much to continue to fight it.

She’s done doing that now. She just wants to talk to him, tell him they should just stick to being friends and hope like hell he will continue to let her help him, in whatever way she can.

The minute she walks downstairs, the front door opens slowly, Blake’s tall figure stepping inside while she hears a car pulling away.

Her legs carry her down the stairs on auto-pilot, her whole body feeling weird.

Blake never came home last night.

“Where were you?” She asks as she finally descends the stairs, meeting him in the living room.

He throws his house keys on the dinner table and walks past her.

“Daphne’s.”

“All night?”

Blake hums. “You told me to call her, so I did.”

“I said that so you could get yourself a ride home.”

He looks at her pointedly.

“Which I did.”

Gwen watches as he enters the kitchen, opening the fridge and pulling out a bottle of beer. All the dread and anger from last night comes rushing back to her and she’s following him into the kitchen quickly.

“It’s 11:30 am.”

Blake takes a swig from his beer, sitting at the kitchen counter.

“I’m aware.”

“You stayed with Daphne and her husband all night?” Gwen asks the obvious again, just needing to hear him say it one more time.

“No, Bob wasn’t home, he was out working again.”

Gwen’s heart hammers as the possibilities of what might’ve happened cloud her brain. With the way Blake’s desperate to drink his way out of this and the fact that he stayed with a woman who hasn’t been hiding her affection for Blake at all, it almost feels like he’s trying to spell it out for her.

Gwen nods. “So you were just with Daphne all night.”

He takes another swig of the bottle. “You left and took the truck. If you didn’t want me spending time with her, you should’ve thought about that before you left me at the restaurant.”

“I needed to clear my head.”

“How did that work out for ya?” He chuckles bitterly, his eyes avoiding hers as he looks straight ahead at the kitchen wall.

There are so many emotions running through her body, it’s hard to express them all. The only thing she can actively portray is sadness.

“I left Kingston at my parents for you.”

“I never asked you to do that.” He shoots back.

“You didn’t, but you could at least show some gratitude that I did.”

He finally looks at her, his eyes saying something his mouth can’t seem to produce.

“I told you I was happy you showed up.”

“No you didn’t.” She shakes her head, swallowing roughly. “You told me you were going crazy alone in the house.”

“It’s the same thing.”

Her mouth hangs agape slightly. “It’s not the same thing. If you’re happy I’m here, _say_ it.”

“This is why I decided not to come straight home last night.” He says calmly, yet his demeanour seems tense. “I didn’t want to have to deal with this right here.”

“So it was your decision to stay with _Daphne_ all night?”

“Stop saying her name like that. I know what you’re thinking and it’s not true.”

“Oh, I don’t think you know what I’m thinking at all.”

Blake shakes his head. “Whatever. Honestly Gwen, what do you want from me? Besides constant validation.”

Gwen scoffs, hoping that the weight of that insult isn’t all too visible on her face. She doesn’t want to give him that.

“I’ve been through shit too, you know?” She says softly, rubbing over her heart, hoping that at some point, the ache there will lessen. “You’re not the only one who’s getting over something. You might wanna keep that in mind.”

“I know that. It’s why I told you not to get involved with me.”

“Is _that_ why?” She asks, biting her lip as she prepares herself for the final blow. “I thought it was because you can’t get over your dead wife.”

Blake slams down the beer bottle violently.

“You know what, I don’t think you understand loss at all. You claim you do, but all you know is betrayal. That’s not loss; you can’t lose something you never had in the first place.” He steps closer to her, ignoring the hurt look on her face. “You act like you’re so much better than me, like you’re somehow above it all, but you’re not. You don’t understand the type of love I had for her, you never could – all you do is desperately search for it. It’s why you’re so damn jealous of Daphne and why you’re so threatened by a woman who doesn’t even walk this _Earth_ anymore.”

Gwen tries to breathe through it all, unwilling to show him in how many pieces her heart just broke. He might be able to break it, but he’s not able to mend it. She knows that now.

“I’m so tired.” She whispers. She knows they’re the exact same words he used when he broke down that notorious night, and the look in his eyes shows that he’s not oblivious to the meaning. “If that’s what you think of me, there’s no reason for me to be here.”

He doesn’t answer her and she thinks it might be for the best; she doesn’t know how many more insults her heart can take.

“Answer me one thing, was I wrong about her?”

He swallows roughly.

“She kissed me.”

She scoffs, knowing damn well what he’s doing and she’s taking the bait one last time.

“I hope you got out of that what you needed.” She says, making her way to the stairs. “I hope it was worth it.”

**

She had been here before; packing her stuff up after Blake blew up on her. It’s almost full circle that it’s happening again. This time, she won’t be persuaded to stay though. Her tears aren’t blurring her vision like they did the first time either, they’re staying on the tip of her lids, her anger too apparent to let them out.

She thought she’d be more upset about hearing Daphne kissed him, but the truth is, she always knew it would happen, she just wondered when. She’s not mad that it did either, because she now knows it’s not her, or _Daphne_ that could ever give Blake what he needs. Only he can do that. Daphne doesn’t stand a chance.

Neither does she.

She just needs to go back home and be with Kingston. It’s the one relationship that gives her hope, that doesn’t just take until she’s empty, that doesn’t leave her wanting to die.

All this time, Blake had been so overly cautious of her not getting harmed in any way, only to be the one to inflict the most damage on her heart. She loves this man. Has from the very beginning. This is the first time she genuinely wished that wasn’t the case. She wishes she’d never took Adam up on his offer to come here, she wishes she’d never had met the Oklahoman, she wishes her heart never belonged to him.

It’s gonna be hell to erase him from her mind, or heart, but she’s determined to try. Better yet, she’s determined to succeed.

She grabs her phone after being all packed up, sitting on top of her suitcase as she calls the one person who’d been right all along.

“Dad?”

“Sweetheart, are you okay?”

Her voice must’ve given her away and the moment she hears her father’s genuine concern, she breaks.

He lets her cry, lets her exclaim a few breathy apologies as she tries to get it together again and just stays silent, giving her exactly what she needs.

“I’m sorry, you were right.” She sobs.

“Right about what, honey?”

“Him. It’s not gonna work. I’m coming home.”

Her father stays quiet for a few seconds, the only sounds heard are her sniffles.

“You gave it your best shot, you went back to care for someone who desperately needed it and you were right, that’s commendable.”

“It didn’t work though.” She cries, wiping at her eyes.

“Sometimes our efforts just aren’t enough. Gwen, this man has lost his wife. He’s got to find peace somehow and that’s just not always a journey we can help with.”

Gwen swallows roughly. “I love him.”

“I know you do. You opened your heart up after all you’ve been through; that’s something you didn’t think you were capable of doing. You didn’t lose anything here, Gwen. He did. _Twice_ now.”

The burn of that statement is so intense, her voice cracks when she changes the subject.

“How’s Kingston doing?”

She can hear the small smile in her dad’s voice.

“He’s doing great. He’s been baking cookies with Pattie all day yesterday and he’s currently taking a little nap upstairs.”

Gwen smiles, the image of her little boy the only thing that makes her feel slightly better.

“I’m coming back.”

“He misses you, he’ll be thrilled.”

“I miss him too.” Gwen cries. “You don’t even know how much.”

“Come back home, Gwen. We’ll be waiting for you.”

Gwen nods, even though he can’t see.

“I’ll head to the airport today, see if I can change my flight there.”

“And you’re sure about this?” Her father asks, his voice soft and understanding.

Gwen doesn’t do anything as a few tears fall again, the floodgates opened.

“I have to leave. It’ll kill me if I don’t.”

**

_Dear Blake,_

_Somehow I envisioned I wouldn’t get to say any of this when I left. I think I did us both a favour by leaving with as few words as possible, just a few heated stares to complete my departure._

_You’re either cleaning the guest room, erasing my presence in there entirely or stumbling upon this letter by accident as I left it behind on the pillow._

_I love you. It breaks my heart that the three most beautiful words in the English language, the most beautiful thing I could possibly give you, is the thing that causes you pain. That’s never what I set out to do._

_I know you probably hate me. I told you I’d stay, that I would be there for you every step of the way and I failed you and myself. My heart hasn’t healed yet either and as much as it hurts me to admit, I don’t think it can do that around you. I find myself trying to work for something you’re just not ready to give me. In my promise that I wouldn’t push, I’ve done exactly that. In your promise not to hurt me, you’ve done exactly that._

_I think we’ve both been through enough and I don’t want to add to any more pain. I don’t pretend to understand your grief, but I hope you know I’ve always understood your heart. It’s why mine got so enamoured with yours._

_I’m not leaving cause I stopped loving you. I left cause I was on the brink of unloving myself. I’ve done that before and I can’t let that happen again. I have a little boy back home who’s counting on me._

_When you read this letter, I’m probably high up in the sky, nearing the state of California. It’s where I’ve always belonged. Yet a piece of my heart will always be in Broken Arrow, or Oklahoma, or wherever you might venture out to._

_I’m angry, I’m hurt, but I’m mostly in love._

_I know that doesn’t make you happy, and therefore I hope my departure does._

_Be happy._

_Love again._

_Even if it takes you a lifetime. Don’t give up. Use that heart of yours._

_If there’s one thing I’ve learned about this whole thing, it’s that our hearts are much stronger than we give ourselves credit for. I learned to love you and I carry both the joy and heavy burden of that. What you learned is not up to me to say, but it is up to me to feel._

_I haven’t even left yet and I miss you already._

_Perhaps that’s what love is; letting go._

_I’m letting you go. Sorry I couldn’t do that sooner or more gracefully._

_I will carry you in my heart forever, no amount of rain can ever wash that away._

_\- Gwen._

There was a jolt as the back wheels came into contact with the tarmac. As the roaring engine slowly died down, she thought of how Blake must’ve found her letter by now. Just once. Then she let him go.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is mostly a flashback chapter -- it's something many of you asked for. I aim to please. 
> 
> Trigger warning: Graphic descriptions of a car-crash and death. If any of these things upset you, don't read past this note. 
> 
> If you're still here, please enjoy and let me know what you think in the comments (I'm nervous about this one). 

“I am ready to go out.” She says.

He looks at his wife quickly, noticing how much effort she’d put into her outfit and fully dolled-up face. He was more of a natural kind of guy; she didn’t need any of that stuff but he couldn’t deny she looked great. He wasn’t too much of an asshole to tell her, either.

“You look amazing.”

She smiles widely, her pink lips stretched wide.

“Let’s go out to dinner now.” She speaks impatiently, grabbing her purse from the dinner table. “I don’t want you to change your mind.”

He looks at her confused.

“Why would I do that?”

“Because you haven’t initiated a date-night in what, _six_ months?”

Blake sighs, having had this argument too many times before.

“Ran, you know I’ve been busy with setting up the bar. You could’ve come down to one of the locations sometimes, you know? I would’ve loved it if you’d been there for the opening night.”

“And you know I was busy with my _own_ work that night.” She shoots back, lifting one of her shoulders to show she’s not too apologetic about that. “I’m your wife and I just feel like you expect me to drop everything for you in order to get some attention. Why can’t you just give me a little bit more, Blake?”

“I love you.” He answers her instead, walking over to her and cupping her cheeks with his hands.

He loves her, he does. He might not be _in_ love, but he loves her like no other. They met in college and had been inseparable ever since. He knows her like the back of his hand and vice versa. It was familiar and comfortable to be with her, but he started to need more. They were young when they got married—too young, and neither one of them was brave enough to admit they made a mistake. They were always supposed to be in each other’s lives, but not as husband and wife.

And that’s something he feels intensely guilty over. The least he can do is make sure she never misses out on anything while being with him; he started his business to regulate even more money into their household, wanting to provide her with her dream home, a place where they can get children and a few dogs, letting them run wildly in their large backyard, or a ranch filled with horses and countless acres of space to spend their childhood years at.

He knows it’s her dream, part of it is also his.

“I miss you.” She says, biting her lip as she looks up at him. “I feel like you’re pulling away from me.”

“I’m not.” He shoots back quickly, placing a soft kiss on her lips. “I promise I’m not going anywhere. I want you to be happy. I just need us to find some common ground, a compromise of some sorts. I can’t be the only one trying to make time.”

“I’m sorry I missed the grand opening. I know that hurt you.”

Her apology comes out softly, and he’s stunned by it to say the least. He loves Miranda but if there’s one thing she doesn’t do, it’s apologize.

“Thank you, that means a lot. I needed you there, it wasn’t the same without you.”

She nods. “I know. I was busy but I should’ve made the time. This wasn’t something small, you worked your ass off for it.”

He swallows roughly, his thumb softly caressing her cheek.

“It’s over, let’s not dwell on it anymore.”

She smiles in gratitude when a loud roaring sound in the sky introduces an impending storm. He’s still holding her when rain starts pouring down on the roof, sounding like a vicious attack on the wood.

“Shit, we should get going, I don’t want to get soaked. I did my damn hair for once.” Miranda mutters, tugging out of his grasp and grabbing her long jacket from the hallway. “You coming?”

Blake is only a few seconds behind her, putting on his own coat and grabbing the car keys. He holds the door open for her and watches her make a run for their truck, furiously cussing at the sky for ruining her hair.

“You look great, honey.” Blake affirms for her when he’s in the car too, starting up the large vehicle.

She scoffs. “I look like a wet dog.”

“A gorgeous wet dog.”

He can see her roll her eyes and chuckles, moments like these reminding him of why they became such close friends in college and eventually led them to being more.

“Just get this wet dog to the restaurant quickly, I’m starving.”

**

He’s paying the bill when Miranda suddenly looks at him with a weird look in her eyes. He’s known her long enough she’s bothered by something.

“What’s wrong?”

“I feel like you’re annoyed with me.”

He looks up at her, staring for a few long seconds. He’s not annoyed with her, he’s just nervous about the prospect of driving in these weather conditions and doesn’t think she’s being responsible.

“I’m not annoyed Ran. But look at the weather outside…” He motions with his head towards the large window, the rain clattering down on it like bullets during a shoot-out. “I just think we should wait it out, that’s all.”

“I told you already; I _need_ you tonight. I enjoyed dinner, but now I want to go home and just lay in your arms and take you upstairs when the night’s over. I don’t want to stay here.”

“It would be only until the worst of it is over.”

“After literally being MIA for months, I think you owe me this much.”

Just like that, his guilt over the whole situation comes rushing back. He _has_ been gone a lot for work, spending most his time with Adam or the bar in Oklahoma and Nashville. The expansion had gone quickly and he needs to be there for every single development, dedicated to being hands-on with the whole company.

“And before you say it, you also promised to be hands-on in this marriage.” His wife says next, reading his mind. “I can drive if you want?”

Blake snorts. “You’ve had way too many cheap glasses of red. You’re not driving _anywhere_.”

Miranda smiles and throws her hands up, putting on her jacket as she gets up to leave. Blake’s up quickly too, his hand on her lower back as he escorts her to the exit.

He’s still not sure it’s a good idea to drive now, considering the rain makes for a hazy fog and he knows their house is surrounded by forest; making it already harder to see.

Deciding to give into his wife, he starts the engine and refs up the heater, causing Miranda to lay her head against the headrest and sigh contently.

“I love you.”

He smiles at the words, something about them still so pure whenever she says them. It’s not often and he’s okay with that; his wife isn’t big on being sentimental or on verbal communication in general. He doesn’t feel like forcing her to be either. He knew who he married.

“I love you too.”

Black clouds sprawl across the sky, billowing it from the west. Their brassy glare drains the colour from houses and trees along the way. A stillness has fallen over the streets and in the silence comes a loud crackle of thunder, rolling across the city and blowing the rain viciously against their windshield.

There was another rumble of thunder as it tears leaves from the trees, branches and raindrops hitting the window.

“Jesus.” Blake mutters.

“It will be good for the plants.”

“Keep telling yourself that.” Blake smiles.

“If your parents hadn’t pushed for it, would you have married me at twenty-three?” Miranda asks suddenly. “Would you have married me at all?”

The question shocks his whole being, the thunderous weather outside nothing compared to the sudden storm inside his heart.

“What?”

“Just answer the question.”

Her voice is soft and low, and he can tell she’s feeling the drinks she’s consumed tonight. He also knows that she means the question she just asked and wants an answer; something he won’t be able to get out of.

“Of course I would’ve.”

“Are you lying?”

 _Yes_.

“No.”

It’s quiet for a while aside from the storm raging on outside the car.

He looks at her briefly, seeing her blank stare as she keeps her eyes trained on the windshield.

“Ran…”

“I just wish you would’ve been honest with me.”

Blake shakes his head, his hands involuntarily tightening on the steering wheel.

“Sweetheart, I love you. Would I have married you that young, I don’t know. Maybe not.” He gauges her reaction to that admission but he doesn’t really get one, so he continues. “Marriage isn’t easy, but we make it work, isn’t that what it’s all about?”

Miranda nods quietly.

He can see her eyes beginning to glisten and it rips at his heart so badly, he can barely handle it.

“Please don’t get upset. Where is this coming from suddenly?”

“I’ve been thinking about it myself Blake.” She says, and he can feel her eyes on the side of his face now. “I’ve been thinking about what would’ve happened if your parents didn’t pressure you, or if I hadn’t been so determined. You love me, I know that, I can see that in everything you do and say to me. But we’re so different….”

“And obviously it works.” Blake interrupts her, confused as to why _he’s_ the one who’s fighting this question so hard when it’s _him_ who’s asked it to himself so many times. “We’ve been married ten years and I’m happy.”

“Are you content?”

His heart pounds, the answer to that question so easy yet so complicated. He stays quiet for a second, watching her tears collect in her eyes again and his head turns to her.

“Baby— “

His sentence gets cut off by the mind-numbing sound that fills the vehicle before the impact of the other car becomes undeniable. There was barely any time to scream before the air bags knocked them back and the truck tumbled over into the nearby bushes, rolling over a few times, before coming to an absolute stop.

The silence that followed almost scared him more than the pain. He’d read about car accidents all the time, but never did he hear anything about the _silence_ after the loud bang.

The car had flipped so many times, he’d become incredibly disoriented, definitely sustaining a concussion. The truck was laying on its side, and his eyes would barely open when he tried. As his sight came back to him slowly, he realized most of his view was coloured red. It takes him a few seconds to realize there’s blood trickling into his eye, and over the rest of his face.

He tries to use his hand to wipe it away, but the immediate pain that strikes him makes him pause.

Then he remembers.

It’s way too quiet.

“ _Ran_?” He struggles to free himself from his seatbelt, crawling over the consoler to find her unconscious body trapped between her seat and the airbag. Her eyes are closed and she looks almost content, except for the blood that trickles down her face and stomach.

His eyes zero in on her abdomen, his breath catching when he finally takes notice of the large piece of tree trunk that has pierced her car window and managed to puncture the side of her stomach.

“Ran, God baby please.” His voice is rough, but he thinks he might be yelling. His hand lifts her face slightly, the broken glass cutting his fingers as he does so. “Honey open your eyes, look at me.”

It’s like everything’s in slow motion. The way her eyes never open, the way he can taste the coppery blood pooling in his mouth, soaking his teeth and tongue. He feels the aching cracks in his bones and the cramped-up air that’s hard to inhale.

But none of that matters; he needs his wife to wake up.

He searches desperately for his phone, his heart breaking at the sight of the cracked screen and all he can hope for is that the damn device still works.

His free hand continues to stroke her cheeks. “Ran, please, please wake up. Baby, I can’t do this, wake up.”

His phone lights up when he tries to unlock it and he wildly dials 911, the pain in his arm shooting violently up his body.

He hears the 911-operator talk to him, but he barely registers it. He’s able to get out the words ‘accident’ and ‘wife won’t wake up’, and he thinks he might even been able to give them an approximate location.

“Is your wife still breathing, Sir?”

The sentence is the first one that truly hits him and his hand is shaking when he tries to find a pulse.

“Ran, baby?” He tries again, panicking when he doesn’t feel a pulse. “I don’t think she’s breathing, oh my God, I need you to send help _NOW_.”

“Help is on the way Sir, try to stay calm and breathe.” The woman remains calm, but it’s almost impossible to do so himself. “Is your wife stuck to anything? Can you get her to move?”

“The car flipped.” He says and he realizes later that he’s crying. “There’s blood and glass everywhere, the airbag flew open…. the tree trunk…Jesus Christ.” He curses as he tries to pull at it, but it won’t move an inch. “It’s stuck. You need to help her.”

“Help is on the way Sir. Stay on the line.”

Blake doesn’t disconnect the call but his phone slips out of his hands as he tries to crawl over to Miranda again, trying to force her eyes open.

His tears are salty on his lips, mixing with the blood that pools there.

“Sweetheart, open your eyes, look at me.” He pleads, his sobs growing louder. “You can’t leave me, _please_ don’t leave me.”

Images of their wedding flash before his eyes, the way she looked in that white gown, expressing her love for him in the church. He thinks about the tears in her eyes that he saw earlier and how much he took the sight of her open eyes for granted.

Then he remembers the question he never got to answer, the disappointment that settled in before the other driver crashed into their truck.

He leans his head down to hers, ignoring the blood that mixes with his own.

“ _Yes_.” He whispers, his hand stroking her cheek again, feeling her skin grow cold beneath his palms. “I’m content, please come back to me.” His cries become louder, the sound of sirens faint in the distance. He’s not even fazed by it, keeps his mouth at her ear. “I love you. I’m _so sorry_ , open your eyes Ran. I don’t care if you never forgive me, or grow tired of me in the future, just be _in_ it. Please don’t leave me like this.”

There’s no reply, as to be expected, the only sounds he hears are the sirens blazing around him.

And then he screams. He screams inside their wrecked car, his death wife laying against him, glass and blood piercing his skin.

Sound suddenly blocks out and he wonders if he’s experiencing delayed deafness, and though he thought he’d panic over that being permanent, he doesn’t. He accepts the fact that he might never hear again for some reason, perhaps the shattered glass managed to get in his ear and cause permanent damage. It doesn’t matter. All he does is look at his wife, eyes closed and skin pale while he screams. He screams until his lungs give out but he doesn’t _hear_ the sound. He just knows he’s yelling by the _feel_ of it.

By the time he feels commotion around the car, he’s being dragged out of the wreckage, sound gone and vision blurry. He thinks he might be fighting one of the paramedics as he’s trying to get back in the car, not wanting to leave Miranda’s side. He’s tired and weakened though, so his efforts are futile.

“You’re okay now, Sir. We got you.”

Suddenly sound comes back and everything hits him all at once.

He’s still here, he survived, he can _hear_.

He didn’t lose anything other than his entire life.

He wasn’t in love with her anymore, but he loved her, and she died not being sure of either one.

**

_Present_

His breath catches in his throat and he sits himself down on the bed as he reads over her words carefully. He repeats that at least five times. Her words hurt more each time.

Yet, he doesn’t cry. He doesn’t scream, or cuss. He just _breathes_.

In and out, retracting like the sea from the shore, silently and confidently. He’s alone again but maybe that’s what he’s most comfortable with. Everything he loves dies, everything he cares for leaves. He’s better off without any of it.

Without exactly knowing why, he starts laughing. He reads her letter again and somehow can’t help the chuckling sound that escapes his lips.

She loves him, is _in_ love with him.

This gorgeous, soft, gentle, sweet soul loves him. Out of every person she could choose from, she set her sights on _him_. He doesn’t know what to make of that, other than that she’s in desperate need of healing herself.

It’s something he’s robbed her off while being here and he knows that. Part of him is glad she left, choosing herself and realizing he was never worth her time. It’s the first time he’s genuinely been able to understand her.

He thinks of how by now she must have landed in California already.

That night he went out with his wife for the last time, she never got to come home. Gwen did. She got out of here and made it home and for that reason alone, he’s finally able to shed a tear.

Gwen made it out.

He’s in love with her, he loves her, and she left not being sure of either one.


	20. Chapter 20

_1 year_

She had to live bravely with her emotions at the surface, that was the great secret behind every fashion designer she’d ever met –and she’s met a few by now. Fashion flows through their veins, but it’s something entirely different to express that in the real world. The imagery in her head has to translate into the physical universe and that takes communication and transparency; two things she has in abundance.

Life has been good. She’s the head of her own fashion brand now, the company finally signing off on the departure and business venture. Her very personal journey that has led her to hiring her own employees, setting up her business in LA, flew her over to Fashion Week and caused her to finally be financially secure enough to invest in her first bought property. It had been a strange feeling to no longer be renting, or be financially dependent on a partner.

Her hard work had paid off and she’s got herself a place with her name on it. A legacy for Kingston to build on later. Something she can be proud of.

It’s her one off day and she’s grateful Kingston is home with her again, instead of spending his mornings and afternoons in day care. It beats hiring a nanny, something she’s against doing, but she finds it hard regardless to leave him there. She keeps him with her whenever she works from home, but has no choice whenever she’s needed in the office—which is at least three times a week.

Being a working mom is hard, being a single parent might be even harder, but she wouldn’t trade her life for the world.

She’s worked her ass off for everything she’s got, and she knows Kingston will grow up to be proud of her for that.

Sitting with her son on the couch, watching him passionately and full of focus finish one of his painted drawings, she looks over a the clock to realize Adam’s coming over in less than twenty minutes.

As if he could tell she was thinking about him, her phone buzzes with a text from him.

**I’m ten minutes early. Better be ready for me.**

Gwen snorts, smiling to herself before firing back a text.

**Is that how you talk to Bee too? How she handles you is beyond me. Gx**

**Behati doesn’t make me wait three weeks to see her.**

She rolls her eyes though she _does_ feel a little guilty about that. She hasn’t seen her friend in three weeks cause she’s been incredibly busy with her business, but they both know it just didn’t feel right.

Adam has been coming over almost every other week since she came back from Broken Arrow. What started as a guilt thing from her perspective, soon developed into something more special. For some reason, both knowing Blake—or having known him—had brought them even closer together. Behati had become one of Gwen’s closest friends too, as her and Adam’s relationship neared the two-year mark.

Gwen hasn’t seen or heard from Blake since Broken Arrow, making it a little over a year since she’s last seen him.

She had left him with nothing but a letter, but it felt good to know the last words she ever spoke to him are ones he can revisit if he wants to.

That way she’s never truly gone.

The doorbell rouses her out of thought and Kingston’s head flies up quickly.

“Adam?”

“Yes, baby.”

Gwen walks towards the front door, Kingston following her with little footsteps. Adam hugs her enthusiastically when she lets him inside, swirling Kingston around in that way he always does. She couldn’t wait for her friend to start having kids of his own.

“It’s been way too long.” He says, a slight berating tone in his voice.

Gwen walks to the kitchen to grab him a drink.

“I know. I’ve been busy.”

Adam hums. “Business going well, huh?”

Gwen smiles while pouring him a deep glass. She looks back over her shoulder, smiling at him.

“I’m really lucky.”

Adam seems to soften up, forgetting about the time that’s passed since they’ve seen each other.

“You deserve it. I’ve never seen anyone as hard working and passionate as you are.”

Gwen smiles when she slides the drink over to him on the counter, watching his eyes sparkle with enjoyment.

“You bought Arrow. _Again_.”

“It’s tradition.” She says simply, though it’s something she’s got in her home whether Adam comes by or not. Ever since her vacation in Broken Arrow, and meeting the handsome cowboy she left behind there, she hadn’t been able to let go of the drink. Somehow she felt a little bit closer to him when having that drink in her fridge or liquor cabinet. It’s the one thing he gave her that she hadn’t lost.

“I love it.” Adam says, falling for her words.

“How have you been?” She asks.

Adam makes his way over to the couch, complimenting King on his drawing before answering her.

“Busy. Business has been steady with us as well. Plus, Behati and I are thinking about moving.”

Not wanting to draw attention to the ‘ _us_ ’ in Adam’s statement, she focuses on the last part of his sentence.

“That’s awesome. You're getting serious.’

“It’s been serious for a while.” Adam says, and she can tell he blushes a little.

“You found yourself a real winner there, Adam. Don’t mess it up.”

Gwen’s words are rooted in playfulness but the seriousness in which Adam responds causes a tightness in her heart. If only she’d been fought for and adored in the same way.

“I literally can’t even imagine my life without her. I’d move to the ends of the Earth for that girl, it’s _that_ intense.”

Gwen smiles softly, inhaling.

“I see the way you two look at each other, it’s the perfect match.”

Her friend lights up at the words rolling off her tongue and she’s forcing herself to get over her little moment of envy.

Adam looks at her for a second before shooting a look at Kingston, making sure he’s not paying attention to them.

“I have some news about Blake.” He starts softly, watching her. “I won’t talk about him if you don’t want me to though.”

Gwen’s heart-rate increases, Blake’s name alone is enough to send her into a frenzy. She’s tried to so hard to move on from him, to not dwell in her heartbreak too much, she doesn’t think she’s ready to hear about him yet. Adam hasn’t brought him up at all since they came back, unless it was prompted by Gwen. She knows her friend still sees him often, they work together for God’s sake, but she’s thankful his friendship with Blake never got in the way of _theirs_. Adam is the one person in her life that’s always been there. She doesn’t think she could ever forgive Blake if he had ruined that too.

“I don’t want to hear it.” She says softly, shaking her head.

“Okay.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Adam brushes it off, his hand squeezing her shoulder when she sits down next to him. “Tell me about you, Kingston has grown like a _hundred_ inches since I’ve last seen him.”

Gwen snorts. “He’s growing so fast it’s crazy. He’s already outgrown the jacket you gave him for his fifth birthday.”

“I’m becoming a big boy now.” Kingston pipes up, suddenly inserting himself in the conversation, causing both adults to smile.

“Yeah you are.” Adam confirms. “Guess I’ll have to buy you a new jacket then.”

“Can I have one with pirates on it?”

“Pirates on a jacket? Now you’re speaking my language, King.”

“I want two.”

“ _Kingston_.” Gwen berates him softly, cheeks flushing as she looks at Adam. “I’m sorry.”

“You can tell he’s the son of a successful fashion designer.”

Gwen snorts. “ _Please_ , I’m trying to keep him humble.”

Adam laughs, nodding at her.

“He’s got a humble mom, he’ll be fine.”

“I hope so.”

“How have you been holding up though?” He asks again, voice softer. “I know things have been hard, juggling your demanding job and taking care of King on your own.”

“It’s been tough but rewarding.” She says honestly. “I got to move us out here, look at his place.” She lets her eyes wander around the house, feeling a bit shocked still. “I can’t believe any of this happened, but I also know that King’s been through a lot and the last thing I want him to feel is like he’s disconnected from _both_ parents. I couldn’t ever forgive myself if that happened.”

“Gavin never tried— “

“God no.” Gwen cuts him off. “My lawyer was right. He really doesn’t even think it’s worth the fight. Which is even more heartbreaking.”

“He’s better off with you though.”

Gwen bites her lip, hesitant to say what’s on the tip of her tongue.

“I can tell you’re meaning to say something….” Adam prods gently.

Gwen motions for him to the kitchen, Kingston still enamoured with his drawing.

“What’s wrong?” Adam asks, now suddenly worried.

“Nothing is wrong necessarily, it’s just….” She sighs, realizing she’s about to bring him up herself. “You saying he’s better off with me just reminded me of something King said, or _did_ , really.”

Adam looks at her curiously.

“We pray before he goes to bed, it’s part of our routine.” Gwen starts to say. “He usually just lists off a long list of people he wants to pray for, but last month…. he started the prayer off with a question.”

Adam stays quiet, knowing she’ll elaborate soon enough.

“He asked if there was any way He could bring Blake back into our lives. He said he was willing to give up his prayer list for that request, knowing it would make both him and ‘mommy’s’ life better.”

Tears spring to her eyes again as she remembers that night, Adam’s eyes glistening a bit themselves.

“ _Jesus Christ_.” He mutters.

“Tell me.” She says softly.

He cocks his head. “Sorry?”

“You said you had news about Blake.” She reminds him softly. “Tell me.”

“Are you sure?”

She just nods, not sure her words would sound as confident.

“He’s back in California.” Adam says. “He’s giving Broken Arrow up for a little bit, is even thinking about buying a place out here instead of staying in a rental.”

Gwen’s heart hammers.

“What? Why?”

Adam shrugs. “He’s ready for a change of scenery. You gotta understand, all the tragedy in his life took place in Oklahoma. He stayed there because he couldn’t leave behind her legacy, but I think he’s at a point where he just wants to start over, start fresh.”

“And he’s choosing _LA_ to do that at?”

She knows it’s silly, but she feels strangely territorial over her home state. Blake, the same man who broke her heart into a million pieces is wishing to find peace here. At the very place she grew up.

“It makes sense business wise, plus he’d be closer to Bee and myself.”

Gwen closes her eyes, not sure if she’s about to laugh or cry.

“He doesn’t say it, and I know you might not even want to hear it, but it’s pretty clear to me why he’d chose LA…”

Gwen shakes her head. “It’s definitely not because of me.”

“Gwen, come on…”

“I haven’t heard a peep from him since I left. He didn’t try to contact me once and now you’re telling me he’s moving out here for _me_?”

“Not _just_ for you, but I bet it influenced his decision.” Adam states.

She shakes her head.

“It doesn’t even matter. We’ve moved on, I moved on. I can’t…. you know what, let’s not talk about this anymore. you told me, now I know. We can drop it.”

Adam throws his hands up. “Whatever you want, Gwen.”

“Want another glass?” She nods at the empty one in his hand.

He nods while handing her the deep glass, and she tries not to think about Blake already being in LA while she pours him another Arrow.

**

It always hurts her whenever Kingston is off to day-care and she only got to spend three days with him before it was time to go back to regular life. She kind of hated that time with Kingston started to feel like something rare, something that wasn’t part of her every-day routine anymore. She couldn’t wait for the day things would slow down again, no matter how ungrateful that sounded to her own ears.

Thinking she could get some grocery shopping done before she has to pick him up again, she loads her cart up with numerous items, deciding on cooking extensively tonight.

Her mind is at odds the whole time; torn between being beyond excited about all the business ventures, guilty over the lack of time with her son, and the news from Adam about Blake being back in LA. Maybe for good this time.

It’s weird to think that soon he will have his own place here, calling California his home. She thinks back to how dedicated Blake had been to Broken Arrow and Oklahoma in general. There was no desire to leave and it was clear from the start that he had something against the city of angels.

Mostly because he felt like it was the only way he could honour _his_ angel _._ She knew that she could never compete with a ghost, with a legitimate angel. Blake had his late wife looking over him out there, but she was utterly alone in her fight to make it work. She was alone, period.

She’s no longer alone though. She’s got her co-workers, her son, Adam and Behati, and the large group of supporters that call themselves ‘fans’. She’s still a bit hesitant to use that word, feeling like it’s something she’s not deserving of, let alone comfortable with.

She’s so lost in thought, she hadn’t even realized the line in front of her had cleared and it was her turn.

The check-out lady looks at her patiently, yet confused.

“Ma’am?”

“Sorry.” Gwen snaps herself back into the present, loading her groceries on the counter and digging into her purse while the familiar _beeping_ sounds ring softly.

She mutters something under her breath, sighing deeply as she realizes what has happened.

“I’m so sorry, I forgot my wallet at home.” She continues digging, feeling herself getting embarrassed and frustrated; it had been a crazy day in the office and with everything going on in her brain, this just felt like the last thing she needed.

“Do you want me to store these items so you can come back later?” The sweet girl behind the cash registers asks.

Gwen shakes her head, knowing there’s no way she’s going to come back here after picking Kingston up from day-care.

She checks her purse one last time, shaking her head exasperatedly.

“I don’t think that’s gonna be necessary, I’m so sorry for the inconvenience.” She starts to say.

An all too familiar voice behind her stops her dead in her tracks, her heart plummeting so hard it knocks the wind out of her.

“It’s okay, I got it.”

The girl behind the counter remains oblivious, smiling at the generous offer from the man behind her.

Gwen finally stops digging through her purse, her hand shaking when she retrieves it. Her head turns around so slowly, it’s like she’s not even aware of any movement around her, the only thing she can focus on is _him_.

He looks healthier than he did when she left him for sure; his face is no longer stick-thin, his facial hair is nicely trimmed and he’s wearing jeans with a t-shirt.

“Let me get that for you.” He says again, sensing she’s lost the ability to form words right this second.

He starts going through his own wallet, holding up his credit card as he steps in front of her.

“You don’t have to…” She whispers, but her voice doesn’t carry very far, all she can do is focus on her breathing.

“Are you sure?” The girl behind the cash register asks for reassurance, obviously not used to seeing acts of generosity like this.

“Positive.” His Southern accent affirms.

Before she can do or say anything else, he’s swiping his credit card while the girl swiftly starts bagging her groceries.

Gwen just looks at him stunned, afraid to move, afraid this isn’t real.

“Hi.” He says to her, waiting for a reaction from her for the first time since he started speaking.

She swallows roughly, grabbing her bag filled with groceries as she thanks the lady for her patience and assistance. The thank you she’s got saved for Blake lies on the tip of her tongue but she can’t seem to get it out.

She stands back for a while as Blake takes care of his own groceries and when he’s done and ready to approach her, she nearly rushes out of there, onto the parking lot.

Fresh air is what she desperately needs.

She can’t breathe. There’s not enough oxygen going around in her lungs, and her heart-rate continues to race out of control.

Blake is here. He just paid for her groceries.

“ _Gwen_.”

His voice carries across the parking lot as he walks closer to her, the urge to run to her car and drive off very present in her mind.

He stands still in front of her, his eyes taking her in fully. She can see the way he’s drinking the sight of her up, his whole demeanour so much more relaxed than she’s ever known it. He looks almost like a different person, only in the most familiar way. She _knows_ this man. She knows what he looks like when he’s sleeping, she knows what he sounds like when he comes, and she knows the demons he’s been fighting for so long.

But she doesn’t think she knows _this_ version.

“Aren’t you going to say anything?” He asks softly, his voice sweet and patient, despite the challenging words.

She desperately searches for any words and settles for the obvious.

“Thanks for the groceries.”

He chuckles. “Long day or do you usually go grocery shopping without a wallet?”

She knows he’s just trying to break the ice, but it isn’t working. Instead, she feels herself getting emotional.

“I haven’t seen you in— “

“—A year.” He fills in for her, the absence of her in his life obviously one he felt too.

“You look….” Her voice breaks again, unable to say the words.

_Good, healthy, gorgeous, painful._

“Can we talk somewhere?” He asks then, his face suddenly lacking a bit of the confidence he approached her with earlier. “Somewhere private?”

Her chest constricts again and all she can do is fight to keep the tears at bay. She thought about this moment so many times, and she always knew what to say in those made-up scenarios. But faced with him in real life, she knows absolutely _nothing_ ; not how to feel or how to act.

For the first time since she’s known him, _she_ feels like running.

“I gotta pick King up from day-care.”

Blake nods in understanding.

“Maybe later?”

She opens her mouth but falters again.

“I need to go.”

Blake relents, a hint of disappointment on his features.

“Of course, I didn’t mean to hold you up.”

She slowly starts walking towards her car, her hand subconsciously reaching for her heart, as if to remind it not to give out on her.

“Hey Gwen?” He hollers right as she opens her car door.

She lingers there and then turns to face him from afar. When he’s sure he’s got her attention, he smiles softly.

“No amount of rain has ever washed you away.”


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys like this. It's not going to be suuuuuper slow from now on, but it needs to be done realistically <3

“I can’t believe he’s here.”

Her voice is high and shrill, her body feeling tense and rigid.

Behati is sitting at her kitchen counter, sipping on a bottle of beer while she looks at her sympathetically.

“Adam told you he was moving here, right?”

Gwen stops pacing for a second and sighs.

“He did, but he didn’t tell me he’d live so damn close I could run into him in the _grocery store.”_

Behati looks at her a bit awkwardly, continuing to sip her drink.

“Bee….” Gwen says slowly. “What aren’t you telling me?”

Her friend puts the bottle down on the counter and gives her a small and reassuring smile.

“Promise me you won’t freak out.”

Gwen shakes her head. “I can’t do that. Just tell me.”

“Blake’s staying at a rental only a few minutes away from myself and Adam.”

Gwen’s eyes widen. “You guys live like ten minutes away from me.”

“Well, now you know…so does Blake.”

Her heart stutters so hard she feels the ache in her chest. There’s not enough air to exhale but she still manages to choke on it.

“Please tell me he’s not thinking about _buying_ a place that close by….”

“You know him, he needs a secluded place to live, lots of nature around him. He probably won’t buy a house in our neighbourhoods.”

“Maybe the hills.” Gwen whispers.

“Could be, I mean we literally look out over those houses, so it still wouldn’t be that far.”

“You’re not helping.”

“Sorry.” Her friend winces. “Listen, you just need to distract yourself a little bit. You’re going to pick King up from day care and have yourself a nice little evening with him. Drink a glass of wine when he’s gone to bed and watch some terrible, mind-numbing reality tv.”

Gwen breathes loudly.

“I don’t think there’s anything that can take my mind off this.” She admits honestly. “Is it weird that a part of me wanted to hug him when I saw him?”

Behati’s face softens. “You loved that man.”

“He also hurt me and broke me into a thousand pieces. You know how hard it was to pick myself back up after that.”

“But you did it.” Behati offers. “It wasn’t easy but you managed to overcome that and so much more. I don’t know if you want to hear this, but Blake has changed quite a bit too.”

Gwen scoffs. “Forgive me for not finding that so easy to believe. The last time you and Adam thought Blake was starting to do better, my vacation in Broken Arrow happened.”

“Okay, then tell me, how did he look when you saw him yesterday?”

Gwen stands still for a few minutes, her mind playing back the surprise supermarket meeting. Blake had looked calm, gorgeous, healthy. It was such a contrast to the man she’d met before. But she wasn’t going to let herself fall for this again—she needs to protect herself better.

“He looked fine, but that doesn’t mean anything. I just can’t believe he’s here and I’m gonna be at risk of running into him a lot.”

“I’m not gonna give you a whole speech about how I think you should give him the benefit of the doubt, because he royally screwed that up before. But trust me when I tell you that he’s not going to actively look you up if you make it clear that’s not what you want.”  
  
That’s one thing she _can_ believe. Ever since she met him, she learned that he’s not the type to chase. He’s barely even the type to care.

“You don’t say.”

Behati shrugs and finishes the last of her beer.

“I should head out soon, it’s getting late and you need to pick up Kingston.”

Gwen nods.

“One question.”

“Anything.” Behati says patiently.

“Did you talk to Blake after he ran into me yesterday? Or did Adam?”

Her friend nods, biting her lip. “We did.”

“What did he say?”

Behati smiles, reaching out her hand until it gently clasps Gwen’s.

“Are you sure you want to know?”

 _No_.

“Yeah.”

Behati smiles again, squeezing her hand.

“He said that running into you was the highlight of his year. That you looked even more breath-taking than usual and something about the rain and realizing you were right.”

Perhaps this is what her father warned her about some time ago; one day you’ll be caught so off guard by your feelings, your heart will feel like it’s growing twice in size. A realization so grand it makes you think it’s love.

She’s reminded quickly of just _how much_ love there used to be and still is. She swallows roughly and smiles faintly. She doesn’t say a word.

Her love for Blake lives on in silence, in the depths of her heart, where no one can get hurt by it but herself.

**

_She woke up disoriented, the cold and untouched sheets on her left being a confrontational reminder of her husband’s decision to not come home._

_Every time becomes just a little less painful and that’s the worst pain of all. She’s starting to expect him to stay out all night, God knows where he hides out. All she knows is that it’s not with her._

_When he would come home, she’d barely get an apology. He’ll just kiss her forehead like he always does and tell her not to make a fuzz—it doesn’t make her look any younger._

_Trying to distract herself, she gets up and walks into Kingston’s room, watching him sleep in his crib. He looks so peaceful and content, it’s almost enough to ease the ache in her own heart. Out of everything she’s done in her life, he’s the best thing. She doesn’t know how she managed to create something so perfect with Gavin._

_She wants to pick him up and cradle him to her, but she’s afraid to wake him up. Just because she can’t find any sleep, doesn’t mean she’s got the right to deprive King of his. She fights the urge to reach for him when the front door opens and closes with a loud bang. Kingston rolls over and groans and she prays the loud noise didn’t rouse him out of his slumber._

_After a few whimpering noises Kingston settles down again and continues sleeping. With a heavy heart, she exists his bedroom and makes her way downstairs._

_Gavin is making his way to the kitchen when he spots her, her robe the only thing she’s got on as she faces him. Somehow her lack of clothing makes her feel even more vulnerable in this moment._

_“Hi love.” His British accent used to enamour her, but now it just reminds her of the voice that broke her a million times. “It’s early, why are you up?”_

_He walks over to her and kisses her forehead, making her wince._

_“I couldn’t sleep.”_

_He shrugs, but not before letting his finger trace her cheekbone._

_“You look tired. You should go back to bed.”_

_She ignores him and follows him into the kitchen._

_“Where were you?”_

_“Out with some friends. I told you it was going to be a late one.”_

_“Six am?”_

_“It happens.” He says casually, taking off his leather jacket and hanging it over the kitchen chair. “Happen to have any left-overs left in the fridge? I’m starving.”_

_Gwen nods, but her heart’s in knots. “You didn’t eat anything with your friends?”_

_“I did, but I’m still hungry.” He eyes her for a few moments and then sighs. “Jesus, just ask me what you wanna ask me or leave me alone.”_

_“Okay.” She swallows roughly. “Were you with someone?”_

_“With my friends.”_

_“You know that’s not what I mean.”_

_“It doesn’t matter what you mean.” He says, walking past her to the fridge and scanning the contents. “You’re being insecure and needy and I’ve told you before, it’s not a good look.”_

_“What else do you expect me to be?” She whispers, not wanting to raise her voice and wake up Kingston. “You’re rarely ever home and when you are, you give me some vague comment about your whereabouts. I need you here too, Gavin. I can’t do it all by myself.”_

_“I’m here now, aren’t I?”_

_“And what about tonight, or tomorrow night, or the night after that?”_

_He shakes his head, scoffing._

_“I’m not gonna throw my whole life away or put a stop to the things I like just because you’re throwing a tantrum.”_

_“But I’m supposed to do what? Be a stay at home mom, give up MY job? I have things I want to do too; I have places I need to be as well.”_

_“It was your idea in the first place to have a kid.”_

_Her throat tightens, her response dying on the tip of her tongue._

_“Don’t look at me like that, Gwen.”_

_“Are you saying you didn’t want a kid?” She whispers brokenly. “This is not something I forced upon you. You were there, you wanted this too.”_

_He steps closer to her, his arm encircling her waist. She’s too surprised to pull away._

_“You’re so tense all the time.” He states, tugging her closer to his chest while his free hand slides down to the strings of her robe. “You gotta learn how to relax.”_

_She feels her robe dismantle and she quickly uses her hand to keep it from revealing her naked body underneath._

_“Don’t do that, you know I hate it when you do that.”_

_“Hate what, sleeping with your husband?”_

_“Coming on to me when I’m trying to have a serious conversation with you. Sex doesn’t fix everything.”_

_“It sure doesn’t.” He rolls his eyes, stepping away from her as quickly as he came on to her._

_“What the hell does that mean?”_

_“It means that you make your damn husband basically beg you to fuck him and yet you’re surprised why I’m never home.”_

_Tears spring to her eyes but she’ll be damned if she lets them out._

_“Who is she?”_

_“Stop it, Gwen.”_

_“Who is she? Give me a name. Is it Karla from the gym? Mandy?”_

_“You’re insane.”_

_“I swear to God, don’t play with me. Who is it?”_

_Gavin rolls his eyes again but she can tell by his demeanour that he’s about to give in._

_“You don’t know her.”_

_Gwen’s eyes widen. Despite having pushed for an answer, she can barely keep her composure when she finally gets one._

_“Where you with her last night?”_

_“Yes.”_

_Gwen nods to herself, eyes lowering to the floor as she feels her chest tighten. Her doe and glossy eyes eventually look up to him once more, her voice more powerful than she feels._

_“Was it any good?”_

_Her husband smiles at her bitterly, making an attempt to close the distance but she holds her hand up to indicate to him that he shouldn’t get any closer._

_“She knows me well, so yeah.”_

_It’s the worst thing he could’ve said to her, and the bitter and vindictive look on his face shows her he knows._

_“And you were about to have sex with me…” She whispers slowly, making sense of the whole situation._

_“I still love you.”_

_She chuckles bitterly, hating herself for the tears that escape her eyes._

_She steps forward, approaching him quickly and not stopping until she’s’ chest to chest with him. Gavin looks surprised but intrigued at the same time and doesn’t make any attempt to step away._

_Gwen feels her gut churn, her eyes burning._

_“You smell like her.”_

_“Gwen— “_

_“—I’m taking care of our kid while you’re banging some random woman and you come home with her fucking perfume all over you. It’s like you don’t even try to hide it.”_

_“You barely touch me Gwen. What the fuck do you want from me?”_

_“Because you cheat on me every chance you get.” She yells. “Are you really gonna blame me for not being interested in sex with you when I know you haven’t kept it in your pants for years?”_

_He looks at her intensely, jaw locking._

_“Then why are you still with me, Gwen? If all you’re gonna do is make a fuzz about these other women, why are you still here nagging me?”_

_As much as she could barely stand to look at him, there was an uncomfortable ache in her chest at the realization that she still loved him. She meant it when she spoke her vows and walking away from people she loved had never proved to be one of her abilities._

_“Because I wanted to believe you could change. I wanted to fight for this.” She whispers through her tears. “I can’t do that if you’re never home.”_

_“I don’t want to be here if all that’s gonna get me is this bullshit. I can think of several things I want to do more than hear you bitch about how jealous you are.”_

_“I’m your wife!”_

_“Then act like it.”_

_She bites her lip._

_“You mean have sex with you? That’s all you care about, isn’t it?”_

_“Oh, I could care less about what you do; fuck me, don’t fuck me, I’ll get by either way. You might wanna think about what you’re throwing away though; you’re in your mid-thirties, with a kid and a list of insecurities deeper than the ocean. Who else is going to want you?”_

_Her face falls as she starts to feel sick, her husband’s insults never failing to rock her to the core._

_“You disgust me.” She manages to get out._

_“Suit yourself, Gwen.” He starts to say, walking away from her. “I’ll eat later, I need a damn shower. And don’t worry, you won’t see too much of me today.”_

_“Let me guess, you won’t eat home?” She shoots at him snarky._

_“I’ll be gone before you know it. Don’t wait up.”_

**

“Don’t go too far baby boo.” Gwen coos sweetly, watching over Kingston as he’s running wildly towards the swings. 

He’s been in a whiney mood ever since she picked him up from day-care today and her guilt prevented her from taking him straight home. She decided to let him blow off some steam at the park and maybe get him some ice cream before they’d head home. 

The weather is nice and soft, and she seeks out a small bench in the middle of the grass field. Kingston has already found another kid to play with and she smiles at the playful scene in front of her. 

She’s glad that he managed to snap out of his funk that quickly, because she knows that’s not always the case. Ever since Gavin disappeared from his life, something seemed to have shifted. It’s like he realized his father didn’t think he was worth the fight and as much as she tried to talk that idea out of his head, it didn’t seem to work.

It’s the one thing she resents her ex for the most.

She stands up and walks over to the swing set, giving Kingston a few pushes, resulting in a fit of giggles.

“Higher.” He says enthusiastically. 

“You’re a big boy baby, I’m only helping you get started.”

She keeps an eye on him as he takes over, swinging himself higher and wiggling his legs in excitement. 

“Don’t go _too_ high; be careful.”

She chuckles and then shakes her head, recognizing the dare-devil nature of her child as something of her own. She had terrorized her parents plenty of times with her wild behaviour as a child. She guesses it’s only fair she’s sealed with the same faith. One of her hands reaches out for the silver chain to take out some of the speed from his swings, afraid he might fall off.

Her phone starts buzzing in her purse the next moment and she smiles softly at King.

“I’ll be right over there.” She says, pointing at the bench she came from earlier.

“Watch me okay, mommy?”

“I will, but be careful.” She warns him again, keeping the smile on her face until she’s sitting on the bench and takes in the caller ID for the first time.

 _Blake_.

She had hesitated to delete his number after she left Broken Arrow but for some reason she couldn’t. As much as he hurt her, she also loved him and she didn’t want to erase his number as it was the one thing she had left of him. Somehow deleting _that_ , would’ve felt like erasing his entire presence out of her life— as if it never even happened. 

Her breathing feels rigid in her throat before she decides to answer him. Her curiosity getting the best of her.

“Hello.”

“Please don’t hang up.”

His voice sounds a little nervous but strong nonetheless, his confidence might be wavering a little but his brazenness seems to still be intact.

“Blake.” She says, getting stuck on his name.

It’s been so long since they’ve talked for _real_ , the sound of his name on her lips feels strangely unfamiliar now.

She’s glad when he doesn’t make her search for the right words any longer and takes charge of the conversation himself.

“I know you said you didn’t have time, but I’m in LA for a while and I was hoping we could get together some time and just have a drink? No strings, just for old times’ sake.”

She wonders why he’s not telling her he’s about to _move_ here, and instead talks about being in LA for a while.

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”

“I’m in the neighbourhood right now, I could swing by, we could talk?”

Her heart pounds so fast she feels herself getting dizzy. Her eyes focus on Kingston, who’s grown tired of the swing set and is now entertaining himself with the tall red slide.

“How do you know where I live?”

“Adam.” He says softly. “Gwen, if you don’t want me to come by I obviously won’t. I just want you to know that I haven’t forgotten about you. There hasn’t been a day where you _weren’t_ on my mind.”

“I’m at the park with Kingston.” She says instead, incapable of responding to everything else he just said. Her mind feels like a jumbled mess. “Blake, I can’t do this right now. I know you mean well, but I need to focus on myself and Kingston. I just don’t think I can fit anything else in there.”

It’s a lie, but she knows he won’t call her on it. He has absolutely no right to.

“It’s good to hear your voice Gwen.” He says softly, sweetly. “Can I at least say that?”

“You can.” She whispers.

“Like I said, I’ll be in LA for a while. If you change your mind, please call.”

Gwen’s throat feels painfully dry, her hands clammy. She wants to take him up on that offer so bad, it’s the scariest feeling she’s ever felt. 

Back then, she was willing to put her whole life and sanity on the line for this man. For _every_ man in her life. 

She had to step away from Blake to learn that was her downfall, not her strength. Wanting to save Blake wasn’t just noble, it was _stupid_. 

She’s been a stupid girl for thirty-eight years. This last year had thought her _no more._

“Have a nice day, Blake.”

It’s quiet for a few seconds and she checks her screen to see if he’d already hung up.

Right then, he speaks.

“Say hi to King for me.”

The line disconnects and her eyes feel teary. She doesn’t know how it happened but in her long and _successful_ process of moving on, she’d convinced herself Blake was bad for her.

And he was.

Letting him in again, giving him the chance to prove himself one more time seemed nearly impossible.

She knows she won’t give his regards to Kingston, knowing it would only confuse the little boy more. He was sad enough when he lost Blake too, his innocent mind unable to comprehend why that had to happen.

She pushes the tears back into her eyes and walks over to King. He runs over to her the second he spots her and she giggles when he nearly jumps a hole in the sky at the sound of the ice cream truck approaching.

She gets him a small cone before driving home. The car ride is quiet and Kingston seems incredibly tired from the little getaway. 

Part of her feels guilty for not telling him Blake called and asked for him, but she reminds herself he’s only five. 

_This is for the best._

She parks her car in her driveway and Kingston’s hand is small as it holds hers while walking up the spacious patio. She searches for the keys in her purse when her eyes fall on a small note shoved underneath the doormat. 

She lets Kingston rush inside before she bends down to grab it, her heart hammering against her chest while she finds a quiet place in her kitchen to unfold it and read.

_I understand why you left. I’d even go as far as saying that it saved me. This is the last you’ll hear from me if it’s not what you want. If there’s any part of you that does want to see me again, I’ll count on you to let me know. You taught me not to give up and I’ll carry that gift with me forever. This is me using that heart of mine. I hope someday, you’ll let me tell you in person how much I admire yours._


	22. Chapter 22

“I need those on my desk by _tomorrow_.” Gwen says, going over the designs with her assistant and signing off on a new batch of ideas. “I can’t start working on them until they’re fully drawn out. Steven said he’d have that done by today.”

“Time hasn’t been our friend lately.” Marie admits. “We’ll get them done though, Gwen. Don’t worry.”

Gwen rakes a hand through her hair.

“I’m sorry, I’ve been freaking out about it all morning. I have a dozen designs to finish and apparently some of the materials haven’t come in on time either. It’s like every faucet of this team is running behind right now and it’s all on me to fix it.”

“Nope.” Her assistant says sweetly, patting her arm. “That’s not true. That’s why you have me, so you’re not the only one responsible for all of this. You just make sure you’re picking out everything you want and I’m gonna make sure it gets done in time.”

Gwen smiles at her assistant turned close friend. She’s glad she managed to pick her ultimate dream team, only having people around who are determined and passionate to make her company grow.

“Thank you. Do you think it’s possible for me to head out now? I have an appointment tonight.”

“Gwen, it’s six thirty. You’ve already been here way longer than you needed to be. Shouldn’t you go home to King or something?”

Gwen shakes her head. “He’s with my parents for the night. I just wanted to make sure I got everything done here.”

“Well you did. Go home.”

Gwen squeezes Marie’s shoulder and nods.

“Okay. Don’t stay much longer yourself. I’m serious, you need to go home too.”

“I will. Right after I chase Steven down the hall and tell him he needs to get these designs on your desk by _midnight_ or our favorite boss lady will lose her mind.”

Gwen snorts.

“Please use a bit more tact.”

“You know me.” Her assistant simply answers.

And she does. She should probably buy Steven a little apology card for his desk in advance.

**

She’s doing whatever she can to keep herself busy, afraid that once she slows down, the gravity of her decision will start haunting her.

After reading Blake’s note over and over again last night, she decided to give him a call a day later. She needed some time to think, but the truth is— she can’t imagine never seeing or talking to Blake again. Especially not if he’s in the same city as her.

At least before, she could hold on to the distance between them. But with that no longer being the case, it’s becoming increasingly harder to ignore the pull of her heart towards him.

Her skin feels tight and warm, the air around her bothering her for some reason. Everything feels too suffocating. She lets herself fall back into the couch and waits.

It feels like a lifetime before the doorbell rings and Gwen’s up on her feet in seconds.

Blake’s smile could light up a whole town, his face relaxed and apparently grateful to be seeing her. But the one thing she can’t pull her eyes off at all, is the large bouquet of flowers in his hands, held sheepishly in front of his chest.

“I figured I didn’t know anything about the types of flowers you liked, so I just bought the one that had them all mixed.”

His large grin never disappears from his face and as much as she tries to remain stoic, part of her demeanour cracks and shows him a tiny smile.

“Thank you, you didn’t have to do that.” She takes the flowers from his hands and steps aside, letting him pass her.

“Yeah, your face shows you really _hate_ that I did.” He teases, taking note of her adoring smile.

She lets his teasing words go, not yet capable to go there with him. She excuses herself so she can put the flowers into a vase and when she comes back into the living room, he’s still standing there, waiting.

She inhales deeply, the sight of him in her house the most ridiculous thing. It hadn’t even crossed her mind that Blake would someday stand in her newly bought home. She might’ve dreamed about it, but it never occurred to her that it would become reality. Not after not hearing from him for a year.

“Can I hug you?”

His voice is much more timid than his posture would make you believe and she surprises herself when she nods.

He steps closer to her, not stopping until his arms can reach around her lower back, pulling her into him.

Her head rests onto his chest, his chin lowering to her crown. She inhales the woody and manly scent of him, nearly breaking out into sobs when she realizes how much she’s missed him, how much she missed being close to him.

“I missed you.” He says softly, holding her tightly against him.

If it were anyone else, she might be getting a little suffocated by now, but since it’s Blake, she doesn’t even want to think about the moment he lets her go.

“Then why’d you stay away so long?” She whispers.

“I didn’t think you wanted me to come back.”

“Not if it wasn’t something _you_ wanted.” She shoots back, yet there’s no spite or real accusation behind her tone.

He remains quiet for a few seconds.

“When you left…I realized it was probably for the best. You made me realize I couldn’t do what I needed to do with you around. And I didn’t want to keep breaking your heart.”

She finally takes the initiative into her own hands and pulls away from his embrace, wincing when she does so.

It shouldn’t feel this damn good to be close to this man.

She quickly wipes underneath her eyes.

“Why are you back now?”

He looks between them awkwardly, the air suddenly thickening around them. She realizes she didn’t even offer him anything to drink, they hadn’t even sat down. She went straight to the nitty gritty.

“I stayed in Oklahoma for so long, I started to forget why I held on so tight in the first place. I had to let some things go in order to truly move on, I think that place might be one of ‘em.”

“Have you?” She whispers. “Moved on?”

“I’m never going to be okay with her passing, Gwen. Please don’t ask that from me.” Her face falls, but Blake’s finger tips her chin up before she can think about avoiding his gaze. “But if you’re asking me if I’m ready to love again, _use my heart_ as you put it so eloquently, then yes.”

Her body stutters, the feeling of his finger underneath her chin much more intimate than she thinks he meant for it to be. Or maybe it’s _exactly_ what he meant to do; maybe this is a version of Blake that’s just so damn unfamiliar to her.

She sighs.

“Do you want something to drink?”

His eyes sparkle, his mouth twitching slightly.

“Did you hear what I said?”

Gwen nods, then swallows roughly. “I did. I’m gonna ask you to not put me on the spot, alright? Just…give me some time, let me fix you a drink.”

Blake nods, letting go of her.

“You can sit down, you know.” She says, smiling for the first time since they started talking in her living room. “I’ve got some Arrow. Think you’re up for that or is it too familiar?”

His brow raises, his lip getting trapped between his teeth.

“You bought my drink?”

“It’s also Adam’s.” She says, trying to pretend like she’s not caught red-handedly.

Blake doesn’t call her bluff.

“I’d love a glass of that.”

Gwen quickly turns around, feeling her cheeks redden on the spot. She doesn’t know why she just told Blake she had his drink sitting pretty in her fridge, but it doesn’t even matter. It’s out there now.

She comes back a few minutes later, carrying both their glasses.

He looks at her so intensely, it brings a heated sensation down her whole body. She wants to look away, or tell him to, but she can’t do anything other than bask in it.

She could still hardly believe it. Blake Shelton is sitting on her couch again, sipping on a drink she bought.

His blue shirt is unbuttoned, revealing pale skin underneath, the sleeves rolled up past his elbows. He swallows a large sip of his drink with a sour face.

“I can’t believe I’m about to buy a place here.” He chuckles, throwing a soft glance in her direction.

“Why _are_ you?” She folds her fingers together, feeling slightly tense while asking the question that’s haunted her brain since she heard the news. She can understand why he would want to get away from Oklahoma for a while, but buying a place in LA remains the biggest mindfuck.

“Because all this time I thought I was running from LA, but the truth is I was just unhealthily holding on to Oklahoma. It was never truly about something that put me off to this place, it was just…. I couldn’t leave what I knew.”

“But now you can.” Gwen says softly, watching as Blake drops the glass on the coffee table, careful not to stain the magazines that lies there.

“Took me long enough.” He smiles.

The universe is playing a cruel trick on her, she’s sure. Because ever since Blake started to say the things she always wanted to hear, she had a real tough time believing them. She doesn’t necessarily think he’s _lying_ , it’s just that she knows he’s a master at manipulating himself into thinking he’s ready for things that he’s not.

“You know you can sit down, right?” Blake asks suddenly, his lips curving up slightly. “You don’t have to keep standing there. It’s _your_ house.”

Somehow the reminder and the way she feels called out by that statement, makes her willingness to sit down even smaller.

“I’m just…. looking at you and thinking how weird this all is.” She says, sharing part of her truth.

“I scare you.”

It’s not a question, it’s a statement. She doesn’t dispute it.

“For so many reasons.”

She winces as she feels the tension in her body erupt violently, and she puts her hands on her hips and twists her torso just slightly, trying to get rid of some of it.

Between her business and being Kingston’s mom, she wasn’t getting much sleep and with Blake now being back in her life, it felt like everything was once again up in the air; her future much less clear again. She wasn’t ready to have the rug pulled from underneath her again.

She catches Blake staring at her with a darkness in his eyes that she knew all too well. He stands up suddenly, disregarding her scared look as he approaches her.

“I don’t like it when you’re this stressed.” He points out simply, his voice soft and alluring.

“Me neither.” She whispers, his closeness affecting her.

“Need a massage?”

His left brow raises as soon the words leave his mouth.

Trying to call him on his bluff while also stalling the inevitable –knowing damn well she won’t be putting a stop to it—she says the only thing that comes to mind.

“You know a masseuse?”

His blue eyes stare into her playfully and oh how she missed those. Her teeth scrape over her bottom lip and for the first time in months, she feels the hints of arousal again. She tils her head slightly and moves her other brow higher, waiting for his answer.

“I give in incredible massages, or so I’ve been told.” He sits himself back down on the couch and looks at her with a smile. “Whenever you’re ready pretty girl.”

She didn’t know when they started to be on nickname terms again, but apparently that time is now. As much as it scares her, she’s incredibly fond and drawn to the confident and determined Blake that’s sitting on her couch right now.

The line between flirtatious banter and the serious proposition are blurring now. She looks around the room as if they’re not the only ones there, afraid of getting caught somehow.

“You know you just set yourself up, right?” She walks towards him, but takes her time getting there. “If this sucks, that’s going to be _embarrassing_.”

He scoots himself back further against the couch and opens his legs, patting the space in between them.

“Sit.”

All her thoughts that have lived in her subconscious for a year are running through her head again—only this time becoming reality. Not only is he back, he’s about to _touch_ her.

She feels his hands slowly touching her shoulders, his large palms curving around them. She revels in the strength of it for a brief moment. Her muscles weren’t the only things that ached any longer.

Her heart hammers in her chest harder and faster as his fingers dig into her shoulders. She stifles a moan when he works out the knots in her muscles. She _does_ hum though, relaxing back into him without even noticing.

“Feel good?” He asks sweetly, leaning into her ear. She knows he must be able to see the goosebumps on her skin so she nods instead of answering him verbally. Grinning, he says “ _good_ ” and presses his hands harder against her as he works his way down her back.

“Strong hands.” She mumbles, dropping her head low as she relaxes. She chuckles lightly at his response and lets out a soft moan when he hits a hard knot under her shoulder blade.

Suddenly a bit embarrassed, she falls completely quiet.

“I’ll be more careful. Sorry.”

His voice is still carrying the same low, smoky tone but she can tell he’s being genuine.

“No, you’re good. I just didn’t expect it, that’s all.”

“What’s got you so damn tense, Gwen?” He asks softly, continuing to make her feel good with his hands.

“I finally felt like I was back in control of things.” She says quietly, hoping her admission won’t offend him. “I kinda feel like all of that is up in the air again.”

He slips his left hand down her side, squeezing and rolling away any sign of stress there.

“Because of me?”

Gwen leans back against him even more, her head nearly resting on his shoulder.

“Kinda.”

The juxtaposition between her words and action just now is clear to her. She can’t help but seek out his closeness though, especially when he’s so selflessly trying to help her relax.

“I don’t mean to add stress to your life.”

“You’re back after a year of absolutely zero communication. I didn’t exactly leave you behind on a positive note either. This is not just something I can fall back into like it’s nothing. Of course it’s gonna give me some stress.”

His hands move back to her shoulders, but this time not to massage, but to pull her back into him even more.

“I get that, I really do. I didn’t come here thinking the opposite would be the case. But please don’t ever let me be the reason you get _this_ tense, alright? I might’ve done some healing, but I can still assure you I’m not worth all that.”

“ _Blake_.”

“I don’t mean that in a pitiful way either.” He says quickly. “Or in a sad way. It’s just the truth. You are incredible and one of the things I loved about you from the beginning is how you never compromised what you brought to the table. You simply asked for me to bring my part and I couldn’t do that before. If anything, I should be the one who’s stressed.”

Gwen’s brow raises.

“Why?”

“Because I’ve fallen for a woman way out of my league. Everything you bring to the table is so…much. It’s enough, it’s always been enough. For everyone, not just me.”

She looks up at him, and she could still see some fear and guilt in his eyes, but there was a form of possessiveness and care that she saw glimpses of before but right now was glaring. And behind it all was real emotion she was seeing so clearly for the first time. It scares her, thrills her, and comfort her, making her feel more alive than anything ever has.

She realizes he’s not only letting her see it, he’s feeling for her _openly_.

“Blake we went down this road once before.” She says, still trying to voice her hesitations out loud, gauging if at some point he’s going to freak out and leave.

His hand slides down to hers, fingers looping between hers and squeezing.

“No, we haven’t.”

Her eyes fill with confusion.

“ _You_ went down this road before.” He corrects her, and the honesty that spills from his lips next might be the rawest thing she’s ever heard. “I didn’t let myself go down that road with you and I’m still kicking myself over that. I try not to let guilt eat me up as much as it did, but I know I messed up greatly with you. I know that the road you were trying to show me was the biggest blessing and I ignored it, even tried to destroy it. It took me months to realize that when you left, you didn’t destroy my road; you just showed me another one. And this time I’m willing to see it all the way through. At your speed.”

The emotion builds in her throat, the sting in her eyes becoming greater.

“I don’t know what to say to that.” She says softly, the words barely audible.

As if he can read her mind, his hands let her go and she’s free to pull herself off the couch, away from his pleasurable touches.

“I’m sorry.” He says, standing up too so they’re at a somewhat even playing field. Despite him towering over her in the most delicious of ways. “For everything.”

“I know you are.”

“I don’t want you to feel like I came back here on my own terms and just expect you to fall for me again—or ever for that matter.”

“How _am_ I supposed to feel?”

“Like I finally realized how stupid I’ve been. I always knew you were special, damn it Gwen I couldn’t keep my mind or my heart in check around you, but I acted on them in the most selfish ways. I don’t want to do that anymore. If it’s not too late, I want to prove that to ya.”

“What if it _is_ too late?” Her eyes water again, the tears burning.

He looks at her so softly, it makes her want to forget about all her fears and run back into his arms, pick up exactly where they left off.

“Is it?”

His whispered words hit her so hard, she can barely breath. Her eyes momentarily dip to his lips and the action doesn’t seem to go unnoticed by Blake. He licks his lips and Gwen’s struck by how badly she wishes they were hers.

“Blake.”

He shakes his head softly. “I’m not going to kiss you. I’m not going to touch you if you’re not sure about it, Gwen. I probably shouldn’t even have massaged you earlier and it won’t happen again. I want to do this your speed; just allow me to spend some time with you.”

“I have a kid, Blake.” She whispers, her mind reeling. “I can’t just let you come in and out of our lives like that. He really missed you after we left.”

“He did?”

She doesn’t know whether to find his genuine surprise offensive or endearing, but she pushes it all away and nods simply.

“He didn’t understand what was happening, or why.”

Blake appears genuinely upset at the thought of Kingston being at any way hurt by the whole situation. If she didn’t know any better, she’d say his eyes were tearing up as well.

“I missed him too.” Blake admits softly. “I didn’t think he’d even remember me.”

Gwen shakes her head.

“He’s a toddler, he’s not _stupid_ , Blake. You made an impact on his life and then we just up and left. Of course, he’s going to miss you, you were his buddy.”

“ _Gwen_.” His voice sounds like he’d just been punched in the stomach and she feels partially bad for letting him have it. It’s her child they’re talking about though, she needs the severity of the situation to sink in sooner rather than later. At least that way he can still walk away without hurting anyone else.

“I’ve been trying to make up for all that he lost and I can’t keep doing that.” Her voice breaks, her eyes finally breaking his gaze. “I can’t be everything at once. If you’re not serious or if you think it might be too much for you, I can’t let you close to him or myself for that matter….”

She didn’t even realize she’d started crying.

“I’m such an idiot.” He mumbles, shaking his head. He reaches his arm out for her but keeps his promise—he doesn’t touch her, he waits for her to walk into his embrace.

“I’m trying to be the best mom I can be for him, but there’s so much I can’t do and so much I still feel like I’m failing at. Please don’t add anything to that list, I’m begging you Blake.” Her words come out breathy and muffled, her mouth pressed against the fabric over his chest.

His hand slowly rubs across her back.

“I don’t blame you for not trusting me.” He whispers, his voice pained. “I messed up badly.”

“You were right not to let me in.” She says, surprising even herself. “I was a mess myself and you were just trying to survive. You became everything to me and I scared you off; I just can’t go through that again. I don’t know how many times I can lose you.”

“Shhhh.” He shushes her, his hand never stilling on her back, soothing her. “You’re wrong. I was not right to shut you out, it was selfish and cowardly.”

She knows he’s right, the words get stuck in her throat though. It’s almost easier to pretend like he didn’t do anything wrong, like it was her who did too much and pushed him away. That way she’s at least in a bit of control. That way she won’t have to admit that letting him in again _would_ be a risk.

“We can hang out again.” She says softly. “Only a little bit and you can’t stay over.”

“Didn’t think I would.”

“I also can’t have you hang out around Kingston again. Not until….” She cuts herself off, feeling bad for keeping him from her son and vice versa.

“I understand.” Blake cuts in. “Like I said, I want to do this your pace. All I want, all I _ask_ for is a second chance to show you I’ve changed, Gwen.”

She looks up at him, still standing in his embrace.

“If you hurt me again, we’re done.”

He smiles a little, biting his lip.

“Yes ma’am.”

“And I want you to keep me in the loop if you decide against moving here. I don’t want to get close to you and then hear from Adam that you decided to go back home to Oklahoma anyway.”

He shakes his head. “I would never do that.”

She looks at him knowingly, and she doesn’t have to speak the words out loud for Blake to hear them. He might not do that now, but he certainly would’ve done it before. As much as she wants to see the changed version, it’s not the one she knows.

“I’ll keep you informed. I promise.”

Since she’s going down the list of things she needs, she figures it’s best to get it all out now.

“You won’t kiss me?”

He looks down at her and the question feels so strangely ironic when she’s pressed this close against him, his heartbeat resonating against her chest.

“Unless you initiate it.”

She swallows roughly. “Okay.”

“I understand why you gave up on me before.” He says softly.

“I never gave up on you.” She counters. “The opposite. I knew you had more to give than what you were showing us back then, I just knew you couldn’t do it with me around. I just wanted you to live your best life, even if that meant not being in it. You might not believe me, but I never doubted you’d make another woman insanely happy.”

“What if I want that woman to be you?” He shoots back quickly.

She inhales deeply, holding his gaze steady.

“Then show me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There’s no smut coming in the next chapter, just to clarify the last line. She needs him to show her he’s serious this time— if he wants her, let him earn her. 
> 
> Thoughts on this one?


	23. Chapter 23

“I’m going to be sick.” Gwen exclaims, trying to keep her heart-rate down, feeling like any moment will be the moment she collapses to the ground.

“Just take it easy.” Marie says, rubbing her arm. “This is going to be so good. They already love our designs, it’s just a matter of selling yourself well enough and you’ll be good to go.”  
  
She’s about to engage in conversations that could result in the biggest deal of her career. Her designs are the ones they want to use for a nation-wide fashion project, which meant her new line would be up for sale in all the biggest clothing stores around the country.

If there was one thing she wasn’t good at though, it was at selling herself to a bunch of suited-up men who knew nothing about fashion and only spoke business.

“They’re gonna hate me.” She says, shaking her head. “We’ve worked way too hard as a team for me to screw it up now.”

“You’re the only reason we’re standing here at all.” Marie reminds her. “We might be a team, but it’s _your_ vision and _your_ decision making that’s got us this far.”

“I’m just scared.” Gwen whispers.

“I know.” Her friend says softly, smiling at her gently. “You still have a few minutes, why don’t you go call Kingston or something? Maybe it’ll help hearing his voice.”

Gwen smiles, though shakes her head. “He’s probably already asleep by now. Plus, he’s only going to worry if I call him now, he’s good at hearing the anxiety in my voice.”

“He’s a smart kid.”

“Too smart.” Gwen replies. “I’ll just leave him alone. He probably had the most fun evening with Adam and Bee, I’m not gonna ruin it if he’s still up.”

Marie shrugs. “Just relax, please. It’s going to be fine.”

Gwen nods, keeping quiet just in case she can’t get her heart and mouth to align.

**

The conversing went better than she thought it would, but she can hardly breathe by the end of it.

“Miss Stefani, I gotta say I’m incredibly impressed by what you’ve been able to present us.” One of the business men, that introduced himself as Larry, says.

Gwen smiles faintly.

“Thank you, we’ve worked very hard on it.”

“Have you ever thought about doing something televised?” Her brows raise to her hairline, but the man just continues. “You have everything it takes to appeal to the masses; not only with your clothing line, but as a personality. We would like to invite you to be part of our special program, a fashion project that targets young females. It’d be separate from your brand, but we’d record some commercials where you’ll be able to talk about your experience in fashion. You can be real star, Gwen. A fashion icon in the making, if you will.”

Her throat dries up, her anxiety rising with the second.

She’s more than okay with just being a designer. Her dream was never to be famous, and there’s not much that sounds worse than doing commercials. And away from her brand, what does that even mean?

“I’m so flattered to even get the opportunity.” She starts, shaking her head. “But my company is still fairly new and I’m just focused on getting us as far as I can.”

Larry shrugs. “It’s up to you, but trust me, you have a future much brighter than just being behind the scenes signing off on some designs.”

She hates how empty he makes her job sound, but she forces a small smile to remain on her features.

“Here’s my card.” He holds the piece of paper out to her, waiting for her to take it out of his hand. He smiles cockily when she does. “Give me a call if you change your mind.”

The moment is over as quickly as it began, and she turns around to find her friend slash assistant. Marie is close by, the expression on her face indicating she knows _something_ just happened.

“What was that all about?” She asks.

“Something crazy.” Gwen dismisses, looking at the business card in her hands. “He wants me to be part of a fashion project of his own?” She summarizes what he told her in her head, but she still can’t quite make sense of it. “Says he thinks I would do good in commercials and television. It doesn’t matter, I’m not interested.”

“It could be good for exposure.” Marie says carefully, but Gwen’s panicked expression causes her to fall silent.

“I’m not going on television, Marie.” She says quickly. “Definitely not for a brand that’s not my own. That literally seems like the worst idea.”

Marie shrugs.

“I’m not gonna tell you what to do.”

“Please tell me this evening is over. I need a damn drink.”

Her assistant chuckles. “It’s over.”

“Thank God.” Then her voice lowers a bit. “ _Marie_ ….”

She nods and then grins. “They loved you.”

“Oh my God, are you serious?” Gwen squeaks, too afraid to even ask the question out loud. She’s grateful her assistant knows her as well as she does.

“Yes, we’ve had numerous offers already. I told Steven to organise them all and make sure we get the written offers on your desk by tomorrow morning.”

Gwen can’t help but pull her into a tight hug.

“You’re literally the best. I couldn’t have done any of this without you. I hope you know that.”

“We’re gonna see this thing all the way through.” Marie tells her, hugging her back. “Now please go home and get yourself a drink. You need it.”

Gwen laughs. “I really do.”

“Go.” Marie smiles. “You’ve done enough.”

Gwen nods gratefully and it’s a little over twenty minutes later when she finds herself in an Uber on the way home. Her dress is low cut and tight in the right places, but she can’t wait to slip out of it.

She checks her phone out of habit and smiles when she reads her incoming text.

**I hope tonight went well. Knock ‘em dead –B**

Her heart flutters at the fact he even remembered. She’d told him about tonight in passing and they hadn’t mentioned it again. Until now.

**It went better than expected. I’m tired and in need of a drink tho. Gx**

She stares out of the window for a few seconds before her phone buzzes in her hands again.

**That’s something I know quite a lot about. Wanna go get one?**

**Now? Gx**

She feels herself getting excited and the fatigue that threatened to overtake her earlier is quickly slipping away at the prospect of seeing him again. It’s been a week since he’d been at her house and after that, they’ve talked mostly on the phone.

**Any way you can come to Denise’s parking lot in thirty minutes? I’ll bring the booze; all you need to do is bring your gorgeous self.**

Nothing about tonight turned out the way she thought it would, and this is no exception. She knows _Denise’s_ only because of Adam, but hadn’t been there herself. She also doesn’t understand why he’s bringing his own booze, when he’s literally meeting her in front of a bar. She decides not to ask any questions though; too tired and too curious about what he’s up to.

She tells her Uber driver to change his direction towards the bar _Denise_ instead of her home address and sits back against the leather seat.

**On my way.**

**

  
She’s immediately hit with a formidable chill that runs up her spine, the car no longer providing her with the comfortable heat. She wraps her arms around herself, realizing for the first time since getting here that she literally showed up at this small parking spot in her expensive maxi dress.

She looks around the cemented parking lot that appears to be quite deserted. She spots the bar Denise that Blake had talked about, but it takes her a while to spot _him_. That’s until the blinking headlights catch her eye from a few feet away. She strides over to the familiar truck when she watches the driver’s door open in the dark. Even with the limited vision she can see Blake’s tall figure exit the vehicle.

He looks at her intensely and then smiles as he takes her in. His arm extends to her to pull her into a friendly hug. 

She lets herself walk into his embrace, enjoying the way he fights off the cold for her for a while.

“You look— “

“Overdressed?” She chuckles, pulling away from his enticing arms.

He looks at her, his eyes doing an obvious once-over as he checks her out. She tries to feel nothing when he does that, but she can’t help but suppress a grin.

“Or I’m underdressed.” He gives her.

“ _Always_.” She teases.

His smile is exactly what she was going for and some of the stress from the evening falls off her as she takes it in.

“You okay to walk a little bit?” He asks her softly, eyeing her shoes. “It’s not far, I promise. I want to take you somewhere and it’s a bit hard to reach with the car.”

Gwen nods, her arms holding her midsection again.

“I learned how to walk in those pretty well.” She says with a smile, letting him know she’s game for whatever he has in mind.

“Wait a second.”

Her brow raises as she watches Blake grab something from the backseat. She smiles when he retrieves a bottle of Arrow and she shakes her head.

“You know there’s an actual bar, literally ten feet away from us, right?”

“But that place doesn’t have the view I’m about to give you.” He says simply, handing her the bottle and telling her to stay put.

Before she can ask him what he’s doing, he’s taking off his jacket and draping it over her shoulders. He gently takes her hair out from underneath the collar until it flows freely down her back again.

“You were cold.” He explains to her, his shoulders shrugging once.

“Thank you.” She says softly, biting her lip.

He brushes off her thanks and motions with his hand to start walking. She follows him quietly, not necessarily feeling the need to fill the silence with any useless words. She enjoys being in his presence in the same way she did before she left him behind in Broken Arrow and that scares her a little. It’s still the same addictive feeling she had all those times before; like nothing in the world could touch her whenever she was near him, all that mattered was them and how he made her feel.

Blake’s arm reaches out for hers involuntarily when they head up a set of tiny steps, but he never touches her and she’s slightly disappointed by that.

That’s when she remembers how he told her he wouldn’t initiate any touching of himself, the initiative needing to come from her before he would even let himself think about going there. It didn’t hit her until then how many small touches had always been a part of their interaction.

“Almost there.” He says softly, the sky incredibly clear as they walk towards the end of the avenue, escaping all and any crowdedness.

“I haven’t been here in so long.” She observes quietly, realizing that this is part of downtown LA she rarely ever sees.

“ _What_? Are you telling me you don’t visit the _bar_ strip often? Who would’ve thought.”

She slaps his arm before giggling.

“I guess the nightlife has passed me by a little.”

He chuckles, leading her around the corner. “I don’t come here that often either, aside from our own bar.”

“But you’re not taking me to your own bar.”

“I’m not.”

The minute he stops walking, she gets it.

There’s nothing but a courtyard, no buildings or commercial establishments whatsoever. The small bench in the middle of the circle-built hide-out was deserted and the faint sounds of the highway that laid behind it were the only things they could hear.

“How is it that you always manage to find these spots?” She whispers in awe, having lived in LA all her life and not once known of this place’s existence.

“I need to find _my_ type of places if I decide to settle down and live here.”

It’s not often that he mentions moving to LA in her presence and at the look on his face, it appears to have been unintentional this time too.

“Here, sit down.” He says quickly, taking the bottle from her hands and retrieving a flask from his chest pocket.

Her eyes widen.

“I was about to ask where the glasses were.”

“Right here.” He smiles, pouring some of the bottle’s contents into the silver flask.

“You know we can get arrested for public drinking, right?”

His eyes sparkle as he chuckles, handing the flask back to her and efficiently shoving the bottle behind his larger frame on the bench.

“I won’t drink, but I promise I’ll bail you out.”

“You’re not drinking with me?” She asks surprised, a little disappointed too.

“Someone needs to be able to drive you home.” He says. “Besides, I haven’t had the night you had. You deserve it.”  
  
Gwen groans. “I almost forgot about tonight.”

“I thought you said it went well?”

“It went well considering we want more exposure as a brand. Doesn’t mean I necessarily liked _whoring_ myself out for it.”

He squints his eyes, sitting back and watching as she takes a large sip from the flask.

“What’d ya mean?”

She sighs again. “I just don’t feel good about using _this_ to win people over.” She points with her hand towards her body covered by the skin-tight dress. “Like, I have so much more to offer, yet I feel the need to dress up to the nines and impress with my looks to make sure they take me seriously as a fashion designer.”

“I’m sure they take you serious, Gwen.”

“Do you know how long it took for my previous employer to sign off on me venturing out on my own to start my brand? Everyone side-eyes a woman who’s determined to start her own business, especially when the business side of things is usually dominated by men.”

“Then why do you play their game?” Blake asks carefully, looking at her gently. “You know what you’re doing and from what I’ve heard, you’re incredibly successful. Do you really need any of them for exposure?”

She smiles, something about Blake’s words making her feel incredibly soft inside.

“I wish it was that easy.” She whispers. “It’s not just me though, I’m responsible for a whole team. I can’ t be selfish when it comes to the business. It’s their livelihood too.”

Blake nods. “I’m just saying, I think you’re selling yourself short if you think you need these men to make you even more successful. I don’t know what they offered you tonight, but if you’re not comfortable with it, don’t do it.”

Gwen takes another sip, involuntarily seeking some of his warmth on the bench as she scoots closer to him.

“Thank you, Blake.” She falls quiet for a few seconds. “Have you found yourself a place yet, here in LA?”

Whenever she thinks about the fact that Blake might move here permanently, her heart does a strange flip. It’s like she both dreads and anticipates it.

“Any recommendations for me?” He winks, side-stepping her question.

“So nothing?” She asks instead, swallowing down another sip.

He shrugs.

“I’ve gotten a few property tours.” He says, eyes staring right ahead. Her own gaze remains on the side of his face the entire time. “All the houses I’ve seen are great. It’s gonna come down to the number of acres of outside space, I guess.”

“Why LA, Blake?”

She whispers the words so quietly he might miss it, but he doesn’t. The soft smile that cracks on his lips makes her feel a little less brazen for asking.

“I told you, I wanted to finally take the step and let go of Oklahoma.”

“America is big, Blake. You can leave Oklahoma without ever setting foot in LA.”

“But I don’t want to.”

“ _Why_?” She whispers.

“Because there’s too much here that I love for me to never set foot in it.”

She can’t drag her eyes away from him even if she tried.

“I don’t understand why you’re back Blake. I know you’re saying you want to be here, but why are you here talking to _me_? Why are you barking up this tree again?”

His face scrunches up, his eyes suddenly portraying a sadness.

“What do you mean? Why wouldn’t I come back for you?”  
  
“Is that what you’re doing?” She asks timidly. “You came back for me?”

He smiles softly. “I figured that would be quite obvious.”

She swallows roughly.

“It’s not.”

“You fought for me back then, Gwen.” He says softly, his voice dropping in volume as he thinks back to these confusing weeks in Broken Arrow. “Let me do the same for you now.”

“You’re thinking about moving out here for me? What if I can’t, what if I don’t _want_ to do this again? You can’t put that type of pressure on me.”

He turns himself into her, and she can tell he’s fighting the urge to touch her.

“Gwen, listen to me.” He says urgently, forcing her gaze up to his. “That’s not at all my intention. I’m moving here because it makes sense business wise and well…. if the love of my life happens to live here as well, I might just have gained an extra reason to try even harder to make this happen. There’s no pressure for you; I just want you to be happy.”

She feels the tears threaten to spill out and she takes a large sip of the flask Blake provided her with, hoping to push them back down.

“Hey.” He says softly, his hand finally touching hers as he makes sure she keeps the flask down. “Are you okay?”

“You just said I was the love of your life….” She whispers, her voice breaking immediately.

He smiles. 

“You are.”

“How can you—” She shakes her head, trying to make sense of things. This is the same man who couldn’t even like her for twenty-four consecutive hours. This is the same man who told her she’d never find a love like the one he shared with his late wife. “Please don’t just say that. Please don’t lie about that.”

“I wouldn’t lie about that.”

His voice sounds astonished, as if he can’t believe she’d think so lowly of him.

“Is that really what you think?” He adds. “That I would lie to you about how much I love you?”

She ponders over his question, her heart suddenly feeling so heavy while the effects of the alcohol coursing through her body starts feeling tangible too. She finds herself in the melancholiest mood.

Her hand has a life of its own, touching his jawline in the briefest of moments.

“I wanted to hear you say these things for so long….” Her voice falters, her mind intoxicated with alcohol and fear. “I don’t know how to react to them now.”

“Can you start with believing them?”

She doesn’t even realize she’s still touching him, her hand exploring his entire face. He doesn’t react to her touches either, he just lets her.

“Only if you never stop saying ‘em.”

The words tumble out of her mouth like water out of a faucet. She can’t think long enough to freak out about them either, and that might be the biggest gift in this moment.

“I never loved her the way I love you, y’know.” He speaks the words slightly softer than before, but to a stranger it might not even have been noticeable. Her fingers pause her exploration of his face as she feels herself stutter. “I think I might’ve resented you for it while you were there. I’m really sorry about that, Gwen.”

“You…. I don’t….” She struggles to get her words out, fumbling desperately. “Do you still love me?”

He smiles before lightly leaning into her touch, obviously struggling to refrain from doing more.

“Never stopped.”

She gasps quietly.

“I love you too.” She admits softly, her gaze focusing on his lips. “I really want to kiss you right now, by the way.”

He chuckles. “Give me the flask, you’ve had enough.”

She lets him take it from her, but shakes her head.

“I mean it though.”

“Then do it.” He challenges her.

She bites her lip, tasting the cherry lipstick off her own lips when the first drops of rain start staining her legs.

“Is that rain?” She squeaks.

“I hope not, you’re basically naked.”

She slaps his arm. “Am _not_.”

“A little bit.” He teases.

“It’s a _dress_ ; you know how fucking expensive this thing is?”

“And still I bet it would look way better on your bedroom floor.”

She grips his chin a little tighter, biting her lip again as she pulls him closer to her. Her lips barely graze his, just brushing, and it feels like the most intense moment of her life. She’s never felt this attracted to another human being; it’s been like that from the start.

The rain becomes increasingly worse and instead of actually kissing him crazy, she pulls away and squeals.

“Let’s go back to the truck.” He chuckles, only a little disoriented from her little tease. “I’ll drive you home.”

She nods swiftly, not even thinking about it when she links their arms together while they walk back.

She doesn’t know where they’ll go from here, but it feels different. There’s an extra layer of intimacy they gained tonight and it’s been the thing her heart has been craving the most.

She’s barely even noticing the weather getting worse, her hair quickly becoming thin strands as the rain settles in there. The sound of Blake opening his truck is what eventually gets her out of her daze.

“Here, I can get you a blanket if you want to dry yourself off….” He says slowly, closing the door while leaning over to the backseat.

She wants to tell him it’s okay, but enjoys the view of him bending back to grab a blanket way too much to do so.

He hands her a small black quilt and she immediately uses it to dry off her hair a bit. The rain clatters against the windshield while they sit there in silence for a while, the intimacy and sudden stop to their little moment on the bench hitting them both harder than intended. It’s almost a little heartbreaking to know they’re close to parting ways again.

When the roaring sound of thunder becomes audible from far away, she senses the slightly shift of tension in his face, but he pushes it aside too quickly for her to comment on it.

He looks at her with a small smile. “Let’s get you home.”

He sighs subconsciously when his hand covers the gear stick, the sound of the engine coming to live.

Gwen barely even thinks about, just slides her hand over his and shakes her head. The look he gives her is one of confusion but not for long.

“We don’t have to start driving right now. It’s okay.”

She can see the actual weight fall off him as he shoots her a look of gratitude. He turns off the engine and continues to hold her hand over the console.

“We’ll just wait it out.” She adds softly, leaning her head against his shoulder.


	24. Chapter 24

She’s laid out on her bed, stomach pressing into the matrass. She was only slightly hungover when she woke up this morning, images of the night before flashing through her brain. Most of the work event had taken a backseat to the memories of the night she spent with _Blake_ out in the courtyard.

She’s been trying to suppress the butterflies in her stomach as she thinks about everything he told her without meaning to. The look in his eyes after she’d stopped him from driving away was the most meaningful thing she’s ever seen. She’s sure no one has ever looked at her with such softness.

She wracks her brain as she ponders over what to text him.

_Thanks for last night. Don’t forget to drink lots of water today –Blake_

His text had been the first thing she saw after waking up and she’s not too embarrassed to admit she checked for it immediately. She feels like _she_ should be the one thanking _him_ for last night, but he took the words out of her mouth so easily it shut her up all the way.

Kingston wasn’t up yet and though she knew he’d almost rouse from sleep, she couldn’t get herself to leave the comfort of her sheets yet.

Just as she’s about to type a message of her own back to Blake, her phone starts ringing in her hands. 

Unfortunately, it’s not Blake.

“Adam, hi.” She says sweetly, hoping he can’t pick up on the underlying disappointment.

“Hey, how did it go last night?”

She figures he’s not asking about her encounter with Blake, though it’s the only thing she can think about.

“Good. They were very excited to work with me, apparently. I’ll review all the offers tomorrow, but I have a good feeling about it.”

Adam whistles lowly in his throat.

“You’re the real deal, look at you.”

Gwen laughs quietly.

“Took me long enough.”

“You worked so hard for this, good things come to those who wait.” He reminds her. “Hey, I wanted to ask you if you had any plans for Friday night?”

Her brows raise, her mind going through her schedule in her head.

“I don’t think so. Why?”

“Bee and I are throwing a little dinner party for a few friends. We want you to be there.” He says, his voice laced with excitement.

“What’s the occasion?” She asks, smiling.

“Just life.” He responds casually. “All our friends are in a good place and we just want to celebrate the way life is going right now.”

She squints her eyes. “Adam, who did you invite?”

“Well _technically_ you’re the first person we invited.” He says slowly. “But, I’m about to ask Blake as well. Behati might invite one or two of her own friends.”

After the hanging out she and Blake slowly started doing, she figures having dinner with him is fine too. There’s still an underlying nervousness at the prospect though. As if sharing the fragile thing they started working on with their friends would just ruin things again.

“I don’t know…”

“Come on, Gwen.” Adam pushes, his voice friendly as he makes it hard for her deny his invitation. “It wouldn’t be the same without you, plus I’m sure the cowboy would be more inclined to say yes when he hears you’ll be there too.”

She doesn’t know how she feels about Adam’s confidence about Blake wanting her presence, but she can’t deny it feels strangely gratifying.

“Fine, I’ll be there.” She smiles. “Sounds like it’s going to be fun.”

“Of course it’s going to be _awesome_.” Adam responds quickly, and she can hear the victory in his voice. “I’ll let you get back to your day, say hi to the little one for me.”

Gwen smiles and just then, Kingston’s little footsteps down the hall make her sit upright in bed.

“See you Friday.” 

She disconnects the line and puts on her sweatpants before walking out of her room. She finds Kingston already standing in front of her bedroom door.

“Hey baby.” She coos sweetly, lowering to her knees in front of him. “Were you about to wake momma up?”

He nods, rubbing his fists in his tired eyes.

“Can we make pancakes?”

Gwen chuckles. “We had pancakes a few days ago. How about we just make some sandwiches?”

She stands up and takes his hand as they walk down the hallway.

“Can I have them with Nutella?”

Gwen hums.

“Uhm, _of_ _course_.”

**

She doesn’t even want to think about how busy she’s about to be tomorrow and instead she focuses solely on the time she’s spending with Kingston today.

They just came home from the park, a place that’s like their second home by now, Kingston’s energy everlasting. He’s tired by the time they come home though and she chuckles when she finds him passed out on the couch, his cheek pressing into the cushion tightly.

She grabs a blanket from the closet and drapes it over him, using the time to herself to tidy up the living room.

Her brain is unable to keep from wandering to Blake and it’s like she’s a teenager all over again; the insane infatuation and obsessing over her boyfriend being the only things she can do. This time, he’s not even her boyfriend yet, but it feels like he’s way more than that. He has _always_ been way more than that.

The doorbell rings and for a moment she thinks Kingston is about to open his eyes, but instead he just rolls over onto his other side and continues to sleep.

Gwen shakes her head in amusement before she starts thinking about who it could be, not expecting any visitors. She puts down the various toys in her hands she had picked up from the floor and throws them all in the small brown box.

She opens the door to come face to face with the handsome cowboy, his features looking just a little less relaxed than they did yesterday.

She’s immediately alarmed.

“Blake, is everything okay?”

He smiles, but only briefly. “I’m sorry for showing up here unannounced, I just…remember when you told me you wanted to be kept in the loop about any moving decisions?”

She glances inside to Kingston and then looks back at him, motioning for him to follow her inside. She walks into the kitchen, being far enough away from the living room to not wake him up, but she still keeps the volume of her voice down.

She can tell Blake’s eyes linger on Kingston’s sleeping frame for a little while and she realizes it’s the first time he’s seen him since Broken Arrow.

“He’s still the cutest little fella, isn’t he?” Blake muses softly, looking back at her.

She nods, leaning against the kitchen wall.

“It’s ridiculous.”

He smiles, inhaling deeply before looking at her intensely. 

“My realtor called me this morning; one of the places I went to for viewing is willing to do me a very generous offer. Basically made the proposal damn near impossible to resist.”

Gwen feels her heart do somersaults inside her chest.

“Woah..” She whispers. “That’s crazy. How do you feel?”

“Crazy.” He chuckles, shaking his head. “I mean I’ve been looking for a while but I still didn’t expect to find something this quickly. I don’t want to make any dash decisions and there are some things I need to get straightened out first, but I’m seriously thinking about accepting.”

“Where is it?”

“Mulholland drive. It will be less than a twenty-minute drive from Adam’s place, which is also a plus considering I’m there quite often, both personally and professionally.”

Blake is about to move into a house thirty minutes away from her and the realization has her leaning against the wall just a bit more intensely, feeling herself get just a little bit lightheaded.

“Are you okay?” Blake asks worried.

“You’re going to live _really_ close to me.” She whispers, her eyes holding his gaze.

“I know.” He says softly. “It kind of made my pros and cons list much shorter.”

She bites her lip.

“So why are you not sure about accepting then?” She asks, inhaling deeply.

“Maybe it’s just me being scared about actually taking the step.” He chuckles. “I don’t know if there’s anything necessarily bad about the place at all. I wanted a bigger backyard, that’s for sure, but I realized nature is never gonna be the same as it is back in Oklahoma. I’ll just have to go back to my mom’s ranch for that.”

She smiles. “Or Broken Arrow.”

He smiles sadly, rubbing a hand over his chin.

“I think I might just need a little break from that place.”

Gwen nods. “So you’re doing this?”

She can feel his resolve disappearing quickly as he nods, chuckling again.

“I’ll call my realtor back tonight, to tell him I’m accepting the offer.” He says softly, his voice sounding as if he just now realizes this is really happening. “Damn, who thought this would happen, huh?”

She definitely didn’t, but she stays silent. Instead, she walks over to him and wraps her arms around his mid-section.

“Congratulations, cowboy.”

His arms come around her just as quickly, as she feels his heart beat underneath her cheek.

“Thank you, darlin.” It’s quiet for a few seconds before he presses a kiss on the top of her head and pulls away just a little bit. “I have something for you.”

She frowns, shaking her head. “What do you mean?”

He looks at her a bit nervously before reaching into the chest pocket of his denim jacket. Her eyes follow his every movement, her heart plummeting when he reveals a small box and holds it out to her.

Her arms let go of him quickly as she feels her throat drying up.

“It’s not what you think it is.” He says, laughing quietly under his breath. “Just take it.”

Some of the air returns to her lungs while she takes the box from him with shaky fingers. She takes her time opening it, the small gasp escaping her lips involuntarily.

Her eyes fall upon the small pendant, the classy silver necklace looking both modern as it does vintage and she’s almost afraid to touch it, knowing it’s worth much more than she wants to know about.

“Blake, what did you— “

“It’s been in the family for decades.” He says softly, his arm touching her back again, as her gaze remains on the fine piece of jewellery. “My grandma gave it to my mother after she got married to my father and my mom gave it to me, said to give it away whenever I found someone who made time stop for me.”

She remembers how he once told her he’s looking for someone who made time stop for him, and how he drunkenly expressed _she_ was the one who did that for him.

“Blake, I can’t accept this.” She whispers, tears springing to her eyes.

“I’ve held on to it for so long, but it always belonged to you.”

Her heart hammers. “I don’t…. I can’t believe you want to give this to _me_. Blake, your mother gave this to you— “

“—For me to give it away to someone who made me feel the same way my father made my mother feel. They stayed together for forty years until he passed away and she’s always talked about how real love found her the day my dad walked into her best friend’s shop.” His eyes bore straight into hers and she can’t look away, even though the tears in her eyes make it hard for her to see him clearly. “I know she was confused when I got married and refused to give the pendant away, but I just knew that this wasn’t the same thing she told me about. This wasn’t love in the way it was meant to be; this was not _romantic_ love and it took me years to get over that guilt.”

“You told me I could never understand the type of love you and her had.” She whispers, voice breaking. “You said all I did was desperately search for it. I don’t understand why you’d want to give me this.”

Even through her tears she can tell her words break his heart. His hand tightens on her back and pulls her just a little bit closer.

“I’m so sorry I said that to you.” He looks genuinely in anguish when he speaks the words, holding her gaze. “Not only were my words incredibly false, they were also vile. I wanted to push you away because I didn’t feel like I deserved the love I felt coming from you. There’s so much I wish I never said or did to you, but saying those words might be my biggest regret.”

She swallows roughly, her eyes darting back down to the small box in her hands and she uses her slim fingers to softly touch the jewellery.

“Can I….” Her words falter, her heart still in disbelief.

“Please.” He answers, tapping her on the back to indicate she should turn around and let him help her put it on. 

She does as instructed, holding her breath when she holds the necklace for the first time and hands it over to him.

She watches as the pendant hangs in front of her chest, Blake’s fingers clasping it together at the back of her neck.

“It’s so beautiful.” She whispers.

She bites her lip as she turns back around, facing Blake and watching as his own eyes take her in.

“You like it?”

“Do I like it?” She cries softly, wiping at the tears underneath her eyes. “Blake, I still feel like I can hardly accept this. It’s so beautiful and must’ve been so expensive; how do we even know your mom is okay with you giving this to me? Maybe she gave it to you because she figured you’d give it Miranda.”

There’s a look on his face that’s not sad, but more so nostalgic.

“My mom loved Miranda. We all did, she was an awesome woman.” He says the words softly but surely, his hand reaching forward and gently touches the pendant. “But I don’t think my mom ever thought I was going to give the necklace to her. Looking back at it, I think her giving this to me and telling me what she told me, was her way of apologizing.”

“Apologizing?”

“For pushing me the way she did.” He says. “I was young and impressionable and I felt lost in the world, in _love_. My mom wanted me to marry young because that’s just what people did, that’s what _she_ did.”

“But you didn’t want to marry young?”

He shakes his head, sighing heavily. “It was never my plan to marry young, no. I think if I hadn’t listened to her, I probably would’ve dated Ran for a few more months and have realized it wasn’t right. I would’ve tried like hell to keep her as a friend, but I wouldn’t have married her. I think my mom and I both know that.”

Gwen’s hand covers the pendant in front of her chest, closing her eyes.

“Thank you.” She whispers, feeling another tear roll down her cheek. “I don’t even know what to say.”

“Will you wear it?” He asks timidly, and she opens her eyes immediately at the sound of it.

“Of course.” She replies, hugging him again. “I love it.”

“ _Mommy_?”

Kingston’s voice cuts through their moment and she pulls back quickly, wiping the last remnants of tears from her cheeks.

“Shit.” She whispers, looking back at Blake. “I’m sorry, I haven’t told him yet and I don’t want…”

“I understand.” He says sweetly, touching her arm. “Go, I’ll see you at Adam’s on Friday, right?”

She nods, her voice still a little daze from what just happened. 

“Yeah.”

“Good.”

Gwen walks back out into the living room, watching Kingston as he tries to reach for the remote control on the higher shelf above the television.

“I wanna watch TV.”

As much as she tries, she just can’t let Blake sneak out like he’s her dirty secret, especially not after the moment they just shared.

She takes her hand to lift King’s face and waits till she’s got his full attention.

“Listen baby, someone’s here who would love to say hi. “

Kingston frowns confused and she looks back into the kitchen and motions with her hand for him to join them. Blake looks rightfully surprised, but the large smile that take over his face makes her feel good about the decision she just made. She hopes it turns out to be the best for everyone.

“Hey buddy.” Blake’s voice is low and cheerful when he walks into the living room and makes his presence known to the toddler.

Kingston’s eyes widen before he pulls out of his mom’s grip and rushes over to Blake. His little body crashes into Blake’s leg and Gwen bites her lip to keep from making a sound.

“Blakey!”

Blake’s arm wraps around his tiny body and holds him tightly.

“It’s so good to see you again.”  
  
“Where have you been? You didn’t come back.”

Another tear rolls down Gwen’s cheeks as she hears her son’s words and she tries to sniffle as quietly as possible.

“I’m so sorry about that, King.” Blake’s voice sounds as pained as she feels. “I hope you looked after your mom a bit while I was gone.”

“I protect momma, Blakey.”

Gwen giggles through her watery eyes and Blake looks at her briefly, his own eyes teary as well.

“I bet you do. You’ve gotten so big too, what does she feed you?”

King makes a sour face. “ _Vegetables_.”

Blake laughs. “I can hear you’re a _real_ fan of those.”

“Are you gonna stay for dinner, Blakey?”

Blake’s demeanour falls just slightly and as much as Gwen wants to go there already, there’s still a hint of hesitancy about letting Blake spend too much time with Kingston. As much as she believes he’s serious about them this time, she feels like she needs to ease her son into this new dynamic. She would never be able to forgive herself for letting him get used to Blake too quickly again. She’s been through enough to know that there are just some things you can’t foresee. She doesn’t want to take the risk yet.

Blake seems to get her without her ever speaking a word.

“You know what buddy, I actually have some plans already but could you save that invitation for me another time? Maybe you could even show me these vegetables you like so much.” He jokes.

Gwen’s grateful for the impromptu white lie, making sure it’s not Gwen who has to shut that invitation down, letting her off the hook instead of making her the bad guy in her son’s eyes.

She smiles at him gratefully. “I think we’d both like that very much.”

Blake looks at her gently, nodding.

“Next time.” Kingston says enthusiastically, luckily not too sad and disappointed about his initial invitation falling through.

Blake ruffles his hair.

“Can’t wait.”

They say their goodbyes rather quickly after that and while Blake makes his way to the front door, Kingston finally in front of the television like he’d asked for before, Gwen follows Blake down the hall.

Her hand on his wrist stops him from walking out too fast.

Gwen’s arms hook around his neck as she presses onto her tiptoes and kisses him softly. She lets her body rock into his just slightly as one of his hands keeps him from crashing into the front door and his other one cups her cheek. She lets out a soft moan against his lips, the feel of his kiss never getting old.

He pulls back to catch some air, looking at her with a look of surprise in his eyes.

“What was that for?” He asks dumbly, and she can’t help but giggle.

“I love you, Blake Shelton.”

His hand touches her cheek so softly, it’s almost feather like, and she basks in the glory of his touch. Being the main focus of this man’s attention the best feeling she’s ever felt.

“I love you too.” He kisses her once more. “See you Friday.”

He walks out and towards his truck while she keeps her finger against her lips for a while longer, while her other hand wraps around the silver pendant again.

Perhaps this is what it feels like to, _spiritually_ , have someone be all over you.


	25. Chapter 25

She can smell his cologne the moment she walks into the living room. As much as she tries to ignore it, her head immediately whips around to face him, his large frame already sitting at the dinner table. Behati and Adam are obviously the two chairs across from him and she can figure out who’s supposed to be sitting next to Blake.

“Sorry I’m late.” Gwen says hurriedly, taking off her coat and revealing the black tank top underneath.

“Don’t worry about it, we’re just happy you’re here.” Adam says, taking her coat off her hands and hanging it in the hallway.

“We saved you a seat.” Behati winks at her, being anything but subtle.

She looks over to Blake and can tell he’s suppressing a grin of himself. She’s surprised when he stands up to greet her, hugging her tightly in front of Behati. They pull away as they sit down, Gwen’s gaze directed at her friend.

“Weren’t you supposed to invite some other people too?”

Behati shrugs. “Didn’t work out.”

Gwen nods, a knowing expression on her features.

“You know this is the most see-through thing you and him have _ever_ done, right?”

“I have to agree with her.” Blake chimes in, chuckling.

“What, we can’t have dinner with our two best friends?” Behati says innocently, taking a sip of her red wine.

“Are they giving you a hard time?” Adam asks, joining them back at the dinner table.

“We’re just telling your girl how transparent this get- together is.” Blake responds casually, his arm draping across Gwen’s chair.

She doesn’t know how he manages to do it, but his confidence never wavers, not even when it’s clear they’re thrown in an uncomfortable situation. Gwen finds herself feeding off it more than she cares to admit.

“Oh shush and enjoy your dinner.” Adam jokes, walking into the kitchen.

Dinner goes smooth for the most part; their friends cut them some slack throughout the rest of the evening, Gwen’s even able to talk out some of her work frustrations with them. As much as she loves being home with Kingston after work, it’s definitely nice to talk through her emotions with her mature friends.

The news of Blake finding himself a place quickly becomes the highlight of the conversation and she’s not at all upset at that. She learns that he’s only a few weeks away from moving into the new home and during their conversation, she’d started leaning into him a little bit more.

“This might be the best steak you’ve ever made me.” Blake compliments Adam, his tone slightly teasing. “Remember the first time you ever made me one?”

“Shut the fuck up.” Adam laughs, his hand grabbing Bee’s. “You just had a bad reaction, that’s all.”

“Bad reaction?” Blake shakes his head, looking at Gwen while he smiles. “Don’t believe him; my stomach felt like it was doing somersaults and not the good kind.”

Gwen giggles.

“Thanks for the vegetarian meal, Adam. It’s suddenly even _more_ appreciated.”

“Great.” Adam chuckles. “Now my best friend believes I can’t cook.”

“I thought _I_ was your best friend?” Blake says, faking his dismay.

“You’ve been replaced.” Adam jokes. “Gwen’s much prettier than you anyway.”

“Can’t argue with you on that one.” Blake smiles, his hand sliding to her knee under the table.

“So tell us…” Behati starts, biting her lip. “What’s the deal here? Are you two sleeping together again?”

Gwen nearly chokes on her drink, Blake’s hand tightening on her leg.

“Nice, _subtle_.” Blake laughs quietly, not looking quite as distressed as Gwen feels.

“Am I wrong?”

“ _Bee_.” Gwen scolds her friend, looking petrified.

“That answers my question.” Behati laughs, causing Adam to follow right behind.

“We’re not, we’re just….” Gwen gets momentarily distracted by Blake’s hand scooting up a little bit higher, dangerously close to her thigh. Gwen swallows roughly and clears her throat. “We’re just figuring things out.”

“Don’t mind us, we’re just happy you two have found each other again.” Adam smiles, not doing much to disguise his amusement. “Plus Blake’s been saving himself for you pretty much since you left, so he _needs_ this.”

Now it’s Blake’s turn to turn red, his hand on her thigh tightening.

“I hate you.”

Gwen feels the sensations running through her body, her thighs tingling underneath his touch. He hadn’t been with anyone since she left. It’s an answer to a question she probably never would’ve asked if it weren’t for Adam.

“Can we please stop talking about our sex life right now?” Gwen laughs under her breath, causing Blake to look at her thankfully.

Adam and Bee throw their hands up.

“We’re sorry, next subject.”

Having survived the last few minutes of this conversation makes her feel strangely relieved and happy, the rest of their dinner going much smoother.

She finds herself leaning against Blake on their couch later, Adam and Behati each sitting across from them on the comfortable chairs. Their house is large and modern, the whole ambiance strangely comforting and homey despite of it.

Blake kept his hands to himself after dinner, until Gwen started leaning against him on the couch, his hand sure enough finding it’s designated place on her leg again. She forces herself to keep her head in the conversation, but her mind is only occupied with how badly she wants his hand higher.

It’s been too long since she felt him everywhere, and the ache is starting to quickly spread through her whole body. Blake wasn’t the only one who hadn’t been intimate with anybody else after her visit to Broken Arrow and there was no denying how badly she wanted him in this moment.

Deciding she needs a quick break, she pulls herself out of her comfortable position on the couch with Blake and clears her throat.

“Excuse me for a moment.” Her voice sounds rough as if she’d talked all night, though she’s been undeniably quiet ever since dinner.

“I’ll go get us some more drinks.” Adam says as he watches Gwen head for the stairs, Blake’s positive response the last thing she hears before she enters the second floor and heads towards their large bathroom.

The light grey tiles made the room look even bigger, the vanity large and glossy. She looks at herself in the mirror, splashing some much-needed water in her face.

She doesn’t understand how her attraction for Blake literally takes over her entire being; she used to go for brown eyes, not blue. She used to fantasize about men who wore suits and ones that cared way too much about their looks. But all her heart knows and wants, is a blue-eyed cowboy from Oklahoma; a man who couldn’t care less about his appearance but somehow looks the most appealing she’s ever seen a man look. Perhaps it’s his lack of vanity that makes her _that_ much more attracted to him. She _did_ always have a thing for the simpler things in life.

She spent the moments he wasn’t looking to gaze at him freely, and the confident words he spoke to her had her blushing uncontrollably everytime.

It’s clear as day; she wants him.

Just as her brain starts going down more dangerous paths, there’s a soft knock on the door. She inhales sharply, biting her lip.

“I’ll be right out.”

“It’s me.”

Blake’s voice sounds quiet yet confident, and there’s a strange feeling that pools low in her gut that tells her she’s just been made out for the fraud that she is. She’s see-through, absolutely transparent and for once in her life, she doesn’t care.

She opens the door slowly, watching as Blake’s eyes drink her up. She knows she looks good, made a lot of effort to emphasize her best features.

“I just came to check on ya.” He says. “You left so abruptly.”

Even if he’s lying, she’s in no position to call him out on it, she’s been doing the same ever since she got here. They had to.

“Where are Bee and Adam?”

“Downstairs. Adam got an important phone call and I told Bee I would check up on you.”

Gwen nods, her mind made up a second later.

Her hand tugs at his shirt, pulling him inside before pushing him back against the door with a _thud_. It closes beneath the weight of his body and he looks at her a bit surprised, but amused.

“So I wasn’t wrong, you really _did_ go upstairs to try and fight this…”

“Shut up.” She says breathily, kissing him roughly.

His hands immediately go up under her shirt, gracing soft skin on her sides. Her fingers thread through his hair, his grip on her so deliciously tight, the thought of stopping doesn’t even occur to her.

Gwen groans when Blake pushes her even closer to him, one of his hands coming up to cup her cheek.

“I need this so bad.” She murmurs against his mouth, her hips bucking into him.

“ _This_?”

“You.”

He chuckles before turning them around, pushing her back against the door.

“Atta girl.”

She tries to regulate her breathing but it’s impossible, Blake’s hardness now pressing against her thigh.

It reminds her of how big he is and how good he felt inside of her, a year ago.

“ _Please_.” She whimpers, unable to push her desperation down any longer.

“We can’t have sex here.” He says in between kisses, though his hips thrust into her of their own accord, a juxtaposition to his words. “They’ll know.”

“I don’t care.” Gwen breathes, her hands sliding down to his belt buckle.

He shakes his head, laughing softly while grabbing her hand to stop her.

“Yeah you do.” She closes her eyes in frustration, knowing he’s right. “But I know something else we can do.”

Her eyes snap open again, the same time his hand moves to her zipper and tugs it down efficiently. His hand slowly slides past the waistband of her underwear and she gasps loudly when he touches her center over her damp fabric.

Her head falls back against the door and Blake grins at her before kissing her again.

“Careful.”

His fingers are skilful in bringing her closer to the edge, one of his fingers pushing her fabric aside and sliding into her without warning. She gasps and puts one of her hands over her mouth, trying to keep from screaming.

It’s been too long and Blake feels too good.

They both groan when she tightens around his finger, his lips sucking marks into her neck. It feels like he’s everywhere and though she doesn’t know what a heart attack feels like, she can feel hers beating in her _fingertips_.

It’s too much and not nearly enough and she looks at him incredulously.

“You don’t know how long I’ve been dreaming about doing this.” Blake says slowly, dragging every syllable out against her skin.

“Blake, _ungh_.” Her head falls back as much as she tries to keep his gaze, the hunger in Blake’s eyes too much for her anyway.

“That night you met me at _Denise’s_ parking lot in that thing you called a dress…I thought about pushing you against my truck and taking you right then and there.”

“Fuck.” She hisses, biting the skin of her hand as she forces herself to remain somewhat quiet. “I’m so close.”

He looks down at her chest, his gaze falling on the silver pendant that hangs there.

“Damn it.” He curses softly, and if she didn’t know any better, she thought _she_ was the one touching _him_ right now. “I need you to come for me, Gwen. Right now.”

Her breathing spirals as she’s unable to push back a moan, Blake’s chuckle soft against her cheek.

“There you go.”

“Blake, please, I can’t…”

“Let go baby.” He quickens the pace of his fingers, her walls constricting around him. “Show me how beautiful you are when you come.”

The words have barely left his mouth when her whole body stutters, her thighs shaking as she tries to keep standing upright.

Blake holds her tightly, pushing her against the door more reverently to help her find stability. Her arm falls around his neck, resting on his shoulder.

“I can’t believe we waited so long to do this again.” She whispers, biting her lip at him out of sheer desperation.

He chuckles.

“I’ve only been back for a couple of weeks.” He retorts. “It really hasn’t been that long.”

“It feels like it’s been years.” She admits, letting her head come forward and rest against his forehead. “I haven’t been with anyone either, you know...? Not after…”

His brow raises, one of his hands smoothing down her thigh in an effort to soothe her worst goosebumps.

“Really?”

She nods, suddenly a little embarrassed.

“I didn’t want to say that downstairs, especially not at the dinner table.” Gwen scoffs a little, her hand playing with the hairs in his nape.

“Let it be up to Adam and Bee to make things awkward.” He chuckles.

“You and Daphne never— “

He kisses her again, effectively shutting her up.

“No, never.” He replies later, speaking the words against her swollen lips. “I couldn’t. Not after meeting you, not after feeling everything I felt while you were there. How do you even go back to anyone else after that?”

Gwen feels her heart swell in her chest, seconds before she’s using the final strength she’s got to push out of his hold and switches their positions.

He looks at her funny when she presses her hand against his chest, indicating she wants him to stay put.

His brows fly into his hairline when she slowly sinks down onto her knees, her hands holding on to his legs for stability. Her hand moves to his zipper, having difficulty getting it down because of the sheer excitement growing inside his pants.

“Gwen.” He nearly chokes, obviously not expecting her to be this brazen.

She pulls his boxers down enough, sucking at the skin on his thigh. He lets out a strangled groan at the feel of his hardness in her hands.

“You feel so damn good already.” He says softly, his eyes directly looking down into hers. “Please don’t drag this out.”

She takes him into her mouth immediately after that, her nails digging into his thighs as she moans softly. Her other hand is placed against his hip, directing the pace in which she sucks him.

She lets him slowly fall out of her mouth, licking a strip from base to tip. He hardens some more with her demonstrations and she smiles wickedly at the sight.

“You don’t even know how much I missed this.” She whimpers, pumping him with her hand.  
She’d only done this to him once before, but the memory never escaped her mind. She’s been craving this for much longer than he’s probably aware of.

Blake moves one of his hands to her cheek, his finger stroking her flesh.

“More.” He urges her softly.

She relaxes her jaw some more, giving him a bit more access to carefully thrust into her. She lets him slide past her lips repeatedly, using her hand to cover the part of his dick she can’t get inside.

He groans and she smiles proudly.

“Are you close?” She asks, kissing up the side of his erection as her hand keeps the steady pace going.

“Fuck, so close.” He whines, his hand involuntarily reaching for the back of her head. “You don’t know how fucking perfect you look right now.”

She smiles again, taking him back into her mouth and working him closer and over the edge. The moment he lets go, his soft groan escapes into the spacious bathroom and she chuckles to herself in a bit of embarrassment, hoping no one heard that.

She pulls back with a satisfied grin, kissing his thigh one last time before crawling back up. His arms snake around her quickly and he kisses her passionately, not caring where her mouth had been seconds before.

She places one last kiss to the side of his mouth before rinsing her mouth under faucet, spitting a few times in the sink.

They gather themselves quickly after that, readjusting their clothes properly while Blake holds the door open for her.

She’s at the top of the stairs, his hand gently on her lower back when she suddenly looks at him with a strange expression, no longer making a move to descend the stairs.

“What?” He asks.

“Just…how long were we upstairs for?”

Blake’s loud laugh makes her swat at his arm playfully.

“I’m serious.”

“Long enough for them to believe we had a quickie in their bathroom.” Blake teases, yet she knows he’s not all the way lying—or at _all_. “Or a breakdown. We could go with that.”

“I didn’t cry.”

“But you look a bit dishevelled, I’m sure we can pull it off.”

“Blake.” She hisses, shaking her head. “Oh my God.”

“Don’t you think it’s a bit too late to start panicking now?” He retorts, his face still portraying amusement.

“We’re like teenagers, it’s ridiculous.” She says the words but can’t help but smile a little too. “We’re fooling around in our _friend’s_ house. Jesus.”

“I didn’t hear you complaining a few minutes ago.” He whispers against the shell of her ear, chuckling at the full-on shiver that passes through her.

“We need to get it together.” She warns him, taking a deep breath. “No more touching or suggestive looks when we’re downstairs.”

He smiles, but nods at her regardless.

“After you.”

She shakes her head, hoping like hell she can dig herself out of the awkward situation that’s bound to ensue.

**

“Let’s do this more often.” Behati says cheerfully, pulling her in for another hug.

Gwen smiles brightly, her friendship with the woman one of the things she cherishes most in this world. She never knew how close she and Adam would become eventually and because of that, she’s found herself another best friend.

“I can’t think of anything better.” Gwen replies genuinely, missing Kingston but also being incredibly happy and grateful she’s got this night out with her friends.

Adam hugs Blake, before patting him on the shoulder a few times.

“You’re actually going to be living around here soon. It still hasn’t quite hit me yet.”

Gwen can agree with that statement, trying hard to hide her ongoing surge of passion for Blake ever since they made it out of the bathroom.

“It’s going to be good.” She hears Blake say.

“More than good.” Adam replies, focusing his attention on Gwen as he hugs her goodbye as well.

“Thanks for dinner.” She says while hugging him back, her smile unable to leave her face.

“Thanks for coming.”

“I hope we can do this again soon.”

By the time all adults have said goodbye, Gwen’s Uber is merely minutes away and Blake’s searching for his car keys inside his jacket. She realized he hadn’t drank much, which is a given since he insisted on arriving here by car. She wonders if there’s a reason for his sudden cutting back on drinking and makes a mental note to ask him when she’s hanging out with him alone again.

While she’s lost in thought, Behati has made her way back next to her, staring at her knowingly.

Gwen frowns.

“What?”

“How was it?”

Even more confused than before, she shakes her head.

“Bee, what are you talking about?”

“Upstairs, in our bathroom.”

Gwen’s face turns red as a beet, her stomach dropping.

“Don’t worry, we don’t care.” Behati chuckles, causing Gwen’s embarrassment to grow even further. “You didn’t think you could stay upstairs with him for nearly twenty minutes and _not_ raise any questions, right?”

Gwen groans, her voice barely a whisper.

“Nothing happened.”

Behati looks at her with a grin, biting her lip to keep from making any rash comments. She cocks her head just slightly, waiting for her to break.

And finally, she does.

“Fine. We fooled around a bit. We didn’t have sex.”

Gwen can barely get the words out, her gaze falling on Adam and Blake a few feet away, seemingly talking about something near his truck.

“How was it?”

“I’m so not talking about this here.”

“Why?” Behati laughs. “You can fool around here, but _talking_ about it is off limits?”

Gwen covers her face with her hands, shaking her head.

“Can you honestly tell me you and Adam have never hooked up somewhere questionably?”

“So you do call it hooking up?”

“Behati.”

“ _Gwen_ …”

“We made out…. a _lot_.” She whispers. “Maybe even…. you know?”

Behati’s brows raise before it clicks, her voice way too loud as she basically shrieks.

“You went down on him, didn’t you? Oh my God, you so did.”

Gwen looks around mortified, grabbing her friend’s arm.

“Can you _please_ keep your voice down?”

“Yeah, of course, sorry.” Her friend whispers, smiling. “Jesus Gwen, who knew you were this adventurous.”

She wants to say it’s something about Blake that makes her lose all inhibition; passion just taking over whenever he’s near. But she can’t get herself to engage in even more sex talk while standing outside with Blake and Adam only a few feet away.

“Can you not tell Adam?” Gwen whispers.

“I’m afraid he already knows. We’re not idiots, Gwen.”

She groans again. “Great.”

“We’re only teasing you guys cause we’re happy for you, that’s clear right?”

Behati’s genuine words make her forget about her overwhelming embarrassment for a moment.

“Yeah.” Gwen whispers. “I do know that.”

“Okay good. Now go home and dream about all the naughty things you guys did up in our bathroom.”

Gwen rolls her eyes.

“Sometimes I hate you a little bit.”

Behati laughs.

“Get used to it, you’re not living this one down.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this fluffy/smutty chapter makes up for what's coming later. Prepare for a certain person's comeback next...


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prepare for a little bit of angst, but with a happy ending. We're in the homestretch now, so there won't be any destructive angst from here on out. Enjoy <3

“Gwen, we’re having a problem.”

Marie, her assistant who always manages to stay positive, sounds genuinely upset, causing Gwen’s stomach to churn violently.

“What’s wrong?”

“Gavin is here. In your office.”

She thinks she must’ve heard her wrong, there’s no way that statement makes sense otherwise.

“What are you talking about?” Gwen stammers.

“He showed up here thirty minutes ago, drunk out of his mind. He won’t leave your office until you speak to him. We’ve got potential business partners coming over left and right and having a drunk man make a scene in your office is _not_ the look we’re going for.”

Gwen feels like throwing up. She hasn’t seen her ex-husband in a year. After the divorce settlement, he’d left their lives and showed no sign of coming back. Now, after she’s got her life back together, he all of the sudden shows up again?

“Why?” Gwen shakes her head. “This makes no sense. Have you told him to leave?”

“Gwen, I’ve _threatened_ him to leave basically. He won’t. Should I just call the cops?”

She’s tempted to say yes, wondering why her friend hasn’t yet, but she knows that if the cops show up it will only escalate things.

“I don’t know. I don’t even understand why he came to the office...”

“He doesn’t know your new address, Gwen.”

The thought of Gavin finding out at some point and visiting her here— with Kingston at home— is enough incentive for her to not want the cops involved. It would only antagonize him more and she has no doubt he could somehow figure out where she lives and do what he set out to do. 

“I need to go down there. I’ll talk to him, I’ll get him to leave.” Gwen says, her hands shaking.

“Are you sure?” Marie asks worrisome.

“I don’t really have a choice.” Gwen challenges her. “If I don’t go talk to him, he’s going to scare our clients away and I will not let him fuck with the business we’ve worked so hard for.”

“Okay. Are you coming right now?” Marie asks nervously. “We really need you to take care of this if you can.”

Gwen hurriedly searches for her car keys, as her eyes fall upon an oblivious Kingston, already in his pj’s, ready for their evening routine to start. 

“I’ll be there as soon as I can. I need to go.” She hangs up the phone and starts panicking.

Her parents are out of town to visit her brother and she’s well aware she can’t bring Kingston to the office with her. In a desperate move, one she didn’t expect to make, her fingers dial _his_ number.

“Hello?”

“Blake, I’m so sorry to be bothering you right now but I need a huge favour.”

She can hear the desperation in her own voice and isn’t surprised when Blake hears it too.

“Of course, anything. Are you okay?”

“I’ve got an emergency situation going on at work and I really need to get down to the office, but Kingston is with me and I can’t bring him so I need someone to look after him just for a few hours.”

She said the words so quickly, she’s out of breath by the end of it.

“You want me to babysit him?” 

Blake sounds rightfully surprised now and she feels the panic levels rising within her again.

“I would ask my parents but they’re not here right now and I don’t know who else to call.”

She realizes later how Adam and Behati should’ve come up in her brain, but she’s already in the process of begging Blake. She can’t back down now.

“Please, I promise it won’t be for long.”

“Hey, don’t worry about it, I love spending some time with him. I’m on my way.” As the words are spoken over the phone, she can hear him rummaging around, the sound of keys dangling loud in her ears. “Are you okay though, Gwen? What’s going on?”

Afraid he’ll talk her out of it if she tells, she bites her lip and tries to keep from crying.

“I need to get to the office before everything gets ruined.” She forces out, her voice rough. “Thank you for doing this, Blake. I owe you one.”

**

Blake showed up twenty-five minutes later, a worried but hopeful look on his face. She feels bad for putting this on him, especially since she made it clear to him that he wouldn’t be spending more time with Kingston for a while.

She understands how confusing this must be for him and if Kingston safety and her own business weren’t on the line, she would never have put him through it.

She can’t think about that right now though, as she’s driving downtown to her large office, her heart beating in her throat.

She’s sure she racked up some speeding tickets along the way, but she parks her car in the parking lot and nearly runs to the elevator. The whole way up, she’s imagining worst case scenarios and by the time she can see the familiar glass doors from her office, she’s a nervous wreck.

Marie runs over to her immediately, grabbing her arm. 

“He’s been yelling at staff for the last ten minutes. I finally got him back into your office.”

Her words sound hasty and rushed and Gwen knows immediately that its bad— really bad. 

She nods. “Okay, I’ll take care of it.”

Her legs carry her to where she needs to be, her hands pushing open the large doors. 

She’s immediately faced with his restless frame pacing around the room. He stands still when he notices her presence and whisks his head around abruptly.

“Look who we have there, princess _Stefani_.” He slurs, leaning obnoxiously against her desk. “You sure know how to keep a man waiting.”

Gwen swallows roughly.

“What are you doing here, Gavin?”

“What am I doing here?” He repeats, chucking vindictively. “I haven’t seen my kid and ex wife for a whole year and suddenly I’m made aware that you moved without telling me.”

“You didn’t want anything to do with us.” She says, trying to remain calm. “There was no reason for me to disclose that information— there still isn’t.”

He pushes himself away from her desk, walking over to her in unsteady strides.

“I miss you.” 

“You can’t be here. This is my _work_ place, my office.”

“Where else was I gonna find you?”

“You don’t need to find me.” She hisses. “We’re over. You need to sober up and sleep this off. You’ll regret this in the morning.”

She tries to rationalize with him, even though all she wants to do is slap him for being so inconsiderate, such a _nuisance_.

“I’ll go home...” He says smiling, stepping even closer and making her back up until she hits the glass door behind her. “.... but only if you come with me.”

“You have a kid, you know that?” She whispers angrily, feeling her anger boil over. “If there was _any_ reason for you to come back to our lives, it should’ve been for _him_.”

“He barely knows me.”

“Who’s fault is that?”

He puts one arm on the glass, right next to her head. She can smell the overuse of cologne on his overpriced t-shirt and she can’t understand how she ever fell for that.

Now she’s obsessed with a much huskier, woodier smell, used in the right quantity, and shirts that are slightly too big and are _always_ open at the top, revealing some tan skin with only light sprinkles of chest hair.

“I’m not asking for the world.” He says, rolling his eyes at the mention of Kingston. “I don’t even want you back as my wife. I just want you to come home with me, I know you’ve missed it too.”

His suggestive words make her feel disgusting and cheap, her eyes watering.

“Your presence here isn’t appreciated and you’re messing with my professional life now too. Don’t you think you’ve done enough?” She asks instead, not even engaging in his skin crawling proposal.

“They tried to send me away. I think that one bitch even went as far as threatening me with the cops.”

“You need to leave before _I_ call them.”

“You wouldn’t.”

She tries to walk away from him, but his other hand comes up to the glass now too, effectively caging her in.

“You need to leave. Why are you even here? Did you seriously come all this way, make all this fuzz, just because you wanted to get laid?” Her words are dripping with judgement, and she can see the anger in his irises.

“I came here cause you’re fucking mine.”

He slams his hands down on the glass, making her wince. 

“ _Leave_.” She whispers, her voice strained underneath the suddenly increased tension.

“Not without you I’m not.”

Having him so close, she recognizes the tired lines of heavy drinking in his face, the untrimmed hair on his face nothing like him. She hadn’t met anyone more vain than her ex-husband, he’d spent hours in the bathroom taking care of himself. She could tell he was in need of saving of some kind and if this were a year ago, she probably would’ve tried to do that herself.

“One last chance, Gavin.” She warns him softly, bracing herself for another outburst. “You either leave by yourself or I’ll have the cops escorting you out of here. Your choice.”

She doesn’t even have to look to know Marie is standing outside, paying close attention to what’s going on. If her body pressed against the glass door wasn’t any indication of things escalating, she’s pretty sure the sound of Gavin’s hands banging down on them attracted some onlookers.

“ _Fuck_.” He spits out, one of his hands rubbing over his face. “You’re nothing, you know that? You and that damn kid of yours, you can both go to hell.”

Tears burn hotly in her eyes, not for herself but for Kingston.

Her heart aches for him each day he grows up without his father present, but to be reminded of his lack of care, lack of feeling for the boy, has her heart feeling like it’s being mauled by vicious hounds. 

She pushes against his chest and is surprised to feel him back away from her.

“Don’t _ever_ come back here.” She says, inhaling sharply. “If you ever get near me or Kingston again, I’ll have you arrested.”

“Good luck with that.” He snickers.

“Stay away. Leave!”

Her voice picks up volume, her control slowly chipping away.

“I don’t even know why the hell I tried.” He responds angrily. “There’s nothing here that I want, _nothing_.”

She stands her ground as she watches him leave finally, seeing Marie and a few people from HR standing around outside her office door.

Marie has her phone in hand, but Gwen shakes her head softly, indicating he’s leaving without the need of law enforcement.

The moment he disappears from view, Gwen lets out the breath she’d been holding.

“Are you okay?” Marie asks quickly, rushing to her side. “God Gwen, I’m so sorry, I wanted to call the cops but I knew you didn’t want that. I didn’t know _what_ to do.”

“I’m okay. I promise.” Gwen comforts her, though she feels her heart aching still. “I just really want to go home, go back to Kingston.”

Marie nods. “Of course, get out of here. Why don’t you take tomorrow off? Just spend some time with the little one.”

Gwen wants to fight it, knowing she can’t just take time off whenever she feels like it, but the prospect sounds entirely too good to pass up.

“I might just do that.” She says softly, nodding. “Thank you.”

Marie hugs her briefly.

“I’m really sorry that happened Gwen. You did not deserve that.”

She hugs her back, but the tension in her own body makes it hard for her to stand there much longer. 

**

She opens the door softly, her cheeks stained with tears. The whole ride home it had been hitting her; this man whom she loved for so many years had absolutely no regard for her feelings or that of her son’s. 

Her heart has been broken so many times in her life, it’s hard to understand how it’s still working. 

She hangs her coat in the hallway and throws off her shoes, the quietness in the house surprising her. She’d expected to at least hear some television blaring as Blake had put Kingston to bed — or so she hoped.

She walks into the living room, the sight in front of her causing her to stand still in awe. 

Blake’s sheepish eyes glare into hers, a small and apologetic smile on his face while Kingston’s asleep on his lap. His small arm is holding on to Blake’s leg while there’s a small blanket covering his sleeping body. 

“I know I should’ve brought him upstairs but he fell asleep like this and I didn’t want to move and risk waking him.”

Blake whispers the words softly, the look on his face expressing that he thinks he might be in trouble.

Gwen looks at the scene in front of her for a few more seconds before the soft sobs start spilling off her lips. She brings her hand in front of her mouth to try and stifle them, but they’re relentless as they wreck through her.

“Gwen, what’s wrong?” He asks, the look on his face a panicked one now. She can tell he’s struggling with getting up in a way that won’t wake up King and she shakes her head quickly.

“It’s okay, don’t get up.” She cries, keeping her voice down. 

“Is this because of me? Did I do something wrong?” Blake looks at her sadly, his arm involuntarily wrapping around the toddler on his lap. “Should I have brought him upstairs, did I forget anything?”

His words snap her out of her daze as she cracks the tiniest smile on her lips.

“You did nothing wrong, Blake.” She whispers, her body still hiccupping with the occasional sobs. “Kingston feels so safe around you.”

“Baby, I don’t understand...” the pet name is something she’s come to expect from him, so it doesn’t stun her into silence like it used to anymore. “You’re crying.”

She forces her legs to carry her over to the couch, sitting down next to him. She’s careful not to wake Kingston, leaning her head on Blake’s shoulder.

“Gavin showed up at work. He was scaring people inside the firm and I had to go down there and deescalate the situation.”

She can feel Blake tense up beneath her, his hand reaching for her knee. She feels guilty for not telling him before, but she also can’t deny she’s nervous for his reaction.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t want you to try and change my mind. I _had_ to do this.”

“Did he hurt you?”

The words sound so rough coming from him, her gaze settles on his as she can see his jaw lock.

“Not physically.”

Blake’s hand tightens around her leg.

“You really should’ve told me, Gwen. The hell did he want from you?”

“Nothing.”

“He showed up there wanting _nothing_?” Blake calls her bluff, but keeps his voice quiet not to wake King.

Her tears fill on their own accord as she thinks back of the gnarly ordeal and the way she really doesn’t want to tell Blake about Gavin’s drunk advances.

“He just wanted to hurt my feelings.” She whispers, and something in her voice must’ve snapped him out of his brittle state, his response no longer sounding like he wants to get up and go find her ex.

“Whatever he told you, he— “

“— He doesn’t care about me or King at all.” She interrupts him, crying again. “I couldn’t care less about what he thinks of me anymore, but Kingston is so innocent, so _perfect_. I don’t understand how a father can just not care about his own son like that. How do I explain that to him when he’s older?”

Both their eyes dart down to the toddler on Blake’s lap, sleeping obliviously.

“Kingston is gonna grow up around your love, Gwen. That’s all he will ever know and all he’ll ever need. I don’t understand how anyone could not love him either, but that’s not something you or him can ever fault yourselves for.”

One of her fingers whisks away some moisture underneath her eye, her hand sliding to his chest.

“Walking in just now and seeing him asleep on your lap... he usually doesn’t sleep around other people, he has trouble even sleeping in his own bed. But with you he falls asleep on your _lap_?”

She shakes her head and chuckles.

“Perhaps I just bored him to death with my stories about my fishing accidents as a kid.”

Gwen looks up at him from where her head is placed on his shoulder.

“Why did you never tell _me_ those stories?”

He smiles. “You never asked.”

She smiles through her tears, resting her head back down on him.

“Thank you for doing what you did tonight.” She says softly, feeling the fatigue pull at her eyelids.

“You don’t have to thank me.” He responds softly, placing a kiss on the top of her head. “I loved getting to spend time with him. I’m glad you let me.”

She bites her lip, her hand softly raking through King’s hair. 

“Blake?”

He hums softly in response.

“Do you want to stay tonight? Maybe have breakfast with us tomorrow?”

She’s never heard a silence quite as loud as right now, her heart doing flips inside her chest.

“Are you sure?” He whispers, looking down at her. “If you’re not ready, that’s okay. I don’t want you to feel pressured.”

“I _am_ ready.” She says, nodding. “Better yet, I think King is too.”

Blake’s hand tightens on her knee, his voice laced with emotion.

“There’s nothing I’d love more.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut coming up as Blake finally stays the night? Perhaps...


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some notes since we're nearing the end of this story. I've got the complete story finished and will try to update these last few chapters without too much of a wait between them. This chapter is mostly dedicated to them reconnecting again in every way possible. I wanted it to be realistic though and that can't happen without a bit more focusing on Kingston. I'm very intrigued to see how you all will react to the Kingston/Blake interaction in the second half of the chapter. Remember, these are still damaged people. Assurance and affirmation are of key importance to them.
> 
> But first, enjoy some smut ;-)

She figures out she’s got a strange fascination with watching him get ready for bed.

He’s wearing way too many layers for her liking, but she enjoys watching him take it all off. The way he throws his t-shirt over her bedroom chair and walks around in nothing but his boxers makes her incredibly restless to have him back in bed with her. He made sure to give her some space while she was getting ready in the bathroom, but she’s quickly becoming irritated with that decision; all that means is that it’s going to take even longer for him to join her.

She hears the sound of water spilling into the sink as he must be washing his face and she can’t wait for her own hands to touch the stubble on his jawline again.

He comes back into the room five minutes later, his lip caught between his teeth. She’s sitting upright in the bed, her back against the headboard.

“There you are.” She whispers, unable to keep the desire from seeping into her voice.

“Missed me?”

There’s a warm sensation pooling low in her gut, her hand grabbing at the sheets around her. She wants to say something, but words get lost on her tongue. All she can focus on is Blake’s frame nearing the bed, his knowing smile driving her even crazier.

“You do that on purpose, don’t you?”

He smirks, brow raising.

“Do what on purpose?”

“Looking at me like that.”

He hums while crawling across the bed, not stopping until both his hands grab at her sides and pull her down the matrass. She squeals in surprise, her hands flying to his shoulders automatically.

His broad frame pinning her down on the bed has every thought in her mind evaporating except for the most primal ones. She’s wearing nothing but her nightgown and the flimsy fabric does nothing to hide her arousal.

He whistles lowly in his throat.

“How did I get this lucky?”

She swallows roughly, her throat feeling uncomfortably dry.

“I don’t know?” She tries to tease back but the sentiment is completely lost, her voice barely a breathy whisper. What was supposed to come out as a sexy rebuttal, ends up being nothing but a shaky question.

Blake chuckles.

“I wanna see you.”

His fingers skim up her leg until it reaches underneath her nightgown, pushing it up to her stomach.

She sucks in just because she’s used to it, and never before has someone looked at her as intensely as Blake’s doing right now.

“Don’t hide.” He shakes his head, immediately catching on. “You’re perfect, Gwen.”

She releases the breath she’d began holding and tries her best to relax, his soft touches along the side of her leg and stomach bringing her immense comfort.

“It’s been a while.” She whispers, though she knows he’s aware.

“What do you need?”

The question surprises her, but so does almost everything about him. Blake’s the total opposite of both men she’s dated in the past, but somehow he gets her better than anyone in the world. Perhaps she’d always been barking up the wrong tree. Perhaps, this time she’s really got it right.

“For you to touch me.” She answers softly, her hands sliding from his shoulders to his biceps. “And for you to not stop.”

The smile on his face lights up the whole room, his hands quick in disregarding the piece of fabric over her head and onto the floor.

“I knew my favorite attire of yours would be the ones on the floor.” He smirks, referencing back to an earlier statement he made.

“Kiss me.”

As much as his words glue her broken pieces back together, she desperately needs to feel him on her. There’s nothing in the world as effective as his kiss and it’s been too long already.

Both his hands cup her face, pulling her closer. When his lips finally touch hers, she’s a goner. He doesn’t let up, not at all, and she’s desperately trying to memorize every soft but demanding trick of his mouth. It’s too much and yet she’s never been this into a kiss before.

For the first time in forever, she understands what it means to have time absolutely stop. Nothing matters except for his lips on hers, coaxing soft and pretty moans from her throat like it’s his birth right.

He holds her close to him, his hands still on each side of her face. “Twelve months ago, my whole life was out of control, it was all falling apart….” He slides one hand down her neck, while he loops the other one around the small of her back. “Without knowing it you helped me put it all back together. You’ve given me so much more than I deserve.”

She wants to wipe the tears from her eyes, but her hands have a mind of its own as they keep tracing the expanse of his arms.

“We deserve this.” She whispers, moving in for another kiss. “You and me.”

His hand moves up even higher, until his fingers clasp around the pendant on her chest, the only thing she’s wearing at all.

“I’m never letting you go again.”

His lips latch onto her neck, sucking and licking at the skin there until she’s a babbling mess underneath him. As much as she enjoys his teasing ways, she’s thought about this moment too long for him to take the lead on it.

She uses all her strength to push him onto his back, following him down until she’s straddling his hips confidently. She can feel his arousal poking her at her most sensitive parts and shifts only to disregard his boxers.

“Holy shit.”

She smiles. “I’ve waited so goddamn long for this.”

His hand comes to the back of her neck, forcing her down on top of him so he can kiss her. She never met someone who’s into making out as much as she is and the realization only makes her love him more—her heart nearly aching from the amount of hammering.

He mumbles something inaudibly against her lips while he helps her take his boxers all the way off.

He kisses her neck again and she moans loudly— _too_ loudly—when he sucks at her throat the same time he thrusts up into her. The movement sends shockwaves through her, her eager body rocking with him as he moves.

Her eyes burn and her chest aches from the many rapid breathes that leave her, but she doesn’t even care. All that matters is the way Blake’s breath hitches as he slips deeper inside her, his mouth on her neck while he sucks love marks into her skin.

“Oh my God.” She whimpers, trying to keep her noises down.

Her hand flies up to cover her mouth when he sits up, forcing her down on him even deeper. Her forehead drops to his, her body already trembling. “So fucking good.”

One of his hands weaves into her hair while the other one caresses one of her cheeks. Her body has a complete will of its own as she moves her hips in quick circles while she rides him. It’s not like what they did in Broken Arrow—this feels different, more connected.

She feels the warmth of his length stretching her as he moves painfully slow, yet incredibly deep. She responds to every movement, kissing his neck, her hands caressing his broad chest.

“Love when you do that.” He grunts softly as her nails scratch at his chest. “Love it when you get needy.”

Gwen just moans in agreement, continuing to ride his cock, damn near crying at the perfect friction it creates within her.

She moves her mouth up to his ear, nibbling at his lobe.

“Make it hurt.”

“Fuck Gwen, Jesus. That’s what gets you off?” His words come out in between raspy grunts, one of his hands slapping her ass just hard enough for it to hurt good. “I need you to tell me.”

A delicious moan escapes her lips when he slaps her again, pulling her hair at the same time. She loves how he knows exactly what she wants and needs without ever taking it overboard.

“I love you.” She says while rocking her hips into his lap again.

His right hand tightens in her hair and he pulls her head down, straight towards his mouth.

“ _Again_.”

His hot breath hits her ear, causing the chills to run straight down her spine. She moans and trembles on top of him, on the brink of losing it already.

“I love you.” She whimpers, her right arm curling around his neck to keep herself grounded.

She’s already close when one of his hands slide down her taut stomach teasingly and settle in between her legs, circling her clit. She can taste herself on his lips when he slowly brings the same hand up and licks his fingers deliberately.

“I love you too.” He returns, kissing her while he continues thrusting, only slower.

Her jaw goes slack when he pushes in impossibly deeper and rotates his hips in a way that hits her spot just right. She tightens her arms around his neck, vibrating on top of him.

“Just like that Gwen.”

It’s like he savours the moment in slow motion, bringing them over the edge together.

Her nails dig into his scalp while she whimpers into his mouth, trying to muffle her sounds. She rides it out, slowly rocking against him as she feels his own muscles clench while he lets go. His grip on her hair loosens, his arm around her back still keeping her tightly pinned against him.

She lays her head down on his shoulder, sliding one hand up his chest. He tilts his head when he finds her gracing the tattoo on his arm with her other hand and smiles.

She closes her eyes, content with just being held by him while gently exploring his skin.

“You okay?” He whispers after a little while, letting her lazily explore him some more.

“Hmmm.” She hums affirmatively. “I’ve thought about this so many times.”

He chuckles lowly, his hand rubbing her back. “Me too.”

“Not just sex though.” She whispers. “Sleeping with you, holding you, waking up with you. All of it.”

She gasps when he lays her down on the matrass, finally slipping out of her. He kisses her lips softly before pressing his lips to her forehead and turning her into the little spoon.

Just when she thinks he’s about to ease her into a goodnight, his knee pushes her legs apart from behind, surprising her greatly when he slips inside of her again.

She doesn’t even know how he’s still as hard as he is, or how he got the energy, but he doesn’t let it up the whole time she’s dying in his arms.

His arm wraps around her like a vice, his face buried in her neck. She tries to breathe as he takes her so diligently but all she can do is make soft whimpering noises.

“Oh my god Blake, _fuck_.” She whines, moving back at him.

She could feel him lose himself inside her again, knowing they were both close to coming a second time. He pumps harder from behind, coaxing incoherent moans out of her. Hearing her name on his lips makes her tighten around him and the pace he maintains has got her screaming soon enough.

“Shhh, baby, you gotta try and be quiet...” He whispers, kissing her neck again. “Though I fucking love it, hearing you scream for me.”

She whines and whimpers, pressing her eyes and lips shut.

She convulses and shakes against him the next moment, as she feels him breathing harshly into her neck.

“God damn.”

She feels him ride his second orgasm out behind her, holding her tightly against him. Her limbs burn but it doesn’t compare to the blissful feeling coursing through her body.

“I’m gonna walk funny tomorrow.” She whispers, finally feeling herself come down.

Blake chuckles lowly behind her, stroking a piece of hair behind her ear.

“But it’ll be _so_ worth it.”

She nods, her chest still heaving.

“That was unreal.”

“Had a lot to make up for.” He whispers behind her, placing a soft kiss on the back of her head.

She turns her head to face him, her hand reaching for his jaw.

“You know we’re good, right? I’m _so_ lucky.”

He kisses her again, slipping out of her. “I know we’re good. I just also know that I missed the opportunity to be with you, be _inside_ you, for a good year. I don’t ever want to experience that again.”

“Lightening in a bottle.” She whispers.

He brushes a strand of her hair from her forehead and cocks his head.

“What?”

“Lightening in a bottle. That’s what I thought you were, what I thought you’d always be to me. Just some magical, once in a lifetime person that I lost. Someone who made me feel all these things, crashing into me like lightening…. just for me to lose.”

“You were wrong.” He says softly.

“I was.”

Her head sinks into the pillow as Blake softly kisses her naked shoulders, covering it like a blanket. She can tell he’s not trying to get anything else going again, he’s simply admiring her, _loving_ her.

“I thought you were a dream.” He admits quietly, his arms never letting go of her. “I thought you were a dream when I met you for the first time, and to be able to dream, you have to dare yourself to think big. I didn’t dare to do that back then, so I tried turning you into a nightmare, a mistake. But then you left and I realized the nightmare was never you, the nightmare was you _leaving_ me.”

“That will never happen again.” She whispers hoarsely, the emotion thick in her voice.

“Never.” He agrees.

She nuzzles back into him and feels him completely relax behind her.

**

“Let Blakey eat baby.”

Gwen coos sweetly at her son, watching with delight and a slight wince when he tries to peel the edges off his pancake.

Blake shakes his head with a chuckle.

“Beats vegetables, doesn’t it?”

Kingston just nods furiously, backing off just enough for Blake to finish his plate.

Gwen couldn’t get King to sit next to her for the life of them, her little boy solely occupied by Blake’s presence. She couldn’t blame him, much like mother like son. Blake had this special way of connecting with him too, which made it a lot easier for her to sit back and enjoy the onslaught of attention her child demanded from him.

With anyone else, she’d feel like a burden. Like she had to reel King in, but never with Blake. He made it clear that he was happy to be there and even happier to be liked by her son. It was something so unfamiliar and so healing at the same time.

“Are we going to the park later?” King asks, still occupied with the food on his plate, stuffing his cheek full of pancake while glaring at both adults.

“We might.” Gwen answers, truthfully not too excited about having to leave the house at all.

She would’ve been blissfully content to just stay in this bubble for a little while longer.

“Blakey, are you coming?”

Her child had once again turned his attention away from her and to the cowboy to his right. Blake smiles sweetly and swallows the last of his bite.

“I think that might be up to your mom.”

Gwen’s brow raises. “Do you want to stay?”

Having breakfast with them was one thing, but she didn’t necessarily expect Blake to spend the rest of the day with them too. Going to the park very much felt like something she was about to with Kingston alone, not as a joined activity.

Blake shrugs. “I don’t necessarily have any other plans, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“I’m kinda not.” She whispers, suddenly feeling a bit insecure.

There’s a bit of awkward tension that Blake gets rid of quickly.

“I’d love to stay Gwen, I just don’t want to impose. It’s up to you, as promised. You know where I stand in all this.”

Just like that, he manages to put her heart at ease, even if it does put her on the spot.

“Guess we’re going to the park then.” Gwen smiles at King, giggling when he claps his hands excitedly, breakfast forgotten. “Will you help momma clear the table?”

She knows Blake would’ve jumped in to help if she didn’t say anything, but she still wants to make it clear that he’s her guest now and she just wants to take care of him.

Old habits die hard.

Kingston has brought his own plate to the kitchen before she watches him walk over to Blake’s chair, lightly tapping his arm.

“Hey buddy.” Blake’s low country drawl immediately brings a smile to her face, from where she’s watching the interaction from the kitchen.

“Are you gonna be my new daddy now?”

Gwen’s heart stutters in her chest, the ache running all the way through her legs. Blake’s so awesome with her child and she’s always known he was supposed to be a dad of his own, but hearing her child’s innocent words tears a hole straight through her heart. She knows she could never make up for King’s abandonment issues, and moments like these only solidify that hopeless feeling.

She can see the utter shock and surprise on Blake’s features as well, though he doesn’t show his distraught state when he addresses King.

“No buddy, I’m not.” Blake’s soft voice does its best to put the child at ease and she wants to step out there and help, but Gwen’s nailed to the spot. “But I’d very much like to be in your life. I love you and your mom very much.”

She’d just gotten used to hearing those three words directed at _her_ again, but hearing Blake speak them to her son is a whole different level of emotional.

“You’re not my new daddy?” Kingston’s voice sounds unusually strained, his little head seemingly trying to make sense of it all. “Why?”

“Well….” Blake clears his throat, his hand softly holding King’s small shoulder. “Because when you were born, God already gave you two parents, who love you very much…”

Gwen can’t help but let out a few tears then, her heart breaking over the estranged and non-existent relationship between King and her ex-husband.

“Are you leaving us too?”

Blake shakes his head while Gwen finally finds the strength to walk over to them. Blake’s soft shake of his head shows her he’s not quite done yet and somehow she’s incredibly intrigued to what else he’s got to say. She knows that she for sure lacks the ability to be too eloquent about this right now.

“I don’t want to leave, King. Is it alright with you if I stay?”

Gwen holds her breath, never before feeling so incredibly nervous over a five-year-old’s opinion.

Kingston surprisingly closes the distance between him and Blake, nearly crawling onto his lap as he tries to hug the taller man.

“It’s alright, Blakey. I used all my bedtime prayers on you, I need to use some on my friends now.”

Gwen’s breath stutters out brokenly, her lips pressing together tightly.

Blake just hugs him back, his chuckle appearing light to King but she knows the truth. There’s pain, fear and longing in that sound.

“I love you, little buddy.”

Gwen tries to watch the whole interaction without missing anything, but the haze of tears in her eyes makes it hard to see clearly. She wipes a finger underneath her eye and lets the cracks of her heart glue themselves together for as long as their hug lasts.

**

The air is a bit cool, even for Los Angeles, and she can tell Blake’s cold too by the way his forearms are covered with goosebumps. She’s close enough to tell, but he doesn’t appear to notice her sudden presence.

He excused himself from the table when Kingston went upstairs to get ready after breakfast, and she’d known something was up by the way he barely spoke a word. She wanted to come out here sooner, but getting Kingston ready turned out to be more of a handful than she imagined. She knows Blake would never care about her being busy with her son, he knows that being a mom is her number one priority, but she can’t help but feel a bit guilty.

“Blake?”

Her voice is soft, trying not to scare him as she walks up to him and makes her presence known.

He looks at her quickly, a soft smile on his face easing her worst worries that he’s angry with her.

“Are you okay?”

He crosses his arms over his chest, looking out over the backyard, the cold air sweeping around them.

“I never thought of myself as a….” His words falter on his tongue and she can tell he’s struggling to get the words out. It’s a strange paradox, compared to how well-spoken he was earlier around King. “I never had to be a parental figure to anyone. I’m not a dad.”

Gwen nods quietly to herself, her voice soft.

“You never had kids.” Gwen says, looking at him. “But you always knew how to be a parental figure; you stole that boy’s heart in those two weeks he spent with you out in Broken Arrow.”

“I can’t be his dad, Gwen.” Blake shakes his head, his eyes finally looking down at hers again. There’s fear and grief in his eyes, both emotions weighing heavy on her heart. “I’ll mess up and he’s had enough of that already. I can’t be another adult who lets him down.”

Gwen steps forward slowly, putting a hand on his arm.

“You won’t be.”

“How do you know?” Blake whispers. “I never had to do any of this. Ran never wanted kids and I…. I’m not even sure I have what it takes to be a good role model. That little boy is counting on me and I just made him a promise I don’t even know I can keep.”

Gwen’s face falls.

“You don’t know if you’ll stay?”

Flashbacks from Broken Arrow come flying back; how many times she’d gained hope, just to have it yanked away again.

Her face must portray her mortification, because Blake quickly shakes his head.

“I’m not going anywhere.” He states firmly, his hand reaching out for hers. “That’s not what I meant. I mean that I can’t promise him I won’t disappoint.”

“How could you ever think that?” She whispers, her eyes filling with tears again.

“You’re a mom, Gwen. You’re an amazing one at that. But I wasn’t born with that same gift, I don’t know how to help mould someone into a better person—I can hardly do that with myself. If it wasn’t for you, I’d probably still be drowning in self-pity back at that house.”

Her hand reaches for his cheek, her acrylic nail gently scraping against the stubble she finds there.

“You don’t even know how much of a gift you are.” She says softly, biting her lip. “Kingston is drawn to you for a reason, Blake. He loves you because you’ve already made such a big imprint of his life. The only way you could ever disappoint that boy, is by leaving.”

“What if you get sick of me?” He whispers, and she’s never heard him so unsure of himself. “He asked me before why I left, I can’t ever do that again without explaining it to him.”

“You won’t have to.” She says confidently, shaking her head. “Blake, listen to me. I want you in my life, better yet, I _need_ you.”

She slides her hand to the back of his neck, pressing against it so he leans his forehead against hers.

“I’m sorry for freaking out.” Blake speaks the words so close to her lips, she can feel his warm breath. “I’m just not used to this.”

“I know it’s a lot.”

“I want to be there for him, more than anything Gwen. I’m not overwhelmed because he wants me to be in his life, I’m just scared that for some reason I won’t get to be there.”

She smiles sadly. “Because you still believe everything you love will once disappear.”

Blake’s jaw tenses.

“It’s kind of hard not to.”

Gwen nods slowly. “I know you’re trying. I’m not gonna ask you to let go of that thought, I know that’s not how it works. Will you let me show you though?”

Blake’s piercing blue eyes gaze deeply into hers, his soft frown asking the question before he speaks it. “Show me what?”

“That this time will be different.”

His features soften immediately, his hand bringing her face closer to his.

His lips touch hers so softly, it almost brings her to tears. It’s as if he’s literally testing the waters, making sure she’s still there.

She doesn’t try to deepen it and it’s almost over too soon.

“I love you.” He whispers.

She maintains eye contact, not wanting to break the connection they’ve made. When he grabs her hand and brings it to his mouth, kissing each of her knuckles in succession, she realizes how bare her ring finger has been for a while and how it’s aching to someday be wrapped up by a silver band again.

“I love you too.”


	28. Chapter 28

“You’re still as punctual as ever.”

Gwen smiles, holding her purse to the side of her body. “You should’ve known me back in high school.”

She steps inside the large house on Mullholland Drive, the interior still scarce, but everything that’s already standing screams Blake’s name.

“This is so crazy.” Gwen whispers, her hands trailing the book shelf in the back, a few pictures of him and Adam and some people she doesn’t recognize sitting pretty. There’s a randomly placed deer-head looking over the shelf and she chuckles to herself. Her laughter dies in her throat when her eyes fall upon a small picture of Blake and King hanging out at her house. “You kept that one.”

Blake shows up next to her. “Of course I did. Did you think I wouldn’t?”

She swallows roughly.

“I didn’t think you’d put it on display.” She answers honestly.

“Do you mind?”

She looks at him quickly, shaking her head.

“Not at all. It looks great.” She says softly, suppressing a soft chuckle at the fact that her son made it up the shelve before _she_ did.

“We haven’t taken a lot of pictures.” He says, reading her mind like always.

“We should change that.” She whispers, leaning herself into him only briefly before she’s walking further into the living room, checking out the television and the delicate grey that decorates his walls.

“You should check out the view.” He smiles at her, nodding with his head towards the large window on the other side of the room.

Gwen’s feet are slow as they carry her over there, her brain needing to take in every inch of this place— _his_ place.

“It’s beautiful.” She states, her hands leaning on the window pane.

“Are you okay?”

Blake’s voice sounds a bit distant, staying back as he lets her work out whatever it is she’s going through.

She sighs deeply. “Just working through a lot of stuff.”

It’s quiet for a few seconds.

“Want to talk about it?”

Gwen shrugs, eyes trained to the pretty and deserted-looking hills out in font her.

“It’s like I’m still in a bit of disbelief over everything that’s happening.” She answers honestly, her voice carrying a sadness she wishes she’d gotten rid of completely. “You’re living in LA now and saying goodbye to Broken Arrow and I just, doesn’t it feel a little bit weird to you?”

There’s an awkward silence before he steps forward to join her at the window. His hand leans on the wall as he looks at her softly.

“Are you having second thoughts, Gwen?”

She shakes her head quickly. “That’s not it.”

“If this is going too fast for you….” He shakes his head and she can tell he’s working overtime trying to understand her sudden change in mood. “You don’t have to spend time here, you know that right? I’m not expecting you to move in or to even be here if that’s not what you want.”

She sighs, wishing he’d read her mind like he usually does.

“Everything I loved came from this place.” She whispers. “LA is the home to everything I gained and lost. You said it yourself, there’s something about this city that’s just toxic. I know it’s going to sound weird, but you moving here is making me feel like…what if you end up being just like everything else I’ve got here? Something I once knew, someone I had the fortune of meeting and then the great discomfort of losing?”

His features soften while his arm motions for her to come closer.

She’s useless to fight it, walking straight into him until his arm is able to wrap around her midsection.

“I’m not going anywhere.” He presses the words into her hair on the top of her head. “This place isn’t the reason you lost certain people, Gwen. If there’s one thing I’ve learned, is that when we hold on desperately tight to place it’s almost always for the wrong reasons. A place isn’t as powerful as we’d like for it to be.”

“I don’t want this place to be powerful.” She offers weakly.

“No?” He challenges her softly, holding her close. “Wouldn’t it be so much easier to blame this place for all the shitty things we’ve been through, instead of admitting that we just knew or fell for the wrong people?”

“What if I’m not good at choosing good people?” She whispers.

Blake smiles softly, gazing down at her.

“Are you afraid I’m not good people?”

“Sometimes I’m afraid it doesn’t matter. Maybe it’s me.” She murmurs, her hand subconsciously reaching for his chest. “Maybe I’m just wired wrong, maybe I can’t make anyone stay. If that’s the case, you moving here is going to be the biggest torture if you ever decide to— “

“Stop.” He says the words softly but sternly, her eyes widening. “Don’t go down that path right now. I’m not going anywhere and you’re not going to try and push me away either. I won’t let you.”

She swallows audibly again. “I’m not trying to push you away.”

“Good, because that would be seriously embarrassing for you.”

She gasps softly, though a chuckle escapes her lips as well.

“What does that mean?”

“Do you really think I’m gonna let you go so easily after all we’ve been through?” He retorts, his other arm coming around her too. “Gwen, I literally can’t picture my life without you or Kingston anymore. Me buying a place here is not going to ruin the good thing we’ve got started here. It will only give us more stability.”

“How?” She whispers, letting herself get carried away in his arms.

“We just gained another place here in Los Angeles that’s ours, that’s sacred. We’re building on the connection we’ve created with each other.”

She bites her lip, her hand gripping the fabric of his shirt.

“Sorry for freaking out.”

“Are you kidding me?” He kisses her briefly. “After all the freaking out _I’ve_ done, I think I owe you a few of those.”

Gwen scoffs. “Let’s not make it a contest.”

“But if we were, I’d _totally_ win, right?”

She tries slapping his chest, but his hand catches hers before she gets that far. His hand brings hers up to his lips and kisses her knuckle softly.

“I want you to be happy, Gwen. I want you to be happy with the place I’ve got here and I want this to feel like your place as well. I know we’re not living here together, but it’s still ours.”

Gwen hooks her arm around his back and lets her gaze wander around the room again.

“I like what you’ve done with the walls.” She says softly.

She feels his small chuckle vibrate through his chest.

“Yeah? Isn’t it too industrial for your liking?”

Gwen shrugs in his arms. “Could be nice if you couple it with some warm decorations; some darkly coloured furniture, some nice accessories to make it feel homey.”

“Are you really gonna make me ask?” He chuckles again, shaking his head.

“Oh for sure.”

His laugh is loud and makes her forget about all the anxiety that ran through her no less than a few minutes ago.

“Gwen, do you want to help me decorate this place?”

Gwen pretends to think it over, walking out of his embrace and going over to the opposite side of the room. Her fingers trail over the wooden dinner table, the few items scattered there not yet having found their place in the new home.

“Hmmm, I don’t know, I feel like that question is missing something.” She teases.

Blake rolls his eyes but she can tell he’s entertained.

He steps a bit closer but still maintains a respectable distance from her.

“Gwen do you want to help me decorate this place, _please_?”

She cocks her head. “And…?”

“And I need someone to help me who’s got a great eye for details and designing. You’re obviously the best at that, so I _need_ you.”

“Well, you did say this place is _ours_ …” She muses softly, biting her lip to keep the full grin from exploding on her lips.

“It is.”

“And I do have a lot of ideas for this place.” She continues.

“I bet you do.” He laughs.

“So in conclusion, yes I’d love to help you Blake. I think you could really use the help.”

He shakes his head again, walking right up to her and pushing her back against his chest.

“You enjoyed that a little bit too much.”

She giggles. “You don’t even know the half of it.”

He tries to push her against the wall but she jokingly pushes him off her, wagging her finger at him.

“You haven’t given me the full home tour yet.” She reminds him. “I wanna go upstairs.”

“Can’t we do that later?” He damn near whines, his mind stuck on making out.

“Nope, I’m curious cowboy.”

“You’ve already seen this place.”

“While it was still under construction. This is different.”

He sighs deeply, holding his hand out for her. “You’re killing me.”

She takes his hand as they walk upstairs, giving him a quick peck on the cheek to lessen the sting.

She’d been in enough LA homes to know the exterior design by heart; white surfaces everywhere, granite enforced into the walls expressing uninspired monotony. There wouldn’t be a single square of organic material in sight, not even a comforting wallpaper that imitated warmth in some way or a plank of wood.

But Blake’s house is the complete opposite.

The second floor is painted a wooden colour to match the wooden doors that lead to the numerous bedrooms. There’s a large lamp that hangs over them in the hallway, the illumination not nearly as bright as most modern lamps, giving the space an almost orange glow.

“I’m still thinking about using the same wooden walls in the bedrooms for the rest of the house. Most of the walls were like this when I moved in. Looking at it now, I feel like it might make it even homier, you know?”

It sometimes still surprises how similar they are in what they want.

“At least it all matches.” She says, opening the door to the bathroom and smiling at the interior there too. The light tiles making room for the more in-your-face vanity and large walk-in shower.

The dim lights make her especially brazen and when she feels Blake’s presence behind her, she turns around and presses him against the door.

His brow raises, his hand coming up confused.

“When I wanted to do this downstairs you— “

“Shhh.” She shushes him, a finger pressing into his lips. “You’re really not going to want to object right now, _trust me_.”

His confused glance is answered when she sinks to her knees in front of him, her fingers trailing down his chest and down to his zipper until she’s able to take him out of his boxers.

“Shit.”

She hums. “Told you.”

“What is this thing with us in bathrooms?” He chuckles, hissing when she takes him in her hand.

“The first time I did this we weren’t inside at all….” She lets that image come back to him again before taking him in her mouth, her hand assisting into building him up.

“Fuck, you’re too good at this.”

She swirls her tongue around the tip before taking him further, smiling when his loud moan bounces off the walls. She’s done this enough now to know how to make him come quickly, but she has no desire to end this too soon.

“You like this?” She asks sweetly, knowing the paradox drives him mad.

“Gwen.”

She speeds up a little, making sure to keep eye contact with him. Something about looking him in the eye when he’s experiencing such pleasure makes the whole ordeal that much more erotic and sexual. She would argue it was damn near spiritual.

“I’m so fucking close.” Blake speaks through gritted teeth, his head leaning back against the door. “ _Gwen_ …”

She knows what that means and instead of stopping, she lets her finger trace the skin on his inner thigh, enjoying the way he jerks at her touch.

“Don’t hold back, baby.” She murmurs the words around his dick, knowing everything combined is going to make him explode soon.

She picks up her speed and smiles when he groans and moans at her advances. She feels a hand come up at the back of her head, edging her on. She loves how even when he’s the one receiving he makes sure she’s getting everything she wants out of it too. His breath suddenly stutters out brokenly, his gasp loud and shrill. His hips buck forwards out of their own accord and Gwen relaxes her jaw just a bit more to be able to take it.

She glances up to look at the blissed-out look on Blake’s face. His breathing is still erratic as his eyes remain closed, his head leaning against the bathroom door. He’s a damn showcase.

“Does your shower work yet?” She whispers playfully as she makes her way up to her feet again. “If so, we should definitely go take one together.”

“Jesus Christ woman.” He chuckles, pulling her flush against him.

“Is that a yes?”

He shakes his head once before pulling her towards the shower, not wasting any time undressing her.

“You better not have any plans for the rest of the day cause I plan on _utterly_ exhausting you.”

**

She watches him tentatively as he walks around the kitchen, the build-in bar behind him showcasing a bunch of unfamiliar and familiar bottles.

“Figured I’d have to have one of these as a successful bar owner.” He chuckles, watching her gaze go over all the alcoholic beverages behind him.

“Those are a lot of bottles.”

“Good for lots of parties.” He says next. “And look at that, I won’t even have to leave the house to partake in ‘em.”

Gwen sits at the kitchen counter with nothing but her robe, her hand wrapped around a cup of coffee.

“How social.” She smiles.

“As the owner of a bar, you kinda always have to be social. When I’m not working, I just want things to be normal. Work is work, my personal life is just this. Just you, Kingston and whoever I care about enough to invite over here.”

Gwen smiles softly, still feeling the ache between her legs from numerous rounds of passionate lovemaking they engaged in earlier.

“You weren’t kidding when you said you were planning on exhausting me cowboy.” She says, biting her lip as her cheeks flush.

Blake leans over the counter on his arms, looking at her directly.

“I’m not sorry.”

“I don’t want you to be. That was great.” She admits sheepishly, her free hand landing on his forearm. “I’m already thinking about when we can do that again.”

He chuckles.

“Down girl, you barely survived these last five rounds.”

She scoffs. “You wish. The only reason we stopped is because I actually _do_ have things to do.”

The sudden reminder causes Blake to smile at her softly, his hand grabbing hers.

“You could pick Kingston up and bring him here.”

“Blake…”

“I know, but it’s just so weird to know you’re going to be so close.” He sighs. “I don’t want you to leave.”

She smiles and leans over to kiss him briefly on the lips.

“I don’t want to leave either. But Kingston’s already not the biggest fan of day care and he’s just going to be super grumpy if I don’t go home with him afterwards.”

Blake nods, seemingly relenting.

“I know, I’m being selfish.”

“You’re not being selfish.” She shakes her head, taking a small sip from her cup. “I want King to start spending more time here as well, and he will. I just want to ease him into this. I don’t want to take him here for the first time after he’s spend the whole afternoon in daycare and probably can’t even keep his eyes open long enough to see his room here.”

Blake’s eyes light up again. “You think he’ll like it?”

“Once it has _furniture_? He’ll love it.”

“Am I jumping the gun a little bit?” He chuckles, holding her hand.

“Maybe a little bit, but I think it’s cute.”

“I’m just excited, I’ve never had this experience of creating a home with someone.”

Gwen feels the emotion settle in her throat when she takes another sip of coffee to push it down with.

She squeezes his hand softly.

“Me neither.”

**

He tries not to think about her leaving too much. He knows he should take it easy, allow them both the time to transition into this new dynamic. But it’s incredibly difficult to know she’s less than thirty minutes away from him and all he wants to do is hold her in his arms some more.

This is the best thing for Kingston though, and that’s the one thought that always prevails.

_King’s in bed. Wanna come over and cuddle? Gx_

He shakes his head and silently laughs under his breath, leaning back at the couch. He knows she’s trying to create distance of some kind, not wanting to thrust herself into this in the same way she did before. But it appears to him that he’s not the only one struggling to keep the pace slow.

_What happened to needing space?_

He hopes she knows he’s just teasing, because there’s nowhere else he’d rather be than in her arms, on her couch.

_Are you rejecting me? Gx_

It’s funny, because as much as he tried to reject her in the past, nothing feels more wrong right now. He can’t even think about the prospect of letting her down without feeling sick to his stomach.

_Give me twenty minutes and I’ll be there._

He disregards his phone into his pocket and searches for his car keys. He knows that twenty minutes is pushing it and he will either gather a bunch of speeding tickets or get incredibly annoyed along the way. Truth is, he’d rather not drive here in LA, the roads too crowded and people too rushed. If he could get away with it, he’d just have her in his presence 24/7, never any need to drive anywhere, his one and only love always in arms-reach.

He revs up his truck engine and checks his phone one last time, seeing her text full of smiley faces and emoji’s.

He chuckles to himself, realizing just how much he loves this adorable woman.

The road is pretty deserted and his truck manages to drive nearly one straight line to her house, even the stoplights working in his favour. He smiles when he rounds the corner to her street, his eyes falling upon a black BMW.

He doesn’t know why, but for some reason he gets a weird prickling sensation in his chest, his gaze unable to move away from the car. The black vehicle drives slow enough to make it clear that the person driving it is searching for something, unfamiliar with the neighbourhood.

Blake parks his own truck a few houses away from Gwen’s, her own driveway already occupied with her own car.

He keeps his pace slow as he walks towards her house, keeping his eyes trained on the BMW that’s finally settled on a parking spot itself. The male figure that exits the vehicle seems to make the exact same walk up to Gwen’s house and the gnarly feeling in the pit of his stomach intensifies as he can only think of one person this could be.

“ _Gavin_.”

The name leaves his lips quickly, the only thing in his mind he thought to do. He needs to make sure he’s not jumping the gun here and as he’s never been faced with the man or even saw a picture, he’s not sure this is who he’s dealing with.

Unfortunately, the man stands still at hearing his name being called out and Blake’s legs hurry him closer.

Standing face to face with the man who brought Gwen and King such anguish brings a wave of aggression to the surface, feelings he all needs to push down.

“Who are you?” Her ex-husband obviously doesn’t have much patience for him as he keeps glancing back to Gwen's house down the road.

“You’re looking for Gwen?”

Gavin suddenly seems a bit more interested in the figure standing before him, his teeth biting his lip.

“I am actually.”

“Don’t.”

Blake would laugh at the confusion portrayed on the Englishman’s face, but he’s too irritated to do anything other than glare at him.

“And how do you know her?”

“ _Listen_.” Blake steps closer, voice dropping dangerously low. “I don’t know how you figured out where she lives, but you’re not welcome here. Whatever you came here to do, forget about it.”

“I’m sorry, but _who_ are you?” Gavin snarls, annoyed. He looks him up and down and chuckles. “Please tell me you’re not screwing her. Don’t tell me she stooped that low.”

Blake cracks a tiny smile, but there’s no amusement there whatsoever. The bitter smirk remains plastered on his lips though.

“I know you’re used to your insults getting you places, but it won’t work on me. She no longer gives a damn either so save yourself the embarrassment and drive away.”

“She can tell me that herself.” Gavin hisses, turning on his heel to walk towards the house.

Blake’s quick to stop him, using his body to block the way. One of his hands shoves hard against the prick’s shoulder, causing him to look up in anger.

“We can do this the hard way, that’s fine with me too.” Blake states calmly, though he feels the adrenaline rush through his body. “Take one more step, I _dare_ you. Give me a reason to punch you in the fucking face.”

“You think you can stop me?” He smiles bitterly up at him, yet doesn’t make a move to walk any further. “If I want to see her, I will.”

“You already saw her and she already told you she wants nothing to do with you.”

“Did she tell you that?” Gavin asks, cocking his head.” Because I think she liked the way I had her pressed against the glass. I think she was _starving_ for it.”

Blake reaches out so fast, the man doesn't even have time to react. His fist collides with Gavin’s jaw once, but right on the money. The man staggers back, holding the side of his face with pure shock. Blake didn’t actually mean to get physical with the guy, but he soon realized the little devil on his shoulder was winning the fight.

“Final warning.” Blake hisses. “You stay away from them; show up here—or anywhere else—again and I will have you escorted out of here in an ambulance.”

“You motherfucker….”

“And just so we’re clear, your ex-wife isn’t _starving_ for anything. She’s getting everything she’s been needing and then some, that includes finally getting laid properly.”

Gavin glares at him, debating whether or not to provide pushback but eventually settles on backing off. He throws one last look to her house before wandering off to his car. Blake sighs in relief when he realizes he took care of the situation before he could actually get to Gwen.

He walks up her property, adrenaline still fresh in his body. Her door opens as she stands there in her fancy robe, her grin wide as she’s oblivious to what just happened before.

“What happened to ‘I’ll be there in twenty minutes’?” She jokes.

He steps inside, backing her up against the wall and using his free hand to shut the front door. She gasps audibly as he kisses her forcefully, his hands cupping her cheeks.

“Got held up, I’m sorry.” He murmurs against her lips, kissing down her jaw. “Do you know how much I love you?”

“Blake, what— “

“Do you?”

She nods slowly, parting her lips slightly when he kisses her again.

“I do.” She rocks up against him before nuzzling his throat. “Your heart is beating so fast, is everything okay?”

“I just love you.”

“You just love me?” She repeats, raising her brow sceptically.

He wants to tell her, but after the interaction with Gavin she had before, he doesn’t think it’s beneficial. It would only worry her more. She hadn’t disclosed details about whatever happened up in her office, but he’s finding out it wasn’t nearly as innocent as she made it out to be. He wouldn’t push her on it, doesn’t feel like he _needs_ to. She’ll tell him if she wants to, if _she_ needs to. But he trusts her, so he doesn’t need details. He just needs her to be safe.

“Do you trust me?” He asks softly, his hands now sliding to her sides and holding her close to him.

Though he can tell she’s still partially sceptical, her resolve weakens and she pulls his head down so she can brush his lips with hers.

“More than anything.”

He smiles softly, kissing her forehead.

“Then that’s all you need to know, pretty girl.”


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woahh we're really almost there. This chapter is super important (especially the first half). This is a scene that I wrote the whole story around and what initially reminded me of Love Will Remember You. To anyone who still reads my stories or who's shown me love on any of them -- thank you. This one is for you. As always.

The radio plays a country song she doesn’t know and she’s not embarrassed to admit Blake put her on to this particular radio channel. The sky looks uncannily threatening and she feels her hands tightening around the steering wheel.

She’d just left Kingston to spend some time with Blake in his new house, which wasn’t even fearful anymore.

Blake and King had spent so much time together by now, he almost preferred him over _her_ now. The thought makes her chuckle a little, the love in her heart mending everything that was once broken.

She has to go back to the office to pick some orders up from her desk. She’s been a single mom for so long, she didn’t even blink twice when she told her assistant off after getting the call. That was until she realized she no longer had to do this all alone; she has someone at home who is perfectly fine with jumping in now too.

Kingston had graduated to calling Blake a mixture of Blakey and ‘daddy’ and they’re no longer correcting him. He’s the only dad he’s ever known and for that, Gwen can only be eternally grateful.

Out of the corner of her eye, a deserted strip of nature catches her attention. She has just exited the freeway and has the opportunity to slow down a bit.

Here at the side of the road, the Los Angeles landscape actually reminds her a bit of Broken Arrow. She’s never paid attention to the small stream that runs behind the trees, not even ten minutes away from Blake’s place.

Though she’s promised Marie to come into the office soon as possible, she flicks her direction indicator to the left and steers the car onto the unruly grass. She turns off the engine and just looks straight ahead, the trees around her masking her from the other cars on the main road.

She opens her car door to be hit with the faint wind that blows around her face, her hands zipping up her coat all the way to her neck.

She leans against the door as she inhales the fresh water smell, the tall grass still spreading its acquainted scent.

The dark clouds above her make her feel as if she should head back inside the safety of her vehicle if she doesn’t want to arrive at her office completely soaked, but for some reason she’s completely nailed to the spot.

She’s missed the serenity of Broken Arrow ever since she left that place, and something deep in her heart aches when she stands at the unfamiliar scenery here in Los Angeles. It’s like finding an old friend, wanting desperately to reminisce.

The wind causes one of the leaves from the tree to swirl around her shoulder and the little touch of nature on her coat does more to her than she can possibly understand. She feels her eyes fill, the lump in her throat coming out of nowhere.

_He loves you. I’m glad he does._

Her breath stutters out as she looks up at the darkened sky, but the heavens suddenly don’t look threatening or scary anymore. Instead she finds solace and complete peace in them.

Her hand wraps around the chain around her neck that holds the pendant that dangles somewhere underneath her coat.

“He still loves you too.” She whispers into the wind, knowing it’s crazy but feeling _her_ presence all around her.

It’s as if she was made to stop here for a reason, was meant to stumble upon this little hidden spot.

_Take care of him. Let him take care of you._

Gwen crouches down in front of the car, her hand mindlessly picking up a small branch, looking at it in fascination before throwing it towards the stream of water.

It’s crazy, she knows that, she doesn’t even know the woman. But she knows the husband. She knows Blake.

“There’s so much he didn’t allow himself to feel after losing you.” She whispers, trying to forget how crazy she feels for talking to a ghost, her words hitting nothing but the cold air around her. “He tried talking to me but I think there’s just some stuff that he can only talk to you about. I’ll be there for him whenever he tries though.”

She doesn’t feel bad while admitting that either. She always knew that Blake had something special with his late wife, something unexplainable. He tried to a few times, but he comes up short each and every time. She’s started to understand his love for her wasn’t romantic but that doesn’t mean that he wouldn’t have given his life for Miranda. He would’ve done anything to bring her back.

_He doesn’t like storms, but he’ll weather countless ones as long as he’s got you and your little boy. He doesn’t even think twice about it anymore. You gave him that._

A tear falls from her eyes as she realizes the storm will soon hit and Blake and Kingston will be cooked up together in his house, and chances are he really won’t mind any longer. He’ll continue to play board games with King or watch some ridiculous nature programme on the television to pass the time, to wait for her to come back from her office.

“I just want to make Blake happy. I really believe I can do that and I think he deserves that. I know you agree, you’ve given him so much of yourself while you were still here. Thank you for loving him. I will stay with him now.” She whispers, tears spilling down her cheeks. “I know he’s safe from all storms because he’s got you looking over him and I will promise to do my best to make him understand that. I will love him as hard as ever; I will let myself be loved the way I know you would’ve let him. I won’t let him waste his heart.”

She feels her frame shaking suddenly and it dawns on her that she’s sobbing. Her legs give out as she lets herself sit fully on the grass, the first droplets falling from the sky and onto her crying frame. She doesn’t feel upset by it, instead she feels _comforted_. She knows she was just heard by her and she’s getting comforted by nature in the only way it knows how to; washing away all the heaviness with water.

The storm washing her clean of everything she once knew and everything she suddenly gained.

“Thank you.” She whispers.

**

The damp clothes sticking to her skin are no surprise, but her coming in without any papers from the office is. Blake looks at her confused before his glance turns worried, his legs immediately carrying him over to her.

“What happened? Where are your files?”

His voice sounds so soft and worried at the same time, she can’t help but let some more tears fall. Her face is a mess anyway due to the rain from outside and she doesn’t even know if he can tell she’s crying. She grabs his arm and he lets himself be pulled into her easily, despite her soaked clothes.

“Baby….” He tries again and she knows he’s worried, but not because of the storm raging outside, but the obvious one going on inside her heart.

“I didn’t get to the office.” She whispers, her voice shaky and light. She hates how it sounds, especially since nothing bad happened. Nothing bad at _all_.

“Did you hurt yourself?”

He’s fishing for answers and she shakes her head, needing that image to leave his brain immediately.

“Do you know how much I love you?” She asks instead, her hands cupping his cheeks as she forces him to look at her intensely.

He frowns but nods.

“Yes I do.” His hand slips to her side, flinching a little at the cold she’s exuding from her soaked clothes. “Baby, you’re scaring me.”

“I found this hidden spot that reminded me of Broken Arrow.” She says slowly, her voice cracking as the weight of what happened at the side of the road hits her again. “I couldn’t get myself to go to the office after that, I had to spend some time there.”

Blake looks confused as ever, his hand brushing some wet strands of hair out of her face and behind her ear.

“Did something happen there?”

Standing in front of him suddenly, she doesn’t know how to explain what happened. All she knows is that she loves this man and won’t ever stop feeling the utmost of feelings for him.

“I know you’ve been through so much and loving me without fear is hard sometimes, and I need you to know that I understand. _Please_ know that I understand.”

“I know that already, baby. Is that what you’re freaking out about?”

He looks at her with so much gentleness, and all it does is break her final resolve.

Tears stain her face visibly now and Blake’s hand gently taps her elbow as if she’s gonna break at any moment.

“Come on, let’s get you into some dry clothes. You’re gonna get sick out here like this.”

She walks with him but shakes her head simultaneously.

“I love you so much.” She whispers. “But I’m never gonna try to replace her, you know? I could never and I know that.”

He stops walking, his face whipping around to her quickly.

“Gwen, what are you talking about?” He steps closer to her again, his hand cupping her cheek. “Did someone say anything to you about her?”

“I stopped the car and went outside just to inhale some of the fresh air and it started _raining_.” She says as if that should be enough to clue him in to what is going on. He stays silent, still dumbfounded, so she continues. “It was her. I know it was.”

She figured he’d look at her like she just completely lost her mind, but instead he lowers his head to hers and lets his thumb gently stroke her cheek.

“You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.’ He drawls, insistent. “I don’t know what you feel right now but there’s no need to second-guess what we have.”

She shakes her head.

“I don’t.”

“Then what is happening right now? I’m trying so hard to understand, Gwen.”

His pleading voice is enough to make her look up at him, her lips curving into a small smile.

“I think it was her way of telling me she’s okay with this, with us. I know that all she would’ve wanted for you is to be happy and I just realized how badly I want the same thing. I know losing her broke you, but I think we met for a reason. It was her Blake. _She_ was the reason.”

She can tell Blake’s eyes fill with water as well, glancing down at her while he tips her chin up some more, placing a soft and quick kiss on her lips.

“She would do something like that for sure.” He chuckles. “Make sure I meet someone who challenges me and calls me out on my bullshit, only to make me the biggest sucker for her in the future.”

“You don’t think I’m being crazy?” She whispers.

He shakes his head. “Not at all. You don’t think I’ve thought about how faith really did its thing with us? It makes no sense to me how we met, or even how we clicked from the get go, even when I was still trying to fight it. It makes no sense unless I credit it to a higher power. I don’t know anyone else up there who would have my back quite like that.”

She tries not to crumble under Blake’s understanding and kindness, but she’s never been one to resist anything about him. She feels herself softly starting to cry again, relief and acceptance all pouring out of her like a hidden stream.

“I never truly thought about how this whole thing would affect you.” Blake admits honestly, holding her close to him, unbothered by her clothes soaking his own. “I can’t imagine what it was like for you, getting close to me under these circumstances. Feeling like you had to compete with someone who wasn’t even there anymore. I didn’t think about the guilt _you_ felt or the acceptance _you_ needed.”

For the first time, there’s no sizzling sexual tension when he holds her close to him. She hiccups quietly against his chest, letting her head rest against his heart.

“I think this was the first time I felt her acceptance.”

Blake nuzzles the crown of her head. “I love you so much, Gwen.”

His accent has thickened a bit under the emotion they’re both experiencing and it’s got the butterflies flapping around in her stomach even more intensely.

“Can we just lay on the couch together for a while?” She whispers softly.

He nods against her.

“Of course. But let’s get you dried up first.”

She finally lets him gently pull her upstairs with him.

“Is Kingston asleep?”

“He was out like a light after I put him to bed.”

Gwen nods. “Thank you for looking after him tonight.”

“You don’t have to thank me for that.” He brushes off quickly, opening the door to his bedroom and motioning for her to take off her soaked clothes. “I love that kid; we’re doing this together now. _We_ take care of him.”

She swallows down the lump in her throat that has barely had time to leave in the first place, her hand holding out her wet tank top.

Blake takes it from her quickly and comes back with a towel in one hand and one of his shirts in the other.

“Figured you wanted one of mine.”

She smiles and nods, drying herself off with the towel before putting it on. She’ll take a shower later, but right now she just needs to be with him.

She rarely wears her own attire when she’s over here, enjoying it much more when she gets to wear his.

“Thank you.” She says softly as the large shirt covers her small frame.

He takes her soaked clothes to the bathroom, probably to let them dry out a little before throwing them in the washer.

“Blake?” She calls out for him after he’s disappeared into the bathroom for a few minutes.

He comes walking back into the bedroom right away.

“Yeah?”

She walks into his arms, pressing herself against him, ignoring how needy she feels. His arms wrap her up wholly and determinedly.

“Just hold me.”

“How about we just stay up here? I’d rather just hold you in bed, maybe you’ll find some sleep too.”

She nods against him but doesn’t make a move to let go. Blake doesn’t pressure her, just stands in the middle of the room with her pressed against his chest, and despite the overflow of emotions that still rock her being, this is the surest she’s ever felt about being _exactly_ where she needs to be.

**

“Have you seen King’s shirt?” Gwen shouts from the other room, Blake’s focus being momentarily diverted from the television.

It was funny to him how before he met Gwen, peace and quiet were the only things he cared about, while after getting close to Gwen’s son—that was the _last_ thing he craved. He wanted the chaos, the loudness, the constant running around. Kingston had brought to live a bunch of feelings inside him that he long wrote off.

He looks around the couch area to see if he can spot the child’s clothing anywhere, but shakes his head.

“Not in here honey.” He pauses the television and puts down the remote. “You need me to come help look.”

Her dishevelled hair is the first thing he notices when she rounds the corner and leans against the living room wall, a pair of lazy sweatpants and a tank top clinging to her frame. She looks like she’d just gotten out of bed—which is not untrue. He decided not to wake her as he woke up ungodly early. Kingston and Gwen didn’t have a lot of days where sleeping in were part of their routine, so he kept quiet and decided to watch some mindless television until they woke up. She looks like she’s still a bit disoriented and being met with Kingston’s instant neediness in the morning can be a bit tiring. Yet, she looks divinely gorgeous and he can barely keep his eyes off her long enough to catch what she’s saying.

“No it’s fine.” She says, smiling softly. “I missed you in bed this morning.”

“I didn’t want to wake you.”

She bites her lip. “I slept like a baby. Kingston wants to wear his Spiderman t-shirt, but I can’t find it around here anywhere.”

“You sure you brought that over here?” Blake asks. “I don’t remember seeing it around here at all.”

Gwen frowns. “Great, we probably never brought it here and now he’s going to be cranky as hell all day.”

“Aw baby.” He says sweetly, standing up to meet her and pull her into his chest. “I’m sure it won’t be that bad. He’s never that cranky actually.”

Gwen snorts, then pokes at his chest. “That’s because _you’re_ there, cowboy. He’s on his best behaviour around you, I’ve noticed that too.”

“Sound like I have a great effect on him…” Blake teases gently, his arm pressing her even tighter against him. “Sounds like you need to be keepin’ me around.”

“I think you’re right.” She relents, kissing him softly. “My kid is obviously a great judge of character.”

“He’s awesome.” Blake drops his gaze to hers, kissing her again and nuzzling his face in the crook of her neck. “His mother is pretty great too….”

“Maybe we should stop talking about King while you’re trying to start something.” She laughs, shaking her head as she tries to wiggle out of his grasp.

He eventually relents and stops to look at her.

“I was thinking….”

“ _Oh oh_.” She whispers.

“Nothing like that.” He chuckles, smiling when he feels her hands slide up his chest, somehow always maintaining that physical contact. “Just after the night you’ve had, I thought maybe we could have a date night, just you and I.”

Gwen’s brow raises. “Without King?”

He panics momentarily, not knowing whether it’s just surprise or also offence he’s hearing in her voice.

“Is that okay?” He asks carefully. “I love spending time with King too _obviously_ and if you’d rather stay here and just watch a movie tonight, just the three of us, I’d love that too. I just thought it’s been a while since you and I had some time to do something for ourselves.”

“I’d love that.” She smiles sweetly. “I just don’t really have anyone to look after him. I mean I could ask my parents, but….”

She cuts herself off and Blake’s immediately catching on to the look of fear on her features. She continues before he can ask her about it.

“You haven’t met them yet and I don’t know, it feels a bit weird to drop him off there to go on a date with you while they still don’t know you.”

“Do you _want_ me to meet them?” He asks genuinely.

“Do you?” She asks, looking a bit stressed. “I know it’s a big deal and you’ve already taken up me and King, I don’t want you to feel like being with me is this burden or this list of this you gotta endure.”

“Gwen, whoa stop…” He looks at her confused, shaking his head. “Meeting your parents would be great and definitely _not_ a burden. And you and King have absolutely completed my life. How could you think of any that?”

She sighs in his arms, trying to dodge his gaze.

“It’s hard for me too, you know?” She whispers. “Doing this whole thing again, starting from zero. I forgot how to do most of it.”

“You don’t have to do anything but let it happen.”

She looks up at him again. “That easy?”

“I think so.”

“You wanna meet them today?”

Blake can feel his heart hammering in his chest, but not out of fear, but because they’re on step closer to a new milestone. It feels like he’s been hitting those with Gwen every other day.

“If you’re up for it, sure. Why wait?”

She bites her lip and nods. “I could tell them to come over to my place. I would need to go there anyway if we’re going out tonight. I don’t have the right clothes here.”

Blake nods. “That could work.”

Gwen lays her head against his chest, her arms wrapping around him tightly. He doesn’t know if she does it on purpose but whenever she clings to him like that, she makes this tiny noise of satisfaction, as if she still can’t believe any of this is real.

“I love you.”

**

He’s in the middle of a wrestling match with Kingston when the doorbell rings. Gwen stands up from the couch immediately, her gaze locking with his only briefly. He can tell she’s nervous, he’s definitely feeling a bit shaky himself, but he’s also excited. Excited to meet the man who turned Gwen into the amazing woman she is today, excited to show her he’s serious about where this is going.

She ruffles King’s hair as she walks by, her footsteps going down the hall. Blake keeps occupied with King for a few more seconds before he gently lets himself off from the ground.

“Where’s mom?” Gwen’s voice makes him peer down the hallway, no one in sight yet.

“She couldn’t make it, she sends her regards. She misses you.”

He can hear her father’s voice before he’s actually in view.

“You must be Blake.”

He hears that same voice directed at him the moment he stretches his limbs from spending too much time on the floor, his head turning around to meet the older man.

“I am, it’s so nice to meet you sir.” Blake holds his hand out to the man, which the older guy takes stiffly.

“Call me Dennis, none of that _sir_ crap.”

The words are welcoming but the tone is far from it and it confused him greatly. Gwen stands to the side, looking none the wiser herself, and then smiles.

“I’ve made coffee. Do you want some?”

Blake can tell the question is directed at them both, but for some reason he waits until he hears her father’s verdict.

“No that’s okay sweetheart.” Ah, so he’s not giving Blake a brief out. “It’s taken a while to get here son, hasn’t it?”

Again, the words portray something else entirely than the stoic demeanour they’re spoken with.

“Sure has. I’m glad we’re meeting today though, I told Gwen before, it’s important to me that everyone knows I’m not planning on going anywhere. I love your daughter greatly sir... _Dennis_.” He corrects himself quickly.

“You didn’t always make that clear to her, from what I’ve heard.”

He feels himself starting to panic a little, but pushes these unhelpful feelings down.

“We’ve had a rough start.”

“But you love her _now_? I heard your wife died.”

“ _Dad_!”

“It’s okay, baby— “

“Gwen, will you let me have a moment alone with Blake?” Her father asks.

He can sense the dreadfulness coming from her, and though his heart is really telling him he wants Gwen to stay, he finds himself nodding anyway.

“I’ll go and take King outside for a little while.” She says reluctantly, pulling away from them right after she leans into Blake and places a quick kiss on his cheek.

When it’s just him and Dennis, he takes the opportunity to say what he’s been meaning to say all along.

“Dennis, I know I’ve messed up with her before, and if I were you, I wouldn’t take that lightly either. I took some time to really heal from the things I hadn’t healed from before and that man she wanted me to be in Broken Arrow, I _am_ that man now. I am who she needs and vice versa. I’m very confident about that.”

Her father looks at him with an unreadable expression on his face, causing Blake to feel fidgety. He remains steady in front of the older man though and remembers his earlier question, before Gwen intervened.

“My wife died nearly two years ago, a drunk driver slammed into our car, she died on impact.”

“I’m sorry.” Dennis says, the first thing he’s heard coming from his mouth that sounds warmer.

“Thank you. It’s been a real blessing, meeting your daughter. You raised an incredible woman.”

“She’s our pride and joy.” He agrees. “All our kids are. Gwen’s special though; that girl doesn’t have a bad bone in her body, always seeing the best in people.”

Blake nods. “I’ve noticed the same thing, yeah.”

“She loves you more than anything in this world, that’s been clear from the very beginning.” Dennis offers him, slightly less rigid than before. “I’m just glad to see her happy, but I can’t just forget about the way she was treated when all she did was trying to help you.”

Blake swallows roughly.

“Trust me, if there’s one regret that I’m still trying to get over, it’s the way I treated her back then. But she forgave me and she made me see that it was okay to start forgiving myself too.”

He finally sees the faintest of smile on Dennis’s face appear.

“That sounds like her.”

“I love her so much. And Kingston too. Both have absolutely changed my life for the better. All I want is to love and protect them for as long as I’m here. I plan on doing nothing less.”

Something in her father’s eyes softens, his hand extracting to him again.

“Let’s start over.”

Blake’s brow raises, but he partakes in the handshake with a smile.

“She’s happy, I can tell. It’s been a while since I’ve seen her like this. If you say you’re serious, I’m gonna choose to believe you.”

Blake nods, feeling unfamiliarly proud at gaining her father’s acceptance.

“I won’t let you down.”

“I’m just looking out for her, I hope you can understand where that came from.”

“Absolutely, I would expect nothing less.”

“Good.” Her father tightens his grip on his hand before smiling. “Welcome to the family, son.”


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been holding on to this chapter for a few days just because I didn't want to finish this story, but I know that all good things must come to an end. I know some of you got really attached to this one and I hope you know how much that means to me. I wanna shout out a few people who've constantly shown me the utmost support. 
> 
> Bea, Val, Riya, Cami, Kate, Ming & Blake&GwenUK on Twitter. Thank you guys from the bottom of my heart. 
> 
> I know I'm missing a bunch of people, but I see all the love in the comments and my DM's all the time. It's the reason I write and keep coming back. Thanks for accepting me into this lovely fandom and supporting my works <3

* * *

She’s just done showering, adorned in her fresh set of clothes. She drops an array of dirty garments she’d found strewn around the bedroom into the washing machine and looks down at the mixed contents, a large smile on her face.

His pants, her shirts, his boxers, her panties.

His and hers.

“There you are.” Blake’s arms come around her from behind, his face pressing into the crook of her neck.

She can’t help but lean into him, sighing contently.

“Where’s King?”

“Waiting for me to take him out to pick some berries.” He chuckles and Gwen’s not far behind. She looks up at him from where her head rests against his shoulder.

“I never took you for the berry-picking type.”

He kisses her neck soundly, yet not overly sexual and just grins.

“You already know I can’t say no to him.” His grip on her is tight and she loves nothing more. “He heard you talk about these beautiful berries up the road and now he can’t wait to have a handful of ‘em. _Obviously_.”

“Don’t blame me, they are beautiful.”

Blake hums. “I know something else that’s beautiful.”

She giggles and shakes her head, trying to squirm out of his grasp.

“Don’t start anything cowboy, my son is waiting for you.”

He doesn’t let her get away though, and instead starts peppering her neck with more intentional kisses.

“He’s occupied with his food for now…”

“No.” She clicks her tongue disapprovingly and then lessens the blow with a kiss. “You’ll have to wait.”

“How long?”

She bites her lip and escapes his embrace, running her hand along the clothesline.

“That depends on how well you behave today, cowboy.”

**

She looks over in the direction of the noise outside before she slowly makes her way out on the patio. Blake and Kingston had been out for nearly two hours and she couldn’t believe he’d actually managed to find something that kept King occupied for so long. She really started to believe he had special powers when it came to her child.

The both of them are carrying a basket filled with berries, Kingston’s face lit up to the max.

“I was getting worried.” Gwen smiles softly as she approaches them. “Took you guys long enough.”

“We found more than just berries.” Blake announces. “Show her, King.”

“Look mom, _sunflowers_.”

He opens his basket to show her the overload on purple berries, topped with a few randomly plucked sunflowers. It’s an activity she’ll never be able to get him to participate in back in Los Angeles, but here in Broken Arrow opportunities are literally endless.

“Woah baby, those are gorgeous.” She picks up one of the flowers and holds it between her two fingers, looking up at Blake who’s standing a few feet behind.

“We should plant our own flowers here.”

Blake’s lips curve into a smile.

“Are you sure you’re up for that kind of commitment?” He teases, walking up to her and placing a soft kiss on her lips. “I heard that a couple that plants flowers together are pretty much married.”

It’s the first time he’d ever brought the prospect of marriage up—even jokingly—and she’s momentarily taken aback by it. It doesn’t take long though and she shrugs her shoulders once.

“Are you scared?”

“Can we plant berries _and_ sunflowers?” Kingston interrupts their moment, causing her to stifle a laugh.

“You need to ask Blake, baby.”

“It would be so pretty.” Kingston pleads his case, looking at the cowboy next to him.

“Sunflowers we can plant, the berries we might need to get from down the road.”

Ever since Blake started spending more time with Kingston in LA, his role as primarily caretaker had pretty much been established. As much as he doubted his ability as a father in the beginning, as much as he embraced the new title now. He’d spent most of his time in Los Angeles with them and Kingston has formed a rare and incredibly special bond with the cowboy—one she could not have dreamed up before.

“If you’re up for it, I thought maybe we could drive downtown later.” Gwen speaks softly after Kingston has ran inside to put their findings down. “I thought it would be nice to say hi to Arin.”

Blake smiles. “She’d be so thrilled to see you again.”

It’s the first time since two years ago that she’d spent time here in Broken Arrow and it’s strange to think so much time has passed since she’d been in the cute bakery. So much had changed, yet it seemed like time stood still for the people here. She and Blake found a whole new life together, but coming back here was like exhaling after a long fight.

“I’ll get Kingston ready and we can drive out there in thirty minutes?”

Gwen smiles widely, her heart fluttering when Blake cups the side of her cheek with his palm and kisses her softly.

“Anything you want, pretty girl.”

**

The drive is slow and rustic, the ambiance something that quite literally eases her soul. This is what she missed the most while being back in Los Angeles; this divine solitude that exudes such beauty, she could never be lonely. One of Blake’s hands is placed on her thigh while the other one grips the steering wheel, his eyes on the road. He looks incredibly relaxed and it curves her lips up subconsciously.

Kingston is chatting away in the backseat, naming everything he’s seeing outside—which in all honesty isn’t a lot. She thinks he might’ve named all the tree names he knows of and Gwen’s chest swells with pride at the fact that all his outdoor knowledge comes from Blake.

The car slows down at the familiar and quiet center of Broken Arrow, the small town still looking as deserted as ever. If she didn’t know any better, she didn’t think anything out here was even open.

Kingston’s immediately reaching for Blake’s hand when they depart the vehicle and Gwen chuckles. It’s been so long since she’s been her son’s favorite, but she doesn’t care, not when Blake smiles like _that_ whenever his large hand intertwines with King’s small one.

Despite not having been here for nearly two years, her feet carry her right up to Arin’s bakery, the walk over there imprinted like muscle memory.

She frowns when the sign over the door reads _closed_.

“Does she no longer work today?” Gwen asks confused, turning to look at Blake.

He shakes his head, not looking any the wiser.

“No idea. It’s been a while and I haven’t really kept in touch.”

Gwen moves closer to the window, damn near pressing her face against it to look inside. She doesn’t know why she’s suddenly so desperate to see the woman, but she feels genuine sadness at the prospect of leaving before catching a glimpse of her.

When she’s determined no one’s around, she sighs and looks back at Blake who’s still standing back with Kingston.

“Maybe we can come back tomorrow?” Blake offers sweetly, sensing her deflation.

Gwen nods, suddenly feeling embarrassed about her visible disappointment.

“Yeah, it’s okay.” She diverts her gaze to Kingston. “Wanna go to the dollar store and get some soda?”

The quick nods from the young boy cause both her and Blake to laugh quietly, his free hand reaching out for her. She’s just about to hold it when an unfamiliar voice stops them in their tracks.

“Blake?”

The older man seems surprised to see him and Blake’s smile follows next. He lets go of her hand but Kingston’s grip on Blake remains tight.

“Dave, you got to be kidding?”

Gwen stands back as she watches the two men exchange a side hug, Blake’s glance immediately going back to her and King.

“Dave man, this is my girlfriend Gwen.” She holds her hand out for the unfamiliar man to shake and smiles friendly. “It’s so nice to meet you.”

“Likewise. It’s been a while since I’ve seen this one with a girlfriend.” Dave smiles, patting Blake on the shoulder. “And who’s this little fella?”

Dave’s gaze lowers to Kingston as he ruffles his hairs gently. King gets shy as he tugs just a little tighter on Blake’s hand—a tell-tale sign of his growing nervousness.

Blake’s quick to hoist him on his hip, something she’s trying to tell him to do less, yet she can’t deny that Blake’s inability to deny him anything is also one of the most endearing qualities about him.

“This is her son, Kingston.” Blake’s soft stare diverts to the six-year-old. “You wanna say hi to Dave?”

Kingston bites his lip, one arm coming around Blake’s neck.

“Hi Mr. Dave.”

Gwen smiles softly, unable to keep her hands off Blake for long. She reaches her hand up to his bicep and squeezes against his side.

“Well aren’t you just the cutest fella.” Dave exclaims, before his gaze turns from amused to slightly nostalgic, maybe even a bit sad. “Did you guys just check out Arin’s store?”

“Yeah, what’s up with that? She no longer works Friday afternoons?”

Dave rubs the back of his neck, seemingly uncomfortable.

“You haven’t heard?”

Blake shakes his head, adjusting King on his hip. “Heard what?”

“She passed away, man. Three weeks ago. Her son is in the process of selling the store.”

Gwen’s grip on Blake tightens, her heart plummeting.

“I’m sorry, I thought you knew.” Dave continues, looking at Blake sympathetically.

“I haven’t been here in a while.” Blake stutters out, shaking his head. “I didn’t keep in touch…. what happened?”

“Heart attack. No one saw it coming, it really rocked the whole community.”

“Gwen, are you okay?” Blake whispers at her softly, his voice bringing her back to the present. She realizes she’s squeezing his arm tightly beneath her palm, her vision suddenly blurry as she tries to look at him.

She nods quickly, unable to talk with the lump in her throat.

“She loved you and everything you did for the store.” Dave tells him, smiling sadly. “I know you’ve got enough on your plate with the bars and stuff, but we all agree that if someone deserved that store, it would be you.”

Gwen wipes at her eyes with her free hand, finally seeing Blake a bit clearer. He looks paler than before but something about his demeanour doesn’t scream dishevelled. She thinks he might actually be the most ‘together’ out of the two of them.

He swallows roughly. “I should call her son, see if I can help with anything.”

“That’s nice of you. I don’t know if he’ll accept your help though, he’s been pretty distraught; hell bend on doing it all himself, doing his mother justice.”

Blake nods, his sigh heavy.

“I won’t push, only offer.”

Dave looks at him for a few seconds before nodding. “You’re a good man, Blake Shelton.”

Gwen can feel his gaze on her again but she’s unable to reciprocate right in that moment. She only met the woman once, but something about Arin had put her soul at ease during one of the most turbulent times of her life. She felt accepted and seen by the woman when no one else seemed to—not even Blake.

It was a punch in the gut to know that she’d never see her again, that she’d never be able to walk into that store and thank her for giving her the strength she needed to stay in Broken Arrow a while longer.

“I’m gonna spend some time with my family.” She hears Blake say. “Thanks for telling me man, I appreciate it.”

“Of course, take care.”

She can hear the sounds of another pat on the back or maybe it’s another hug, she’s not fully aware.

By the time she’s paying attention again, Blake’s hand is grasping for hers and tugs her along with him.

“Gwen?”

She nods, but doesn’t look at him.

“ _Gwen_.”

The insistent sound of his voice finally causes her to look up, locking her gaze with his.

“There you are. Do you want to talk about it?”

She feels her eyes well up again, her limbs heavy.

“I couldn’t even thank her.” She whispers.

Blake stops walking and she only now realizes he put Kingston down.

“Thank her for what?”

“For seeing me.” She whispers. “For making me feel like I belonged here even when I knew I didn’t.”

Blake smiles at her softly, his hand tugging her closer against him.

“Arin had a way of making everyone feel like that.”

“She can’t be gone.”

Her eyes look back to the store on her right, the _closed_ sign now feeling like the worst possible confirmation. They’d never again open, at least not in the same way.

“I didn’t know you cared about her so much.” He says softly against the side of her head. “I’m sorry Gwen.”

“How aren’t you more upset?” She snaps suddenly, pulling away from his arms. “Didn’t you love her? Why aren’t you upset Blake, why aren’t you breaking down?”

She looks directly into his wide eyes, right before her gaze settles on a confused King.

She’s about to apologize when Blake’s features suddenly soften and his voice addresses her precisely.

“Do you _want_ me to break down?”

She breathes heavily, a million apologies laying on the tip of her tongue yet she can’t speak a single one. All she knows is that she’s heartbroken and she barely understands why.

“I…. I don’t know.”

“I’m sad, heartbroken even.” He speaks slowly, holding her gaze. “But I’m also aware of everything that’s still mine. In some ways, this only makes me appreciate that more. I’m gonna miss her greatly Gwen, but I’m not going to crash and burn in ways that I have before. Things are different now.”

Gwen inhales sharply.

“You know what I think this is about?” He continues softly. “You never felt stable here, no matter how hard you tried. And now you’ve lost the one person that made you feel like you belonged here so you’re not just losing a person—you’re losing your comfort.”

A tear escapes her eye, her hand quickly brushing it away, not wanting to scare Kingston.

“I’m sorry.”

Blake looks down at King. “Hey buddy, will you race me to the car?”

The confusion that riddled his features before completely evaporates at the playful dare.

“The last one there is a loser.”

Blake chuckles softly as Kingston runs out in front of him, the car only a few feet away.

His gaze turns back to Gwen when they’re alone, his hand reaching for hers.

“Listen to me, it’s okay to be overwhelmed and sad. Trust me, I know all about that.” He holds her close to him, gently moving them towards the truck. “But things aren’t like before okay? You’re no longer a stranger here, you _belong_ here just as much as everyone else. We will keep her memory alive, I promise.”

Gwen bites her lip as one of her hands moves up to his chest, just gripping his shirt there.

“I’m sorry I snapped at you.”

“I’m not mad.” He assures her, reaching down to kiss her briefly. “Let’s just go back home, be with each other. I think we both need that.”

Gwen nods while Kingston’s already jumping at the car door, celebrating his victory.

**

“What are you doing?” She calls out, watching as he nails a large rod into one of the wooden pylons.

He turns in her direction, motioning for the dusty storage box sitting next to the swinging chair.

“I found a hammock in the shed.” He takes a moment to wipe his brow from the fresh line of sweat that had formed. “I thought I’d put her up. We could look at the sunset from up there.”

She can’t help it, her lips curl into a small smile. She doesn’t know why she finds the image of Blake in a hammock so amusing, but she tries her best to keep it contained. She steps towards him and considers making a wise crack at his handyman skills, but she’s not quite sure she wants to break the romantic moment with playful banter just yet.

“Are you really a fan of hammocks?” She asks instead, unable to imagine him sitting still for so long without getting bored. “You’re kind of always up and running.”

He continues to bang the rod into the pylon and smiles.

“I’m not usually.” He admits. “But any chance I get to just love up on my girl out here, I’ll take. I’m not dumb, you know?”

She uses her hand to shield her eyes from the sun, feeling her heart swell at the sweet sentiment.

“God, is it too early to jump your bones yet?”

Blake chuckles. “We might traumatize King.”

“He’s watching TV.”

He steps around her, grasping one end of the hammock from the dusty box, instead of reaching for her. Her obvious pout makes him laugh out loud.

“Look who’s misbehaving now.” He chuckles, reminding her of her teasing words from this morning.

She lifts the other side of the hammock out of the box, inspecting the light blue and white material that had somehow been persevered over what looked like years of storage.

She watches as he hooks one end in place before stepping forward and seizing the other end from her hands.

“You’ve been making Kingston smile all day and now you’re playing handyman half naked—you’re making this really tough on me.”

His booming laughter strikes again, her glance going from him to the hanging hammock; the gentle wind rocking the fabric back and forth, the sight uncannily serene.

“I’m fully dressed.”

“Your shirt is open.”

“It’s a few degrees below hell.” He emphasizes dramatically. “What did ya expect?”

She takes a few steps towards him, pressing herself against his naked chest, her hands sliding up the fabric on his back.

“You wanna test it out?” She whispers, biting her lip while looking over at the hammock blowing in the wind. “I could make it seriously worth your while.”

“Damn baby, this sight really did it for you, huh?” He chuckles.

She knows he’s joking, but if only he knew how right on the money he was. It’s unlike him to be aware of his own attractiveness, but it’s something that still catches her by surprise sometimes.

She glances back to the open door that leads to the living room, able to see Kingston’s back as he’s still in front of the television.

“What do you say?”

He crooks his brow. “Only if you can behave.”

She grabs his hand and drags him over to the hammock, pushing him down gently.

“Always.” She whispers before joining him, enjoying the way his arm wraps around her immediately.

She squeals when their weight causes her to nearly be tipped off the hammock, her hand grabbing onto his arm. He shifts slightly to balance them better and once they find their way, it’s perfect.

“This looks so beautiful.” Gwen can’t help but gets lost while looking at the view, Blake’s arm around her only making the moment more magical.  
“You ever think we’d get here?”

She scoffs quietly. “No. But I always hoped we would.”

Blake hums. “I know today was hard.”

Gwen bites her lip, letting her head rest on his shoulder.

“It was beautiful too.”

“Sums up life pretty well.”

She turns into him, squealing when the hammock moves again.

“I love you so much. Kingston loves you so much. I feel like my heart is close to combusting sometimes when I look at you.”

Blake looks at her surprised, her words obviously not expected.

“Where did that just come from?” He asks her softly, a sweet smile on his face.

“My heart.” She teases, trailing a few kisses up his shoulder and neck. “Thank you for bringing me back earlier, for allowing me to freak out and break on you. I know that moment wasn’t easy for you either but you stayed strong for me.”

Blake shrugs quietly. “It’s what you did for me all these months ago. I don’t think I ever truly realized how heavy that burden must’ve been for you.”

“Not as tough as for you.”

There’s a comfortable silence that falls between them, the sound of a door sliding open causing them both to look to their left.

“Mommy, daddy?”

Kingston’s voice becomes softer when he approaches the hammock, his eyes pleading.

“Yes baby?” Gwen coos.

“Can I watch another episode?”

Gwen chuckles, looking back at Blake. “Can you hold me steady for a second?”

Blake looks confused but complies anyway, his arm reaching out to keep her steady.

She reaches down and lifts Kingston onto the hammock with them, giggling sounds spilling past their lips as they damn near topple over.

“I think I have something better for you to watch.” Gwen says sweetly, pointing to the orange hue in the horizon.

Kingston gasps.

“Is that the sun?”

“Hmmm.” Gwen affirms. “Pretty, isn’t it?”

Kingston is no longer paying attention to her or his request for another episode. His small body lies in between them –more like on top of them—on the hammock, Blake’s arm around them both.

Blake shakes his head.

“He’s really your kid.” He chuckles. “Can’t focus on two things at the same time even if his life depended on it.”

“Our kid.” She corrects him, searching for his hand and squeezing. “And yes, you better prepare yourself—none of our kids will be any different.”


End file.
